[{"id":18281979,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic","albumName":"'Weird Al' Yankovic\\The Essential Weird Al Yankovic","duration":683.180408,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLiving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n(You know the place)\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was 26 and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque!\nAlbuquerque!\n\nOh, yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the Spectra Vision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'K\"\n\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh my God!\nAh, ah ah!\n\nI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOkay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandary\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.03] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.88] Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.95] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:13.69] (You know the place)\n[00:14.74] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n[00:19.89] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.27] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:28.38] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.38] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.41] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.93] I said to my mom\n[00:34.77] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.56] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.76] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.51] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.74] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:49.02] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.57] And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.31] Until I was 26 and a half years old\n[00:55.85] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.88] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:59.53] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.19] Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.25] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:07.06] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.92] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:14.08] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.27] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.49] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.11] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.30] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.52] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.79] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.06] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:33.22] Albuquerque!\n[01:38.33] Albuquerque!\n[01:42.65] Oh, yeah\n[01:43.70] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.91] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.64] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.20] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.34] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.52] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.27] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.81] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.73] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.42] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:11.43] Except for me\n[02:12.81] You know why?\n[02:14.14] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.68] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.30] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.88] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.49] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.05] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.04] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.69] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.94] Ahh\n[02:34.71] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.59] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.45] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:45.12] And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.72] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.64] But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.88] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.84] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.98] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.84] Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n[03:05.54] And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n[03:07.39] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.69] That I love so very\n[03:10.65] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.94] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.71] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.13] No answer\n[03:18.56] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.65] There's no answer\n[03:21.05] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:22.10] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.76] So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:28.10] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:33.39] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.06] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.27] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.02] And he's like, \"Tough\"\n[03:45.22] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.67] And he's like, \"Make me\"\n[03:47.96] And I'm like, \"'K\"\n[03:49.34] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.86] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.51] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.66] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.78] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.36] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.55] And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.63] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.94] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.40] It said\n[04:09.98] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:15.14] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.39] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:25.43] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.28] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.82] Albuquerque\n[04:40.57] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.15] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.56] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.32] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.85] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.63] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.32] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.54] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.80] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.30] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n[05:08.82] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.53] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n[05:14.33] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.99] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n[05:20.08] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.87] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n[05:24.45] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.90] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n[05:29.43] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.14] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:36.32] \n[05:43.56] \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n[05:46.49] I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:51.48] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:53.10] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.99] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n[05:58.66] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:02.34] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.69] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.29] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.33] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.20] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.36] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.59] Doh!\n[06:20.27] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.09] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.94] Oh!\n[06:22.60] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.81] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.69] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.61] Oh, oh my God!\n[06:27.62] Ah, ah ah!\n[06:30.10] I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.53] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.05] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.40] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.62] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.52] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.05] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:47.32] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.56] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:53.20] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n[06:56.09] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.95] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.98] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.09] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.25] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.24] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.54] And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.14] Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.34] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.48] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.74] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.61] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.57] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.02] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.22] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.04] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.46] Albuquerque\n[07:49.06] \n[08:00.17] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.29] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.58] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.72] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.32] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.68] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.28] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.10] Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.20] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.06] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.73] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.36] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.52] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.35] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n[08:37.65] So I did\n[08:38.88] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.57] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.56] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.77] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.36] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.53] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.61] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.85] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.94] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.38] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.25] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.69] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.42] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.28] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.53] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.78] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n[09:16.75] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.73] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.57] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.27] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.35] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.77] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.76] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.65] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:41.16] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.62] And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.69] And find yourself in an existential quandary\n[09:47.04] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.75] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:49.94] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.79] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.53] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.42] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.64] Albuquerque\n[10:08.50] Albuquerque\n[10:13.09] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.67] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.02] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:20.63] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.42] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.11] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.50] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.71] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.73] \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.27] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.35] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.12] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.62] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.48] Albuquerque\n[11:00.19] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: '\"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  album: '''Weird Al'' Yankovic\\The Essential Weird Al Yankovic'\n  duration_ms: 683180\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6030\n  end_ms: 7880\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7880\n  end_ms: 10950\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13690\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13690\n  end_ms: 14740\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14740\n  end_ms: 19890\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19890\n  end_ms: 23270\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23270\n  end_ms: 28380\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 28380\n  end_ms: 31380\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31380\n  end_ms: 32410\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32410\n  end_ms: 33930\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34770\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34770\n  end_ms: 37560\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37560\n  end_ms: 38760\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38760\n  end_ms: 42510\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42510\n  end_ms: 44740\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44740\n  end_ms: 49020\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49020\n  end_ms: 51570\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51570\n  end_ms: 53310\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53310\n  end_ms: 55850\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55850\n  end_ms: 57880\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 57880\n  end_ms: 59530\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59530\n  end_ms: 62190\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62190\n  end_ms: 65250\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67060\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67060\n  end_ms: 69920\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 69920\n  end_ms: 74080\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74080\n  end_ms: 75270\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76490\n  end_ms: 79110\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79110\n  end_ms: 82300\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82300\n  end_ms: 83520\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83520\n  end_ms: 86790\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86790\n  end_ms: 90060\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90060\n  end_ms: 93220\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93220\n  end_ms: 98330\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98330\n  end_ms: 102650\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102650\n  end_ms: 103700\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103700\n  end_ms: 105910\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105910\n  end_ms: 108640\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108640\n  end_ms: 110200\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110200\n  end_ms: 113340\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113340\n  end_ms: 116520\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116520\n  end_ms: 119270\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119270\n  end_ms: 121810\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121810\n  end_ms: 123730\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123730\n  end_ms: 126420\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126420\n  end_ms: 131430\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131430\n  end_ms: 132810\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132810\n  end_ms: 134140\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134140\n  end_ms: 136680\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136680\n  end_ms: 139300\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139300\n  end_ms: 141880\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141880\n  end_ms: 144490\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144490\n  end_ms: 147050\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147050\n  end_ms: 150040\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150040\n  end_ms: 151690\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151690\n  end_ms: 152940\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152940\n  end_ms: 154710\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154710\n  end_ms: 157590\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157590\n  end_ms: 161450\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161450\n  end_ms: 165120\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165120\n  end_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167720\n  end_ms: 171640\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171640\n  end_ms: 175880\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175880\n  end_ms: 177840\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177840\n  end_ms: 180980\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180980\n  end_ms: 182840\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182840\n  end_ms: 185540\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185540\n  end_ms: 187390\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187390\n  end_ms: 189690\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189690\n  end_ms: 190650\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190650\n  end_ms: 193940\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193940\n  end_ms: 195710\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195710\n  end_ms: 197130\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197130\n  end_ms: 198560\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198560\n  end_ms: 199650\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201050\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201050\n  end_ms: 202100\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202100\n  end_ms: 203760\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203760\n  end_ms: 208100\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208100\n  end_ms: 213390\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213390\n  end_ms: 216060\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216060\n  end_ms: 219380\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219380\n  end_ms: 221270\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221270\n  end_ms: 224020\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224020\n  end_ms: 225220\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225220\n  end_ms: 226670\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226670\n  end_ms: 227960\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227960\n  end_ms: 229340\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229340\n  end_ms: 231860\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231860\n  end_ms: 234510\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237660\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237660\n  end_ms: 239780\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239780\n  end_ms: 241360\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241360\n  end_ms: 243550\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243550\n  end_ms: 246630\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246630\n  end_ms: 247940\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247940\n  end_ms: 249400\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249400\n  end_ms: 249980\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249980\n  end_ms: 255140\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255140\n  end_ms: 260390\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260390\n  end_ms: 265430\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265430\n  end_ms: 270280\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270280\n  end_ms: 275820\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275820\n  end_ms: 280570\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280570\n  end_ms: 284150\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284150\n  end_ms: 287560\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289320\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289320\n  end_ms: 291850\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291850\n  end_ms: 293630\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293630\n  end_ms: 296320\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298540\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298540\n  end_ms: 303800\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303800\n  end_ms: 306300\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306300\n  end_ms: 308820\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308820\n  end_ms: 311530\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311530\n  end_ms: 314330\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314330\n  end_ms: 316990\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316990\n  end_ms: 320080\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320080\n  end_ms: 321870\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321870\n  end_ms: 324450\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324450\n  end_ms: 326900\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326900\n  end_ms: 329430\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329430\n  end_ms: 332140\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332140\n  end_ms: 336320\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 336320\n  end_ms: 343560\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343560\n  end_ms: 346490\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346490\n  end_ms: 351480\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 351480\n  end_ms: 353100\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353100\n  end_ms: 356990\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356990\n  end_ms: 358660\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358660\n  end_ms: 362340\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362340\n  end_ms: 367690\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367690\n  end_ms: 369290\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369290\n  end_ms: 371330\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371330\n  end_ms: 373200\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376360\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376360\n  end_ms: 379590\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379590\n  end_ms: 380270\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381090\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381090\n  end_ms: 381940\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381940\n  end_ms: 382600\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382600\n  end_ms: 383810\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383810\n  end_ms: 385690\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385690\n  end_ms: 386610\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386610\n  end_ms: 387620\n- text: Ah, ah ah!\n  start_ms: 387620\n  end_ms: 390100\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393530\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393530\n  end_ms: 396050\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396050\n  end_ms: 398400\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398400\n  end_ms: 399620\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399620\n  end_ms: 403520\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403520\n  end_ms: 405050\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405050\n  end_ms: 407320\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407320\n  end_ms: 410560\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410560\n  end_ms: 413200\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413200\n  end_ms: 416090\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416090\n  end_ms: 417950\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417950\n  end_ms: 419980\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419980\n  end_ms: 423090\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423090\n  end_ms: 426250\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426250\n  end_ms: 428240\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428240\n  end_ms: 430540\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434140\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438340\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438340\n  end_ms: 441480\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441480\n  end_ms: 443740\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443740\n  end_ms: 448610\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448610\n  end_ms: 451570\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451570\n  end_ms: 454020\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454020\n  end_ms: 456220\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456220\n  end_ms: 459040\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459040\n  end_ms: 464460\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464460\n  end_ms: 469060\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469060\n  end_ms: 480170\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480170\n  end_ms: 482290\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482290\n  end_ms: 486580\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486580\n  end_ms: 489720\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489720\n  end_ms: 491320\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491320\n  end_ms: 493680\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496280\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496280\n  end_ms: 498100\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498100\n  end_ms: 500200\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500200\n  end_ms: 503060\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503060\n  end_ms: 504730\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504730\n  end_ms: 507360\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507360\n  end_ms: 510520\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510520\n  end_ms: 513350\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513350\n  end_ms: 517650\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517650\n  end_ms: 518880\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518880\n  end_ms: 520570\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520570\n  end_ms: 523560\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523560\n  end_ms: 524770\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524770\n  end_ms: 526360\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526360\n  end_ms: 528530\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528530\n  end_ms: 531610\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531610\n  end_ms: 533850\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533850\n  end_ms: 536940\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536940\n  end_ms: 538380\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538380\n  end_ms: 541250\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541250\n  end_ms: 542690\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542690\n  end_ms: 546420\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546420\n  end_ms: 549280\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549280\n  end_ms: 551530\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551530\n  end_ms: 552780\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552780\n  end_ms: 556750\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562570\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562570\n  end_ms: 568270\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568270\n  end_ms: 570350\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570350\n  end_ms: 571770\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571770\n  end_ms: 574760\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574760\n  end_ms: 577650\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577650\n  end_ms: 581160\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581160\n  end_ms: 582620\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582620\n  end_ms: 584690\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584690\n  end_ms: 587040\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587040\n  end_ms: 588750\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589940\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589940\n  end_ms: 592790\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592790\n  end_ms: 595530\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595530\n  end_ms: 600420\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600420\n  end_ms: 603640\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603640\n  end_ms: 608500\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608500\n  end_ms: 613090\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613090\n  end_ms: 615670\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615670\n  end_ms: 618020\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618020\n  end_ms: 620630\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620630\n  end_ms: 623420\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623420\n  end_ms: 625110\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625110\n  end_ms: 626500\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626500\n  end_ms: 627710\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627710\n  end_ms: 631730\n- text: '\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631730\n  end_ms: 637270\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637270\n  end_ms: 639350\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639350\n  end_ms: 642120\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642120\n  end_ms: 644620\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644620\n  end_ms: 647480\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647480\n  end_ms: 660190\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 660190\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  (You know the place)\n  Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was 26 and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque!\n  Albuquerque!\n\n  Oh, yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  And I'm like, \"'K\"\n\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh my God!\n  Ah, ah ah!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n  \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":3807770,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":true,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.13] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.10] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.82] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.23] You know the place\n[00:14.28] Well, anyway\n[00:14.97] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.45] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.09] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.83] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.17] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.56] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.75] I said to my mom\n[00:33.75] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.45] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.64] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.00] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.36] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.87] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.41] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.98] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.65] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.51] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.93] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.61] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.77] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.69] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.29] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.59] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.82] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.33] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.48] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.35] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.34] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.90] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.39] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.82] Albuquerque\n[01:37.88] Albuquerque\n[01:41.75] Oh yeah\n[01:43.42] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.31] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.22] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.99] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.75] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.04] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.21] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.25] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.80] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.78] Except for me\n[02:12.26] You know why?\n[02:13.88] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.08] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.95] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.56] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.51] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.35] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.75] Ahhhh\n[02:34.33] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.18] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.95] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.49] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.42] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.35] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.13] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.63] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.08] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.36] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.37] That I love so very\n[03:10.52] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.61] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.64] No answer\n[03:18.06] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.73] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.61] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.67] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.52] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.93] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.83] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.98] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.85] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.29] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.59] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.17] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.48] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.08] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.30] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.43] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.28] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.96] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.16] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.81] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.04] It said\n[04:09.92] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.67] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.11] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.25] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.58] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.09] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.01] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.18] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.57] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.29] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.21] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.23] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.29] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.26] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.62] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.13] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.15] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.60] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.31] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.64] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.00] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.04] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.42] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.77] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.31] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.83] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.22] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.73] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.91] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.64] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.18] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.90] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.68] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.08] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.75] Doh!\n[06:19.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.79] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.84] Oh!\n[06:22.41] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.89] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.45] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.32] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.32] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.38] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.44] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.04] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.54] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.59] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.85] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:52.41] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.43] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.56] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.55] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.75] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.96] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.10] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.29] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.06] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.98] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.27] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.22] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.57] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.96] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.44] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.86] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.51] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.76] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.48] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.76] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.25] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.13] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.14] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.70] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.68] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.44] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.49] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.63] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.18] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.91] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.76] So I did\n[08:38.35] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.36] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.62] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.55] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.14] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.13] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.54] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.51] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.01] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.63] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.94] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.19] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.55] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.10] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.73] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.15] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.26] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.90] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.78] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.20] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:40.57] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.24] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.39] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.59] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.11] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.76] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.09] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.49] Albuquerque\n[10:08.14] Albuquerque\n[10:12.90] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.81] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.99] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.71] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.10] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.01] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.92] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.12] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.53] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.96] Albuquerque\n[11:01.60] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\n  language: en\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6000\n  end_ms: 7950\n  words:\n  - text: 'Way '\n    start_ms: 6000\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 6540\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 6800\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 6920\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 6960\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 7080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 7240\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 7360\n  - text: 'bitty '\n    start_ms: 7580\n  - text: boy\n    start_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7950\n  end_ms: 10890\n  words:\n  - text: 'Living '\n    start_ms: 7950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 8510\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 8610\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 8730\n  - text: 'under '\n    start_ms: 9050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9230\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 9410\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 9710\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9790\n  - text: 'corner '\n    start_ms: 9950\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10230\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10330\n  - text: 'basement '\n    start_ms: 10470\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10830\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10860\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 10880\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13850\n  words:\n  - text: 'Half '\n    start_ms: 10950\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 11559\n  - text: 'block '\n    start_ms: 11658\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 11894\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 12031\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 12149\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 12346\n  - text: 'Jerry''s '\n    start_ms: 12562\n  - text: 'Bait '\n    start_ms: 12975\n  - text: Shop\n    start_ms: 13231\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13850\n  end_ms: 14680\n  words:\n  - text: '(You '\n    start_ms: 13850\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 14150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 14250\n  - text: place)\n    start_ms: 14350\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19880\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 14750\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 15268\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 15547\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 15726\n  - text: 'life '\n    start_ms: 15925\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 16164\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 16344\n  - text: 'swell '\n    start_ms: 16722\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 17081\n  - text: 'everything '\n    start_ms: 17260\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 17639\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 17938\n  - text: peachy!\n    start_ms: 18993\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19880\n  end_ms: 23220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except, '\n    start_ms: 19880\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 20471\n  - text: 'course, '\n    start_ms: 20589\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 20806\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 20885\n  - text: 'undeniable '\n    start_ms: 21043\n  - text: 'fact '\n    start_ms: 21653\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 21870\n  - text: 'every '\n    start_ms: 22087\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 22363\n  - text: morning\n    start_ms: 22698\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23220\n  end_ms: 27820\n  words:\n  - text: 'My '\n    start_ms: 23220\n  - text: 'mother '\n    start_ms: 23719\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 23938\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 24118\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 24338\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 24477\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 24717\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 24916\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 25156\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 25375\n  - text: 'sauerkraut '\n    start_ms: 25695\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 26333\n  - text: breakfast\n    start_ms: 26533\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27820\n  end_ms: 31480\n  words:\n  - text: 'Awww, '\n    start_ms: 27820\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 29260\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 29540\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 29820\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 29880\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31530\n  end_ms: 32760\n  words:\n  - text: 'Every '\n    start_ms: 31530\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 32130\n  - text: mornin'!\n    start_ms: 32470\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32780\n  end_ms: 33930\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 32780\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 33092\n  - text: 'driving '\n    start_ms: 33209\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 33501\n  - text: crazy\n    start_ms: 33657\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34700\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 33930\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 34437\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 34554\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 34632\n  - text: mom\n    start_ms: 34685\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34700\n  end_ms: 37520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 34700\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 35100\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 35280\n  - text: 'mom, '\n    start_ms: 35700\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 36220\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 36420\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 36520\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 36620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 36740\n  - text: sauerkraut?\"\n    start_ms: 36940\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37520\n  end_ms: 38680\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 37520\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 38120\n  - text: 'dear, '\n    start_ms: 38280\n  - text: 'sweet '\n    start_ms: 38480\n  - text: mother\n    start_ms: 38660\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38730\n  end_ms: 42530\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 38730\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 39390\n  - text: 'looked '\n    start_ms: 39650\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 39830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 39950\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 40150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 40330\n  - text: 'cow '\n    start_ms: 40470\n  - text: 'looks '\n    start_ms: 40770\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 40970\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 41070\n  - text: 'oncoming '\n    start_ms: 41290\n  - text: train\n    start_ms: 41770\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44770\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 42580\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 43036\n  - text: 'leaned '\n    start_ms: 43274\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 43591\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 43809\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 44066\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 44324\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 44463\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44770\n  end_ms: 49050\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 44770\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 45465\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 45763\n  - text: '\"It''s '\n    start_ms: 46101\n  - text: 'good '\n    start_ms: 47372\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 47829\n  - text: you!\"\n    start_ms: 48226\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49050\n  end_ms: 51560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 49050\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 49510\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 49670\n  - text: 'tied '\n    start_ms: 49870\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 50050\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 50150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 50250\n  - text: 'wall '\n    start_ms: 50350\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 50610\n  - text: 'stuck '\n    start_ms: 50750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 50930\n  - text: 'funnel '\n    start_ms: 51110\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 51370\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 51490\n  - text: mouth\n    start_ms: 51545\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51590\n  end_ms: 53330\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 51590\n  - text: force-\n    start_ms: 51702\n  - text: 'fed '\n    start_ms: 52357\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 52525\n  - text: 'nothing '\n    start_ms: 52656\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 52900\n  - text: sauerkraut\n    start_ms: 53124\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53330\n  end_ms: 55820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Until '\n    start_ms: 53330\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 53950\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 54030\n  - text: '26 '\n    start_ms: 54310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 54750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 54870\n  - text: 'half '\n    start_ms: 54970\n  - text: 'years '\n    start_ms: 55270\n  - text: old\n    start_ms: 55550\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55870\n  end_ms: 58160\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 55870\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 56530\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 56650\n  - text: 'swore '\n    start_ms: 56830\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 57150\n  - text: someday\n    start_ms: 57470\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58160\n  end_ms: 59640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Someday '\n    start_ms: 58160\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 58660\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 58740\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 58900\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 59060\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 59240\n  - text: basement\n    start_ms: 59460\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59650\n  end_ms: 62300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 59650\n  - text: 'travel '\n    start_ms: 60070\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 60470\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 60590\n  - text: 'magical, '\n    start_ms: 60750\n  - text: 'far '\n    start_ms: 61350\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 61590\n  - text: place\n    start_ms: 61910\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 62330\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 62649\n  - text: 'sun '\n    start_ms: 62768\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 62948\n  - text: 'always '\n    start_ms: 63127\n  - text: 'shining, '\n    start_ms: 63426\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 63765\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 63845\n  - text: 'air '\n    start_ms: 63964\n  - text: 'smells '\n    start_ms: 64164\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 64483\n  - text: 'warm '\n    start_ms: 64682\n  - text: 'root '\n    start_ms: 64941\n  - text: beer\n    start_ms: 65160\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 65250\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 65624\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 65782\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 66117\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 66275\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 66472\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 66728\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67240\n  end_ms: 70000\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 67240\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 67613\n  - text: 'shriners '\n    start_ms: 67770\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 68163\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 68261\n  - text: 'lepers '\n    start_ms: 68419\n  - text: 'play '\n    start_ms: 68772\n  - text: 'their '\n    start_ms: 68949\n  - text: 'ukuleles '\n    start_ms: 69106\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 69676\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 69833\n  - text: long\n    start_ms: 69971\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70000\n  end_ms: 74030\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 70000\n  - text: 'anyone '\n    start_ms: 70400\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 70700\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 70800\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 70980\n  - text: 'will '\n    start_ms: 71200\n  - text: 'gladly '\n    start_ms: 71320\n  - text: 'shave '\n    start_ms: 71780\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 72080\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 72360\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 72600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 72800\n  - text: nickel\n    start_ms: 73020\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74060\n  end_ms: 75250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wacka '\n    start_ms: 74060\n  - text: 'wacka '\n    start_ms: 74560\n  - text: 'doodoo '\n    start_ms: 74900\n  - text: yeah!\n    start_ms: 75220\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 75270\n  - text: 'let '\n    start_ms: 75830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 75950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 76070\n  - text: 'you, '\n    start_ms: 76210\n  - text: people\n    start_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76510\n  end_ms: 79180\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 76510\n  - text: 'wasn''t '\n    start_ms: 76947\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 77205\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 77383\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 77522\n  - text: 'before '\n    start_ms: 77642\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 77939\n  - text: 'dream '\n    start_ms: 78178\n  - text: 'came '\n    start_ms: 78674\n  - text: 'true'\n    start_ms: 78972\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79180\n  end_ms: 82350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 79180\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 79800\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 79900\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 80160\n  - text: 'day, '\n    start_ms: 80400\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 80600\n  - text: 'local '\n    start_ms: 80700\n  - text: 'radio '\n    start_ms: 81060\n  - text: 'station '\n    start_ms: 81440\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 81780\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 81900\n  - text: contest\n    start_ms: 82100\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82350\n  end_ms: 83510\n  words:\n  - text: 'To '\n    start_ms: 82350\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 82743\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 82881\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 82979\n  - text: 'correctly '\n    start_ms: 83156\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 83494\n  - text: the\n    start_ms: 83504\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83510\n  end_ms: 86730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Number '\n    start_ms: 83510\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 84184\n  - text: 'molecules '\n    start_ms: 84362\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 84976\n  - text: 'Leonard '\n    start_ms: 85095\n  - text: 'Nimoy''s '\n    start_ms: 85412\n  - text: butt\n    start_ms: 86007\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86730\n  end_ms: 90210\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 86730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 87108\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 87247\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 87426\n  - text: 'three, '\n    start_ms: 87585\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 87903\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 88062\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 88162\n  - text: 'won '\n    start_ms: 88460\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 88699\n  - text: 'grand '\n    start_ms: 88838\n  - text: prize\n    start_ms: 89216\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93350\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 90210\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 90630\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 90850\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 90970\n  - text: 'class '\n    start_ms: 91250\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 91650\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 91930\n  - text: 'ticket '\n    start_ms: 92190\n  - text: to\n    start_ms: 93210\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93470\n  end_ms: 98440\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 93470\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98490\n  end_ms: 102690\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 98490\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102690\n  end_ms: 103790\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 102690\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 103157\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103790\n  end_ms: 105920\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 103790\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 104142\n  - text: 'I''d '\n    start_ms: 104298\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 104396\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 104689\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 104865\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 105002\n  - text: 'real '\n    start_ms: 105080\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 105314\n  - text: before\n    start_ms: 105686\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105920\n  end_ms: 108630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 105920\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 106319\n  - text: 'gotta '\n    start_ms: 106418\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 106737\n  - text: 'ya, '\n    start_ms: 106936\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 107155\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 107275\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 107494\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 107833\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108630\n  end_ms: 110180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 108630\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 109090\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 109210\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 109270\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 109390\n  - text: 'sit '\n    start_ms: 109530\n  - text: 'between '\n    start_ms: 109690\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 110030\n  - text: large\n    start_ms: 110150\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113340\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albanian '\n    start_ms: 110280\n  - text: 'women '\n    start_ms: 111200\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 111480\n  - text: 'excruciatingly '\n    start_ms: 111600\n  - text: 'severe '\n    start_ms: 112400\n  - text: 'body '\n    start_ms: 112860\n  - text: odor\n    start_ms: 113200\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113350\n  end_ms: 116540\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 113350\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 113986\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 114125\n  - text: 'kid '\n    start_ms: 114403\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 114523\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 114721\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 114920\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 114980\n  - text: 'kept '\n    start_ms: 115119\n  - text: 'throwin'' '\n    start_ms: 115338\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 115755\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 115874\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 115974\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 116232\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116540\n  end_ms: 119200\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 116540\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 116961\n  - text: 'attendants '\n    start_ms: 117172\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 117535\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 117707\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 117803\n  - text: 'Dr. '\n    start_ms: 117918\n  - text: 'Pepper '\n    start_ms: 118243\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 118454\n  - text: 'salted '\n    start_ms: 118607\n  - text: peanuts\n    start_ms: 118970\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119200\n  end_ms: 121720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 119200\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 119680\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 119800\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 119920\n  - text: 'movie '\n    start_ms: 120160\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 120440\n  - text: Bio-\n    start_ms: 120620\n  - text: 'Dome '\n    start_ms: 120920\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 121080\n  - text: 'Pauly '\n    start_ms: 121240\n  - text: Shore\n    start_ms: 121580\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121890\n  end_ms: 123720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And, '\n    start_ms: 121890\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 122407\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 122522\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 122676\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 122810\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 122867\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 122944\n  - text: 'engines '\n    start_ms: 123251\n  - text: 'burned '\n    start_ms: 123557\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 123705\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126400\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 123720\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 124200\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 124420\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 124580\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 124820\n  - text: 'tailspin '\n    start_ms: 124960\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 125440\n  - text: 'crashed '\n    start_ms: 125600\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 125980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 126200\n  - text: hillside\n    start_ms: 126280\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126480\n  end_ms: 131450\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 126480\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 126895\n  - text: 'plane '\n    start_ms: 127033\n  - text: 'exploded '\n    start_ms: 127310\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 127962\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 128081\n  - text: 'giant '\n    start_ms: 128259\n  - text: 'fireball '\n    start_ms: 128832\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 129444\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 129662\n  - text: died\n    start_ms: 130235\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 131450\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 132029\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 132203\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132820\n  end_ms: 134070\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 132820\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 133080\n  - text: why?\n    start_ms: 133300\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134110\n  end_ms: 136620\n  words:\n  - text: '''Cause '\n    start_ms: 134110\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 134688\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 134787\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 135066\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 135226\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 135564\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 136022\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136620\n  end_ms: 139320\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 136620\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 137180\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 137300\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 137500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 137720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 137840\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 137980\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 138400\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 138920\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141870\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 139390\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 139802\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 139939\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 140409\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 141017\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141870\n  end_ms: 144440\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 141870\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 142330\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 142470\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 142670\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 142890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 143010\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 143150\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 143550\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 144090\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144460\n  end_ms: 147040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 144460\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 144910\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 145046\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 145535\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 146121\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147040\n  end_ms: 150120\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 147040\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 147413\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 147550\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 147746\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 147962\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 148080\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 148217\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 148629\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 149159\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150120\n  end_ms: 151610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 150120\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151200\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151362\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 151527\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152910\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 151650\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 152230\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 152510\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152910\n  end_ms: 154740\n  words:\n  - text: Ahh\n    start_ms: 152910\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154780\n  end_ms: 157560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 154780\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 155215\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 155334\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 155670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 155829\n  - text: 'twisted, '\n    start_ms: 155947\n  - text: 'burnin'' '\n    start_ms: 156383\n  - text: wreckage\n    start_ms: 156739\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157560\n  end_ms: 161430\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 157560\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 157900\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 158280\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 158400\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 158580\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 158920\n  - text: 'knees '\n    start_ms: 159040\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 159440\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 159600\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 159960\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 160300\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161480\n  end_ms: 165140\n  words:\n  - text: 'Draggin'' '\n    start_ms: 161480\n  - text: 'along '\n    start_ms: 162136\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 162554\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 162733\n  - text: 'leather '\n    start_ms: 163012\n  - text: 'suitcase '\n    start_ms: 163469\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 164006\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 164126\n  - text: 'garment '\n    start_ms: 164324\n  - text: bag\n    start_ms: 164822\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165140\n  end_ms: 167740\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 165140\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 165440\n  - text: 'tenor '\n    start_ms: 165600\n  - text: 'saxophone '\n    start_ms: 166040\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 166600\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 166700\n  - text: 12-\n    start_ms: 166840\n  - text: 'pound '\n    start_ms: 167140\n  - text: 'bowling '\n    start_ms: 167400\n  - text: ball\n    start_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 167780\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 168056\n  - text: 'lucky, '\n    start_ms: 168233\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 168548\n  - text: 'autographed '\n    start_ms: 168843\n  - text: glow-\n    start_ms: 169454\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 169690\n  - text: the-\n    start_ms: 169789\n  - text: 'dark '\n    start_ms: 169946\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 170360\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171620\n  end_ms: 175820\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 171620\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 172060\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 172500\n  - text: 'arrived '\n    start_ms: 172600\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 173080\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 173180\n  - text: world-\n    start_ms: 173360\n  - text: 'famous '\n    start_ms: 173860\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 174620\n  - text: 'Holiday '\n    start_ms: 175240\n  - text: Inn\n    start_ms: 175800\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175850\n  end_ms: 177860\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 175850\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 176244\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 176382\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 176737\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 176894\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 177072\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 177289\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177860\n  end_ms: 180910\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 177860\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 178239\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 178358\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 178478\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 178657\n  - text: 'soup '\n    start_ms: 178936\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 179196\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 179355\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 179475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 179554\n  - text: 'ashtrays '\n    start_ms: 179694\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 180252\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 180392\n  - text: wanna\n    start_ms: 180551\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180910\n  end_ms: 182780\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 180910\n  - text: 'okay, '\n    start_ms: 181470\n  - text: 'they''re '\n    start_ms: 181870\n  - text: clean!\n    start_ms: 182090\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182850\n  end_ms: 185550\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 182850\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 183320\n  - text: 'checked '\n    start_ms: 183437\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 183711\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 183887\n  - text: 'room, '\n    start_ms: 184122\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 184376\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 184552\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 184670\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 184924\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 185139\n  - text: AC\n    start_ms: 185276\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 185550\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 185850\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 186050\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 186310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 186430\n  - text: 'Spectra '\n    start_ms: 186630\n  - text: Vision\n    start_ms: 186990\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 187330\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 187710\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 187830\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 187990\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 188210\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 188290\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 188410\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 188550\n  - text: 'chocolate '\n    start_ms: 188810\n  - text: 'mint '\n    start_ms: 189230\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 189430\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 189530\n  - text: pillow\n    start_ms: 189609\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190640\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 189680\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 190132\n  - text: 'love '\n    start_ms: 190207\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 190414\n  - text: very\n    start_ms: 190565\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190640\n  end_ms: 193960\n  words:\n  - text: 'Very '\n    start_ms: 190640\n  - text: 'much '\n    start_ms: 191140\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 191380\n  - text: 'suddenly, '\n    start_ms: 191640\n  - text: 'there''s '\n    start_ms: 192060\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 192280\n  - text: 'knock '\n    start_ms: 192380\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 192620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 192740\n  - text: door\n    start_ms: 192860\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193990\n  end_ms: 195720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well '\n    start_ms: 193990\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 194277\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 194468\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 194602\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 194755\n  - text: be?\n    start_ms: 195060\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197140\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 195720\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 196080\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 196240\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 196500\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 196660\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197140\n  end_ms: 198530\n  words:\n  - text: 'No '\n    start_ms: 197140\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 197620\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199620\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 198940\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 199100\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 199300\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201030\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 199650\n  - text: 'no '\n    start_ms: 200084\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 200320\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201030\n  end_ms: 202130\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 201296\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 201580\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 201789\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203730\n  words:\n  - text: 'They''re '\n    start_ms: 202130\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 202510\n  - text: 'sayin'' '\n    start_ms: 202810\n  - text: anything\n    start_ms: 203110\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203780\n  end_ms: 208100\n  words:\n  - text: 'So, '\n    start_ms: 203780\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 204260\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 204660\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 204740\n  - text: 'over, '\n    start_ms: 204940\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 205220\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 205400\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 205560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 205800\n  - text: 'door '\n    start_ms: 206000\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 206420\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 206680\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 207000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 207220\n  - text: suspected\n    start_ms: 207380\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208150\n  end_ms: 213350\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 208150\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 208590\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 208850\n  - text: 'fat '\n    start_ms: 209070\n  - text: 'hermaphrodite '\n    start_ms: 209290\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 210090\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 210190\n  - text: 'Flock '\n    start_ms: 210310\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 210550\n  - text: 'Seagulls '\n    start_ms: 210690\n  - text: 'haircut '\n    start_ms: 211110\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 211590\n  - text: 'only '\n    start_ms: 211810\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 212250\n  - text: nostril\n    start_ms: 212550\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213350\n  end_ms: 216070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 213350\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 214020\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 214336\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 214572\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 214749\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 214868\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 215065\n  - text: right\n    start_ms: 215301\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216070\n  end_ms: 219320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 216070\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 216487\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 216845\n  - text: 'bursts '\n    start_ms: 217064\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 217302\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 217461\n  - text: 'room '\n    start_ms: 217680\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 217919\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 217998\n  - text: 'grabs '\n    start_ms: 218197\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 218575\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 218714\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 219012\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219320\n  end_ms: 221210\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 219320\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 219555\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 219692\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 220084\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 220436\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 220593\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 220828\n  - text: that!\n    start_ms: 221063\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221210\n  end_ms: 223970\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 221210\n  - text: 'snorkel''s '\n    start_ms: 221690\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 222150\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 222310\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 222490\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 222670\n  - text: 'snorkel '\n    start_ms: 222870\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 223310\n  - text: me!\"\n    start_ms: 223430\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224010\n  end_ms: 225240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 224010\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 224330\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 224490\n  - text: '\"Tough\"'\n    start_ms: 224710\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 225240\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 225640\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 225780\n  - text: '\"Give '\n    start_ms: 226060\n  - text: it!\"\n    start_ms: 226360\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226660\n  end_ms: 227920\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 226660\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 226925\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 227077\n  - text: '\"Make '\n    start_ms: 227323\n  - text: me\"\n    start_ms: 227626\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227920\n  end_ms: 229310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 227920\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 228160\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 228260\n  - text: '\"''K\"'\n    start_ms: 228800\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231810\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 229320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 229780\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 229900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 230180\n  - text: 'leg '\n    start_ms: 230400\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 230680\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 230820\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 231020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 231280\n  - text: esophagus\n    start_ms: 231420\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231830\n  end_ms: 234510\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 231830\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 232245\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 232483\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 232641\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 232819\n  - text: 'ear '\n    start_ms: 233076\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 233294\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 233432\n  - text: 'chewed '\n    start_ms: 233650\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 233887\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 234065\n  - text: eyebrows\n    start_ms: 234283\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 234510\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 234870\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 234990\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 235210\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 235310\n  - text: 'appendix '\n    start_ms: 235470\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 235930\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 236070\n  - text: 'gave '\n    start_ms: 236250\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 236430\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 236550\n  - text: 'colonic '\n    start_ms: 236630\n  - text: irrigation\n    start_ms: 237190\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237670\n  end_ms: 239720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Yes, '\n    start_ms: 237670\n  - text: 'indeed, '\n    start_ms: 238168\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 238466\n  - text: 'better '\n    start_ms: 238625\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 238824\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 239222\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239720\n  end_ms: 241310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 239720\n  - text: 'somehow '\n    start_ms: 240220\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 240560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 240640\n  - text: 'middle '\n    start_ms: 240740\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 240940\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 241040\n  - text: all\n    start_ms: 241140\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241330\n  end_ms: 243530\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 241330\n  - text: 'phone '\n    start_ms: 241841\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 242194\n  - text: 'knocked '\n    start_ms: 242410\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 242744\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 242901\n  - text: hook\n    start_ms: 243039\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243530\n  end_ms: 246620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 243530\n  - text: '20 '\n    start_ms: 244090\n  - text: 'seconds '\n    start_ms: 244310\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 244670\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 245070\n  - text: 'heard '\n    start_ms: 245130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 245270\n  - text: 'familiar '\n    start_ms: 245390\n  - text: voice\n    start_ms: 245930\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247950\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 246680\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 247002\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 247097\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 247192\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 247287\n  - text: said?\n    start_ms: 247495\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247950\n  end_ms: 249420\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 247950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 248370\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 248590\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 248690\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 248810\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249010\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249490\n  end_ms: 249940\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 249490\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249823\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249940\n  end_ms: 255070\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 250240\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 250360\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 250520\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 250820\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 250980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 251320\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 251440\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 252380\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 252740\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 253200\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 253380\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 253520\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 253920\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255190\n  end_ms: 260370\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 255604\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 255801\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 255958\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 256254\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 256687\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 257041\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 257219\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 257534\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 257810\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 258164\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 258381\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260370\n  end_ms: 265420\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 260570\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 260690\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 260850\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 261110\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 261310\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 261670\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 261790\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 262710\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 263070\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 263510\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 263710\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 263850\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 264270\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265480\n  end_ms: 270290\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 265817\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 266075\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 266234\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 266531\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 266987\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 267265\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 267523\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 267781\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 268098\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 268435\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 268693\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270290\n  end_ms: 275800\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 270290\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 271161\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275800\n  end_ms: 280480\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 275800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280540\n  end_ms: 284270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 280540\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 281158\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 281318\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 281517\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 281597\n  - text: 'story '\n    start_ms: 281797\n  - text: 'short, '\n    start_ms: 282136\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 282535\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 282694\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 282894\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 283153\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 283313\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 283592\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284270\n  end_ms: 287560\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 284270\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 284489\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 284548\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 284707\n  - text: 'solemn '\n    start_ms: 284906\n  - text: 'vow '\n    start_ms: 285304\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 285562\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 285821\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 285980\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 286159\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 286377\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 286636\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 286735\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 286954\n  - text: rest\n    start_ms: 287212\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 287560\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 287940\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 288080\n  - text: 'sleep '\n    start_ms: 288320\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 288580\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 288720\n  - text: 'instant '\n    start_ms: 288800\n  - text: until\n    start_ms: 289204\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289360\n  end_ms: 291810\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 289360\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 289789\n  - text: 'nostrilled '\n    start_ms: 289946\n  - text: 'man '\n    start_ms: 290395\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 290609\n  - text: 'brought '\n    start_ms: 290766\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 290980\n  - text: justice\n    start_ms: 291136\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291810\n  end_ms: 293610\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 291810\n  - text: 'first, '\n    start_ms: 292130\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 292370\n  - text: 'decided '\n    start_ms: 292430\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 292730\n  - text: 'buy '\n    start_ms: 292810\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 292970\n  - text: donuts\n    start_ms: 293170\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293640\n  end_ms: 296320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 293640\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 294118\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 294238\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 294497\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 294537\n  - text: 'car '\n    start_ms: 294756\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 294995\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 295154\n  - text: 'drove '\n    start_ms: 295274\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 295533\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 295712\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 295812\n  - text: 'donut '\n    start_ms: 295912\n  - text: shop\n    start_ms: 296210\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298530\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 296320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 296680\n  - text: 'walked '\n    start_ms: 296860\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 297140\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 297300\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 297400\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 297500\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 297660\n  - text: 'behind '\n    start_ms: 297860\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 298180\n  - text: counter\n    start_ms: 298340\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303810\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 298570\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 298848\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 299067\n  - text: '\"Yeah, '\n    start_ms: 299405\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 300340\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 300459\n  - text: 'ya '\n    start_ms: 300539\n  - text: want?\"\n    start_ms: 300777\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303810\n  end_ms: 306350\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 303810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 304187\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 304346\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 304524\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 304683\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 304921\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 305417\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308790\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 306350\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 306730\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 307050\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 307590\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 307710\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 307930\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 308310\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308880\n  end_ms: 311640\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 308880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 309448\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 309663\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 309820\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 309957\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 310113\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 310544\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 310798\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311640\n  end_ms: 314330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 311640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 311920\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 312260\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 312940\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 313020\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 313380\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 313700\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314400\n  end_ms: 316950\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 314400\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 314709\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 314844\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 314960\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 315076\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 315269\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 315887\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 316216\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 316428\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316950\n  end_ms: 320000\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 316950\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 317310\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 317590\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 317930\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 318010\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 318230\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 318790\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 319090\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 319330\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321810\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 320070\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 320401\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 320537\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 320673\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 320789\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 321178\n  - text: rolls?\"\n    start_ms: 321470\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321810\n  end_ms: 324330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 321810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 322190\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 322530\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 323250\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 323370\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 323770\n  - text: rolls\"\n    start_ms: 324130\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324390\n  end_ms: 326880\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 324390\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 324896\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 325304\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 325479\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 325616\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 325849\n  - text: fritters?\"\n    start_ms: 326219\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326880\n  end_ms: 329460\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 326880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 327340\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 327680\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 328360\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 328500\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 328760\n  - text: fritters\"\n    start_ms: 329140\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329490\n  end_ms: 332110\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 329490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 329996\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 330444\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 330639\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 330795\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 331126\n  - text: claws?\"\n    start_ms: 331438\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\n  start_ms: 332110\n  end_ms: 336270\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 332110\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 332450\n  - text: '\"Wait '\n    start_ms: 332770\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 333450\n  - text: 'minute, '\n    start_ms: 333550\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 334210\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 334430\n  - text: check\"\n    start_ms: 334770\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343500\n  end_ms: 346410\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 344140\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 344580\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 344700\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 345020\n  - text: claws\"\n    start_ms: 345320\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351410\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 346420\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 346780\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 346960\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 347120\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 347240\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 347500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 349140\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 349300\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 349520\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 349800\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 350020\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 350280\n  - text: have?\"\n    start_ms: 350420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\"\n  start_ms: 351490\n  end_ms: 353160\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 351490\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 351866\n  - text: '\"All '\n    start_ms: 352142\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 352340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 352439\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 352636\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 352873\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 353071\n  - text: this\"\n    start_ms: 353130\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353160\n  end_ms: 356920\n  words:\n  - text: 'Box '\n    start_ms: 353160\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 353722\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 353916\n  - text: 'dozen '\n    start_ms: 354226\n  - text: 'starving, '\n    start_ms: 354691\n  - text: 'crazed '\n    start_ms: 355137\n  - text: weasels\"\n    start_ms: 355621\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358540\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 356920\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 357260\n  - text: '\"Okay, '\n    start_ms: 357640\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 357980\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 358100\n  - text: that\"\n    start_ms: 358280\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362350\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 358630\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 359070\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 359210\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 359450\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 359570\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 359730\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 360030\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 360190\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 360450\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 360730\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 360870\n  - text: 'lid '\n    start_ms: 361050\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 361310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 361450\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 361670\n  - text: 'jump '\n    start_ms: 362110\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362350\n  end_ms: 367600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 362350\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 362684\n  - text: 'immediately '\n    start_ms: 362842\n  - text: 'latch '\n    start_ms: 363490\n  - text: 'onto '\n    start_ms: 363785\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 363982\n  - text: 'face '\n    start_ms: 364159\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 364336\n  - text: 'start '\n    start_ms: 364493\n  - text: 'bitin'' '\n    start_ms: 364769\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 365083\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 365240\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 365457\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367600\n  end_ms: 369180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 367600\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 368100\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 368280\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 368380\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 368540\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 368700\n  - text: nuts\n    start_ms: 369000\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369210\n  end_ms: 371280\n  words:\n  - text: 'They '\n    start_ms: 369210\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 369730\n  - text: 'tearin'' '\n    start_ms: 369910\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 370250\n  - text: apart\n    start_ms: 370370\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373200\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 371340\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 371751\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 371927\n  - text: 'think '\n    start_ms: 372006\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 372143\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 372221\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 372378\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 372573\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 372828\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 373024\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376340\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 373200\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 373597\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 373677\n  - text: 'ditty '\n    start_ms: 374015\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 374353\n  - text: 'goin'' '\n    start_ms: 374710\n  - text: 'through '\n    start_ms: 374989\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 375207\n  - text: head\n    start_ms: 375446\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 376340\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 376657\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 376915\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 377033\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 377192\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 377271\n  - text: 'something '\n    start_ms: 377608\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 378024\n  - text: this\n    start_ms: 378321\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379520\n  end_ms: 380130\n  words:\n  - text: Doh!\n    start_ms: 379520\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381010\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 380270\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 380804\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 380894\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 380983\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381010\n  end_ms: 381930\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 381010\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 381425\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 381604\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 381821\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382620\n  words:\n  - text: Oh!\n    start_ms: 381930\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n  words:\n  - text: 'No, '\n    start_ms: 382620\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383013\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383141\n  - text: 'off, '\n    start_ms: 383230\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383427\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383545\n  - text: off!\n    start_ms: 383682\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385560\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 383830\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384330\n  - text: 'God, '\n    start_ms: 384590\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384890\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385610\n  end_ms: 386640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 385610\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 386076\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 386192\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 386271\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 386446\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 386640\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 387000\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 387240\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 387480\n- text: Ah, ah, ah!\n  start_ms: 387680\n  end_ms: 390100\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah, '\n    start_ms: 387680\n  - text: 'ah, '\n    start_ms: 388662\n  - text: ah!\n    start_ms: 388714\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393470\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 390100\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 390520\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 390720\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 390820\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 390960\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 391100\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 391340\n  - text: 'these '\n    start_ms: 391440\n  - text: flesh-\n    start_ms: 391700\n  - text: 'eating '\n    start_ms: 391960\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 392280\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 392700\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 392840\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 393020\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 393260\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396080\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wavin'' '\n    start_ms: 393580\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 394160\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 394400\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 394640\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 394820\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 395120\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 395220\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395460\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395680\n  - text: runnin'\n    start_ms: 395780\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398450\n  words:\n  - text: 'Like '\n    start_ms: 396080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 396591\n  - text: 'constipated '\n    start_ms: 396768\n  - text: 'wiener '\n    start_ms: 397457\n  - text: dog\n    start_ms: 397771\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398450\n  end_ms: 399640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 398450\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 398760\n  - text: 'luck '\n    start_ms: 398953\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 399147\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 399282\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 399476\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399640\n  end_ms: 403520\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 399640\n  - text: 'exactly '\n    start_ms: 400060\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 400760\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 400920\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 401060\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 401320\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 401480\n  - text: 'girl '\n    start_ms: 401640\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 402020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 402180\n  - text: dreams\n    start_ms: 402440\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403590\n  end_ms: 405040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Her '\n    start_ms: 403590\n  - text: 'name '\n    start_ms: 403948\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 404174\n  - text: Zelda\n    start_ms: 404381\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407310\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 405040\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 405437\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 405555\n  - text: 'calligraphy '\n    start_ms: 405655\n  - text: 'enthusiast '\n    start_ms: 406190\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 406923\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 407042\n  - text: slight\n    start_ms: 407181\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Overbite '\n    start_ms: 407310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 407950\n  - text: 'hair '\n    start_ms: 408170\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 408370\n  - text: 'color '\n    start_ms: 408530\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 408810\n  - text: 'strained '\n    start_ms: 409070\n  - text: peaches\n    start_ms: 409570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413250\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 410590\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 410999\n  - text: 'forget '\n    start_ms: 411233\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 411486\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 411603\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 411876\n  - text: 'thing '\n    start_ms: 412129\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 412344\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 412539\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 412734\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 412831\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413250\n  end_ms: 415990\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 413250\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 413650\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 413870\n  - text: 'you''ve '\n    start_ms: 414750\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 414870\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 415010\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 415350\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 415450\n  - text: face\"\n    start_ms: 415570\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416020\n  end_ms: 417920\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 416020\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 416483\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 416618\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 416676\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 416830\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 416965\n  - text: 'true '\n    start_ms: 417177\n  - text: love\n    start_ms: 417486\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419930\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 417920\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 418300\n  - text: 'inseparable '\n    start_ms: 418460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 419220\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 419480\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419940\n  end_ms: 422970\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw, '\n    start_ms: 419940\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 420600\n  - text: 'ate '\n    start_ms: 420940\n  - text: 'together, '\n    start_ms: 421220\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 421900\n  - text: 'bathed '\n    start_ms: 422200\n  - text: together\n    start_ms: 422600\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423080\n  end_ms: 426240\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 423080\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 423448\n  - text: 'shared '\n    start_ms: 423720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 423933\n  - text: 'same '\n    start_ms: 424107\n  - text: 'piece '\n    start_ms: 424360\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 424592\n  - text: mint-\n    start_ms: 424767\n  - text: 'flavored '\n    start_ms: 424980\n  - text: 'dental '\n    start_ms: 425387\n  - text: floss\n    start_ms: 425678\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426240\n  end_ms: 428170\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 426240\n  - text: 'world '\n    start_ms: 426740\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 427060\n  - text: 'our '\n    start_ms: 427280\n  - text: burrito\n    start_ms: 427460\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430540\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 428280\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 428799\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 428953\n  - text: 'married '\n    start_ms: 429222\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 429626\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 429780\n  - text: 'bought '\n    start_ms: 429953\n  - text: 'us '\n    start_ms: 430184\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 430377\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 430453\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434130\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 430540\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 430940\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 431220\n  - text: 'beautiful '\n    start_ms: 431480\n  - text: 'children, '\n    start_ms: 431980\n  - text: 'Nathaniel '\n    start_ms: 432460\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 433020\n  - text: Superfly\n    start_ms: 433320\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 434140\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 434600\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 434720\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 434920\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435240\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435700\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 436140\n  - text: 'happy, '\n    start_ms: 436600\n  - text: 'aw '\n    start_ms: 437320\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 437760\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438390\n  end_ms: 441490\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 438390\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 438768\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 439086\n  - text: 'fateful '\n    start_ms: 439364\n  - text: 'night, '\n    start_ms: 439801\n  - text: 'Zelda '\n    start_ms: 440536\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 440894\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 441073\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 441192\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441490\n  end_ms: 443750\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 441490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 441883\n  - text: '\"Sweetie '\n    start_ms: 442571\n  - text: pumpkin?\n    start_ms: 443003\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443750\n  end_ms: 448620\n  words:\n  - text: 'Do '\n    start_ms: 443750\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 444230\n  - text: 'wanna '\n    start_ms: 444370\n  - text: 'join '\n    start_ms: 444670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 444970\n  - text: 'Columbia '\n    start_ms: 445070\n  - text: 'Record '\n    start_ms: 445830\n  - text: Club?\"\n    start_ms: 446230\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448640\n  end_ms: 451510\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 448640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 448993\n  - text: '\"Whoa, '\n    start_ms: 449247\n  - text: 'hold '\n    start_ms: 450423\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 450736\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 450932\n  - text: baby\n    start_ms: 451167\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451510\n  end_ms: 454010\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 451510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 451910\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 452050\n  - text: 'ready '\n    start_ms: 452250\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 452490\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 452610\n  - text: 'kind '\n    start_ms: 452870\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 453130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 453230\n  - text: commitment!\"\n    start_ms: 453310\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454030\n  end_ms: 456240\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 454030\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 454470\n  - text: 'broke '\n    start_ms: 454630\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 454990\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 455150\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 455310\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 455410\n  - text: 'saw '\n    start_ms: 455710\n  - text: 'her '\n    start_ms: 455910\n  - text: again\n    start_ms: 456070\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456260\n  end_ms: 459010\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 456260\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 456700\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 457020\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 457300\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 457520\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 457800\n  - text: go\n    start_ms: 458160\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459050\n  end_ms: 464450\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 459050\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 459690\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464450\n  end_ms: 469060\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 464450\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480100\n  end_ms: 482180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 480100\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 480760\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 481040\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 481280\n  - text: 'lookin'' '\n    start_ms: 481660\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 481920\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 482060\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 482140\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486500\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 482260\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 482778\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 483036\n  - text: 'week '\n    start_ms: 483176\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 483415\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 483833\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 483972\n  - text: 'achieved '\n    start_ms: 484310\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 484868\n  - text: 'lifelong '\n    start_ms: 485186\n  - text: dream\n    start_ms: 485843\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489750\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 486500\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 487100\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 487340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 487440\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 487600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 487740\n  - text: part-\n    start_ms: 487880\n  - text: 'time '\n    start_ms: 488120\n  - text: 'job '\n    start_ms: 488460\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 488680\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 488780\n  - text: Sizzler!\n    start_ms: 489000\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489790\n  end_ms: 491340\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 489790\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 490110\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 490290\n  - text: 'employee '\n    start_ms: 490430\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 490890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 490970\n  - text: 'month '\n    start_ms: 491090\n  - text: after\n    start_ms: 491290\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491360\n  end_ms: 493680\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 491360\n  - text: 'put '\n    start_ms: 491717\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 491876\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 492034\n  - text: 'grease '\n    start_ms: 492252\n  - text: 'fire '\n    start_ms: 492570\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 492808\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 492946\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 493264\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw '\n    start_ms: 493680\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 494140\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 494320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 494580\n  - text: 'pretty '\n    start_ms: 494740\n  - text: 'jealous '\n    start_ms: 495080\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 495380\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 495460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 495620\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 495860\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498120\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 496270\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 496608\n  - text: 'gettin'' '\n    start_ms: 496758\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 496946\n  - text: 'lot '\n    start_ms: 497021\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 497153\n  - text: attitude\n    start_ms: 497303\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Okay, '\n    start_ms: 498120\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 498580\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 498800\n  - text: 'time, '\n    start_ms: 499000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 499320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 499380\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 499540\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 499660\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 499740\n  - text: 'parking '\n    start_ms: 499920\n  - text: lot\n    start_ms: 500170\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503050\n  words:\n  - text: 'Tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 500220\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 500720\n  - text: 'remove '\n    start_ms: 500820\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 501160\n  - text: 'excess '\n    start_ms: 501380\n  - text: 'earwax '\n    start_ms: 501740\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 502120\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 502240\n  - text: 'golf '\n    start_ms: 502320\n  - text: pencil\n    start_ms: 502580\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504760\n  words:\n  - text: 'When '\n    start_ms: 503070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 503488\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 503567\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 503706\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 503845\n  - text: 'Marty '\n    start_ms: 504084\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 504402\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 504601\n  - text: carry\n    start_ms: 504700\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504760\n  end_ms: 507310\n  words:\n  - text: 'A '\n    start_ms: 504760\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 505120\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 505280\n  - text: 'sofa '\n    start_ms: 505620\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 505900\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 506020\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 506160\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 506420\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 506580\n  - text: himself\n    start_ms: 506720\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 507340\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 507929\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508086\n  - text: 'say '\n    start_ms: 508204\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 508322\n  - text: 'him, '\n    start_ms: 508390\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508479\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 508577\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 508754\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 509362\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 509441\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 509559\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 509676\n  - text: 'help '\n    start_ms: 509834\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 510089\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 510187\n  - text: that?\"\n    start_ms: 510305\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 510560\n  - text: 'Marty, '\n    start_ms: 510980\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 511400\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 511560\n  - text: 'rolls '\n    start_ms: 511900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 512440\n  - text: 'eyes '\n    start_ms: 512700\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 513120\n  - text: goes\n    start_ms: 513240\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513310\n  end_ms: 517600\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 513810\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 514550\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 514650\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 514830\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 514930\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 515110\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 515330\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 515530\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 515710\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 515950\n  - text: 'legs '\n    start_ms: 516090\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 516330\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 516470\n  - text: chainsaw\"\n    start_ms: 516610\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517660\n  end_ms: 518980\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 517660\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 518129\n  - text: did\n    start_ms: 518188\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518980\n  end_ms: 520630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 518980\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 519200\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 519300\n  - text: 'gets '\n    start_ms: 519380\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 519560\n  - text: 'indignant '\n    start_ms: 519720\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 520340\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 520500\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520660\n  end_ms: 523650\n  words:\n  - text: 'He''s '\n    start_ms: 520660\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 520978\n  - text: '\"Hey '\n    start_ms: 521335\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 521633\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 521971\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 522051\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 522210\n  - text: 'being '\n    start_ms: 522408\n  - text: sarcastic!\"\n    start_ms: 522647\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523650\n  end_ms: 524730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 523650\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 524020\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 524370\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 524604\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524730\n  end_ms: 526320\n  words:\n  - text: 'How '\n    start_ms: 524730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 525070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 525250\n  - text: 'supposed '\n    start_ms: 525390\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 525730\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 525830\n  - text: that?\n    start_ms: 526010\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528500\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 526340\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 526751\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 526856\n  - text: 'mind '\n    start_ms: 527009\n  - text: 'reader, '\n    start_ms: 527277\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 527468\n  - text: 'cryin'' '\n    start_ms: 527640\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 527927\n  - text: loud\n    start_ms: 528099\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528500\n  end_ms: 531600\n  words:\n  - text: 'Besides, '\n    start_ms: 528500\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 529340\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 529460\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 529600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 529740\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 529820\n  - text: 'cute '\n    start_ms: 530080\n  - text: 'nickname, '\n    start_ms: 530320\n  - text: '\"Torso-'\n    start_ms: 530900\n  - text: Boy\"!\n    start_ms: 531400\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531680\n  end_ms: 533890\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 531680\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 532120\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 532300\n  - text: 'complaining '\n    start_ms: 532460\n  - text: about?\n    start_ms: 532940\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533940\n  end_ms: 536990\n  words:\n  - text: 'Say, '\n    start_ms: 533940\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 534698\n  - text: 'reminds '\n    start_ms: 534857\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 535256\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 535355\n  - text: 'another '\n    start_ms: 535455\n  - text: 'amusing '\n    start_ms: 535754\n  - text: anecdote\n    start_ms: 536312\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538230\n  words:\n  - text: 'This '\n    start_ms: 536990\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 537352\n  - text: 'comes '\n    start_ms: 537543\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 537734\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 537848\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 537925\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 538039\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 538116\n  - text: street\n    start_ms: 538211\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538230\n  end_ms: 541200\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 538230\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 538590\n  - text: 'tells '\n    start_ms: 538750\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 539010\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 539170\n  - text: 'hasn''t '\n    start_ms: 539330\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 539610\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 539770\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 539950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 540230\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 540470\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 540830\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 541280\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 541959\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 542110\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 542223\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 542374\n  - text: meant\n    start_ms: 542525\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542610\n  end_ms: 546420\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 542610\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 543090\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 543310\n  - text: 'be '\n    start_ms: 543410\n  - text: 'funny, '\n    start_ms: 543630\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 544230\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 544370\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 544570\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 544650\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 545010\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 545230\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 545330\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 545410\n  - text: 'jugular '\n    start_ms: 545670\n  - text: vein\n    start_ms: 546210\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546460\n  end_ms: 549230\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 546460\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 546840\n  - text: 'yellin'' '\n    start_ms: 547060\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 547460\n  - text: 'screamin'' '\n    start_ms: 547620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 548020\n  - text: 'bleeding '\n    start_ms: 548240\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 548640\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 548920\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549250\n  end_ms: 551560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 549250\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 549328\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 549465\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 549661\n  - text: 'come '\n    start_ms: 550248\n  - text: 'on, '\n    start_ms: 550483\n  - text: 'don''t '\n    start_ms: 550679\n  - text: '''cha '\n    start_ms: 550836\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 551090\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 551286\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552720\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 551560\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 551792\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 551889\n  - text: 'keeps '\n    start_ms: 552043\n  - text: 'rolling '\n    start_ms: 552237\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 552565\n  - text: on\n    start_ms: 552710\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556640\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 552720\n  - text: 'sidewalk, '\n    start_ms: 553060\n  - text: 'bleeding, '\n    start_ms: 553620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 554000\n  - text: 'screaming, '\n    start_ms: 554220\n  - text: '\"Ah, '\n    start_ms: 554660\n  - text: 'oh, '\n    start_ms: 555600\n  - text: ah!\"\n    start_ms: 556060\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 556750\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 557064\n  - text: 'completely '\n    start_ms: 557221\n  - text: 'missing '\n    start_ms: 557671\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 557966\n  - text: 'irony '\n    start_ms: 558162\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 558475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 558554\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 558652\n  - text: situation\n    start_ms: 558848\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Man, '\n    start_ms: 559730\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 560350\n  - text: 'people '\n    start_ms: 560510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 560790\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 560970\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 561150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 561330\n  - text: 'joke, '\n    start_ms: 561490\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 561810\n  - text: know?\n    start_ms: 561890\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568240\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 562520\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 563472\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 565653\n  - text: 'where '\n    start_ms: 566624\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 566783\n  - text: I?\n    start_ms: 566981\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568240\n  end_ms: 570300\n  words:\n  - text: 'Kinda '\n    start_ms: 568240\n  - text: 'lost '\n    start_ms: 568713\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 568930\n  - text: 'train '\n    start_ms: 569048\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 569226\n  - text: thought\n    start_ms: 569344\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570300\n  end_ms: 571700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Uh, '\n    start_ms: 570300\n  - text: 'well, '\n    start_ms: 571293\n  - text: 'uh, '\n    start_ms: 571630\n  - text: okay\n    start_ms: 571685\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571700\n  end_ms: 574700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway '\n    start_ms: 571700\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 572500\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 572740\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 572800\n  - text: 'it''s '\n    start_ms: 572940\n  - text: 'kinda '\n    start_ms: 573080\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 573260\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 573320\n  - text: 'roundabout '\n    start_ms: 573420\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 573900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 574080\n  - text: 'saying '\n    start_ms: 574360\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 574640\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577570\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 574710\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 575570\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 575650\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 575830\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 575930\n  - text: 'point '\n    start_ms: 576170\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 576410\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 576570\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 576770\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 576910\n  - text: 'here '\n    start_ms: 577150\n  - text: is\n    start_ms: 577330\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581090\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 577620\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 579220\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 580440\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581130\n  end_ms: 582660\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 581130\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 581550\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 581670\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 581790\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 582010\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 582210\n  - text: say\n    start_ms: 582330\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582690\n  end_ms: 584660\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 582690\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 583050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 583230\n  - text: 'way, '\n    start_ms: 583350\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 583530\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 583730\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 583870\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 584010\n  - text: 'happen '\n    start_ms: 584150\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 584410\n  - text: 'wake '\n    start_ms: 584570\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 584644\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584680\n  end_ms: 587070\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 584680\n  - text: 'find '\n    start_ms: 585115\n  - text: 'yourself '\n    start_ms: 585332\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 585687\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 585786\n  - text: 'existential '\n    start_ms: 585944\n  - text: quandary\n    start_ms: 586655\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588750\n  words:\n  - text: 'Full '\n    start_ms: 587070\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 587581\n  - text: 'loathing '\n    start_ms: 587777\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 588190\n  - text: self-\n    start_ms: 588406\n  - text: doubt\n    start_ms: 588662\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589900\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 588750\n  - text: 'wracked '\n    start_ms: 589168\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 589510\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 589624\n  - text: 'pain '\n    start_ms: 589776\n  - text: and\n    start_ms: 589885\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589900\n  end_ms: 592700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Isolation '\n    start_ms: 589900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 590840\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 590940\n  - text: 'pitiful '\n    start_ms: 591120\n  - text: 'meaningless '\n    start_ms: 591520\n  - text: existence\n    start_ms: 591980\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592730\n  end_ms: 595500\n  words:\n  - text: 'At '\n    start_ms: 592730\n  - text: 'least '\n    start_ms: 593330\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 593590\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 593670\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 593830\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 594030\n  - text: 'small '\n    start_ms: 594170\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 594490\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 594630\n  - text: 'comfort '\n    start_ms: 594810\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 595190\n  - text: 'knowing '\n    start_ms: 595310\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 595484\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595540\n  end_ms: 600460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Somewhere '\n    start_ms: 595540\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 596295\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 596494\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 596673\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 596772\n  - text: 'crazy '\n    start_ms: 597091\n  - text: 'old '\n    start_ms: 597568\n  - text: mixed-\n    start_ms: 597826\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 598104\n  - text: 'universe '\n    start_ms: 598383\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 598820\n  - text: ours\n    start_ms: 598999\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600460\n  end_ms: 603680\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 600460\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 601160\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 601420\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 601560\n  - text: 'place '\n    start_ms: 601900\n  - text: called\n    start_ms: 603320\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603700\n  end_ms: 608580\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 603700\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608590\n  end_ms: 613100\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 608590\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615580\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 613100\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 614520\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615700\n  end_ms: 618070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 615700\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 617194\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618070\n  end_ms: 620650\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 618070\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 619718\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620650\n  end_ms: 623420\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 620650\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 622310\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623490\n  end_ms: 625160\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 623490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 623950\n  - text: '\"A\" '\n    start_ms: 624310\n  - text: (A)\n    start_ms: 624910\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625190\n  end_ms: 626440\n  words:\n  - text: '\"L\" '\n    start_ms: 625863\n  - text: (L)\n    start_ms: 626171\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626440\n  end_ms: 627700\n  words:\n  - text: '\"B\" '\n    start_ms: 626866\n  - text: (B)\n    start_ms: 627385\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631690\n  words:\n  - text: '\"U\" '\n    start_ms: 628140\n  - text: (U)\n    start_ms: 628660\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631760\n  end_ms: 637230\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Querque!\" '\n    start_ms: 631940\n  - text: (Querque!)\n    start_ms: 633220\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637290\n  end_ms: 639270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637290\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637800\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 638133\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 638309\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642160\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 639270\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640160\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640970\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 641763\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642190\n  end_ms: 644640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 642190\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643017\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643567\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 644282\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644640\n  end_ms: 647400\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 644640\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 645693\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 646120\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 646973\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660360\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 647400\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":1554568,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"Weird Al Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential \"Weird Al\" Yankovic","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":true,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nI lived in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it\nAll, the phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd says he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\"(L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.15] I lived in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.15] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.87] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.22] You know the place\n[00:14.21] Well, anyway\n[00:14.91] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.44] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.06] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.82] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.12] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.53] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.71] I said to my mom\n[00:33.78] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.42] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.63] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.03] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.38] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.85] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.49] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.94] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.69] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.57] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.98] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.68] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.70] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.63] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.27] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.56] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.86] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.31] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.44] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.33] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.37] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.91] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.35] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.88] Albuquerque\n[01:37.83] Albuquerque\n[01:41.79] Oh yeah\n[01:43.45] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.36] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.21] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.98] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.79] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.01] And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.20] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.22] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.89] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.76] Except for me\n[02:12.22] You know why?\n[02:13.83] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.00] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.94] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.50] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.54] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.32] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.77] Ahhhh\n[02:34.31] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.13] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.92] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.43] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.41] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.30] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.18] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:05.18] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.34] That I love so very\n[03:10.59] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.64] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.69] No answer\n[03:18.05] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.74] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.68] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.64] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.58] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.94] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.84] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.99] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.89] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.25] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.51] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.13] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.46] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.05] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.35] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.40] And somehow in the middle of it\n[04:00.46] All, the phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.90] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.19] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.86] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.08] It said\n[04:09.97] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.62] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.12] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.27] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.57] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.06] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.21] But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.08] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.16] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.55] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.23] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.24] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.28] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.24] I said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.29] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.63] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.18] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.12] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.66] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.35] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.66] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.02] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.05] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.43] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.72] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.34] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.80] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.20] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.71] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.92] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.63] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.19] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.98] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.67] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.05] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.70] Doh!\n[06:19.73] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.86] Oh!\n[06:22.49] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.88] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.40] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.39] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.36] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.39] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.49] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.03] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.00] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.56] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.57] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.89] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n[06:52.40] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.41] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.59] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.51] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.72] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.93] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.15] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.20] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.02] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.92] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.25] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.26] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.50] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.99] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.45] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.88] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.59] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.75] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.44] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.74] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.24] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.14] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.18] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.74] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.61] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.47] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.42] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.62] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.14] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.96] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.77] So I did\n[08:38.39] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.38] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.63] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.52] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.18] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.18] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.50] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.56] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.03] And says he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.67] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.93] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.15] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.35] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.57] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.16] You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.77] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.17] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.22] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.81] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.75] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.24] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n[09:40.55] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.29] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.32] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.58] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.18] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.75] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.04] Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.47] Albuquerque\n[10:08.15] Albuquerque\n[10:12.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.86] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.95] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.76] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.19] \"L\"(L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.05] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.98] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.13] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.93] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.55] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.90] Albuquerque\n[11:01.68] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: Weird Al Yankovic\n  album: The Essential \"Weird Al\" Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\n  language: en\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6000\n  end_ms: 7950\n  words:\n  - text: 'Way '\n    start_ms: 6000\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 6540\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 6800\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 6920\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 6960\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 7080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 7240\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 7360\n  - text: 'bitty '\n    start_ms: 7580\n  - text: boy\n    start_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7950\n  end_ms: 10890\n  words:\n  - text: 'Living '\n    start_ms: 7950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 8510\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 8610\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 8730\n  - text: 'under '\n    start_ms: 9050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9230\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 9410\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 9710\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9790\n  - text: 'corner '\n    start_ms: 9950\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10230\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10330\n  - text: 'basement '\n    start_ms: 10470\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10830\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10860\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 10880\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13850\n  words:\n  - text: 'Half '\n    start_ms: 10950\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 11559\n  - text: 'block '\n    start_ms: 11658\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 11894\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 12031\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 12149\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 12346\n  - text: 'Jerry''s '\n    start_ms: 12562\n  - text: 'Bait '\n    start_ms: 12975\n  - text: Shop\n    start_ms: 13231\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13850\n  end_ms: 14680\n  words:\n  - text: '(You '\n    start_ms: 13850\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 14150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 14250\n  - text: place)\n    start_ms: 14350\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19880\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 14750\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 15268\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 15547\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 15726\n  - text: 'life '\n    start_ms: 15925\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 16164\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 16344\n  - text: 'swell '\n    start_ms: 16722\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 17081\n  - text: 'everything '\n    start_ms: 17260\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 17639\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 17938\n  - text: peachy!\n    start_ms: 18993\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19880\n  end_ms: 23220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except, '\n    start_ms: 19880\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 20471\n  - text: 'course, '\n    start_ms: 20589\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 20806\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 20885\n  - text: 'undeniable '\n    start_ms: 21043\n  - text: 'fact '\n    start_ms: 21653\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 21870\n  - text: 'every '\n    start_ms: 22087\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 22363\n  - text: morning\n    start_ms: 22698\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23220\n  end_ms: 27820\n  words:\n  - text: 'My '\n    start_ms: 23220\n  - text: 'mother '\n    start_ms: 23719\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 23938\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 24118\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 24338\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 24477\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 24717\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 24916\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 25156\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 25375\n  - text: 'sauerkraut '\n    start_ms: 25695\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 26333\n  - text: breakfast\n    start_ms: 26533\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27820\n  end_ms: 31480\n  words:\n  - text: 'Awww, '\n    start_ms: 27820\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 29260\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 29540\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 29820\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 29880\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31530\n  end_ms: 32760\n  words:\n  - text: 'Every '\n    start_ms: 31530\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 32130\n  - text: mornin'!\n    start_ms: 32470\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32780\n  end_ms: 33930\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 32780\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 33092\n  - text: 'driving '\n    start_ms: 33209\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 33501\n  - text: crazy\n    start_ms: 33657\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34700\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 33930\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 34437\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 34554\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 34632\n  - text: mom\n    start_ms: 34685\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34700\n  end_ms: 37520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 34700\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 35100\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 35280\n  - text: 'mom, '\n    start_ms: 35700\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 36220\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 36420\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 36520\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 36620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 36740\n  - text: sauerkraut?\"\n    start_ms: 36940\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37520\n  end_ms: 38680\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 37520\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 38120\n  - text: 'dear, '\n    start_ms: 38280\n  - text: 'sweet '\n    start_ms: 38480\n  - text: mother\n    start_ms: 38660\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38730\n  end_ms: 42530\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 38730\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 39390\n  - text: 'looked '\n    start_ms: 39650\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 39830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 39950\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 40150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 40330\n  - text: 'cow '\n    start_ms: 40470\n  - text: 'looks '\n    start_ms: 40770\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 40970\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 41070\n  - text: 'oncoming '\n    start_ms: 41290\n  - text: train\n    start_ms: 41770\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44770\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 42580\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 43036\n  - text: 'leaned '\n    start_ms: 43274\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 43591\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 43809\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 44066\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 44324\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 44463\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44770\n  end_ms: 49050\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 44770\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 45465\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 45763\n  - text: '\"It''s '\n    start_ms: 46101\n  - text: 'good '\n    start_ms: 47372\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 47829\n  - text: you!\"\n    start_ms: 48226\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49050\n  end_ms: 51560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 49050\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 49510\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 49670\n  - text: 'tied '\n    start_ms: 49870\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 50050\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 50150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 50250\n  - text: 'wall '\n    start_ms: 50350\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 50610\n  - text: 'stuck '\n    start_ms: 50750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 50930\n  - text: 'funnel '\n    start_ms: 51110\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 51370\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 51490\n  - text: mouth\n    start_ms: 51545\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51590\n  end_ms: 53330\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 51590\n  - text: force-\n    start_ms: 51702\n  - text: 'fed '\n    start_ms: 52357\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 52525\n  - text: 'nothing '\n    start_ms: 52656\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 52900\n  - text: sauerkraut\n    start_ms: 53124\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53330\n  end_ms: 55820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Until '\n    start_ms: 53330\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 53950\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 54030\n  - text: '26 '\n    start_ms: 54310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 54750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 54870\n  - text: 'half '\n    start_ms: 54970\n  - text: 'years '\n    start_ms: 55270\n  - text: old\n    start_ms: 55550\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55870\n  end_ms: 58160\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 55870\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 56530\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 56650\n  - text: 'swore '\n    start_ms: 56830\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 57150\n  - text: someday\n    start_ms: 57470\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58160\n  end_ms: 59640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Someday '\n    start_ms: 58160\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 58660\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 58740\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 58900\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 59060\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 59240\n  - text: basement\n    start_ms: 59460\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59650\n  end_ms: 62300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 59650\n  - text: 'travel '\n    start_ms: 60070\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 60470\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 60590\n  - text: 'magical, '\n    start_ms: 60750\n  - text: 'far '\n    start_ms: 61350\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 61590\n  - text: place\n    start_ms: 61910\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 62330\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 62649\n  - text: 'sun '\n    start_ms: 62768\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 62948\n  - text: 'always '\n    start_ms: 63127\n  - text: 'shining, '\n    start_ms: 63426\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 63765\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 63845\n  - text: 'air '\n    start_ms: 63964\n  - text: 'smells '\n    start_ms: 64164\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 64483\n  - text: 'warm '\n    start_ms: 64682\n  - text: 'root '\n    start_ms: 64941\n  - text: beer\n    start_ms: 65160\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 65250\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 65624\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 65782\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 66117\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 66275\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 66472\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 66728\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67240\n  end_ms: 70000\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 67240\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 67613\n  - text: 'shriners '\n    start_ms: 67770\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 68163\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 68261\n  - text: 'lepers '\n    start_ms: 68419\n  - text: 'play '\n    start_ms: 68772\n  - text: 'their '\n    start_ms: 68949\n  - text: 'ukuleles '\n    start_ms: 69106\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 69676\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 69833\n  - text: long\n    start_ms: 69971\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70000\n  end_ms: 74030\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 70000\n  - text: 'anyone '\n    start_ms: 70400\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 70700\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 70800\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 70980\n  - text: 'will '\n    start_ms: 71200\n  - text: 'gladly '\n    start_ms: 71320\n  - text: 'shave '\n    start_ms: 71780\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 72080\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 72360\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 72600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 72800\n  - text: nickel\n    start_ms: 73020\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74060\n  end_ms: 75250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wacka '\n    start_ms: 74060\n  - text: 'wacka '\n    start_ms: 74560\n  - text: 'doodoo '\n    start_ms: 74900\n  - text: yeah!\n    start_ms: 75220\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 75270\n  - text: 'let '\n    start_ms: 75830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 75950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 76070\n  - text: 'you, '\n    start_ms: 76210\n  - text: people\n    start_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76510\n  end_ms: 79180\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 76510\n  - text: 'wasn''t '\n    start_ms: 76947\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 77205\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 77383\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 77522\n  - text: 'before '\n    start_ms: 77642\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 77939\n  - text: 'dream '\n    start_ms: 78178\n  - text: 'came '\n    start_ms: 78674\n  - text: 'true'\n    start_ms: 78972\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79180\n  end_ms: 82350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 79180\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 79800\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 79900\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 80160\n  - text: 'day, '\n    start_ms: 80400\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 80600\n  - text: 'local '\n    start_ms: 80700\n  - text: 'radio '\n    start_ms: 81060\n  - text: 'station '\n    start_ms: 81440\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 81780\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 81900\n  - text: contest\n    start_ms: 82100\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82350\n  end_ms: 83510\n  words:\n  - text: 'To '\n    start_ms: 82350\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 82743\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 82881\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 82979\n  - text: 'correctly '\n    start_ms: 83156\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 83494\n  - text: the\n    start_ms: 83504\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83510\n  end_ms: 86730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Number '\n    start_ms: 83510\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 84184\n  - text: 'molecules '\n    start_ms: 84362\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 84976\n  - text: 'Leonard '\n    start_ms: 85095\n  - text: 'Nimoy''s '\n    start_ms: 85412\n  - text: butt\n    start_ms: 86007\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86730\n  end_ms: 90210\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 86730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 87108\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 87247\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 87426\n  - text: 'three, '\n    start_ms: 87585\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 87903\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 88062\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 88162\n  - text: 'won '\n    start_ms: 88460\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 88699\n  - text: 'grand '\n    start_ms: 88838\n  - text: prize\n    start_ms: 89216\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93350\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 90210\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 90630\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 90850\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 90970\n  - text: 'class '\n    start_ms: 91250\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 91650\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 91930\n  - text: 'ticket '\n    start_ms: 92190\n  - text: to\n    start_ms: 93210\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93470\n  end_ms: 98440\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 93470\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98490\n  end_ms: 102690\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 98490\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102690\n  end_ms: 103790\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 102690\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 103157\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103790\n  end_ms: 105920\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 103790\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 104142\n  - text: 'I''d '\n    start_ms: 104298\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 104396\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 104689\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 104865\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 105002\n  - text: 'real '\n    start_ms: 105080\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 105314\n  - text: before\n    start_ms: 105686\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105920\n  end_ms: 108630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 105920\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 106319\n  - text: 'gotta '\n    start_ms: 106418\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 106737\n  - text: 'ya, '\n    start_ms: 106936\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 107155\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 107275\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 107494\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 107833\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108630\n  end_ms: 110180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 108630\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 109090\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 109210\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 109270\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 109390\n  - text: 'sit '\n    start_ms: 109530\n  - text: 'between '\n    start_ms: 109690\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 110030\n  - text: large\n    start_ms: 110150\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113340\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albanian '\n    start_ms: 110280\n  - text: 'women '\n    start_ms: 111200\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 111480\n  - text: 'excruciatingly '\n    start_ms: 111600\n  - text: 'severe '\n    start_ms: 112400\n  - text: 'body '\n    start_ms: 112860\n  - text: odor\n    start_ms: 113200\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113350\n  end_ms: 116540\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 113350\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 113986\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 114125\n  - text: 'kid '\n    start_ms: 114403\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 114523\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 114721\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 114920\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 114980\n  - text: 'kept '\n    start_ms: 115119\n  - text: 'throwin'' '\n    start_ms: 115338\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 115755\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 115874\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 115974\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 116232\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116540\n  end_ms: 119200\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 116540\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 116961\n  - text: 'attendants '\n    start_ms: 117172\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 117535\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 117707\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 117803\n  - text: 'Dr. '\n    start_ms: 117918\n  - text: 'Pepper '\n    start_ms: 118243\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 118454\n  - text: 'salted '\n    start_ms: 118607\n  - text: peanuts\n    start_ms: 118970\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119200\n  end_ms: 121720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 119200\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 119680\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 119800\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 119920\n  - text: 'movie '\n    start_ms: 120160\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 120440\n  - text: Bio-\n    start_ms: 120620\n  - text: 'Dome '\n    start_ms: 120920\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 121080\n  - text: 'Pauly '\n    start_ms: 121240\n  - text: Shore\n    start_ms: 121580\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121890\n  end_ms: 123720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And, '\n    start_ms: 121890\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 122407\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 122522\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 122676\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 122810\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 122867\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 122944\n  - text: 'engines '\n    start_ms: 123251\n  - text: 'burned '\n    start_ms: 123557\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 123705\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126400\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 123720\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 124200\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 124420\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 124580\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 124820\n  - text: 'tailspin '\n    start_ms: 124960\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 125440\n  - text: 'crashed '\n    start_ms: 125600\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 125980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 126200\n  - text: hillside\n    start_ms: 126280\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126480\n  end_ms: 131450\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 126480\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 126895\n  - text: 'plane '\n    start_ms: 127033\n  - text: 'exploded '\n    start_ms: 127310\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 127962\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 128081\n  - text: 'giant '\n    start_ms: 128259\n  - text: 'fireball '\n    start_ms: 128832\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 129444\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 129662\n  - text: died\n    start_ms: 130235\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 131450\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 132029\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 132203\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132820\n  end_ms: 134070\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 132820\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 133080\n  - text: why?\n    start_ms: 133300\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134110\n  end_ms: 136620\n  words:\n  - text: '''Cause '\n    start_ms: 134110\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 134688\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 134787\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 135066\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 135226\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 135564\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 136022\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136620\n  end_ms: 139320\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 136620\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 137180\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 137300\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 137500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 137720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 137840\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 137980\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 138400\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 138920\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141870\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 139390\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 139802\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 139939\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 140409\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 141017\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141870\n  end_ms: 144440\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 141870\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 142330\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 142470\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 142670\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 142890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 143010\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 143150\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 143550\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 144090\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144460\n  end_ms: 147040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 144460\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 144910\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 145046\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 145535\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 146121\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147040\n  end_ms: 150120\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 147040\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 147413\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 147550\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 147746\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 147962\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 148080\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 148217\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 148629\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 149159\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150120\n  end_ms: 151610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 150120\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151200\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151362\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 151527\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152910\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 151650\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 152230\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 152510\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152910\n  end_ms: 154740\n  words:\n  - text: Ahh\n    start_ms: 152910\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154780\n  end_ms: 157560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 154780\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 155215\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 155334\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 155670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 155829\n  - text: 'twisted, '\n    start_ms: 155947\n  - text: 'burnin'' '\n    start_ms: 156383\n  - text: wreckage\n    start_ms: 156739\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157560\n  end_ms: 161430\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 157560\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 157900\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 158280\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 158400\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 158580\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 158920\n  - text: 'knees '\n    start_ms: 159040\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 159440\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 159600\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 159960\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 160300\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161480\n  end_ms: 165140\n  words:\n  - text: 'Draggin'' '\n    start_ms: 161480\n  - text: 'along '\n    start_ms: 162136\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 162554\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 162733\n  - text: 'leather '\n    start_ms: 163012\n  - text: 'suitcase '\n    start_ms: 163469\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 164006\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 164126\n  - text: 'garment '\n    start_ms: 164324\n  - text: bag\n    start_ms: 164822\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165140\n  end_ms: 167740\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 165140\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 165440\n  - text: 'tenor '\n    start_ms: 165600\n  - text: 'saxophone '\n    start_ms: 166040\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 166600\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 166700\n  - text: 12-\n    start_ms: 166840\n  - text: 'pound '\n    start_ms: 167140\n  - text: 'bowling '\n    start_ms: 167400\n  - text: ball\n    start_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 167780\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 168056\n  - text: 'lucky, '\n    start_ms: 168233\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 168548\n  - text: 'autographed '\n    start_ms: 168843\n  - text: glow-\n    start_ms: 169454\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 169690\n  - text: the-\n    start_ms: 169789\n  - text: 'dark '\n    start_ms: 169946\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 170360\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171620\n  end_ms: 175820\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 171620\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 172060\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 172500\n  - text: 'arrived '\n    start_ms: 172600\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 173080\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 173180\n  - text: world-\n    start_ms: 173360\n  - text: 'famous '\n    start_ms: 173860\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 174620\n  - text: 'Holiday '\n    start_ms: 175240\n  - text: Inn\n    start_ms: 175800\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175850\n  end_ms: 177860\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 175850\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 176244\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 176382\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 176737\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 176894\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 177072\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 177289\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177860\n  end_ms: 180910\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 177860\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 178239\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 178358\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 178478\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 178657\n  - text: 'soup '\n    start_ms: 178936\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 179196\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 179355\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 179475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 179554\n  - text: 'ashtrays '\n    start_ms: 179694\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 180252\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 180392\n  - text: wanna\n    start_ms: 180551\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180910\n  end_ms: 182780\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 180910\n  - text: 'okay, '\n    start_ms: 181470\n  - text: 'they''re '\n    start_ms: 181870\n  - text: clean!\n    start_ms: 182090\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182850\n  end_ms: 185550\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 182850\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 183320\n  - text: 'checked '\n    start_ms: 183437\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 183711\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 183887\n  - text: 'room, '\n    start_ms: 184122\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 184376\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 184552\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 184670\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 184924\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 185139\n  - text: AC\n    start_ms: 185276\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 185550\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 185850\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 186050\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 186310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 186430\n  - text: 'Spectra '\n    start_ms: 186630\n  - text: Vision\n    start_ms: 186990\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 187330\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 187710\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 187830\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 187990\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 188210\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 188290\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 188410\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 188550\n  - text: 'chocolate '\n    start_ms: 188810\n  - text: 'mint '\n    start_ms: 189230\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 189430\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 189530\n  - text: pillow\n    start_ms: 189609\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190640\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 189680\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 190132\n  - text: 'love '\n    start_ms: 190207\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 190414\n  - text: very\n    start_ms: 190565\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190640\n  end_ms: 193960\n  words:\n  - text: 'Very '\n    start_ms: 190640\n  - text: 'much '\n    start_ms: 191140\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 191380\n  - text: 'suddenly, '\n    start_ms: 191640\n  - text: 'there''s '\n    start_ms: 192060\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 192280\n  - text: 'knock '\n    start_ms: 192380\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 192620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 192740\n  - text: door\n    start_ms: 192860\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193990\n  end_ms: 195720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well '\n    start_ms: 193990\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 194277\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 194468\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 194602\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 194755\n  - text: be?\n    start_ms: 195060\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197140\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 195720\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 196080\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 196240\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 196500\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 196660\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197140\n  end_ms: 198530\n  words:\n  - text: 'No '\n    start_ms: 197140\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 197620\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199620\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 198940\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 199100\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 199300\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201030\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 199650\n  - text: 'no '\n    start_ms: 200084\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 200320\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201030\n  end_ms: 202130\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 201296\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 201580\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 201789\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203730\n  words:\n  - text: 'They''re '\n    start_ms: 202130\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 202510\n  - text: 'sayin'' '\n    start_ms: 202810\n  - text: anything\n    start_ms: 203110\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203780\n  end_ms: 208100\n  words:\n  - text: 'So, '\n    start_ms: 203780\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 204260\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 204660\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 204740\n  - text: 'over, '\n    start_ms: 204940\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 205220\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 205400\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 205560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 205800\n  - text: 'door '\n    start_ms: 206000\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 206420\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 206680\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 207000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 207220\n  - text: suspected\n    start_ms: 207380\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208150\n  end_ms: 213350\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 208150\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 208590\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 208850\n  - text: 'fat '\n    start_ms: 209070\n  - text: 'hermaphrodite '\n    start_ms: 209290\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 210090\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 210190\n  - text: 'Flock '\n    start_ms: 210310\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 210550\n  - text: 'Seagulls '\n    start_ms: 210690\n  - text: 'haircut '\n    start_ms: 211110\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 211590\n  - text: 'only '\n    start_ms: 211810\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 212250\n  - text: nostril\n    start_ms: 212550\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213350\n  end_ms: 216070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 213350\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 214020\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 214336\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 214572\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 214749\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 214868\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 215065\n  - text: right\n    start_ms: 215301\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216070\n  end_ms: 219320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 216070\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 216487\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 216845\n  - text: 'bursts '\n    start_ms: 217064\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 217302\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 217461\n  - text: 'room '\n    start_ms: 217680\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 217919\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 217998\n  - text: 'grabs '\n    start_ms: 218197\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 218575\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 218714\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 219012\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219320\n  end_ms: 221210\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 219320\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 219555\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 219692\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 220084\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 220436\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 220593\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 220828\n  - text: that!\n    start_ms: 221063\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221210\n  end_ms: 223970\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 221210\n  - text: 'snorkel''s '\n    start_ms: 221690\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 222150\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 222310\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 222490\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 222670\n  - text: 'snorkel '\n    start_ms: 222870\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 223310\n  - text: me!\"\n    start_ms: 223430\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224010\n  end_ms: 225240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 224010\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 224330\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 224490\n  - text: '\"Tough\"'\n    start_ms: 224710\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 225240\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 225640\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 225780\n  - text: '\"Give '\n    start_ms: 226060\n  - text: it!\"\n    start_ms: 226360\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226660\n  end_ms: 227920\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 226660\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 226925\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 227077\n  - text: '\"Make '\n    start_ms: 227323\n  - text: me\"\n    start_ms: 227626\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227920\n  end_ms: 229310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 227920\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 228160\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 228260\n  - text: '\"''K\"'\n    start_ms: 228800\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231810\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 229320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 229780\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 229900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 230180\n  - text: 'leg '\n    start_ms: 230400\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 230680\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 230820\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 231020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 231280\n  - text: esophagus\n    start_ms: 231420\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231830\n  end_ms: 234510\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 231830\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 232245\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 232483\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 232641\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 232819\n  - text: 'ear '\n    start_ms: 233076\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 233294\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 233432\n  - text: 'chewed '\n    start_ms: 233650\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 233887\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 234065\n  - text: eyebrows\n    start_ms: 234283\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 234510\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 234870\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 234990\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 235210\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 235310\n  - text: 'appendix '\n    start_ms: 235470\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 235930\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 236070\n  - text: 'gave '\n    start_ms: 236250\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 236430\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 236550\n  - text: 'colonic '\n    start_ms: 236630\n  - text: irrigation\n    start_ms: 237190\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237670\n  end_ms: 239720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Yes, '\n    start_ms: 237670\n  - text: 'indeed, '\n    start_ms: 238168\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 238466\n  - text: 'better '\n    start_ms: 238625\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 238824\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 239222\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239720\n  end_ms: 241310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 239720\n  - text: 'somehow '\n    start_ms: 240220\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 240560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 240640\n  - text: 'middle '\n    start_ms: 240740\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 240940\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 241040\n  - text: all\n    start_ms: 241140\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241330\n  end_ms: 243530\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 241330\n  - text: 'phone '\n    start_ms: 241841\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 242194\n  - text: 'knocked '\n    start_ms: 242410\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 242744\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 242901\n  - text: hook\n    start_ms: 243039\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243530\n  end_ms: 246620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 243530\n  - text: '20 '\n    start_ms: 244090\n  - text: 'seconds '\n    start_ms: 244310\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 244670\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 245070\n  - text: 'heard '\n    start_ms: 245130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 245270\n  - text: 'familiar '\n    start_ms: 245390\n  - text: voice\n    start_ms: 245930\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247950\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 246680\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 247002\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 247097\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 247192\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 247287\n  - text: said?\n    start_ms: 247495\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247950\n  end_ms: 249420\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 247950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 248370\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 248590\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 248690\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 248810\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249010\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249490\n  end_ms: 249940\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 249490\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249823\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249940\n  end_ms: 255070\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 250240\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 250360\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 250520\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 250820\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 250980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 251320\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 251440\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 252380\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 252740\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 253200\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 253380\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 253520\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 253920\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255190\n  end_ms: 260370\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 255604\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 255801\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 255958\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 256254\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 256687\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 257041\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 257219\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 257534\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 257810\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 258164\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 258381\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260370\n  end_ms: 265420\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 260570\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 260690\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 260850\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 261110\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 261310\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 261670\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 261790\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 262710\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 263070\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 263510\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 263710\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 263850\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 264270\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265480\n  end_ms: 270290\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 265817\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 266075\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 266234\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 266531\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 266987\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 267265\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 267523\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 267781\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 268098\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 268435\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 268693\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270290\n  end_ms: 275800\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 270290\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 271161\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275800\n  end_ms: 280480\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 275800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280540\n  end_ms: 284270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 280540\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 281158\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 281318\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 281517\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 281597\n  - text: 'story '\n    start_ms: 281797\n  - text: 'short, '\n    start_ms: 282136\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 282535\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 282694\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 282894\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 283153\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 283313\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 283592\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284270\n  end_ms: 287560\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 284270\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 284489\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 284548\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 284707\n  - text: 'solemn '\n    start_ms: 284906\n  - text: 'vow '\n    start_ms: 285304\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 285562\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 285821\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 285980\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 286159\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 286377\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 286636\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 286735\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 286954\n  - text: rest\n    start_ms: 287212\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 287560\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 287940\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 288080\n  - text: 'sleep '\n    start_ms: 288320\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 288580\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 288720\n  - text: 'instant '\n    start_ms: 288800\n  - text: until\n    start_ms: 289204\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289360\n  end_ms: 291810\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 289360\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 289789\n  - text: 'nostrilled '\n    start_ms: 289946\n  - text: 'man '\n    start_ms: 290395\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 290609\n  - text: 'brought '\n    start_ms: 290766\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 290980\n  - text: justice\n    start_ms: 291136\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291810\n  end_ms: 293610\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 291810\n  - text: 'first, '\n    start_ms: 292130\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 292370\n  - text: 'decided '\n    start_ms: 292430\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 292730\n  - text: 'buy '\n    start_ms: 292810\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 292970\n  - text: donuts\n    start_ms: 293170\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293640\n  end_ms: 296320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 293640\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 294118\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 294238\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 294497\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 294537\n  - text: 'car '\n    start_ms: 294756\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 294995\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 295154\n  - text: 'drove '\n    start_ms: 295274\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 295533\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 295712\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 295812\n  - text: 'donut '\n    start_ms: 295912\n  - text: shop\n    start_ms: 296210\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298530\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 296320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 296680\n  - text: 'walked '\n    start_ms: 296860\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 297140\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 297300\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 297400\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 297500\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 297660\n  - text: 'behind '\n    start_ms: 297860\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 298180\n  - text: counter\n    start_ms: 298340\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303810\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 298570\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 298848\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 299067\n  - text: '\"Yeah, '\n    start_ms: 299405\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 300340\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 300459\n  - text: 'ya '\n    start_ms: 300539\n  - text: want?\"\n    start_ms: 300777\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303810\n  end_ms: 306350\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 303810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 304187\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 304346\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 304524\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 304683\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 304921\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 305417\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308790\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 306350\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 306730\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 307050\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 307590\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 307710\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 307930\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 308310\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308880\n  end_ms: 311640\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 308880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 309448\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 309663\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 309820\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 309957\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 310113\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 310544\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 310798\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311640\n  end_ms: 314330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 311640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 311920\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 312260\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 312940\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 313020\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 313380\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 313700\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314400\n  end_ms: 316950\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 314400\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 314709\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 314844\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 314960\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 315076\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 315269\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 315887\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 316216\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 316428\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316950\n  end_ms: 320000\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 316950\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 317310\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 317590\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 317930\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 318010\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 318230\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 318790\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 319090\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 319330\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321810\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 320070\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 320401\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 320537\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 320673\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 320789\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 321178\n  - text: rolls?\"\n    start_ms: 321470\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321810\n  end_ms: 324330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 321810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 322190\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 322530\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 323250\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 323370\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 323770\n  - text: rolls\"\n    start_ms: 324130\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324390\n  end_ms: 326880\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 324390\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 324896\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 325304\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 325479\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 325616\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 325849\n  - text: fritters?\"\n    start_ms: 326219\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326880\n  end_ms: 329460\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 326880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 327340\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 327680\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 328360\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 328500\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 328760\n  - text: fritters\"\n    start_ms: 329140\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329490\n  end_ms: 332110\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 329490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 329996\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 330444\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 330639\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 330795\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 331126\n  - text: claws?\"\n    start_ms: 331438\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\n  start_ms: 332110\n  end_ms: 336270\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 332110\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 332450\n  - text: '\"Wait '\n    start_ms: 332770\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 333450\n  - text: 'minute, '\n    start_ms: 333550\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 334210\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 334430\n  - text: check\"\n    start_ms: 334770\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343500\n  end_ms: 346410\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 344140\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 344580\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 344700\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 345020\n  - text: claws\"\n    start_ms: 345320\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351410\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 346420\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 346780\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 346960\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 347120\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 347240\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 347500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 349140\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 349300\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 349520\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 349800\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 350020\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 350280\n  - text: have?\"\n    start_ms: 350420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\"\n  start_ms: 351490\n  end_ms: 353160\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 351490\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 351866\n  - text: '\"All '\n    start_ms: 352142\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 352340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 352439\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 352636\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 352873\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 353071\n  - text: this\"\n    start_ms: 353130\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353160\n  end_ms: 356920\n  words:\n  - text: 'Box '\n    start_ms: 353160\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 353722\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 353916\n  - text: 'dozen '\n    start_ms: 354226\n  - text: 'starving, '\n    start_ms: 354691\n  - text: 'crazed '\n    start_ms: 355137\n  - text: weasels\"\n    start_ms: 355621\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358540\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 356920\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 357260\n  - text: '\"Okay, '\n    start_ms: 357640\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 357980\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 358100\n  - text: that\"\n    start_ms: 358280\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362350\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 358630\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 359070\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 359210\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 359450\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 359570\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 359730\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 360030\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 360190\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 360450\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 360730\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 360870\n  - text: 'lid '\n    start_ms: 361050\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 361310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 361450\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 361670\n  - text: 'jump '\n    start_ms: 362110\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362350\n  end_ms: 367600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 362350\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 362684\n  - text: 'immediately '\n    start_ms: 362842\n  - text: 'latch '\n    start_ms: 363490\n  - text: 'onto '\n    start_ms: 363785\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 363982\n  - text: 'face '\n    start_ms: 364159\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 364336\n  - text: 'start '\n    start_ms: 364493\n  - text: 'bitin'' '\n    start_ms: 364769\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 365083\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 365240\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 365457\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367600\n  end_ms: 369180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 367600\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 368100\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 368280\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 368380\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 368540\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 368700\n  - text: nuts\n    start_ms: 369000\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369210\n  end_ms: 371280\n  words:\n  - text: 'They '\n    start_ms: 369210\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 369730\n  - text: 'tearin'' '\n    start_ms: 369910\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 370250\n  - text: apart\n    start_ms: 370370\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373200\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 371340\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 371751\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 371927\n  - text: 'think '\n    start_ms: 372006\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 372143\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 372221\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 372378\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 372573\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 372828\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 373024\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376340\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 373200\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 373597\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 373677\n  - text: 'ditty '\n    start_ms: 374015\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 374353\n  - text: 'goin'' '\n    start_ms: 374710\n  - text: 'through '\n    start_ms: 374989\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 375207\n  - text: head\n    start_ms: 375446\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 376340\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 376657\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 376915\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 377033\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 377192\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 377271\n  - text: 'something '\n    start_ms: 377608\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 378024\n  - text: this\n    start_ms: 378321\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379520\n  end_ms: 380130\n  words:\n  - text: Doh!\n    start_ms: 379520\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381010\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 380270\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 380804\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 380894\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 380983\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381010\n  end_ms: 381930\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 381010\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 381425\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 381604\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 381821\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382620\n  words:\n  - text: Oh!\n    start_ms: 381930\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n  words:\n  - text: 'No, '\n    start_ms: 382620\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383013\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383141\n  - text: 'off, '\n    start_ms: 383230\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383427\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383545\n  - text: off!\n    start_ms: 383682\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385560\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 383830\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384330\n  - text: 'God, '\n    start_ms: 384590\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384890\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385610\n  end_ms: 386640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 385610\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 386076\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 386192\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 386271\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 386446\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 386640\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 387000\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 387240\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 387480\n- text: Ah, ah, ah!\n  start_ms: 387680\n  end_ms: 390100\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah, '\n    start_ms: 387680\n  - text: 'ah, '\n    start_ms: 388662\n  - text: ah!\n    start_ms: 388714\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393470\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 390100\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 390520\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 390720\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 390820\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 390960\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 391100\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 391340\n  - text: 'these '\n    start_ms: 391440\n  - text: flesh-\n    start_ms: 391700\n  - text: 'eating '\n    start_ms: 391960\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 392280\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 392700\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 392840\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 393020\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 393260\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396080\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wavin'' '\n    start_ms: 393580\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 394160\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 394400\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 394640\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 394820\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 395120\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 395220\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395460\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395680\n  - text: runnin'\n    start_ms: 395780\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398450\n  words:\n  - text: 'Like '\n    start_ms: 396080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 396591\n  - text: 'constipated '\n    start_ms: 396768\n  - text: 'wiener '\n    start_ms: 397457\n  - text: dog\n    start_ms: 397771\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398450\n  end_ms: 399640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 398450\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 398760\n  - text: 'luck '\n    start_ms: 398953\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 399147\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 399282\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 399476\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399640\n  end_ms: 403520\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 399640\n  - text: 'exactly '\n    start_ms: 400060\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 400760\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 400920\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 401060\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 401320\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 401480\n  - text: 'girl '\n    start_ms: 401640\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 402020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 402180\n  - text: dreams\n    start_ms: 402440\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403590\n  end_ms: 405040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Her '\n    start_ms: 403590\n  - text: 'name '\n    start_ms: 403948\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 404174\n  - text: Zelda\n    start_ms: 404381\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407310\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 405040\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 405437\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 405555\n  - text: 'calligraphy '\n    start_ms: 405655\n  - text: 'enthusiast '\n    start_ms: 406190\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 406923\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 407042\n  - text: slight\n    start_ms: 407181\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Overbite '\n    start_ms: 407310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 407950\n  - text: 'hair '\n    start_ms: 408170\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 408370\n  - text: 'color '\n    start_ms: 408530\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 408810\n  - text: 'strained '\n    start_ms: 409070\n  - text: peaches\n    start_ms: 409570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413250\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 410590\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 410999\n  - text: 'forget '\n    start_ms: 411233\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 411486\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 411603\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 411876\n  - text: 'thing '\n    start_ms: 412129\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 412344\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 412539\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 412734\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 412831\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413250\n  end_ms: 415990\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 413250\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 413650\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 413870\n  - text: 'you''ve '\n    start_ms: 414750\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 414870\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 415010\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 415350\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 415450\n  - text: face\"\n    start_ms: 415570\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416020\n  end_ms: 417920\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 416020\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 416483\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 416618\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 416676\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 416830\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 416965\n  - text: 'true '\n    start_ms: 417177\n  - text: love\n    start_ms: 417486\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419930\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 417920\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 418300\n  - text: 'inseparable '\n    start_ms: 418460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 419220\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 419480\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419940\n  end_ms: 422970\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw, '\n    start_ms: 419940\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 420600\n  - text: 'ate '\n    start_ms: 420940\n  - text: 'together, '\n    start_ms: 421220\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 421900\n  - text: 'bathed '\n    start_ms: 422200\n  - text: together\n    start_ms: 422600\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423080\n  end_ms: 426240\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 423080\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 423448\n  - text: 'shared '\n    start_ms: 423720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 423933\n  - text: 'same '\n    start_ms: 424107\n  - text: 'piece '\n    start_ms: 424360\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 424592\n  - text: mint-\n    start_ms: 424767\n  - text: 'flavored '\n    start_ms: 424980\n  - text: 'dental '\n    start_ms: 425387\n  - text: floss\n    start_ms: 425678\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426240\n  end_ms: 428170\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 426240\n  - text: 'world '\n    start_ms: 426740\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 427060\n  - text: 'our '\n    start_ms: 427280\n  - text: burrito\n    start_ms: 427460\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430540\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 428280\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 428799\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 428953\n  - text: 'married '\n    start_ms: 429222\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 429626\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 429780\n  - text: 'bought '\n    start_ms: 429953\n  - text: 'us '\n    start_ms: 430184\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 430377\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 430453\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434130\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 430540\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 430940\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 431220\n  - text: 'beautiful '\n    start_ms: 431480\n  - text: 'children, '\n    start_ms: 431980\n  - text: 'Nathaniel '\n    start_ms: 432460\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 433020\n  - text: Superfly\n    start_ms: 433320\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 434140\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 434600\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 434720\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 434920\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435240\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435700\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 436140\n  - text: 'happy, '\n    start_ms: 436600\n  - text: 'aw '\n    start_ms: 437320\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 437760\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438390\n  end_ms: 441490\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 438390\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 438768\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 439086\n  - text: 'fateful '\n    start_ms: 439364\n  - text: 'night, '\n    start_ms: 439801\n  - text: 'Zelda '\n    start_ms: 440536\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 440894\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 441073\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 441192\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441490\n  end_ms: 443750\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 441490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 441883\n  - text: '\"Sweetie '\n    start_ms: 442571\n  - text: pumpkin?\n    start_ms: 443003\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443750\n  end_ms: 448620\n  words:\n  - text: 'Do '\n    start_ms: 443750\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 444230\n  - text: 'wanna '\n    start_ms: 444370\n  - text: 'join '\n    start_ms: 444670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 444970\n  - text: 'Columbia '\n    start_ms: 445070\n  - text: 'Record '\n    start_ms: 445830\n  - text: Club?\"\n    start_ms: 446230\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448640\n  end_ms: 451510\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 448640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 448993\n  - text: '\"Whoa, '\n    start_ms: 449247\n  - text: 'hold '\n    start_ms: 450423\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 450736\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 450932\n  - text: baby\n    start_ms: 451167\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451510\n  end_ms: 454010\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 451510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 451910\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 452050\n  - text: 'ready '\n    start_ms: 452250\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 452490\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 452610\n  - text: 'kind '\n    start_ms: 452870\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 453130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 453230\n  - text: commitment!\"\n    start_ms: 453310\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454030\n  end_ms: 456240\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 454030\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 454470\n  - text: 'broke '\n    start_ms: 454630\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 454990\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 455150\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 455310\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 455410\n  - text: 'saw '\n    start_ms: 455710\n  - text: 'her '\n    start_ms: 455910\n  - text: again\n    start_ms: 456070\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456260\n  end_ms: 459010\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 456260\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 456700\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 457020\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 457300\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 457520\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 457800\n  - text: go\n    start_ms: 458160\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459050\n  end_ms: 464450\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 459050\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 459690\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464450\n  end_ms: 469060\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 464450\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480100\n  end_ms: 482180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 480100\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 480760\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 481040\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 481280\n  - text: 'lookin'' '\n    start_ms: 481660\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 481920\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 482060\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 482140\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486500\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 482260\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 482778\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 483036\n  - text: 'week '\n    start_ms: 483176\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 483415\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 483833\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 483972\n  - text: 'achieved '\n    start_ms: 484310\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 484868\n  - text: 'lifelong '\n    start_ms: 485186\n  - text: dream\n    start_ms: 485843\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489750\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 486500\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 487100\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 487340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 487440\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 487600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 487740\n  - text: part-\n    start_ms: 487880\n  - text: 'time '\n    start_ms: 488120\n  - text: 'job '\n    start_ms: 488460\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 488680\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 488780\n  - text: Sizzler!\n    start_ms: 489000\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489790\n  end_ms: 491340\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 489790\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 490110\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 490290\n  - text: 'employee '\n    start_ms: 490430\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 490890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 490970\n  - text: 'month '\n    start_ms: 491090\n  - text: after\n    start_ms: 491290\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491360\n  end_ms: 493680\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 491360\n  - text: 'put '\n    start_ms: 491717\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 491876\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 492034\n  - text: 'grease '\n    start_ms: 492252\n  - text: 'fire '\n    start_ms: 492570\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 492808\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 492946\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 493264\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw '\n    start_ms: 493680\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 494140\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 494320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 494580\n  - text: 'pretty '\n    start_ms: 494740\n  - text: 'jealous '\n    start_ms: 495080\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 495380\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 495460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 495620\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 495860\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498120\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 496270\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 496608\n  - text: 'gettin'' '\n    start_ms: 496758\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 496946\n  - text: 'lot '\n    start_ms: 497021\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 497153\n  - text: attitude\n    start_ms: 497303\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Okay, '\n    start_ms: 498120\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 498580\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 498800\n  - text: 'time, '\n    start_ms: 499000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 499320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 499380\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 499540\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 499660\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 499740\n  - text: 'parking '\n    start_ms: 499920\n  - text: lot\n    start_ms: 500170\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503050\n  words:\n  - text: 'Tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 500220\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 500720\n  - text: 'remove '\n    start_ms: 500820\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 501160\n  - text: 'excess '\n    start_ms: 501380\n  - text: 'earwax '\n    start_ms: 501740\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 502120\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 502240\n  - text: 'golf '\n    start_ms: 502320\n  - text: pencil\n    start_ms: 502580\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504760\n  words:\n  - text: 'When '\n    start_ms: 503070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 503488\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 503567\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 503706\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 503845\n  - text: 'Marty '\n    start_ms: 504084\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 504402\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 504601\n  - text: carry\n    start_ms: 504700\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504760\n  end_ms: 507310\n  words:\n  - text: 'A '\n    start_ms: 504760\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 505120\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 505280\n  - text: 'sofa '\n    start_ms: 505620\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 505900\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 506020\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 506160\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 506420\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 506580\n  - text: himself\n    start_ms: 506720\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 507340\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 507929\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508086\n  - text: 'say '\n    start_ms: 508204\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 508322\n  - text: 'him, '\n    start_ms: 508390\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508479\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 508577\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 508754\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 509362\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 509441\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 509559\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 509676\n  - text: 'help '\n    start_ms: 509834\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 510089\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 510187\n  - text: that?\"\n    start_ms: 510305\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 510560\n  - text: 'Marty, '\n    start_ms: 510980\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 511400\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 511560\n  - text: 'rolls '\n    start_ms: 511900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 512440\n  - text: 'eyes '\n    start_ms: 512700\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 513120\n  - text: goes\n    start_ms: 513240\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513310\n  end_ms: 517600\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 513810\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 514550\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 514650\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 514830\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 514930\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 515110\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 515330\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 515530\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 515710\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 515950\n  - text: 'legs '\n    start_ms: 516090\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 516330\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 516470\n  - text: chainsaw\"\n    start_ms: 516610\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517660\n  end_ms: 518980\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 517660\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 518129\n  - text: did\n    start_ms: 518188\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518980\n  end_ms: 520630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 518980\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 519200\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 519300\n  - text: 'gets '\n    start_ms: 519380\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 519560\n  - text: 'indignant '\n    start_ms: 519720\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 520340\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 520500\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520660\n  end_ms: 523650\n  words:\n  - text: 'He''s '\n    start_ms: 520660\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 520978\n  - text: '\"Hey '\n    start_ms: 521335\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 521633\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 521971\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 522051\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 522210\n  - text: 'being '\n    start_ms: 522408\n  - text: sarcastic!\"\n    start_ms: 522647\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523650\n  end_ms: 524730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 523650\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 524020\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 524370\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 524604\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524730\n  end_ms: 526320\n  words:\n  - text: 'How '\n    start_ms: 524730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 525070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 525250\n  - text: 'supposed '\n    start_ms: 525390\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 525730\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 525830\n  - text: that?\n    start_ms: 526010\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528500\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 526340\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 526751\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 526856\n  - text: 'mind '\n    start_ms: 527009\n  - text: 'reader, '\n    start_ms: 527277\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 527468\n  - text: 'cryin'' '\n    start_ms: 527640\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 527927\n  - text: loud\n    start_ms: 528099\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528500\n  end_ms: 531600\n  words:\n  - text: 'Besides, '\n    start_ms: 528500\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 529340\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 529460\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 529600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 529740\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 529820\n  - text: 'cute '\n    start_ms: 530080\n  - text: 'nickname, '\n    start_ms: 530320\n  - text: '\"Torso-'\n    start_ms: 530900\n  - text: Boy\"!\n    start_ms: 531400\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531680\n  end_ms: 533890\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 531680\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 532120\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 532300\n  - text: 'complaining '\n    start_ms: 532460\n  - text: about?\n    start_ms: 532940\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533940\n  end_ms: 536990\n  words:\n  - text: 'Say, '\n    start_ms: 533940\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 534698\n  - text: 'reminds '\n    start_ms: 534857\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 535256\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 535355\n  - text: 'another '\n    start_ms: 535455\n  - text: 'amusing '\n    start_ms: 535754\n  - text: anecdote\n    start_ms: 536312\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538230\n  words:\n  - text: 'This '\n    start_ms: 536990\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 537352\n  - text: 'comes '\n    start_ms: 537543\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 537734\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 537848\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 537925\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 538039\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 538116\n  - text: street\n    start_ms: 538211\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538230\n  end_ms: 541200\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 538230\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 538590\n  - text: 'tells '\n    start_ms: 538750\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 539010\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 539170\n  - text: 'hasn''t '\n    start_ms: 539330\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 539610\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 539770\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 539950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 540230\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 540470\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 540830\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 541280\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 541959\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 542110\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 542223\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 542374\n  - text: meant\n    start_ms: 542525\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542610\n  end_ms: 546420\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 542610\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 543090\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 543310\n  - text: 'be '\n    start_ms: 543410\n  - text: 'funny, '\n    start_ms: 543630\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 544230\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 544370\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 544570\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 544650\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 545010\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 545230\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 545330\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 545410\n  - text: 'jugular '\n    start_ms: 545670\n  - text: vein\n    start_ms: 546210\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546460\n  end_ms: 549230\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 546460\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 546840\n  - text: 'yellin'' '\n    start_ms: 547060\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 547460\n  - text: 'screamin'' '\n    start_ms: 547620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 548020\n  - text: 'bleeding '\n    start_ms: 548240\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 548640\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 548920\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549250\n  end_ms: 551560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 549250\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 549328\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 549465\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 549661\n  - text: 'come '\n    start_ms: 550248\n  - text: 'on, '\n    start_ms: 550483\n  - text: 'don''t '\n    start_ms: 550679\n  - text: '''cha '\n    start_ms: 550836\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 551090\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 551286\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552720\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 551560\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 551792\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 551889\n  - text: 'keeps '\n    start_ms: 552043\n  - text: 'rolling '\n    start_ms: 552237\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 552565\n  - text: on\n    start_ms: 552710\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556640\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 552720\n  - text: 'sidewalk, '\n    start_ms: 553060\n  - text: 'bleeding, '\n    start_ms: 553620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 554000\n  - text: 'screaming, '\n    start_ms: 554220\n  - text: '\"Ah, '\n    start_ms: 554660\n  - text: 'oh, '\n    start_ms: 555600\n  - text: ah!\"\n    start_ms: 556060\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 556750\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 557064\n  - text: 'completely '\n    start_ms: 557221\n  - text: 'missing '\n    start_ms: 557671\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 557966\n  - text: 'irony '\n    start_ms: 558162\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 558475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 558554\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 558652\n  - text: situation\n    start_ms: 558848\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Man, '\n    start_ms: 559730\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 560350\n  - text: 'people '\n    start_ms: 560510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 560790\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 560970\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 561150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 561330\n  - text: 'joke, '\n    start_ms: 561490\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 561810\n  - text: know?\n    start_ms: 561890\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568240\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 562520\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 563472\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 565653\n  - text: 'where '\n    start_ms: 566624\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 566783\n  - text: I?\n    start_ms: 566981\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568240\n  end_ms: 570300\n  words:\n  - text: 'Kinda '\n    start_ms: 568240\n  - text: 'lost '\n    start_ms: 568713\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 568930\n  - text: 'train '\n    start_ms: 569048\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 569226\n  - text: thought\n    start_ms: 569344\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570300\n  end_ms: 571700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Uh, '\n    start_ms: 570300\n  - text: 'well, '\n    start_ms: 571293\n  - text: 'uh, '\n    start_ms: 571630\n  - text: okay\n    start_ms: 571685\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571700\n  end_ms: 574700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway '\n    start_ms: 571700\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 572500\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 572740\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 572800\n  - text: 'it''s '\n    start_ms: 572940\n  - text: 'kinda '\n    start_ms: 573080\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 573260\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 573320\n  - text: 'roundabout '\n    start_ms: 573420\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 573900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 574080\n  - text: 'saying '\n    start_ms: 574360\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 574640\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577570\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 574710\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 575570\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 575650\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 575830\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 575930\n  - text: 'point '\n    start_ms: 576170\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 576410\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 576570\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 576770\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 576910\n  - text: 'here '\n    start_ms: 577150\n  - text: is\n    start_ms: 577330\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581090\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 577620\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 579220\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 580440\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581130\n  end_ms: 582660\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 581130\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 581550\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 581670\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 581790\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 582010\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 582210\n  - text: say\n    start_ms: 582330\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582690\n  end_ms: 584660\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 582690\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 583050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 583230\n  - text: 'way, '\n    start_ms: 583350\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 583530\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 583730\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 583870\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 584010\n  - text: 'happen '\n    start_ms: 584150\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 584410\n  - text: 'wake '\n    start_ms: 584570\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 584644\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584680\n  end_ms: 587070\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 584680\n  - text: 'find '\n    start_ms: 585115\n  - text: 'yourself '\n    start_ms: 585332\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 585687\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 585786\n  - text: 'existential '\n    start_ms: 585944\n  - text: quandary\n    start_ms: 586655\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588750\n  words:\n  - text: 'Full '\n    start_ms: 587070\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 587581\n  - text: 'loathing '\n    start_ms: 587777\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 588190\n  - text: self-\n    start_ms: 588406\n  - text: doubt\n    start_ms: 588662\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589900\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 588750\n  - text: 'wracked '\n    start_ms: 589168\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 589510\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 589624\n  - text: 'pain '\n    start_ms: 589776\n  - text: and\n    start_ms: 589885\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589900\n  end_ms: 592700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Isolation '\n    start_ms: 589900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 590840\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 590940\n  - text: 'pitiful '\n    start_ms: 591120\n  - text: 'meaningless '\n    start_ms: 591520\n  - text: existence\n    start_ms: 591980\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592730\n  end_ms: 595500\n  words:\n  - text: 'At '\n    start_ms: 592730\n  - text: 'least '\n    start_ms: 593330\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 593590\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 593670\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 593830\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 594030\n  - text: 'small '\n    start_ms: 594170\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 594490\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 594630\n  - text: 'comfort '\n    start_ms: 594810\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 595190\n  - text: 'knowing '\n    start_ms: 595310\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 595484\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595540\n  end_ms: 600460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Somewhere '\n    start_ms: 595540\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 596295\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 596494\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 596673\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 596772\n  - text: 'crazy '\n    start_ms: 597091\n  - text: 'old '\n    start_ms: 597568\n  - text: mixed-\n    start_ms: 597826\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 598104\n  - text: 'universe '\n    start_ms: 598383\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 598820\n  - text: ours\n    start_ms: 598999\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600460\n  end_ms: 603680\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 600460\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 601160\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 601420\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 601560\n  - text: 'place '\n    start_ms: 601900\n  - text: called\n    start_ms: 603320\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603700\n  end_ms: 608580\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 603700\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608590\n  end_ms: 613100\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 608590\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615580\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 613100\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 614520\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615700\n  end_ms: 618070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 615700\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 617194\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618070\n  end_ms: 620650\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 618070\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 619718\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620650\n  end_ms: 623420\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 620650\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 622310\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623490\n  end_ms: 625160\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 623490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 623950\n  - text: '\"A\" '\n    start_ms: 624310\n  - text: (A)\n    start_ms: 624910\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625190\n  end_ms: 626440\n  words:\n  - text: '\"L\" '\n    start_ms: 625863\n  - text: (L)\n    start_ms: 626171\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626440\n  end_ms: 627700\n  words:\n  - text: '\"B\" '\n    start_ms: 626866\n  - text: (B)\n    start_ms: 627385\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631690\n  words:\n  - text: '\"U\" '\n    start_ms: 628140\n  - text: (U)\n    start_ms: 628660\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631760\n  end_ms: 637230\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Querque!\" '\n    start_ms: 631940\n  - text: (Querque!)\n    start_ms: 633220\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637290\n  end_ms: 639270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637290\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637800\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 638133\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 638309\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642160\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 639270\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640160\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640970\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 641763\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642190\n  end_ms: 644640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 642190\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643017\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643567\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 644282\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644640\n  end_ms: 647400\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 644640\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 645693\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 646120\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 646973\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660360\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 647400\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  I lived in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it\n  All, the phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And says he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\"(L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":33318771,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic","duration":684.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\nYou know the place\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell \nAnd everything was juuuuust\nPEACHY!\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said...\n\"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall\nAnd stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining\nAnd the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy!\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess\nThe number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket\nTo Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nThe plane exploded in a giant fireball \nAnd everybody died!\nExcept for me!\nYou know why?\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase\nAnd my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone\nAnd my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous...\nAlbuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy!\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very very much\nWhen suddenly, there's a knock on the door\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?~\"\nThere's no answer!\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door \nAnd just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite\nWith a Flock of Seagulls haircut\nAnd only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room \nAnd he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'kay!\"\nSo I grabbed his leg \nAnd he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear \nAnd he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix \nAnd he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n\"Please hang up and try again.\"\n\"If you need help, hang up\"\n\"And then dial your operator.\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n\"Please hang up and try again.\"\n\"If you need help, hang up\"\n\"And then dial your operator.\"\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nWell, to cut a long story short\nHe got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there\nThat I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant\nUntil the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws!\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case...\nIn that case, what DO you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this box\nOf one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\nSo he hands me the box \nAnd I open up the lid \nAnd the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face \nAnd start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around \nAnd just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\nAnd hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married \nAnd we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children\nNathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\nYou want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\nSo I did\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nAHH! AHH! AAHHH!\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\nI \nHATE \nSAUERKRAUT!\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain\nAnd isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place...\nCalled Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\"(L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\n*burp*\n","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:08.31] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.72] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:11.30] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:14.03] You know the place\n[00:14.93] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell \n[00:16.95] And everything was juuuuust\n[00:18.90] PEACHY!\n[00:20.06] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.52] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:27.96] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.71] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.69] It was driving me crazy\n[00:34.27] I said to my mom\n[00:34.95] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:38.11] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:39.18] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.76] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:45.24] And she said...\n[00:46.96] \"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\"\n[00:49.46] And then she tied me to the wall\n[00:50.50] And stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.85] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.60] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:56.24] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:58.29] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[01:00.04] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.47] Where the sun is always shining\n[01:03.68] And the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.50] And the towels are oh so fluffy!\n[01:07.47] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:10.20] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\n[01:14.25] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.79] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.98] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.50] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.70] To see who could correctly guess\n[01:23.99] The number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.92] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.42] That's right, a first class one-way ticket\n[01:33.24] To Albuquerque\n[01:38.71] Albuquerque\n[01:42.81] Oh yeah\n[01:44.05] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:46.10] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.83] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.46] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.75] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.74] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.55] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:02.20] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.95] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.76] The plane exploded in a giant fireball \n[02:09.33] And everybody died!\n[02:11.68] Except for me!\n[02:13.00] You know why?\n[02:14.45] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:17.01] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.40] Had my tray table up\n[02:22.13] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.61] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.30] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.50] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.95] Ah ha ha\n[02:33.18] Ahhhh\n[02:35.06] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.71] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.72] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase\n[02:43.87] And my garment bag\n[02:45.15] And my tenor saxophone\n[02:46.47] And my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.79] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.84] But finally I arrived at the world famous...\n[02:54.50] Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.98] Where the towels are oh so fluffy!\n[02:58.13] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:01.20] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:03.12] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.40] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.63] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:07.55] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.99] That I love so very very much\n[03:11.37] When suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:14.20] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:16.03] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.44] No answer\n[03:18.72] \"Who is it?~\"\n[03:19.80] There's no answer!\n[03:21.24] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:22.52] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:24.01] So, finally I go over and I open the door \n[03:26.24] And just as I suspected\n[03:28.36] It's some big fat hermaphrodite\n[03:29.95] With a Flock of Seagulls haircut\n[03:31.40] And only one nostril\n[03:33.41] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.10] So anyway, he bursts into my room \n[03:37.90] And he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.34] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.61] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.35] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.58] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.86] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:48.02] And I'm like, \"'kay!\"\n[03:49.65] So I grabbed his leg \n[03:50.69] And he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.97] And I bit off his ear \n[03:53.46] And he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.70] And I took out his appendix \n[03:55.93] And he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.85] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.99] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.69] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.79] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.82] And you know what it said?\n[04:08.06] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.77] It said\n[04:10.24] \"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n[04:12.43] \"Please hang up and try again.\"\n[04:15.42] \"If you need help, hang up\"\n[04:17.22] \"And then dial your operator.\"\n[04:20.51] \"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n[04:22.69] \"Please hang up and try again.\"\n[04:25.72] \"If you need help, hang up\"\n[04:27.51] \"And then dial your operator.\"\n[04:30.79] In Albuquerque\n[04:36.34] Albuquerque\n[04:40.95] Well, to cut a long story short\n[04:42.46] He got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there\n[04:46.36] That I would not rest\n[04:47.81] I would not sleep for an instant\n[04:49.23] Until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.96] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.97] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.53] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.75] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:04.12] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.68] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\n[05:09.12] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.68] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\n[05:14.46] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.93] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\n[05:20.00] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:22.10] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\n[05:24.67] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:27.23] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\n[05:29.84] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.27] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n[05:35.62] \n[05:44.09] \"NO, we're outta bear claws!\"\n[05:46.41] I said, \"Well, in that case...\n[05:49.04] In that case, what DO you have?\"\n[05:51.57] He says, \"All I got right now is this box\n[05:53.63] Of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:57.01] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:58.76] So he hands me the box \n[06:00.05] And I open up the lid \n[06:01.16] And the weasels jump out\n[06:02.54] And they immediately latch onto my face \n[06:04.36] And start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.69] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.82] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.70] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.36] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.42] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.89] Doh!\n[06:20.44] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.47] Get 'em off me!\n[06:22.06] Oh!\n[06:22.70] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:24.03] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.79] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.89] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.80] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:30.38] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.54] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.77] Wavin' my arms all around \n[06:35.18] And just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.37] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.72] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.87] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.80] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.22] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\n[06:47.92] And hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.71] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n[06:53.35] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:56.14] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:58.31] We were inseparable after that\n[07:00.19] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.18] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.46] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.47] So we got married \n[07:09.56] And we bought us a house\n[07:10.77] And had two beautiful children\n[07:12.32] Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.35] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.49] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.74] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:24.04] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:26.83] \n[07:28.83] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\n[07:31.69] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.08] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.51] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.20] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.79] Albuquerque\n[07:49.92] \n[08:00.38] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.51] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.78] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.93] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.46] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.87] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.36] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.19] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.50] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.18] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.93] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.54] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\n[08:29.22] You want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.88] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.74] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:37.84] So I did\n[08:39.09] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.77] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.75] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.78] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.48] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.80] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.95] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:54.17] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.99] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.50] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.61] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.85] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.69] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.29] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.81] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:13.00] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:14.63] AHH! AHH! AAHHH!\n[09:16.93] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.89] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.97] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.55] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.57] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.99] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.90] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.88] I \n[09:39.13] HATE \n[09:40.41] SAUERKRAUT!\n[09:41.32] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.71] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.81] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:47.29] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.82] And wracked with the pain\n[09:50.16] And isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.90] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.68] Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.64] There's still a little place...\n[10:03.33] Called Albuquerque\n[10:08.89] Albuquerque\n[10:13.41] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.93] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.53] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:21.13] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.78] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.53] \"L\"(L)\n[10:26.85] \"B\" (B)\n[10:28.17] \"U\" (U)\n[10:29.46] \n[10:31.97] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.19] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.75] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.31] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.91] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.74] Albuquerque\n[10:59.94] \n[11:09.24] *burp*\n[11:10.56] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: '\"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  album: The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 684000\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6380\n  end_ms: 8310\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 8310\n  end_ms: 9720\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9720\n  end_ms: 11300\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 11300\n  end_ms: 14030\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 14030\n  end_ms: 14930\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell\n  start_ms: 14930\n  end_ms: 16950\n- text: And everything was juuuuust\n  start_ms: 16950\n  end_ms: 18900\n- text: PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 18900\n  end_ms: 20060\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 20060\n  end_ms: 23520\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23520\n  end_ms: 27960\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27960\n  end_ms: 31710\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31710\n  end_ms: 32690\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32690\n  end_ms: 34270\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 34270\n  end_ms: 34950\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34950\n  end_ms: 38110\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 38110\n  end_ms: 39180\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 39180\n  end_ms: 42760\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42760\n  end_ms: 45240\n- text: And she said...\n  start_ms: 45240\n  end_ms: 46960\n- text: '\"IT''S GOOD FOR YOU!\"'\n  start_ms: 46960\n  end_ms: 49460\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall\n  start_ms: 49460\n  end_ms: 50500\n- text: And stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 50500\n  end_ms: 51850\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51850\n  end_ms: 53600\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53600\n  end_ms: 56240\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 56240\n  end_ms: 58290\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58290\n  end_ms: 60040\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 60040\n  end_ms: 62470\n- text: Where the sun is always shining\n  start_ms: 62470\n  end_ms: 63680\n- text: And the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 63680\n  end_ms: 65500\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy!\n  start_ms: 65500\n  end_ms: 67470\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67470\n  end_ms: 70200\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\n  start_ms: 70200\n  end_ms: 74250\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74250\n  end_ms: 75790\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75790\n  end_ms: 76980\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76980\n  end_ms: 79500\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79500\n  end_ms: 82700\n- text: To see who could correctly guess\n  start_ms: 82700\n  end_ms: 83990\n- text: The number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83990\n  end_ms: 86920\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86920\n  end_ms: 90420\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket\n  start_ms: 90420\n  end_ms: 93240\n- text: To Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 93240\n  end_ms: 98710\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 98710\n  end_ms: 102810\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 102810\n  end_ms: 104050\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 104050\n  end_ms: 106100\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 106100\n  end_ms: 108830\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108830\n  end_ms: 110460\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110460\n  end_ms: 113750\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113750\n  end_ms: 116740\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116740\n  end_ms: 119550\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119550\n  end_ms: 122200\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 122200\n  end_ms: 123950\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123950\n  end_ms: 126760\n- text: The plane exploded in a giant fireball\n  start_ms: 126760\n  end_ms: 129330\n- text: And everybody died!\n  start_ms: 129330\n  end_ms: 131680\n- text: Except for me!\n  start_ms: 131680\n  end_ms: 133000\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 133000\n  end_ms: 134450\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134450\n  end_ms: 137010\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 137010\n  end_ms: 139400\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139400\n  end_ms: 142130\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 142130\n  end_ms: 144610\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144610\n  end_ms: 147300\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147300\n  end_ms: 150500\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150500\n  end_ms: 151950\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151950\n  end_ms: 153180\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 153180\n  end_ms: 155060\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 155060\n  end_ms: 157710\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157710\n  end_ms: 161720\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase\n  start_ms: 161720\n  end_ms: 163870\n- text: And my garment bag\n  start_ms: 163870\n  end_ms: 165150\n- text: And my tenor saxophone\n  start_ms: 165150\n  end_ms: 166470\n- text: And my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 166470\n  end_ms: 167790\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167790\n  end_ms: 171840\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous...\n  start_ms: 171840\n  end_ms: 174500\n- text: Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 174500\n  end_ms: 175980\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy!\n  start_ms: 175980\n  end_ms: 178130\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 178130\n  end_ms: 181200\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 181200\n  end_ms: 183120\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 183120\n  end_ms: 184400\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184400\n  end_ms: 185630\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185630\n  end_ms: 187550\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187550\n  end_ms: 189990\n- text: That I love so very very much\n  start_ms: 189990\n  end_ms: 191370\n- text: When suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 191370\n  end_ms: 194200\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 194200\n  end_ms: 196030\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 196030\n  end_ms: 197440\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197440\n  end_ms: 198720\n- text: '\"Who is it?~\"'\n  start_ms: 198720\n  end_ms: 199800\n- text: There's no answer!\n  start_ms: 199800\n  end_ms: 201240\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 201240\n  end_ms: 202520\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202520\n  end_ms: 204010\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door\n  start_ms: 204010\n  end_ms: 206240\n- text: And just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 206240\n  end_ms: 208360\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite\n  start_ms: 208360\n  end_ms: 209950\n- text: With a Flock of Seagulls haircut\n  start_ms: 209950\n  end_ms: 211400\n- text: And only one nostril\n  start_ms: 211400\n  end_ms: 213410\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213410\n  end_ms: 216100\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room\n  start_ms: 216100\n  end_ms: 217900\n- text: And he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 217900\n  end_ms: 219340\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219340\n  end_ms: 221610\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221610\n  end_ms: 224350\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 224350\n  end_ms: 225580\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225580\n  end_ms: 226860\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226860\n  end_ms: 228020\n- text: And I'm like, \"'kay!\"\n  start_ms: 228020\n  end_ms: 229650\n- text: So I grabbed his leg\n  start_ms: 229650\n  end_ms: 230690\n- text: And he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 230690\n  end_ms: 231970\n- text: And I bit off his ear\n  start_ms: 231970\n  end_ms: 233460\n- text: And he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 233460\n  end_ms: 234700\n- text: And I took out his appendix\n  start_ms: 234700\n  end_ms: 235930\n- text: And he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 235930\n  end_ms: 237850\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237850\n  end_ms: 239990\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239990\n  end_ms: 241690\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241690\n  end_ms: 243790\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243790\n  end_ms: 246820\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246820\n  end_ms: 248060\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 248060\n  end_ms: 249770\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249770\n  end_ms: 250240\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call,\"\"'\n  start_ms: 250240\n  end_ms: 252430\n- text: '\"Please hang up and try again.\"'\n  start_ms: 252430\n  end_ms: 255420\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up\"'\n  start_ms: 255420\n  end_ms: 257220\n- text: '\"And then dial your operator.\"'\n  start_ms: 257220\n  end_ms: 260510\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call,\"\"'\n  start_ms: 260510\n  end_ms: 262690\n- text: '\"Please hang up and try again.\"'\n  start_ms: 262690\n  end_ms: 265720\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up\"'\n  start_ms: 265720\n  end_ms: 267510\n- text: '\"And then dial your operator.\"'\n  start_ms: 267510\n  end_ms: 270790\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270790\n  end_ms: 276340\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 276340\n  end_ms: 280950\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short\n  start_ms: 280950\n  end_ms: 282460\n- text: He got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 282460\n  end_ms: 284260\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there\n  start_ms: 284260\n  end_ms: 286360\n- text: That I would not rest\n  start_ms: 286360\n  end_ms: 287810\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant\n  start_ms: 287810\n  end_ms: 289230\n- text: Until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289230\n  end_ms: 291960\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291960\n  end_ms: 293970\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293970\n  end_ms: 296530\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296530\n  end_ms: 298750\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298750\n  end_ms: 304120\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 304120\n  end_ms: 306680\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 306680\n  end_ms: 309120\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 309120\n  end_ms: 311680\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 311680\n  end_ms: 314460\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314460\n  end_ms: 316930\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 316930\n  end_ms: 320000\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320000\n  end_ms: 322100\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\n  start_ms: 322100\n  end_ms: 324670\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324670\n  end_ms: 327230\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\n  start_ms: 327230\n  end_ms: 329840\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329840\n  end_ms: 332270\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n  start_ms: 332270\n  end_ms: 335620\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 335620\n  end_ms: 344090\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws!\"'\n  start_ms: 344090\n  end_ms: 346410\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case...\n  start_ms: 346410\n  end_ms: 349040\n- text: In that case, what DO you have?\"\n  start_ms: 349040\n  end_ms: 351570\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this box\n  start_ms: 351570\n  end_ms: 353630\n- text: Of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353630\n  end_ms: 357010\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 357010\n  end_ms: 358760\n- text: So he hands me the box\n  start_ms: 358760\n  end_ms: 360050\n- text: And I open up the lid\n  start_ms: 360050\n  end_ms: 361160\n- text: And the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 361160\n  end_ms: 362540\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face\n  start_ms: 362540\n  end_ms: 364360\n- text: And start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 364360\n  end_ms: 367690\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367690\n  end_ms: 369820\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369820\n  end_ms: 371700\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371700\n  end_ms: 373360\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373360\n  end_ms: 376420\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376420\n  end_ms: 379890\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379890\n  end_ms: 380440\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380440\n  end_ms: 381470\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381470\n  end_ms: 382060\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 382060\n  end_ms: 382700\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382700\n  end_ms: 384030\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 384030\n  end_ms: 385790\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385790\n  end_ms: 386890\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386890\n  end_ms: 387800\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387800\n  end_ms: 390380\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 390380\n  end_ms: 391540\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391540\n  end_ms: 393770\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around\n  start_ms: 393770\n  end_ms: 395180\n- text: And just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 395180\n  end_ms: 396370\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396370\n  end_ms: 398720\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398720\n  end_ms: 399870\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399870\n  end_ms: 403800\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403800\n  end_ms: 405220\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\n  start_ms: 405220\n  end_ms: 407920\n- text: And hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407920\n  end_ms: 410710\n- text: I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410710\n  end_ms: 413350\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 413350\n  end_ms: 416140\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416140\n  end_ms: 418310\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 418310\n  end_ms: 420190\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 420190\n  end_ms: 423180\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423180\n  end_ms: 426460\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426460\n  end_ms: 428470\n- text: So we got married\n  start_ms: 428470\n  end_ms: 429560\n- text: And we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 429560\n  end_ms: 430770\n- text: And had two beautiful children\n  start_ms: 430770\n  end_ms: 432320\n- text: Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 432320\n  end_ms: 434350\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434350\n  end_ms: 438490\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438490\n  end_ms: 441740\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441740\n  end_ms: 444040\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 444040\n  end_ms: 446830\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 446830\n  end_ms: 448830\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\n  start_ms: 448830\n  end_ms: 451690\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451690\n  end_ms: 454080\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454080\n  end_ms: 456510\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456510\n  end_ms: 459200\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459200\n  end_ms: 464790\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464790\n  end_ms: 469920\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469920\n  end_ms: 480380\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480380\n  end_ms: 482510\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482510\n  end_ms: 486780\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486780\n  end_ms: 489930\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489930\n  end_ms: 491460\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491460\n  end_ms: 493870\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493870\n  end_ms: 496360\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496360\n  end_ms: 498190\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498190\n  end_ms: 500500\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500500\n  end_ms: 503180\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503180\n  end_ms: 504930\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504930\n  end_ms: 507540\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\n  start_ms: 507540\n  end_ms: 509220\n- text: You want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 509220\n  end_ms: 510880\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510880\n  end_ms: 513740\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 513740\n  end_ms: 517840\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517840\n  end_ms: 519090\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 519090\n  end_ms: 520770\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520770\n  end_ms: 523750\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523750\n  end_ms: 524780\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524780\n  end_ms: 526480\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526480\n  end_ms: 528800\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528800\n  end_ms: 531950\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531950\n  end_ms: 534170\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 534170\n  end_ms: 536990\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538500\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538500\n  end_ms: 541610\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541610\n  end_ms: 542850\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542850\n  end_ms: 546690\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546690\n  end_ms: 549290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549290\n  end_ms: 551810\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551810\n  end_ms: 553000\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 553000\n  end_ms: 554630\n- text: AHH! AHH! AAHHH!\n  start_ms: 554630\n  end_ms: 556930\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556930\n  end_ms: 559890\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559890\n  end_ms: 562970\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562970\n  end_ms: 568550\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568550\n  end_ms: 570570\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570570\n  end_ms: 571990\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571990\n  end_ms: 574900\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574900\n  end_ms: 577880\n- text: I\n  start_ms: 577880\n  end_ms: 579130\n- text: HATE\n  start_ms: 579130\n  end_ms: 580410\n- text: SAUERKRAUT!\n  start_ms: 580410\n  end_ms: 581320\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581320\n  end_ms: 582710\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582710\n  end_ms: 584810\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584810\n  end_ms: 587290\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587290\n  end_ms: 588820\n- text: And wracked with the pain\n  start_ms: 588820\n  end_ms: 590160\n- text: And isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 590160\n  end_ms: 592900\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592900\n  end_ms: 595680\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595680\n  end_ms: 600640\n- text: There's still a little place...\n  start_ms: 600640\n  end_ms: 603330\n- text: Called Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603330\n  end_ms: 608890\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608890\n  end_ms: 613410\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613410\n  end_ms: 615930\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615930\n  end_ms: 618530\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618530\n  end_ms: 621130\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 621130\n  end_ms: 623780\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623780\n  end_ms: 625530\n- text: '\"L\"(L)'\n  start_ms: 625530\n  end_ms: 626850\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626850\n  end_ms: 628170\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 628170\n  end_ms: 629460\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 629460\n  end_ms: 631970\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631970\n  end_ms: 637190\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637190\n  end_ms: 639750\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639750\n  end_ms: 642310\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642310\n  end_ms: 644910\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644910\n  end_ms: 647740\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647740\n  end_ms: 659940\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 659940\n  end_ms: 669240\n- text: '*burp*'\n  start_ms: 669240\n  end_ms: 670560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 670560\nplain: \"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\\nThe corner of the basement of the house\\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\\nYou know the place\\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell \\nAnd everything was juuuuust\\nPEACHY!\\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\\nEvery single mornin'!\\nIt was driving me crazy\\nI said to my mom\\nI said, \\\"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\\\"\\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\\nAnd she said...\\n\\\"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\\\"\\nAnd then she tied me to the wall\\nAnd stuck a funnel in my mouth\\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\\nThat's when I swore that someday\\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\\nWhere the sun is always shining\\nAnd the air smells like warm root beer\\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy!\\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\\nWell, let me tell you, people\\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\\nTo see who could correctly guess\\nThe number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket\\nTo Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nOh yeah\\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\\nThe plane exploded in a giant fireball \\nAnd everybody died!\\nExcept for me!\\nYou know why?\\n'Cause I had my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nHad my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nHad my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nAh ha ha ha\\nAh ha ha\\nAhhhh\\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase\\nAnd my garment bag\\nAnd my tenor saxophone\\nAnd my twelve-pound bowling ball\\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous...\\nAlbuquerque Holiday Inn\\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy!\\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\\nIt's okay, they're clean!\\nWell, I checked into my room\\nAnd I turned down the AC\\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\\nThat I love so very very much\\nWhen suddenly, there's a knock on the door\\nWell now, who could that be?\\nI say, \\\"Who is it?\\\"\\nNo answer\\n\\\"Who is it?~\\\"\\nThere's no answer!\\n\\\"WHO IS IT?\\\"\\nThey're not sayin' anything\\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door \\nAnd just as I suspected\\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite\\nWith a Flock of Seagulls haircut\\nAnd only one nostril\\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room \\nAnd he grabs my lucky snorkel\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Hey, you can't have that!\\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\\\"\\nAnd he's like, \\\"Tough.\\\"\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Give it!\\\"\\nAnd he's like, \\\"Make me.\\\"\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"'kay!\\\"\\nSo I grabbed his leg \\nAnd he grabbed my esophagus\\nAnd I bit off his ear \\nAnd he chewed off my eyebrows\\nAnd I took out his appendix \\nAnd he gave me a colonic irrigation\\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\\nAnd you know what it said?\\nI'll tell you what it said\\nIt said\\n\\\"If you'd like to make a call,\\\"\\\"\\n\\\"Please hang up and try again.\\\"\\n\\\"If you need help, hang up\\\"\\n\\\"And then dial your operator.\\\"\\n\\\"If you'd like to make a call,\\\"\\\"\\n\\\"Please hang up and try again.\\\"\\n\\\"If you need help, hang up\\\"\\n\\\"And then dial your operator.\\\"\\nIn Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nWell, to cut a long story short\\nHe got away with my snorkel\\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there\\nThat I would not rest\\nI would not sleep for an instant\\nUntil the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\\nAnd he says, \\\"Yeah, what do ya want?\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any glazed donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any cinnamon rolls?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any apple fritters?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta apple fritters!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any bear claws?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\\\"\\n\\n\\\"NO, we're outta bear claws!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Well, in that case...\\nIn that case, what DO you have?\\\"\\nHe says, \\\"All I got right now is this box\\nOf one dozen starving, crazed weasels\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Okay, I'll take that.\\\"\\nSo he hands me the box \\nAnd I open up the lid \\nAnd the weasels jump out\\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face \\nAnd start bitin' me all over\\nOh man, they were just going nuts\\nThey were tearin' me apart\\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\\nI believe it went a little something like this\\nDoh!\\nGet 'em off me!\\nGet 'em off me!\\nOh!\\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\\nOh, oh God, oh God!\\nOh, get 'em off me!\\nOh, oh God!\\nAh, AH AH!\\nI ran out into the street with these\\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\\nWavin' my arms all around \\nAnd just runnin', runnin', runnin'\\nLike a constipated wiener dog\\nAnd as luck would have it\\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\\nHer name was Zelda\\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\\nAnd hair the color of strained peaches\\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\\nShe said, \\\"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\\\"\\nThat's when I knew it was true love\\nWe were inseparable after that\\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\\nThe world was our burrito\\nSo we got married \\nAnd we bought us a house\\nAnd had two beautiful children\\nNathaniel and Superfly\\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\\nShe said, \\\"Sweetie pumpkin?\\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\\\"\\n\\nI said, \\\"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\\\"\\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\\nBut that's just the way things go\\nIn Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\n\\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\\nI even made employee of the month after\\nI put out that grease fire with my face\\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \\\"Hey\\nYou want me to help you with that?\\\"\\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\\n\\\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\\\"\\nSo I did\\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\\nHe's like, \\\"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\\\"\\nWell, that's just great\\nHow was I supposed to know that?\\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \\\"Torso-Boy\\\"!\\nSo what's he complaining about?\\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\\nWell, I knew what he meant\\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\\\"\\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\\nAHH! AHH! AAHHH!\\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\\nKinda lost my train of thought\\nUh, well, uh, okay\\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\\nI \\nHATE \\nSAUERKRAUT!\\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\\nAnd wracked with the pain\\nAnd isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\\nSomewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\\nThere's still a little place...\\nCalled Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nI said, \\\"A\\\" (A)\\n\\\"L\\\"(L)\\n\\\"B\\\" (B)\\n\\\"U\\\" (U)\\n\\n\\\"QUERQUE!\\\" (Querque!)\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\n\\n*burp*\\n\"\n"},{"id":22893344,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential Weird Al Yankovic","duration":684.48,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.13] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.10] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.82] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.23] You know the place\n[00:14.28] Well, anyway\n[00:14.97] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.45] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.09] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.83] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.17] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.56] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.75] I said to my mom\n[00:33.75] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.45] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.64] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.00] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.36] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.87] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.41] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.98] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.65] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.51] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.93] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.61] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.77] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.69] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.29] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.59] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.82] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.33] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.48] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.35] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.34] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.90] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.39] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.82] Albuquerque\n[01:37.88] Albuquerque\n[01:41.75] Oh yeah\n[01:43.42] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.31] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.22] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.99] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.75] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.04] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.21] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.25] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.80] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.78] Except for me\n[02:12.26] You know why?\n[02:13.88] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.08] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.95] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.56] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.51] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.35] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.75] Ahhhh\n[02:34.33] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.18] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.95] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.49] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.42] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.35] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.13] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.63] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.08] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.36] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.37] That I love so very\n[03:10.52] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.61] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.64] No answer\n[03:18.06] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.73] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.61] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.67] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.52] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.93] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.83] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.98] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.85] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.29] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.59] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.17] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.48] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.08] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.30] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.43] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.28] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.96] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.16] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.81] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.04] It said\n[04:09.92] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.67] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.11] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.25] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.58] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.09] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.01] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.18] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.57] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.29] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.21] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.23] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.29] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.26] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.62] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.13] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.15] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.60] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.31] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.64] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.00] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.04] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.42] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.77] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.31] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.83] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.22] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.73] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.91] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.64] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.18] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.90] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.68] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.08] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.75] Doh!\n[06:19.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.79] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.84] Oh!\n[06:22.41] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.89] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.45] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.32] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.32] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.38] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.44] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.04] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.54] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.59] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.85] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:52.41] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.43] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.56] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.55] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.75] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.96] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.10] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.29] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.06] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.98] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.27] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.22] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.57] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.96] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.44] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.86] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.51] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.76] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.48] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.76] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.25] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.13] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.14] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.70] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.68] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.44] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.49] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.63] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.18] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.91] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.76] So I did\n[08:38.35] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.36] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.62] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.55] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.14] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.13] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.54] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.51] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.01] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.63] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.94] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.19] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.55] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.10] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.73] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.15] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.26] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.90] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.78] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.20] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:40.57] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.24] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.39] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.59] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.11] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.76] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.09] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.49] Albuquerque\n[10:08.14] Albuquerque\n[10:12.90] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.81] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.99] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.71] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.10] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.01] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.92] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.12] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.53] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.96] Albuquerque\n[11:01.60] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: The Essential Weird Al Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 684480\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 5380\n  end_ms: 7130\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 7130\n  end_ms: 9100\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9100\n  end_ms: 10820\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  start_ms: 10820\n  end_ms: 13230\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 13230\n  end_ms: 14280\n- text: Well, anyway\n  start_ms: 14280\n  end_ms: 14970\n- text: Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 14970\n  end_ms: 19450\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19450\n  end_ms: 23090\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23090\n  end_ms: 26830\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 26830\n  end_ms: 31170\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31170\n  end_ms: 32560\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32560\n  end_ms: 33750\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33750\n  end_ms: 33750\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 33750\n  end_ms: 37450\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37450\n  end_ms: 38640\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38640\n  end_ms: 42000\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42000\n  end_ms: 44360\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44360\n  end_ms: 48870\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 48870\n  end_ms: 51410\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51410\n  end_ms: 52980\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 52980\n  end_ms: 55650\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55650\n  end_ms: 57510\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 57510\n  end_ms: 58930\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 58930\n  end_ms: 61610\n- text: Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 61610\n  end_ms: 64770\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 64770\n  end_ms: 66690\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 66690\n  end_ms: 69290\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 69290\n  end_ms: 73590\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 73590\n  end_ms: 74820\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 74820\n  end_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76330\n  end_ms: 78480\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 78480\n  end_ms: 81350\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 81350\n  end_ms: 83340\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83340\n  end_ms: 85900\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 85900\n  end_ms: 89390\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 89390\n  end_ms: 92820\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 92820\n  end_ms: 97880\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 97880\n  end_ms: 101750\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 101750\n  end_ms: 103420\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103420\n  end_ms: 105310\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105310\n  end_ms: 108220\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108220\n  end_ms: 109990\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 109990\n  end_ms: 113170\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113170\n  end_ms: 115750\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 115750\n  end_ms: 119040\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119040\n  end_ms: 121210\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121210\n  end_ms: 123250\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123250\n  end_ms: 125800\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 125800\n  end_ms: 130780\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 130780\n  end_ms: 132260\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132260\n  end_ms: 133880\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 133880\n  end_ms: 136450\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136450\n  end_ms: 139080\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139080\n  end_ms: 141320\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141320\n  end_ms: 143950\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 143950\n  end_ms: 146560\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 146560\n  end_ms: 149510\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 149510\n  end_ms: 151350\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151350\n  end_ms: 152750\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 152750\n  end_ms: 154330\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154330\n  end_ms: 157180\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157180\n  end_ms: 160950\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 160950\n  end_ms: 164490\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 164490\n  end_ms: 167420\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167420\n  end_ms: 170440\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 170440\n  end_ms: 175580\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175580\n  end_ms: 177350\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177350\n  end_ms: 180130\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180130\n  end_ms: 182630\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 182630\n  end_ms: 184080\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184080\n  end_ms: 185360\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185360\n  end_ms: 186650\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 186650\n  end_ms: 189370\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189370\n  end_ms: 190520\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190520\n  end_ms: 193610\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193610\n  end_ms: 195010\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195010\n  end_ms: 196640\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 196640\n  end_ms: 198060\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198060\n  end_ms: 199120\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199120\n  end_ms: 200720\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 200720\n  end_ms: 201730\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 201730\n  end_ms: 203610\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203610\n  end_ms: 207670\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 207670\n  end_ms: 212520\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 212520\n  end_ms: 215930\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 215930\n  end_ms: 218830\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 218830\n  end_ms: 220980\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 220980\n  end_ms: 223850\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 223850\n  end_ms: 225290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225290\n  end_ms: 226140\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226140\n  end_ms: 227590\n- text: And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  start_ms: 227590\n  end_ms: 229170\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  start_ms: 229170\n  end_ms: 231480\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231480\n  end_ms: 234080\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234080\n  end_ms: 237300\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237300\n  end_ms: 239430\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239430\n  end_ms: 241280\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241280\n  end_ms: 242960\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 242960\n  end_ms: 246160\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246160\n  end_ms: 247810\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247810\n  end_ms: 249040\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249040\n  end_ms: 249920\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 249920\n  end_ms: 254670\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 254670\n  end_ms: 260110\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 260110\n  end_ms: 265250\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265250\n  end_ms: 270580\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270580\n  end_ms: 275840\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275840\n  end_ms: 280090\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280090\n  end_ms: 283260\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 283260\n  end_ms: 287160\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287160\n  end_ms: 289010\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289010\n  end_ms: 291180\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291180\n  end_ms: 293570\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293570\n  end_ms: 296290\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296290\n  end_ms: 298210\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298210\n  end_ms: 303300\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303300\n  end_ms: 306230\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 306230\n  end_ms: 308290\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308290\n  end_ms: 311260\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 311260\n  end_ms: 313620\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 313620\n  end_ms: 316130\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 316130\n  end_ms: 319150\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 319150\n  end_ms: 321600\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  start_ms: 321600\n  end_ms: 324310\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324310\n  end_ms: 326640\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  start_ms: 326640\n  end_ms: 329000\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329000\n  end_ms: 332040\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332040\n  end_ms: 334960\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 334960\n  end_ms: 343420\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws.\"'\n  start_ms: 343420\n  end_ms: 345770\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 345770\n  end_ms: 350310\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 350310\n  end_ms: 352830\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 352830\n  end_ms: 356220\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 356220\n  end_ms: 357730\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 357730\n  end_ms: 361910\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 361910\n  end_ms: 367640\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367640\n  end_ms: 369180\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369180\n  end_ms: 370900\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 370900\n  end_ms: 372680\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 372680\n  end_ms: 376080\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376080\n  end_ms: 378750\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 378750\n  end_ms: 379740\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 379740\n  end_ms: 380790\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380790\n  end_ms: 381840\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381840\n  end_ms: 382410\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382410\n  end_ms: 383890\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383890\n  end_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385450\n  end_ms: 386320\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386320\n  end_ms: 387320\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387320\n  end_ms: 389640\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 389640\n  end_ms: 391380\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391380\n  end_ms: 393440\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393440\n  end_ms: 396080\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398040\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398040\n  end_ms: 399540\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399540\n  end_ms: 402590\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 402590\n  end_ms: 404590\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 404590\n  end_ms: 406850\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 406850\n  end_ms: 410240\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410240\n  end_ms: 412410\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 412410\n  end_ms: 415430\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 415430\n  end_ms: 417560\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417560\n  end_ms: 419550\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419550\n  end_ms: 422750\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 422750\n  end_ms: 425500\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 425500\n  end_ms: 427960\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 427960\n  end_ms: 430100\n- text: And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430100\n  end_ms: 433290\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 433290\n  end_ms: 438060\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438060\n  end_ms: 440980\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 440980\n  end_ms: 443270\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443270\n  end_ms: 448120\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448120\n  end_ms: 451220\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451220\n  end_ms: 453570\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 453570\n  end_ms: 455960\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 455960\n  end_ms: 458440\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 458440\n  end_ms: 463860\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 463860\n  end_ms: 469560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469560\n  end_ms: 479510\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 479510\n  end_ms: 481760\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 481760\n  end_ms: 486480\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486480\n  end_ms: 489760\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489760\n  end_ms: 491250\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491250\n  end_ms: 493130\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493130\n  end_ms: 496140\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496140\n  end_ms: 497700\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 497700\n  end_ms: 499680\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 499680\n  end_ms: 502440\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 502440\n  end_ms: 504490\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504490\n  end_ms: 506630\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 506630\n  end_ms: 510180\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510180\n  end_ms: 512910\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 512910\n  end_ms: 516760\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 516760\n  end_ms: 518350\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518350\n  end_ms: 520360\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520360\n  end_ms: 522620\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 522620\n  end_ms: 524550\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524550\n  end_ms: 526140\n- text: I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526140\n  end_ms: 528130\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528130\n  end_ms: 531540\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531540\n  end_ms: 533810\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533810\n  end_ms: 536510\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536510\n  end_ms: 538010\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538010\n  end_ms: 540630\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 540630\n  end_ms: 541940\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 541940\n  end_ms: 546190\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546190\n  end_ms: 548380\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 548380\n  end_ms: 551180\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551180\n  end_ms: 552550\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 552550\n  end_ms: 556100\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556100\n  end_ms: 558730\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 558730\n  end_ms: 562150\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562150\n  end_ms: 567260\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 567260\n  end_ms: 569900\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 569900\n  end_ms: 571780\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571780\n  end_ms: 574200\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574200\n  end_ms: 576790\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 576790\n  end_ms: 580570\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 580570\n  end_ms: 582240\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582240\n  end_ms: 584390\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584390\n  end_ms: 586590\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 586590\n  end_ms: 588530\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588530\n  end_ms: 590110\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 590110\n  end_ms: 592760\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592760\n  end_ms: 595090\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595090\n  end_ms: 600070\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600070\n  end_ms: 603490\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603490\n  end_ms: 608140\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608140\n  end_ms: 612900\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 612900\n  end_ms: 615810\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 615810\n  end_ms: 617990\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 617990\n  end_ms: 620710\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 620710\n  end_ms: 623520\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623520\n  end_ms: 625100\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625100\n  end_ms: 626630\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626630\n  end_ms: 627750\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627750\n  end_ms: 631010\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631010\n  end_ms: 636920\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 636920\n  end_ms: 639120\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639120\n  end_ms: 641960\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 641960\n  end_ms: 644530\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644530\n  end_ms: 646960\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 646960\n  end_ms: 661600\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 661600\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":27165004,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic","duration":835.168812,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.13] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.10] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.82] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.23] You know the place\n[00:14.28] Well, anyway\n[00:14.97] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.45] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.09] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.83] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.17] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.56] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.75] I said to my mom\n[00:33.75] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.45] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.64] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.00] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.36] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.87] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.41] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.98] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.65] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.51] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.93] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.61] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.77] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.69] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.29] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.59] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.82] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.33] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.48] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.35] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.34] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.90] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.39] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.82] Albuquerque\n[01:37.88] Albuquerque\n[01:41.75] Oh yeah\n[01:43.42] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.31] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.22] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.99] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.75] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.04] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.21] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.25] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.80] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.78] Except for me\n[02:12.26] You know why?\n[02:13.88] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.08] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.95] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.56] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.51] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.35] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.75] Ahhhh\n[02:34.33] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.18] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.95] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.49] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.42] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.35] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.13] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.63] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.08] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.36] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.37] That I love so very\n[03:10.52] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.61] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.64] No answer\n[03:18.06] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.73] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.61] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.67] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.52] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.93] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.83] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.98] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.85] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.29] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.59] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.17] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.48] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.08] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.30] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.43] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.28] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.96] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.16] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.81] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.04] It said\n[04:09.92] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.67] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.11] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.25] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.58] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.09] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.01] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.18] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.57] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.29] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.21] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.23] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.29] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.26] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.62] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.13] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.15] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.60] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.31] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.64] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.00] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.04] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.42] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.77] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.31] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.83] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.22] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.73] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.91] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.64] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.18] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.90] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.68] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.08] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.75] Doh!\n[06:19.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.79] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.84] Oh!\n[06:22.41] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.89] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.45] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.32] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.32] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.38] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.44] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.04] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.54] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.59] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.85] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:52.41] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.43] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.56] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.55] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.75] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.96] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.10] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.29] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.06] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.98] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.27] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.22] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.57] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.96] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.44] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.86] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.51] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.76] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.48] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.76] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.25] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.13] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.14] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.70] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.68] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.44] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.49] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.63] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.18] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.91] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.76] So I did\n[08:38.35] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.36] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.62] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.55] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.14] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.13] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.54] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.51] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.01] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.63] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.94] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.19] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.55] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.10] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.73] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.15] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.26] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.90] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.78] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.20] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:40.57] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.24] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.39] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.59] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.11] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.76] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.09] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.49] Albuquerque\n[10:08.14] Albuquerque\n[10:12.90] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.81] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.99] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.71] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.10] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.01] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.92] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.12] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.53] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.96] Albuquerque\n[11:01.60] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 835169\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 5380\n  end_ms: 7130\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 7130\n  end_ms: 9100\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9100\n  end_ms: 10820\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  start_ms: 10820\n  end_ms: 13230\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 13230\n  end_ms: 14280\n- text: Well, anyway\n  start_ms: 14280\n  end_ms: 14970\n- text: Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 14970\n  end_ms: 19450\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19450\n  end_ms: 23090\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23090\n  end_ms: 26830\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 26830\n  end_ms: 31170\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31170\n  end_ms: 32560\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32560\n  end_ms: 33750\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33750\n  end_ms: 33750\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 33750\n  end_ms: 37450\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37450\n  end_ms: 38640\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38640\n  end_ms: 42000\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42000\n  end_ms: 44360\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44360\n  end_ms: 48870\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 48870\n  end_ms: 51410\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51410\n  end_ms: 52980\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 52980\n  end_ms: 55650\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55650\n  end_ms: 57510\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 57510\n  end_ms: 58930\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 58930\n  end_ms: 61610\n- text: Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 61610\n  end_ms: 64770\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 64770\n  end_ms: 66690\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 66690\n  end_ms: 69290\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 69290\n  end_ms: 73590\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 73590\n  end_ms: 74820\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 74820\n  end_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76330\n  end_ms: 78480\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 78480\n  end_ms: 81350\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 81350\n  end_ms: 83340\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83340\n  end_ms: 85900\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 85900\n  end_ms: 89390\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 89390\n  end_ms: 92820\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 92820\n  end_ms: 97880\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 97880\n  end_ms: 101750\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 101750\n  end_ms: 103420\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103420\n  end_ms: 105310\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105310\n  end_ms: 108220\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108220\n  end_ms: 109990\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 109990\n  end_ms: 113170\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113170\n  end_ms: 115750\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 115750\n  end_ms: 119040\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119040\n  end_ms: 121210\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121210\n  end_ms: 123250\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123250\n  end_ms: 125800\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 125800\n  end_ms: 130780\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 130780\n  end_ms: 132260\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132260\n  end_ms: 133880\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 133880\n  end_ms: 136450\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136450\n  end_ms: 139080\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139080\n  end_ms: 141320\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141320\n  end_ms: 143950\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 143950\n  end_ms: 146560\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 146560\n  end_ms: 149510\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 149510\n  end_ms: 151350\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151350\n  end_ms: 152750\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 152750\n  end_ms: 154330\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154330\n  end_ms: 157180\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157180\n  end_ms: 160950\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 160950\n  end_ms: 164490\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 164490\n  end_ms: 167420\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167420\n  end_ms: 170440\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 170440\n  end_ms: 175580\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175580\n  end_ms: 177350\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177350\n  end_ms: 180130\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180130\n  end_ms: 182630\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 182630\n  end_ms: 184080\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184080\n  end_ms: 185360\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185360\n  end_ms: 186650\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 186650\n  end_ms: 189370\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189370\n  end_ms: 190520\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190520\n  end_ms: 193610\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193610\n  end_ms: 195010\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195010\n  end_ms: 196640\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 196640\n  end_ms: 198060\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198060\n  end_ms: 199120\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199120\n  end_ms: 200720\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 200720\n  end_ms: 201730\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 201730\n  end_ms: 203610\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203610\n  end_ms: 207670\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 207670\n  end_ms: 212520\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 212520\n  end_ms: 215930\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 215930\n  end_ms: 218830\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 218830\n  end_ms: 220980\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 220980\n  end_ms: 223850\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 223850\n  end_ms: 225290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225290\n  end_ms: 226140\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226140\n  end_ms: 227590\n- text: And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  start_ms: 227590\n  end_ms: 229170\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  start_ms: 229170\n  end_ms: 231480\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231480\n  end_ms: 234080\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234080\n  end_ms: 237300\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237300\n  end_ms: 239430\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239430\n  end_ms: 241280\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241280\n  end_ms: 242960\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 242960\n  end_ms: 246160\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246160\n  end_ms: 247810\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247810\n  end_ms: 249040\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249040\n  end_ms: 249920\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 249920\n  end_ms: 254670\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 254670\n  end_ms: 260110\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 260110\n  end_ms: 265250\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265250\n  end_ms: 270580\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270580\n  end_ms: 275840\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275840\n  end_ms: 280090\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280090\n  end_ms: 283260\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 283260\n  end_ms: 287160\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287160\n  end_ms: 289010\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289010\n  end_ms: 291180\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291180\n  end_ms: 293570\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293570\n  end_ms: 296290\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296290\n  end_ms: 298210\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298210\n  end_ms: 303300\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303300\n  end_ms: 306230\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 306230\n  end_ms: 308290\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308290\n  end_ms: 311260\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 311260\n  end_ms: 313620\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 313620\n  end_ms: 316130\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 316130\n  end_ms: 319150\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 319150\n  end_ms: 321600\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  start_ms: 321600\n  end_ms: 324310\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324310\n  end_ms: 326640\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  start_ms: 326640\n  end_ms: 329000\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329000\n  end_ms: 332040\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332040\n  end_ms: 334960\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 334960\n  end_ms: 343420\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws.\"'\n  start_ms: 343420\n  end_ms: 345770\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 345770\n  end_ms: 350310\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 350310\n  end_ms: 352830\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 352830\n  end_ms: 356220\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 356220\n  end_ms: 357730\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 357730\n  end_ms: 361910\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 361910\n  end_ms: 367640\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367640\n  end_ms: 369180\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369180\n  end_ms: 370900\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 370900\n  end_ms: 372680\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 372680\n  end_ms: 376080\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376080\n  end_ms: 378750\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 378750\n  end_ms: 379740\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 379740\n  end_ms: 380790\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380790\n  end_ms: 381840\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381840\n  end_ms: 382410\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382410\n  end_ms: 383890\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383890\n  end_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385450\n  end_ms: 386320\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386320\n  end_ms: 387320\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387320\n  end_ms: 389640\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 389640\n  end_ms: 391380\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391380\n  end_ms: 393440\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393440\n  end_ms: 396080\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398040\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398040\n  end_ms: 399540\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399540\n  end_ms: 402590\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 402590\n  end_ms: 404590\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 404590\n  end_ms: 406850\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 406850\n  end_ms: 410240\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410240\n  end_ms: 412410\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 412410\n  end_ms: 415430\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 415430\n  end_ms: 417560\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417560\n  end_ms: 419550\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419550\n  end_ms: 422750\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 422750\n  end_ms: 425500\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 425500\n  end_ms: 427960\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 427960\n  end_ms: 430100\n- text: And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430100\n  end_ms: 433290\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 433290\n  end_ms: 438060\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438060\n  end_ms: 440980\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 440980\n  end_ms: 443270\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443270\n  end_ms: 448120\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448120\n  end_ms: 451220\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451220\n  end_ms: 453570\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 453570\n  end_ms: 455960\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 455960\n  end_ms: 458440\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 458440\n  end_ms: 463860\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 463860\n  end_ms: 469560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469560\n  end_ms: 479510\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 479510\n  end_ms: 481760\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 481760\n  end_ms: 486480\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486480\n  end_ms: 489760\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489760\n  end_ms: 491250\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491250\n  end_ms: 493130\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493130\n  end_ms: 496140\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496140\n  end_ms: 497700\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 497700\n  end_ms: 499680\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 499680\n  end_ms: 502440\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 502440\n  end_ms: 504490\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504490\n  end_ms: 506630\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 506630\n  end_ms: 510180\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510180\n  end_ms: 512910\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 512910\n  end_ms: 516760\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 516760\n  end_ms: 518350\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518350\n  end_ms: 520360\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520360\n  end_ms: 522620\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 522620\n  end_ms: 524550\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524550\n  end_ms: 526140\n- text: I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526140\n  end_ms: 528130\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528130\n  end_ms: 531540\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531540\n  end_ms: 533810\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533810\n  end_ms: 536510\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536510\n  end_ms: 538010\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538010\n  end_ms: 540630\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 540630\n  end_ms: 541940\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 541940\n  end_ms: 546190\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546190\n  end_ms: 548380\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 548380\n  end_ms: 551180\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551180\n  end_ms: 552550\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 552550\n  end_ms: 556100\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556100\n  end_ms: 558730\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 558730\n  end_ms: 562150\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562150\n  end_ms: 567260\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 567260\n  end_ms: 569900\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 569900\n  end_ms: 571780\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571780\n  end_ms: 574200\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574200\n  end_ms: 576790\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 576790\n  end_ms: 580570\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 580570\n  end_ms: 582240\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582240\n  end_ms: 584390\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584390\n  end_ms: 586590\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 586590\n  end_ms: 588530\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588530\n  end_ms: 590110\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 590110\n  end_ms: 592760\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592760\n  end_ms: 595090\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595090\n  end_ms: 600070\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600070\n  end_ms: 603490\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603490\n  end_ms: 608140\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608140\n  end_ms: 612900\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 612900\n  end_ms: 615810\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 615810\n  end_ms: 617990\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 617990\n  end_ms: 620710\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 620710\n  end_ms: 623520\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623520\n  end_ms: 625100\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625100\n  end_ms: 626630\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626630\n  end_ms: 627750\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627750\n  end_ms: 631010\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631010\n  end_ms: 636920\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 636920\n  end_ms: 639120\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639120\n  end_ms: 641960\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 641960\n  end_ms: 644530\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644530\n  end_ms: 646960\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 646960\n  end_ms: 661600\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 661600\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":24052588,"name":"29 Albuquerque","trackName":"29 Albuquerque","artistName":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential Weird Al Yankovic","duration":684.538776,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLiving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n(You know the place)\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was 26 and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque!\nAlbuquerque!\n\nOh, yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the Spectra Vision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'K\"\n\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh my God!\nAh, ah ah!\n\nI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOkay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandary\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\"Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":null,"lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: 29 Albuquerque\n  artist: '\"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  album: The Essential Weird Al Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 684539\n  instrumental: false\nlines: []\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  (You know the place)\n  Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was 26 and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque!\n  Albuquerque!\n\n  Oh, yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  And I'm like, \"'K\"\n\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh my God!\n  Ah, ah ah!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n  \"Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":27988908,"name":"29 Albuquerque","trackName":"29 Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic","duration":684.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLiving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n(You know the place)\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was 26 and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque!\nAlbuquerque!\n\nOh, yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the Spectra Vision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'K\"\n\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh my God!\nAh, ah ah!\n\nI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOkay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandary\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\"Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.04] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.84] Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.94] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:13.84] (You know the place)\n[00:14.78] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n[00:19.85] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.21] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:27.87] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.52] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.72] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.95] I said to my mom\n[00:34.77] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.57] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.79] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.58] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.72] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:49.02] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.58] And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.38] Until I was 26 and a half years old\n[00:55.80] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:58.10] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:59.66] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.33] Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.26] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:07.22] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:10.06] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:14.05] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.28] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.48] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.16] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.37] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.56] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.72] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.21] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:33.45] Albuquerque!\n[01:38.44] Albuquerque!\n[01:42.68] Oh, yeah\n[01:43.75] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.99] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.62] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.28] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.33] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.58] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.25] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.83] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.77] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.47] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:11.45] Except for me\n[02:12.86] You know why?\n[02:14.16] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.65] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.37] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.82] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.50] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.03] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.25] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.65] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.99] Ahh\n[02:34.73] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.52] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.45] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:45.10] And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.78] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.67] But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.82] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.83] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.92] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.81] Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n[03:05.59] And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n[03:07.31] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.63] That I love so very\n[03:10.67] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.95] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.72] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.12] No answer\n[03:18.58] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.69] There's no answer\n[03:21.00] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:22.13] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.76] So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:28.16] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:33.39] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.02] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.28] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.06] And he's like, \"Tough\"\n[03:45.23] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.63] And he's like, \"Make me\"\n[03:47.94] And I'm like, \"'K\"\n[03:49.37] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.85] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.59] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.68] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.73] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.36] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.50] And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.67] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.98] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.41] It said\n[04:09.97] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:15.10] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.35] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:25.44] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.25] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.87] Albuquerque\n[04:40.57] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.15] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.57] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.37] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.88] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.63] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.33] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.58] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.86] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.32] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n[05:08.87] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.62] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n[05:14.36] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.90] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n[05:20.07] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.83] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n[05:24.37] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.96] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n[05:29.41] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.19] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:36.97] \n[05:43.53] \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n[05:46.42] I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:51.47] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:53.12] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.93] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n[05:58.64] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:02.33] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.69] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.29] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.39] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.26] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.36] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.53] Doh!\n[06:20.24] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.04] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.92] Oh!\n[06:22.67] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.88] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.60] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.64] Oh, oh my God!\n[06:27.60] Ah, ah ah!\n[06:30.17] I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.56] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.07] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.47] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.63] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.50] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.03] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:47.30] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.52] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:53.23] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n[06:56.04] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.94] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.91] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.06] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.28] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.26] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.59] And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.17] Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.35] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.48] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.74] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.62] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.52] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.08] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.27] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.04] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.46] Albuquerque\n[07:48.99] \n[08:00.15] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.24] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.50] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.76] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.31] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.67] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.23] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.18] Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.21] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.04] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.72] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.31] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.56] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.36] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n[08:37.65] So I did\n[08:38.91] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.67] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.62] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.79] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.33] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.52] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.67] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.89] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.91] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.21] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.22] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.62] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.40] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.29] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.56] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.76] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n[09:16.74] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.71] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.57] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.21] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.32] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.74] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.74] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.61] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:41.15] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.68] And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.63] And find yourself in an existential quandary\n[09:47.06] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.75] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:49.99] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.72] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.56] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.47] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.66] Albuquerque\n[10:08.56] Albuquerque\n[10:13.10] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.67] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.03] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:20.61] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.47] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.15] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.42] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.70] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.75] \"Querque!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.21] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.27] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.12] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.66] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.48] Albuquerque\n[11:00.39] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: 29 Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  duration_ms: 684000\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6040\n  end_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7840\n  end_ms: 10940\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10940\n  end_ms: 13840\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13840\n  end_ms: 14780\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14780\n  end_ms: 19850\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19850\n  end_ms: 23210\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23210\n  end_ms: 27870\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27870\n  end_ms: 31520\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31520\n  end_ms: 32720\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32720\n  end_ms: 33950\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33950\n  end_ms: 34770\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34770\n  end_ms: 37570\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37570\n  end_ms: 38790\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38790\n  end_ms: 42580\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44720\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44720\n  end_ms: 49020\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49020\n  end_ms: 51580\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51580\n  end_ms: 53380\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53380\n  end_ms: 55800\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55800\n  end_ms: 58100\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58100\n  end_ms: 59660\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59660\n  end_ms: 62330\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65260\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65260\n  end_ms: 67220\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67220\n  end_ms: 70060\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70060\n  end_ms: 74050\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74050\n  end_ms: 75280\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75280\n  end_ms: 76480\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76480\n  end_ms: 79160\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79160\n  end_ms: 82370\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82370\n  end_ms: 83560\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83560\n  end_ms: 86720\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86720\n  end_ms: 90210\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93450\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93450\n  end_ms: 98440\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98440\n  end_ms: 102680\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102680\n  end_ms: 103750\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103750\n  end_ms: 105990\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105990\n  end_ms: 108620\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108620\n  end_ms: 110280\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113330\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113330\n  end_ms: 116580\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116580\n  end_ms: 119250\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119250\n  end_ms: 121830\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121830\n  end_ms: 123770\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123770\n  end_ms: 126470\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126470\n  end_ms: 131450\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132860\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132860\n  end_ms: 134160\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134160\n  end_ms: 136650\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136650\n  end_ms: 139370\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139370\n  end_ms: 141820\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141820\n  end_ms: 144500\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144500\n  end_ms: 147030\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147030\n  end_ms: 150250\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150250\n  end_ms: 151650\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152990\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152990\n  end_ms: 154730\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154730\n  end_ms: 157520\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157520\n  end_ms: 161450\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161450\n  end_ms: 165100\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165100\n  end_ms: 167780\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171670\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171670\n  end_ms: 175820\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175820\n  end_ms: 177830\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177830\n  end_ms: 180920\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180920\n  end_ms: 182810\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182810\n  end_ms: 185590\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185590\n  end_ms: 187310\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187310\n  end_ms: 189630\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189630\n  end_ms: 190670\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190670\n  end_ms: 193950\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193950\n  end_ms: 195720\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197120\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197120\n  end_ms: 198580\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199690\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199690\n  end_ms: 201000\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201000\n  end_ms: 202130\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203760\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203760\n  end_ms: 208160\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208160\n  end_ms: 213390\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213390\n  end_ms: 216020\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216020\n  end_ms: 219380\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219380\n  end_ms: 221280\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221280\n  end_ms: 224060\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224060\n  end_ms: 225230\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225230\n  end_ms: 226630\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226630\n  end_ms: 227940\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227940\n  end_ms: 229370\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229370\n  end_ms: 231850\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231850\n  end_ms: 234590\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234590\n  end_ms: 237680\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237680\n  end_ms: 239730\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239730\n  end_ms: 241360\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241360\n  end_ms: 243500\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243500\n  end_ms: 246670\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246670\n  end_ms: 247980\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247980\n  end_ms: 249410\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249410\n  end_ms: 249970\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249970\n  end_ms: 255100\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255100\n  end_ms: 260350\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260350\n  end_ms: 265440\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265440\n  end_ms: 270250\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270250\n  end_ms: 275870\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275870\n  end_ms: 280570\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280570\n  end_ms: 284150\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284150\n  end_ms: 287570\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287570\n  end_ms: 289370\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289370\n  end_ms: 291880\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291880\n  end_ms: 293630\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293630\n  end_ms: 296330\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296330\n  end_ms: 298580\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298580\n  end_ms: 303860\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303860\n  end_ms: 306320\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306320\n  end_ms: 308870\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308870\n  end_ms: 311620\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311620\n  end_ms: 314360\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314360\n  end_ms: 316900\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316900\n  end_ms: 320070\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321830\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321830\n  end_ms: 324370\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324370\n  end_ms: 326960\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326960\n  end_ms: 329410\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329410\n  end_ms: 332190\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332190\n  end_ms: 336970\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 336970\n  end_ms: 343530\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343530\n  end_ms: 346420\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351470\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 351470\n  end_ms: 353120\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353120\n  end_ms: 356930\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356930\n  end_ms: 358640\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358640\n  end_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362330\n  end_ms: 367690\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367690\n  end_ms: 369290\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369290\n  end_ms: 371390\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371390\n  end_ms: 373260\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373260\n  end_ms: 376360\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376360\n  end_ms: 379530\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379530\n  end_ms: 380240\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380240\n  end_ms: 381040\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381040\n  end_ms: 381920\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381920\n  end_ms: 382670\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382670\n  end_ms: 383880\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383880\n  end_ms: 385600\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385600\n  end_ms: 386640\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387600\n- text: Ah, ah ah!\n  start_ms: 387600\n  end_ms: 390170\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390170\n  end_ms: 393560\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393560\n  end_ms: 396070\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396070\n  end_ms: 398470\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398470\n  end_ms: 399630\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399630\n  end_ms: 403500\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403500\n  end_ms: 405030\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405030\n  end_ms: 407300\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407300\n  end_ms: 410520\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410520\n  end_ms: 413230\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413230\n  end_ms: 416040\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416040\n  end_ms: 417940\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417940\n  end_ms: 419910\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419910\n  end_ms: 423060\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423060\n  end_ms: 426280\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426280\n  end_ms: 428260\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428260\n  end_ms: 430590\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430590\n  end_ms: 434170\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434170\n  end_ms: 438350\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438350\n  end_ms: 441480\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441480\n  end_ms: 443740\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443740\n  end_ms: 448620\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448620\n  end_ms: 451520\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451520\n  end_ms: 454080\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454080\n  end_ms: 456270\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456270\n  end_ms: 459040\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459040\n  end_ms: 464460\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464460\n  end_ms: 468990\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 468990\n  end_ms: 480150\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480150\n  end_ms: 482240\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482240\n  end_ms: 486500\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489760\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489760\n  end_ms: 491310\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491310\n  end_ms: 493670\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493670\n  end_ms: 496230\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496230\n  end_ms: 498180\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498180\n  end_ms: 500210\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500210\n  end_ms: 503040\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503040\n  end_ms: 504720\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504720\n  end_ms: 507310\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507310\n  end_ms: 510560\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513360\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513360\n  end_ms: 517650\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517650\n  end_ms: 518910\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518910\n  end_ms: 520670\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520670\n  end_ms: 523620\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523620\n  end_ms: 524790\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524790\n  end_ms: 526330\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526330\n  end_ms: 528520\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528520\n  end_ms: 531670\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531670\n  end_ms: 533890\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533890\n  end_ms: 536910\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536910\n  end_ms: 538210\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538210\n  end_ms: 541220\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541220\n  end_ms: 542620\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542620\n  end_ms: 546400\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546400\n  end_ms: 549290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549290\n  end_ms: 551560\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552760\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552760\n  end_ms: 556740\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556740\n  end_ms: 559710\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559710\n  end_ms: 562570\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562570\n  end_ms: 568210\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568210\n  end_ms: 570320\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570320\n  end_ms: 571740\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571740\n  end_ms: 574740\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574740\n  end_ms: 577610\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577610\n  end_ms: 581150\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581150\n  end_ms: 582680\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582680\n  end_ms: 584630\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584630\n  end_ms: 587060\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587060\n  end_ms: 588750\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589990\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589990\n  end_ms: 592720\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592720\n  end_ms: 595560\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595560\n  end_ms: 600470\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600470\n  end_ms: 603660\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603660\n  end_ms: 608560\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608560\n  end_ms: 613100\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615670\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615670\n  end_ms: 618030\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618030\n  end_ms: 620610\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620610\n  end_ms: 623470\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623470\n  end_ms: 625150\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625150\n  end_ms: 626420\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626420\n  end_ms: 627700\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631750\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631750\n  end_ms: 637210\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637210\n  end_ms: 639270\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642120\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642120\n  end_ms: 644660\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644660\n  end_ms: 647480\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647480\n  end_ms: 660390\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 660390\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  (You know the place)\n  Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was 26 and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque!\n  Albuquerque!\n\n  Oh, yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  And I'm like, \"'K\"\n\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh my God!\n  Ah, ah ah!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n  \"Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":1181416,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"Weird Al Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential Weird Al Yankovic, Disc 2","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":true,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nI lived in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it\nAll, the phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd says he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\"(L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.15] I lived in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.15] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.87] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.22] You know the place\n[00:14.21] Well, anyway\n[00:14.91] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.44] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.06] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.82] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.12] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.53] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.71] I said to my mom\n[00:33.78] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.42] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.63] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.03] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.38] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.85] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.49] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.94] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.69] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.57] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.98] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.68] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.70] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.63] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.27] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.56] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.86] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.31] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.44] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.33] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.37] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.91] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.35] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.88] Albuquerque\n[01:37.83] Albuquerque\n[01:41.79] Oh yeah\n[01:43.45] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.36] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.21] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.98] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.79] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.01] And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.20] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.22] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.89] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.76] Except for me\n[02:12.22] You know why?\n[02:13.83] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.00] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.94] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.50] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.54] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.32] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.77] Ahhhh\n[02:34.31] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.13] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.92] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.43] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.41] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.30] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.18] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:05.18] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.34] That I love so very\n[03:10.59] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.64] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.69] No answer\n[03:18.05] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.74] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.68] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.64] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.58] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.94] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.84] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.99] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.89] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.25] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.51] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.13] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.46] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.05] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.35] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.40] And somehow in the middle of it\n[04:00.46] All, the phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.90] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.19] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.86] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.08] It said\n[04:09.97] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.62] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.12] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.27] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.57] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.06] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.21] But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.08] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.16] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.55] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.23] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.24] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.28] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.24] I said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.29] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.63] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.18] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.12] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.66] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.35] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.66] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.02] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.05] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.43] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.72] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.34] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.80] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.20] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.71] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.92] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.63] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.19] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.98] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.67] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.05] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.70] Doh!\n[06:19.73] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.86] Oh!\n[06:22.49] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.88] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.40] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.39] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.36] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.39] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.49] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.03] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.00] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.56] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.57] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.89] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n[06:52.40] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.41] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.59] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.51] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.72] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.93] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.15] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.20] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.02] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.92] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.25] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.26] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.50] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.99] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.45] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.88] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.59] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.75] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.44] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.74] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.24] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.14] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.18] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.74] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.61] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.47] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.42] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.62] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.14] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.96] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.77] So I did\n[08:38.39] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.38] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.63] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.52] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.18] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.18] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.50] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.56] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.03] And says he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.67] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.93] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.15] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.35] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.57] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.16] You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.77] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.17] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.22] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.81] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.75] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.24] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n[09:40.55] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.29] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.32] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.58] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.18] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.75] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.04] Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.47] Albuquerque\n[10:08.15] Albuquerque\n[10:12.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.86] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.95] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.76] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.19] \"L\"(L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.05] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.98] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.13] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.93] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.55] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.90] Albuquerque\n[11:01.68] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: Weird Al Yankovic\n  album: The Essential Weird Al Yankovic, Disc 2\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\n  language: en\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6000\n  end_ms: 7950\n  words:\n  - text: 'Way '\n    start_ms: 6000\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 6540\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 6800\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 6920\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 6960\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 7080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 7240\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 7360\n  - text: 'bitty '\n    start_ms: 7580\n  - text: boy\n    start_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7950\n  end_ms: 10890\n  words:\n  - text: 'Living '\n    start_ms: 7950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 8510\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 8610\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 8730\n  - text: 'under '\n    start_ms: 9050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9230\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 9410\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 9710\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9790\n  - text: 'corner '\n    start_ms: 9950\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10230\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10330\n  - text: 'basement '\n    start_ms: 10470\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10830\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10860\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 10880\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13850\n  words:\n  - text: 'Half '\n    start_ms: 10950\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 11559\n  - text: 'block '\n    start_ms: 11658\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 11894\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 12031\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 12149\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 12346\n  - text: 'Jerry''s '\n    start_ms: 12562\n  - text: 'Bait '\n    start_ms: 12975\n  - text: Shop\n    start_ms: 13231\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13850\n  end_ms: 14680\n  words:\n  - text: '(You '\n    start_ms: 13850\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 14150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 14250\n  - text: place)\n    start_ms: 14350\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19880\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 14750\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 15268\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 15547\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 15726\n  - text: 'life '\n    start_ms: 15925\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 16164\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 16344\n  - text: 'swell '\n    start_ms: 16722\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 17081\n  - text: 'everything '\n    start_ms: 17260\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 17639\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 17938\n  - text: peachy!\n    start_ms: 18993\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19880\n  end_ms: 23220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except, '\n    start_ms: 19880\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 20471\n  - text: 'course, '\n    start_ms: 20589\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 20806\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 20885\n  - text: 'undeniable '\n    start_ms: 21043\n  - text: 'fact '\n    start_ms: 21653\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 21870\n  - text: 'every '\n    start_ms: 22087\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 22363\n  - text: morning\n    start_ms: 22698\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23220\n  end_ms: 27820\n  words:\n  - text: 'My '\n    start_ms: 23220\n  - text: 'mother '\n    start_ms: 23719\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 23938\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 24118\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 24338\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 24477\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 24717\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 24916\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 25156\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 25375\n  - text: 'sauerkraut '\n    start_ms: 25695\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 26333\n  - text: breakfast\n    start_ms: 26533\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27820\n  end_ms: 31480\n  words:\n  - text: 'Awww, '\n    start_ms: 27820\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 29260\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 29540\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 29820\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 29880\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31530\n  end_ms: 32760\n  words:\n  - text: 'Every '\n    start_ms: 31530\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 32130\n  - text: mornin'!\n    start_ms: 32470\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32780\n  end_ms: 33930\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 32780\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 33092\n  - text: 'driving '\n    start_ms: 33209\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 33501\n  - text: crazy\n    start_ms: 33657\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34700\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 33930\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 34437\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 34554\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 34632\n  - text: mom\n    start_ms: 34685\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34700\n  end_ms: 37520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 34700\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 35100\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 35280\n  - text: 'mom, '\n    start_ms: 35700\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 36220\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 36420\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 36520\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 36620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 36740\n  - text: sauerkraut?\"\n    start_ms: 36940\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37520\n  end_ms: 38680\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 37520\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 38120\n  - text: 'dear, '\n    start_ms: 38280\n  - text: 'sweet '\n    start_ms: 38480\n  - text: mother\n    start_ms: 38660\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38730\n  end_ms: 42530\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 38730\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 39390\n  - text: 'looked '\n    start_ms: 39650\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 39830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 39950\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 40150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 40330\n  - text: 'cow '\n    start_ms: 40470\n  - text: 'looks '\n    start_ms: 40770\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 40970\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 41070\n  - text: 'oncoming '\n    start_ms: 41290\n  - text: train\n    start_ms: 41770\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44770\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 42580\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 43036\n  - text: 'leaned '\n    start_ms: 43274\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 43591\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 43809\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 44066\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 44324\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 44463\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44770\n  end_ms: 49050\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 44770\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 45465\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 45763\n  - text: '\"It''s '\n    start_ms: 46101\n  - text: 'good '\n    start_ms: 47372\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 47829\n  - text: you!\"\n    start_ms: 48226\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49050\n  end_ms: 51560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 49050\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 49510\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 49670\n  - text: 'tied '\n    start_ms: 49870\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 50050\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 50150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 50250\n  - text: 'wall '\n    start_ms: 50350\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 50610\n  - text: 'stuck '\n    start_ms: 50750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 50930\n  - text: 'funnel '\n    start_ms: 51110\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 51370\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 51490\n  - text: mouth\n    start_ms: 51545\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51590\n  end_ms: 53330\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 51590\n  - text: force-\n    start_ms: 51702\n  - text: 'fed '\n    start_ms: 52357\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 52525\n  - text: 'nothing '\n    start_ms: 52656\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 52900\n  - text: sauerkraut\n    start_ms: 53124\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53330\n  end_ms: 55820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Until '\n    start_ms: 53330\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 53950\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 54030\n  - text: '26 '\n    start_ms: 54310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 54750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 54870\n  - text: 'half '\n    start_ms: 54970\n  - text: 'years '\n    start_ms: 55270\n  - text: old\n    start_ms: 55550\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55870\n  end_ms: 58160\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 55870\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 56530\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 56650\n  - text: 'swore '\n    start_ms: 56830\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 57150\n  - text: someday\n    start_ms: 57470\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58160\n  end_ms: 59640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Someday '\n    start_ms: 58160\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 58660\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 58740\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 58900\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 59060\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 59240\n  - text: basement\n    start_ms: 59460\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59650\n  end_ms: 62300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 59650\n  - text: 'travel '\n    start_ms: 60070\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 60470\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 60590\n  - text: 'magical, '\n    start_ms: 60750\n  - text: 'far '\n    start_ms: 61350\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 61590\n  - text: place\n    start_ms: 61910\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 62330\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 62649\n  - text: 'sun '\n    start_ms: 62768\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 62948\n  - text: 'always '\n    start_ms: 63127\n  - text: 'shining, '\n    start_ms: 63426\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 63765\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 63845\n  - text: 'air '\n    start_ms: 63964\n  - text: 'smells '\n    start_ms: 64164\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 64483\n  - text: 'warm '\n    start_ms: 64682\n  - text: 'root '\n    start_ms: 64941\n  - text: beer\n    start_ms: 65160\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 65250\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 65624\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 65782\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 66117\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 66275\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 66472\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 66728\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67240\n  end_ms: 70000\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 67240\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 67613\n  - text: 'shriners '\n    start_ms: 67770\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 68163\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 68261\n  - text: 'lepers '\n    start_ms: 68419\n  - text: 'play '\n    start_ms: 68772\n  - text: 'their '\n    start_ms: 68949\n  - text: 'ukuleles '\n    start_ms: 69106\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 69676\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 69833\n  - text: long\n    start_ms: 69971\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70000\n  end_ms: 74030\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 70000\n  - text: 'anyone '\n    start_ms: 70400\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 70700\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 70800\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 70980\n  - text: 'will '\n    start_ms: 71200\n  - text: 'gladly '\n    start_ms: 71320\n  - text: 'shave '\n    start_ms: 71780\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 72080\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 72360\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 72600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 72800\n  - text: nickel\n    start_ms: 73020\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74060\n  end_ms: 75250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wacka '\n    start_ms: 74060\n  - text: 'wacka '\n    start_ms: 74560\n  - text: 'doodoo '\n    start_ms: 74900\n  - text: yeah!\n    start_ms: 75220\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 75270\n  - text: 'let '\n    start_ms: 75830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 75950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 76070\n  - text: 'you, '\n    start_ms: 76210\n  - text: people\n    start_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76510\n  end_ms: 79180\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 76510\n  - text: 'wasn''t '\n    start_ms: 76947\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 77205\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 77383\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 77522\n  - text: 'before '\n    start_ms: 77642\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 77939\n  - text: 'dream '\n    start_ms: 78178\n  - text: 'came '\n    start_ms: 78674\n  - text: 'true'\n    start_ms: 78972\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79180\n  end_ms: 82350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 79180\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 79800\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 79900\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 80160\n  - text: 'day, '\n    start_ms: 80400\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 80600\n  - text: 'local '\n    start_ms: 80700\n  - text: 'radio '\n    start_ms: 81060\n  - text: 'station '\n    start_ms: 81440\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 81780\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 81900\n  - text: contest\n    start_ms: 82100\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82350\n  end_ms: 83510\n  words:\n  - text: 'To '\n    start_ms: 82350\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 82743\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 82881\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 82979\n  - text: 'correctly '\n    start_ms: 83156\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 83494\n  - text: the\n    start_ms: 83504\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83510\n  end_ms: 86730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Number '\n    start_ms: 83510\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 84184\n  - text: 'molecules '\n    start_ms: 84362\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 84976\n  - text: 'Leonard '\n    start_ms: 85095\n  - text: 'Nimoy''s '\n    start_ms: 85412\n  - text: butt\n    start_ms: 86007\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86730\n  end_ms: 90210\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 86730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 87108\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 87247\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 87426\n  - text: 'three, '\n    start_ms: 87585\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 87903\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 88062\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 88162\n  - text: 'won '\n    start_ms: 88460\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 88699\n  - text: 'grand '\n    start_ms: 88838\n  - text: prize\n    start_ms: 89216\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93350\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 90210\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 90630\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 90850\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 90970\n  - text: 'class '\n    start_ms: 91250\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 91650\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 91930\n  - text: 'ticket '\n    start_ms: 92190\n  - text: to\n    start_ms: 93210\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93470\n  end_ms: 98440\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 93470\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98490\n  end_ms: 102690\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 98490\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102690\n  end_ms: 103790\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 102690\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 103157\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103790\n  end_ms: 105920\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 103790\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 104142\n  - text: 'I''d '\n    start_ms: 104298\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 104396\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 104689\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 104865\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 105002\n  - text: 'real '\n    start_ms: 105080\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 105314\n  - text: before\n    start_ms: 105686\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105920\n  end_ms: 108630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 105920\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 106319\n  - text: 'gotta '\n    start_ms: 106418\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 106737\n  - text: 'ya, '\n    start_ms: 106936\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 107155\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 107275\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 107494\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 107833\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108630\n  end_ms: 110180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 108630\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 109090\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 109210\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 109270\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 109390\n  - text: 'sit '\n    start_ms: 109530\n  - text: 'between '\n    start_ms: 109690\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 110030\n  - text: large\n    start_ms: 110150\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113340\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albanian '\n    start_ms: 110280\n  - text: 'women '\n    start_ms: 111200\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 111480\n  - text: 'excruciatingly '\n    start_ms: 111600\n  - text: 'severe '\n    start_ms: 112400\n  - text: 'body '\n    start_ms: 112860\n  - text: odor\n    start_ms: 113200\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113350\n  end_ms: 116540\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 113350\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 113986\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 114125\n  - text: 'kid '\n    start_ms: 114403\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 114523\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 114721\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 114920\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 114980\n  - text: 'kept '\n    start_ms: 115119\n  - text: 'throwin'' '\n    start_ms: 115338\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 115755\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 115874\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 115974\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 116232\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116540\n  end_ms: 119200\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 116540\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 116961\n  - text: 'attendants '\n    start_ms: 117172\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 117535\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 117707\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 117803\n  - text: 'Dr. '\n    start_ms: 117918\n  - text: 'Pepper '\n    start_ms: 118243\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 118454\n  - text: 'salted '\n    start_ms: 118607\n  - text: peanuts\n    start_ms: 118970\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119200\n  end_ms: 121720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 119200\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 119680\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 119800\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 119920\n  - text: 'movie '\n    start_ms: 120160\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 120440\n  - text: Bio-\n    start_ms: 120620\n  - text: 'Dome '\n    start_ms: 120920\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 121080\n  - text: 'Pauly '\n    start_ms: 121240\n  - text: Shore\n    start_ms: 121580\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121890\n  end_ms: 123720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And, '\n    start_ms: 121890\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 122407\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 122522\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 122676\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 122810\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 122867\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 122944\n  - text: 'engines '\n    start_ms: 123251\n  - text: 'burned '\n    start_ms: 123557\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 123705\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126400\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 123720\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 124200\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 124420\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 124580\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 124820\n  - text: 'tailspin '\n    start_ms: 124960\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 125440\n  - text: 'crashed '\n    start_ms: 125600\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 125980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 126200\n  - text: hillside\n    start_ms: 126280\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126480\n  end_ms: 131450\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 126480\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 126895\n  - text: 'plane '\n    start_ms: 127033\n  - text: 'exploded '\n    start_ms: 127310\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 127962\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 128081\n  - text: 'giant '\n    start_ms: 128259\n  - text: 'fireball '\n    start_ms: 128832\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 129444\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 129662\n  - text: died\n    start_ms: 130235\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 131450\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 132029\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 132203\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132820\n  end_ms: 134070\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 132820\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 133080\n  - text: why?\n    start_ms: 133300\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134110\n  end_ms: 136620\n  words:\n  - text: '''Cause '\n    start_ms: 134110\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 134688\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 134787\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 135066\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 135226\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 135564\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 136022\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136620\n  end_ms: 139320\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 136620\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 137180\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 137300\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 137500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 137720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 137840\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 137980\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 138400\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 138920\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141870\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 139390\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 139802\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 139939\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 140409\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 141017\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141870\n  end_ms: 144440\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 141870\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 142330\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 142470\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 142670\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 142890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 143010\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 143150\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 143550\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 144090\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144460\n  end_ms: 147040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 144460\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 144910\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 145046\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 145535\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 146121\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147040\n  end_ms: 150120\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 147040\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 147413\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 147550\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 147746\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 147962\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 148080\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 148217\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 148629\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 149159\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150120\n  end_ms: 151610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 150120\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151200\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151362\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 151527\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152910\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 151650\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 152230\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 152510\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152910\n  end_ms: 154740\n  words:\n  - text: Ahh\n    start_ms: 152910\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154780\n  end_ms: 157560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 154780\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 155215\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 155334\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 155670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 155829\n  - text: 'twisted, '\n    start_ms: 155947\n  - text: 'burnin'' '\n    start_ms: 156383\n  - text: wreckage\n    start_ms: 156739\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157560\n  end_ms: 161430\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 157560\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 157900\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 158280\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 158400\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 158580\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 158920\n  - text: 'knees '\n    start_ms: 159040\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 159440\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 159600\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 159960\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 160300\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161480\n  end_ms: 165140\n  words:\n  - text: 'Draggin'' '\n    start_ms: 161480\n  - text: 'along '\n    start_ms: 162136\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 162554\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 162733\n  - text: 'leather '\n    start_ms: 163012\n  - text: 'suitcase '\n    start_ms: 163469\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 164006\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 164126\n  - text: 'garment '\n    start_ms: 164324\n  - text: bag\n    start_ms: 164822\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165140\n  end_ms: 167740\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 165140\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 165440\n  - text: 'tenor '\n    start_ms: 165600\n  - text: 'saxophone '\n    start_ms: 166040\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 166600\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 166700\n  - text: 12-\n    start_ms: 166840\n  - text: 'pound '\n    start_ms: 167140\n  - text: 'bowling '\n    start_ms: 167400\n  - text: ball\n    start_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 167780\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 168056\n  - text: 'lucky, '\n    start_ms: 168233\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 168548\n  - text: 'autographed '\n    start_ms: 168843\n  - text: glow-\n    start_ms: 169454\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 169690\n  - text: the-\n    start_ms: 169789\n  - text: 'dark '\n    start_ms: 169946\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 170360\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171620\n  end_ms: 175820\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 171620\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 172060\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 172500\n  - text: 'arrived '\n    start_ms: 172600\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 173080\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 173180\n  - text: world-\n    start_ms: 173360\n  - text: 'famous '\n    start_ms: 173860\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 174620\n  - text: 'Holiday '\n    start_ms: 175240\n  - text: Inn\n    start_ms: 175800\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175850\n  end_ms: 177860\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 175850\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 176244\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 176382\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 176737\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 176894\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 177072\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 177289\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177860\n  end_ms: 180910\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 177860\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 178239\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 178358\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 178478\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 178657\n  - text: 'soup '\n    start_ms: 178936\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 179196\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 179355\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 179475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 179554\n  - text: 'ashtrays '\n    start_ms: 179694\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 180252\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 180392\n  - text: wanna\n    start_ms: 180551\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180910\n  end_ms: 182780\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 180910\n  - text: 'okay, '\n    start_ms: 181470\n  - text: 'they''re '\n    start_ms: 181870\n  - text: clean!\n    start_ms: 182090\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182850\n  end_ms: 185550\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 182850\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 183320\n  - text: 'checked '\n    start_ms: 183437\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 183711\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 183887\n  - text: 'room, '\n    start_ms: 184122\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 184376\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 184552\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 184670\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 184924\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 185139\n  - text: AC\n    start_ms: 185276\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 185550\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 185850\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 186050\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 186310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 186430\n  - text: 'Spectra '\n    start_ms: 186630\n  - text: Vision\n    start_ms: 186990\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 187330\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 187710\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 187830\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 187990\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 188210\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 188290\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 188410\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 188550\n  - text: 'chocolate '\n    start_ms: 188810\n  - text: 'mint '\n    start_ms: 189230\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 189430\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 189530\n  - text: pillow\n    start_ms: 189609\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190640\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 189680\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 190132\n  - text: 'love '\n    start_ms: 190207\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 190414\n  - text: very\n    start_ms: 190565\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190640\n  end_ms: 193960\n  words:\n  - text: 'Very '\n    start_ms: 190640\n  - text: 'much '\n    start_ms: 191140\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 191380\n  - text: 'suddenly, '\n    start_ms: 191640\n  - text: 'there''s '\n    start_ms: 192060\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 192280\n  - text: 'knock '\n    start_ms: 192380\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 192620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 192740\n  - text: door\n    start_ms: 192860\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193990\n  end_ms: 195720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well '\n    start_ms: 193990\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 194277\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 194468\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 194602\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 194755\n  - text: be?\n    start_ms: 195060\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197140\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 195720\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 196080\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 196240\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 196500\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 196660\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197140\n  end_ms: 198530\n  words:\n  - text: 'No '\n    start_ms: 197140\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 197620\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199620\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 198940\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 199100\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 199300\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201030\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 199650\n  - text: 'no '\n    start_ms: 200084\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 200320\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201030\n  end_ms: 202130\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 201296\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 201580\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 201789\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203730\n  words:\n  - text: 'They''re '\n    start_ms: 202130\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 202510\n  - text: 'sayin'' '\n    start_ms: 202810\n  - text: anything\n    start_ms: 203110\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203780\n  end_ms: 208100\n  words:\n  - text: 'So, '\n    start_ms: 203780\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 204260\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 204660\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 204740\n  - text: 'over, '\n    start_ms: 204940\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 205220\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 205400\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 205560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 205800\n  - text: 'door '\n    start_ms: 206000\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 206420\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 206680\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 207000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 207220\n  - text: suspected\n    start_ms: 207380\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208150\n  end_ms: 213350\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 208150\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 208590\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 208850\n  - text: 'fat '\n    start_ms: 209070\n  - text: 'hermaphrodite '\n    start_ms: 209290\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 210090\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 210190\n  - text: 'Flock '\n    start_ms: 210310\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 210550\n  - text: 'Seagulls '\n    start_ms: 210690\n  - text: 'haircut '\n    start_ms: 211110\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 211590\n  - text: 'only '\n    start_ms: 211810\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 212250\n  - text: nostril\n    start_ms: 212550\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213350\n  end_ms: 216070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 213350\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 214020\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 214336\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 214572\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 214749\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 214868\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 215065\n  - text: right\n    start_ms: 215301\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216070\n  end_ms: 219320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 216070\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 216487\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 216845\n  - text: 'bursts '\n    start_ms: 217064\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 217302\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 217461\n  - text: 'room '\n    start_ms: 217680\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 217919\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 217998\n  - text: 'grabs '\n    start_ms: 218197\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 218575\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 218714\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 219012\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219320\n  end_ms: 221210\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 219320\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 219555\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 219692\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 220084\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 220436\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 220593\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 220828\n  - text: that!\n    start_ms: 221063\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221210\n  end_ms: 223970\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 221210\n  - text: 'snorkel''s '\n    start_ms: 221690\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 222150\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 222310\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 222490\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 222670\n  - text: 'snorkel '\n    start_ms: 222870\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 223310\n  - text: me!\"\n    start_ms: 223430\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224010\n  end_ms: 225240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 224010\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 224330\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 224490\n  - text: '\"Tough\"'\n    start_ms: 224710\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 225240\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 225640\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 225780\n  - text: '\"Give '\n    start_ms: 226060\n  - text: it!\"\n    start_ms: 226360\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226660\n  end_ms: 227920\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 226660\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 226925\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 227077\n  - text: '\"Make '\n    start_ms: 227323\n  - text: me\"\n    start_ms: 227626\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227920\n  end_ms: 229310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 227920\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 228160\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 228260\n  - text: '\"''K\"'\n    start_ms: 228800\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231810\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 229320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 229780\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 229900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 230180\n  - text: 'leg '\n    start_ms: 230400\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 230680\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 230820\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 231020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 231280\n  - text: esophagus\n    start_ms: 231420\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231830\n  end_ms: 234510\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 231830\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 232245\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 232483\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 232641\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 232819\n  - text: 'ear '\n    start_ms: 233076\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 233294\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 233432\n  - text: 'chewed '\n    start_ms: 233650\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 233887\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 234065\n  - text: eyebrows\n    start_ms: 234283\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 234510\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 234870\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 234990\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 235210\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 235310\n  - text: 'appendix '\n    start_ms: 235470\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 235930\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 236070\n  - text: 'gave '\n    start_ms: 236250\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 236430\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 236550\n  - text: 'colonic '\n    start_ms: 236630\n  - text: irrigation\n    start_ms: 237190\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237670\n  end_ms: 239720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Yes, '\n    start_ms: 237670\n  - text: 'indeed, '\n    start_ms: 238168\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 238466\n  - text: 'better '\n    start_ms: 238625\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 238824\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 239222\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239720\n  end_ms: 241310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 239720\n  - text: 'somehow '\n    start_ms: 240220\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 240560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 240640\n  - text: 'middle '\n    start_ms: 240740\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 240940\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 241040\n  - text: all\n    start_ms: 241140\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241330\n  end_ms: 243530\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 241330\n  - text: 'phone '\n    start_ms: 241841\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 242194\n  - text: 'knocked '\n    start_ms: 242410\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 242744\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 242901\n  - text: hook\n    start_ms: 243039\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243530\n  end_ms: 246620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 243530\n  - text: '20 '\n    start_ms: 244090\n  - text: 'seconds '\n    start_ms: 244310\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 244670\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 245070\n  - text: 'heard '\n    start_ms: 245130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 245270\n  - text: 'familiar '\n    start_ms: 245390\n  - text: voice\n    start_ms: 245930\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247950\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 246680\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 247002\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 247097\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 247192\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 247287\n  - text: said?\n    start_ms: 247495\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247950\n  end_ms: 249420\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 247950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 248370\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 248590\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 248690\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 248810\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249010\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249490\n  end_ms: 249940\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 249490\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249823\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249940\n  end_ms: 255070\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 250240\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 250360\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 250520\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 250820\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 250980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 251320\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 251440\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 252380\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 252740\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 253200\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 253380\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 253520\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 253920\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255190\n  end_ms: 260370\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 255604\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 255801\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 255958\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 256254\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 256687\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 257041\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 257219\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 257534\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 257810\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 258164\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 258381\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260370\n  end_ms: 265420\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 260570\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 260690\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 260850\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 261110\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 261310\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 261670\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 261790\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 262710\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 263070\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 263510\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 263710\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 263850\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 264270\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265480\n  end_ms: 270290\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 265817\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 266075\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 266234\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 266531\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 266987\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 267265\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 267523\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 267781\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 268098\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 268435\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 268693\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270290\n  end_ms: 275800\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 270290\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 271161\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275800\n  end_ms: 280480\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 275800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280540\n  end_ms: 284270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 280540\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 281158\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 281318\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 281517\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 281597\n  - text: 'story '\n    start_ms: 281797\n  - text: 'short, '\n    start_ms: 282136\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 282535\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 282694\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 282894\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 283153\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 283313\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 283592\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284270\n  end_ms: 287560\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 284270\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 284489\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 284548\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 284707\n  - text: 'solemn '\n    start_ms: 284906\n  - text: 'vow '\n    start_ms: 285304\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 285562\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 285821\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 285980\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 286159\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 286377\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 286636\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 286735\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 286954\n  - text: rest\n    start_ms: 287212\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 287560\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 287940\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 288080\n  - text: 'sleep '\n    start_ms: 288320\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 288580\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 288720\n  - text: 'instant '\n    start_ms: 288800\n  - text: until\n    start_ms: 289204\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289360\n  end_ms: 291810\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 289360\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 289789\n  - text: 'nostrilled '\n    start_ms: 289946\n  - text: 'man '\n    start_ms: 290395\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 290609\n  - text: 'brought '\n    start_ms: 290766\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 290980\n  - text: justice\n    start_ms: 291136\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291810\n  end_ms: 293610\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 291810\n  - text: 'first, '\n    start_ms: 292130\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 292370\n  - text: 'decided '\n    start_ms: 292430\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 292730\n  - text: 'buy '\n    start_ms: 292810\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 292970\n  - text: donuts\n    start_ms: 293170\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293640\n  end_ms: 296320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 293640\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 294118\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 294238\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 294497\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 294537\n  - text: 'car '\n    start_ms: 294756\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 294995\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 295154\n  - text: 'drove '\n    start_ms: 295274\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 295533\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 295712\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 295812\n  - text: 'donut '\n    start_ms: 295912\n  - text: shop\n    start_ms: 296210\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298530\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 296320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 296680\n  - text: 'walked '\n    start_ms: 296860\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 297140\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 297300\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 297400\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 297500\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 297660\n  - text: 'behind '\n    start_ms: 297860\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 298180\n  - text: counter\n    start_ms: 298340\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303810\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 298570\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 298848\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 299067\n  - text: '\"Yeah, '\n    start_ms: 299405\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 300340\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 300459\n  - text: 'ya '\n    start_ms: 300539\n  - text: want?\"\n    start_ms: 300777\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303810\n  end_ms: 306350\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 303810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 304187\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 304346\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 304524\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 304683\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 304921\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 305417\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308790\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 306350\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 306730\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 307050\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 307590\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 307710\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 307930\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 308310\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308880\n  end_ms: 311640\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 308880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 309448\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 309663\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 309820\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 309957\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 310113\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 310544\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 310798\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311640\n  end_ms: 314330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 311640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 311920\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 312260\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 312940\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 313020\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 313380\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 313700\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314400\n  end_ms: 316950\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 314400\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 314709\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 314844\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 314960\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 315076\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 315269\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 315887\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 316216\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 316428\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316950\n  end_ms: 320000\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 316950\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 317310\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 317590\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 317930\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 318010\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 318230\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 318790\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 319090\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 319330\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321810\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 320070\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 320401\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 320537\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 320673\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 320789\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 321178\n  - text: rolls?\"\n    start_ms: 321470\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321810\n  end_ms: 324330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 321810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 322190\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 322530\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 323250\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 323370\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 323770\n  - text: rolls\"\n    start_ms: 324130\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324390\n  end_ms: 326880\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 324390\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 324896\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 325304\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 325479\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 325616\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 325849\n  - text: fritters?\"\n    start_ms: 326219\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326880\n  end_ms: 329460\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 326880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 327340\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 327680\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 328360\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 328500\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 328760\n  - text: fritters\"\n    start_ms: 329140\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329490\n  end_ms: 332110\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 329490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 329996\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 330444\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 330639\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 330795\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 331126\n  - text: claws?\"\n    start_ms: 331438\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\n  start_ms: 332110\n  end_ms: 336270\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 332110\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 332450\n  - text: '\"Wait '\n    start_ms: 332770\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 333450\n  - text: 'minute, '\n    start_ms: 333550\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 334210\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 334430\n  - text: check\"\n    start_ms: 334770\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343500\n  end_ms: 346410\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 344140\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 344580\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 344700\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 345020\n  - text: claws\"\n    start_ms: 345320\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351410\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 346420\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 346780\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 346960\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 347120\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 347240\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 347500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 349140\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 349300\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 349520\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 349800\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 350020\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 350280\n  - text: have?\"\n    start_ms: 350420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\"\n  start_ms: 351490\n  end_ms: 353160\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 351490\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 351866\n  - text: '\"All '\n    start_ms: 352142\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 352340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 352439\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 352636\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 352873\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 353071\n  - text: this\"\n    start_ms: 353130\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353160\n  end_ms: 356920\n  words:\n  - text: 'Box '\n    start_ms: 353160\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 353722\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 353916\n  - text: 'dozen '\n    start_ms: 354226\n  - text: 'starving, '\n    start_ms: 354691\n  - text: 'crazed '\n    start_ms: 355137\n  - text: weasels\"\n    start_ms: 355621\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358540\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 356920\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 357260\n  - text: '\"Okay, '\n    start_ms: 357640\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 357980\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 358100\n  - text: that\"\n    start_ms: 358280\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362350\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 358630\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 359070\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 359210\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 359450\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 359570\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 359730\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 360030\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 360190\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 360450\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 360730\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 360870\n  - text: 'lid '\n    start_ms: 361050\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 361310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 361450\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 361670\n  - text: 'jump '\n    start_ms: 362110\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362350\n  end_ms: 367600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 362350\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 362684\n  - text: 'immediately '\n    start_ms: 362842\n  - text: 'latch '\n    start_ms: 363490\n  - text: 'onto '\n    start_ms: 363785\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 363982\n  - text: 'face '\n    start_ms: 364159\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 364336\n  - text: 'start '\n    start_ms: 364493\n  - text: 'bitin'' '\n    start_ms: 364769\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 365083\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 365240\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 365457\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367600\n  end_ms: 369180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 367600\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 368100\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 368280\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 368380\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 368540\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 368700\n  - text: nuts\n    start_ms: 369000\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369210\n  end_ms: 371280\n  words:\n  - text: 'They '\n    start_ms: 369210\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 369730\n  - text: 'tearin'' '\n    start_ms: 369910\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 370250\n  - text: apart\n    start_ms: 370370\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373200\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 371340\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 371751\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 371927\n  - text: 'think '\n    start_ms: 372006\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 372143\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 372221\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 372378\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 372573\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 372828\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 373024\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376340\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 373200\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 373597\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 373677\n  - text: 'ditty '\n    start_ms: 374015\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 374353\n  - text: 'goin'' '\n    start_ms: 374710\n  - text: 'through '\n    start_ms: 374989\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 375207\n  - text: head\n    start_ms: 375446\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 376340\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 376657\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 376915\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 377033\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 377192\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 377271\n  - text: 'something '\n    start_ms: 377608\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 378024\n  - text: this\n    start_ms: 378321\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379520\n  end_ms: 380130\n  words:\n  - text: Doh!\n    start_ms: 379520\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381010\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 380270\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 380804\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 380894\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 380983\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381010\n  end_ms: 381930\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 381010\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 381425\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 381604\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 381821\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382620\n  words:\n  - text: Oh!\n    start_ms: 381930\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n  words:\n  - text: 'No, '\n    start_ms: 382620\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383013\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383141\n  - text: 'off, '\n    start_ms: 383230\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383427\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383545\n  - text: off!\n    start_ms: 383682\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385560\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 383830\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384330\n  - text: 'God, '\n    start_ms: 384590\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384890\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385610\n  end_ms: 386640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 385610\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 386076\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 386192\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 386271\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 386446\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 386640\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 387000\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 387240\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 387480\n- text: Ah, ah, ah!\n  start_ms: 387680\n  end_ms: 390100\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah, '\n    start_ms: 387680\n  - text: 'ah, '\n    start_ms: 388662\n  - text: ah!\n    start_ms: 388714\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393470\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 390100\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 390520\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 390720\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 390820\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 390960\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 391100\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 391340\n  - text: 'these '\n    start_ms: 391440\n  - text: flesh-\n    start_ms: 391700\n  - text: 'eating '\n    start_ms: 391960\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 392280\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 392700\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 392840\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 393020\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 393260\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396080\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wavin'' '\n    start_ms: 393580\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 394160\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 394400\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 394640\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 394820\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 395120\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 395220\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395460\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395680\n  - text: runnin'\n    start_ms: 395780\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398450\n  words:\n  - text: 'Like '\n    start_ms: 396080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 396591\n  - text: 'constipated '\n    start_ms: 396768\n  - text: 'wiener '\n    start_ms: 397457\n  - text: dog\n    start_ms: 397771\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398450\n  end_ms: 399640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 398450\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 398760\n  - text: 'luck '\n    start_ms: 398953\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 399147\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 399282\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 399476\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399640\n  end_ms: 403520\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 399640\n  - text: 'exactly '\n    start_ms: 400060\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 400760\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 400920\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 401060\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 401320\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 401480\n  - text: 'girl '\n    start_ms: 401640\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 402020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 402180\n  - text: dreams\n    start_ms: 402440\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403590\n  end_ms: 405040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Her '\n    start_ms: 403590\n  - text: 'name '\n    start_ms: 403948\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 404174\n  - text: Zelda\n    start_ms: 404381\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407310\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 405040\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 405437\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 405555\n  - text: 'calligraphy '\n    start_ms: 405655\n  - text: 'enthusiast '\n    start_ms: 406190\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 406923\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 407042\n  - text: slight\n    start_ms: 407181\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Overbite '\n    start_ms: 407310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 407950\n  - text: 'hair '\n    start_ms: 408170\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 408370\n  - text: 'color '\n    start_ms: 408530\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 408810\n  - text: 'strained '\n    start_ms: 409070\n  - text: peaches\n    start_ms: 409570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413250\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 410590\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 410999\n  - text: 'forget '\n    start_ms: 411233\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 411486\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 411603\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 411876\n  - text: 'thing '\n    start_ms: 412129\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 412344\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 412539\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 412734\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 412831\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413250\n  end_ms: 415990\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 413250\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 413650\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 413870\n  - text: 'you''ve '\n    start_ms: 414750\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 414870\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 415010\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 415350\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 415450\n  - text: face\"\n    start_ms: 415570\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416020\n  end_ms: 417920\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 416020\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 416483\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 416618\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 416676\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 416830\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 416965\n  - text: 'true '\n    start_ms: 417177\n  - text: love\n    start_ms: 417486\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419930\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 417920\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 418300\n  - text: 'inseparable '\n    start_ms: 418460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 419220\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 419480\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419940\n  end_ms: 422970\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw, '\n    start_ms: 419940\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 420600\n  - text: 'ate '\n    start_ms: 420940\n  - text: 'together, '\n    start_ms: 421220\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 421900\n  - text: 'bathed '\n    start_ms: 422200\n  - text: together\n    start_ms: 422600\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423080\n  end_ms: 426240\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 423080\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 423448\n  - text: 'shared '\n    start_ms: 423720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 423933\n  - text: 'same '\n    start_ms: 424107\n  - text: 'piece '\n    start_ms: 424360\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 424592\n  - text: mint-\n    start_ms: 424767\n  - text: 'flavored '\n    start_ms: 424980\n  - text: 'dental '\n    start_ms: 425387\n  - text: floss\n    start_ms: 425678\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426240\n  end_ms: 428170\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 426240\n  - text: 'world '\n    start_ms: 426740\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 427060\n  - text: 'our '\n    start_ms: 427280\n  - text: burrito\n    start_ms: 427460\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430540\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 428280\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 428799\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 428953\n  - text: 'married '\n    start_ms: 429222\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 429626\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 429780\n  - text: 'bought '\n    start_ms: 429953\n  - text: 'us '\n    start_ms: 430184\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 430377\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 430453\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434130\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 430540\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 430940\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 431220\n  - text: 'beautiful '\n    start_ms: 431480\n  - text: 'children, '\n    start_ms: 431980\n  - text: 'Nathaniel '\n    start_ms: 432460\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 433020\n  - text: Superfly\n    start_ms: 433320\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 434140\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 434600\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 434720\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 434920\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435240\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435700\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 436140\n  - text: 'happy, '\n    start_ms: 436600\n  - text: 'aw '\n    start_ms: 437320\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 437760\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438390\n  end_ms: 441490\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 438390\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 438768\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 439086\n  - text: 'fateful '\n    start_ms: 439364\n  - text: 'night, '\n    start_ms: 439801\n  - text: 'Zelda '\n    start_ms: 440536\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 440894\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 441073\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 441192\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441490\n  end_ms: 443750\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 441490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 441883\n  - text: '\"Sweetie '\n    start_ms: 442571\n  - text: pumpkin?\n    start_ms: 443003\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443750\n  end_ms: 448620\n  words:\n  - text: 'Do '\n    start_ms: 443750\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 444230\n  - text: 'wanna '\n    start_ms: 444370\n  - text: 'join '\n    start_ms: 444670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 444970\n  - text: 'Columbia '\n    start_ms: 445070\n  - text: 'Record '\n    start_ms: 445830\n  - text: Club?\"\n    start_ms: 446230\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448640\n  end_ms: 451510\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 448640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 448993\n  - text: '\"Whoa, '\n    start_ms: 449247\n  - text: 'hold '\n    start_ms: 450423\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 450736\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 450932\n  - text: baby\n    start_ms: 451167\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451510\n  end_ms: 454010\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 451510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 451910\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 452050\n  - text: 'ready '\n    start_ms: 452250\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 452490\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 452610\n  - text: 'kind '\n    start_ms: 452870\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 453130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 453230\n  - text: commitment!\"\n    start_ms: 453310\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454030\n  end_ms: 456240\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 454030\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 454470\n  - text: 'broke '\n    start_ms: 454630\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 454990\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 455150\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 455310\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 455410\n  - text: 'saw '\n    start_ms: 455710\n  - text: 'her '\n    start_ms: 455910\n  - text: again\n    start_ms: 456070\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456260\n  end_ms: 459010\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 456260\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 456700\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 457020\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 457300\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 457520\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 457800\n  - text: go\n    start_ms: 458160\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459050\n  end_ms: 464450\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 459050\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 459690\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464450\n  end_ms: 469060\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 464450\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480100\n  end_ms: 482180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 480100\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 480760\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 481040\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 481280\n  - text: 'lookin'' '\n    start_ms: 481660\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 481920\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 482060\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 482140\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486500\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 482260\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 482778\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 483036\n  - text: 'week '\n    start_ms: 483176\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 483415\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 483833\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 483972\n  - text: 'achieved '\n    start_ms: 484310\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 484868\n  - text: 'lifelong '\n    start_ms: 485186\n  - text: dream\n    start_ms: 485843\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489750\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 486500\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 487100\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 487340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 487440\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 487600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 487740\n  - text: part-\n    start_ms: 487880\n  - text: 'time '\n    start_ms: 488120\n  - text: 'job '\n    start_ms: 488460\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 488680\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 488780\n  - text: Sizzler!\n    start_ms: 489000\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489790\n  end_ms: 491340\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 489790\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 490110\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 490290\n  - text: 'employee '\n    start_ms: 490430\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 490890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 490970\n  - text: 'month '\n    start_ms: 491090\n  - text: after\n    start_ms: 491290\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491360\n  end_ms: 493680\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 491360\n  - text: 'put '\n    start_ms: 491717\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 491876\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 492034\n  - text: 'grease '\n    start_ms: 492252\n  - text: 'fire '\n    start_ms: 492570\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 492808\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 492946\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 493264\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw '\n    start_ms: 493680\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 494140\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 494320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 494580\n  - text: 'pretty '\n    start_ms: 494740\n  - text: 'jealous '\n    start_ms: 495080\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 495380\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 495460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 495620\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 495860\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498120\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 496270\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 496608\n  - text: 'gettin'' '\n    start_ms: 496758\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 496946\n  - text: 'lot '\n    start_ms: 497021\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 497153\n  - text: attitude\n    start_ms: 497303\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Okay, '\n    start_ms: 498120\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 498580\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 498800\n  - text: 'time, '\n    start_ms: 499000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 499320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 499380\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 499540\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 499660\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 499740\n  - text: 'parking '\n    start_ms: 499920\n  - text: lot\n    start_ms: 500170\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503050\n  words:\n  - text: 'Tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 500220\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 500720\n  - text: 'remove '\n    start_ms: 500820\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 501160\n  - text: 'excess '\n    start_ms: 501380\n  - text: 'earwax '\n    start_ms: 501740\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 502120\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 502240\n  - text: 'golf '\n    start_ms: 502320\n  - text: pencil\n    start_ms: 502580\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504760\n  words:\n  - text: 'When '\n    start_ms: 503070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 503488\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 503567\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 503706\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 503845\n  - text: 'Marty '\n    start_ms: 504084\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 504402\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 504601\n  - text: carry\n    start_ms: 504700\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504760\n  end_ms: 507310\n  words:\n  - text: 'A '\n    start_ms: 504760\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 505120\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 505280\n  - text: 'sofa '\n    start_ms: 505620\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 505900\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 506020\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 506160\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 506420\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 506580\n  - text: himself\n    start_ms: 506720\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 507340\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 507929\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508086\n  - text: 'say '\n    start_ms: 508204\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 508322\n  - text: 'him, '\n    start_ms: 508390\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508479\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 508577\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 508754\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 509362\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 509441\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 509559\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 509676\n  - text: 'help '\n    start_ms: 509834\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 510089\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 510187\n  - text: that?\"\n    start_ms: 510305\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 510560\n  - text: 'Marty, '\n    start_ms: 510980\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 511400\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 511560\n  - text: 'rolls '\n    start_ms: 511900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 512440\n  - text: 'eyes '\n    start_ms: 512700\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 513120\n  - text: goes\n    start_ms: 513240\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513310\n  end_ms: 517600\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 513810\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 514550\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 514650\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 514830\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 514930\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 515110\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 515330\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 515530\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 515710\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 515950\n  - text: 'legs '\n    start_ms: 516090\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 516330\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 516470\n  - text: chainsaw\"\n    start_ms: 516610\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517660\n  end_ms: 518980\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 517660\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 518129\n  - text: did\n    start_ms: 518188\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518980\n  end_ms: 520630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 518980\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 519200\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 519300\n  - text: 'gets '\n    start_ms: 519380\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 519560\n  - text: 'indignant '\n    start_ms: 519720\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 520340\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 520500\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520660\n  end_ms: 523650\n  words:\n  - text: 'He''s '\n    start_ms: 520660\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 520978\n  - text: '\"Hey '\n    start_ms: 521335\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 521633\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 521971\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 522051\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 522210\n  - text: 'being '\n    start_ms: 522408\n  - text: sarcastic!\"\n    start_ms: 522647\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523650\n  end_ms: 524730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 523650\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 524020\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 524370\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 524604\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524730\n  end_ms: 526320\n  words:\n  - text: 'How '\n    start_ms: 524730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 525070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 525250\n  - text: 'supposed '\n    start_ms: 525390\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 525730\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 525830\n  - text: that?\n    start_ms: 526010\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528500\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 526340\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 526751\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 526856\n  - text: 'mind '\n    start_ms: 527009\n  - text: 'reader, '\n    start_ms: 527277\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 527468\n  - text: 'cryin'' '\n    start_ms: 527640\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 527927\n  - text: loud\n    start_ms: 528099\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528500\n  end_ms: 531600\n  words:\n  - text: 'Besides, '\n    start_ms: 528500\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 529340\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 529460\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 529600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 529740\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 529820\n  - text: 'cute '\n    start_ms: 530080\n  - text: 'nickname, '\n    start_ms: 530320\n  - text: '\"Torso-'\n    start_ms: 530900\n  - text: Boy\"!\n    start_ms: 531400\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531680\n  end_ms: 533890\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 531680\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 532120\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 532300\n  - text: 'complaining '\n    start_ms: 532460\n  - text: about?\n    start_ms: 532940\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533940\n  end_ms: 536990\n  words:\n  - text: 'Say, '\n    start_ms: 533940\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 534698\n  - text: 'reminds '\n    start_ms: 534857\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 535256\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 535355\n  - text: 'another '\n    start_ms: 535455\n  - text: 'amusing '\n    start_ms: 535754\n  - text: anecdote\n    start_ms: 536312\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538230\n  words:\n  - text: 'This '\n    start_ms: 536990\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 537352\n  - text: 'comes '\n    start_ms: 537543\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 537734\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 537848\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 537925\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 538039\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 538116\n  - text: street\n    start_ms: 538211\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538230\n  end_ms: 541200\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 538230\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 538590\n  - text: 'tells '\n    start_ms: 538750\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 539010\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 539170\n  - text: 'hasn''t '\n    start_ms: 539330\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 539610\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 539770\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 539950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 540230\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 540470\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 540830\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 541280\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 541959\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 542110\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 542223\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 542374\n  - text: meant\n    start_ms: 542525\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542610\n  end_ms: 546420\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 542610\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 543090\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 543310\n  - text: 'be '\n    start_ms: 543410\n  - text: 'funny, '\n    start_ms: 543630\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 544230\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 544370\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 544570\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 544650\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 545010\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 545230\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 545330\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 545410\n  - text: 'jugular '\n    start_ms: 545670\n  - text: vein\n    start_ms: 546210\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546460\n  end_ms: 549230\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 546460\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 546840\n  - text: 'yellin'' '\n    start_ms: 547060\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 547460\n  - text: 'screamin'' '\n    start_ms: 547620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 548020\n  - text: 'bleeding '\n    start_ms: 548240\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 548640\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 548920\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549250\n  end_ms: 551560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 549250\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 549328\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 549465\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 549661\n  - text: 'come '\n    start_ms: 550248\n  - text: 'on, '\n    start_ms: 550483\n  - text: 'don''t '\n    start_ms: 550679\n  - text: '''cha '\n    start_ms: 550836\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 551090\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 551286\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552720\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 551560\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 551792\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 551889\n  - text: 'keeps '\n    start_ms: 552043\n  - text: 'rolling '\n    start_ms: 552237\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 552565\n  - text: on\n    start_ms: 552710\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556640\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 552720\n  - text: 'sidewalk, '\n    start_ms: 553060\n  - text: 'bleeding, '\n    start_ms: 553620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 554000\n  - text: 'screaming, '\n    start_ms: 554220\n  - text: '\"Ah, '\n    start_ms: 554660\n  - text: 'oh, '\n    start_ms: 555600\n  - text: ah!\"\n    start_ms: 556060\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 556750\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 557064\n  - text: 'completely '\n    start_ms: 557221\n  - text: 'missing '\n    start_ms: 557671\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 557966\n  - text: 'irony '\n    start_ms: 558162\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 558475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 558554\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 558652\n  - text: situation\n    start_ms: 558848\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Man, '\n    start_ms: 559730\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 560350\n  - text: 'people '\n    start_ms: 560510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 560790\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 560970\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 561150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 561330\n  - text: 'joke, '\n    start_ms: 561490\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 561810\n  - text: know?\n    start_ms: 561890\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568240\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 562520\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 563472\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 565653\n  - text: 'where '\n    start_ms: 566624\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 566783\n  - text: I?\n    start_ms: 566981\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568240\n  end_ms: 570300\n  words:\n  - text: 'Kinda '\n    start_ms: 568240\n  - text: 'lost '\n    start_ms: 568713\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 568930\n  - text: 'train '\n    start_ms: 569048\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 569226\n  - text: thought\n    start_ms: 569344\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570300\n  end_ms: 571700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Uh, '\n    start_ms: 570300\n  - text: 'well, '\n    start_ms: 571293\n  - text: 'uh, '\n    start_ms: 571630\n  - text: okay\n    start_ms: 571685\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571700\n  end_ms: 574700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway '\n    start_ms: 571700\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 572500\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 572740\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 572800\n  - text: 'it''s '\n    start_ms: 572940\n  - text: 'kinda '\n    start_ms: 573080\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 573260\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 573320\n  - text: 'roundabout '\n    start_ms: 573420\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 573900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 574080\n  - text: 'saying '\n    start_ms: 574360\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 574640\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577570\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 574710\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 575570\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 575650\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 575830\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 575930\n  - text: 'point '\n    start_ms: 576170\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 576410\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 576570\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 576770\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 576910\n  - text: 'here '\n    start_ms: 577150\n  - text: is\n    start_ms: 577330\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581090\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 577620\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 579220\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 580440\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581130\n  end_ms: 582660\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 581130\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 581550\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 581670\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 581790\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 582010\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 582210\n  - text: say\n    start_ms: 582330\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582690\n  end_ms: 584660\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 582690\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 583050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 583230\n  - text: 'way, '\n    start_ms: 583350\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 583530\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 583730\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 583870\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 584010\n  - text: 'happen '\n    start_ms: 584150\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 584410\n  - text: 'wake '\n    start_ms: 584570\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 584644\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584680\n  end_ms: 587070\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 584680\n  - text: 'find '\n    start_ms: 585115\n  - text: 'yourself '\n    start_ms: 585332\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 585687\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 585786\n  - text: 'existential '\n    start_ms: 585944\n  - text: quandary\n    start_ms: 586655\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588750\n  words:\n  - text: 'Full '\n    start_ms: 587070\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 587581\n  - text: 'loathing '\n    start_ms: 587777\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 588190\n  - text: self-\n    start_ms: 588406\n  - text: doubt\n    start_ms: 588662\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589900\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 588750\n  - text: 'wracked '\n    start_ms: 589168\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 589510\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 589624\n  - text: 'pain '\n    start_ms: 589776\n  - text: and\n    start_ms: 589885\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589900\n  end_ms: 592700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Isolation '\n    start_ms: 589900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 590840\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 590940\n  - text: 'pitiful '\n    start_ms: 591120\n  - text: 'meaningless '\n    start_ms: 591520\n  - text: existence\n    start_ms: 591980\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592730\n  end_ms: 595500\n  words:\n  - text: 'At '\n    start_ms: 592730\n  - text: 'least '\n    start_ms: 593330\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 593590\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 593670\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 593830\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 594030\n  - text: 'small '\n    start_ms: 594170\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 594490\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 594630\n  - text: 'comfort '\n    start_ms: 594810\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 595190\n  - text: 'knowing '\n    start_ms: 595310\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 595484\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595540\n  end_ms: 600460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Somewhere '\n    start_ms: 595540\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 596295\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 596494\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 596673\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 596772\n  - text: 'crazy '\n    start_ms: 597091\n  - text: 'old '\n    start_ms: 597568\n  - text: mixed-\n    start_ms: 597826\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 598104\n  - text: 'universe '\n    start_ms: 598383\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 598820\n  - text: ours\n    start_ms: 598999\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600460\n  end_ms: 603680\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 600460\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 601160\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 601420\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 601560\n  - text: 'place '\n    start_ms: 601900\n  - text: called\n    start_ms: 603320\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603700\n  end_ms: 608580\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 603700\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608590\n  end_ms: 613100\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 608590\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615580\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 613100\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 614520\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615700\n  end_ms: 618070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 615700\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 617194\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618070\n  end_ms: 620650\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 618070\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 619718\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620650\n  end_ms: 623420\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 620650\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 622310\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623490\n  end_ms: 625160\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 623490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 623950\n  - text: '\"A\" '\n    start_ms: 624310\n  - text: (A)\n    start_ms: 624910\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625190\n  end_ms: 626440\n  words:\n  - text: '\"L\" '\n    start_ms: 625863\n  - text: (L)\n    start_ms: 626171\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626440\n  end_ms: 627700\n  words:\n  - text: '\"B\" '\n    start_ms: 626866\n  - text: (B)\n    start_ms: 627385\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631690\n  words:\n  - text: '\"U\" '\n    start_ms: 628140\n  - text: (U)\n    start_ms: 628660\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631760\n  end_ms: 637230\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Querque!\" '\n    start_ms: 631940\n  - text: (Querque!)\n    start_ms: 633220\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637290\n  end_ms: 639270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637290\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637800\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 638133\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 638309\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642160\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 639270\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640160\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640970\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 641763\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642190\n  end_ms: 644640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 642190\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643017\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643567\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 644282\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644640\n  end_ms: 647400\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 644640\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 645693\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 646120\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 646973\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660360\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 647400\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  I lived in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it\n  All, the phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And says he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\"(L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":18596174,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"«Weird Al» Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential «Weird Al» Yankovic [CD 2]","duration":684.5126656,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLiving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n(You know the place)\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was 26 and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque!\nAlbuquerque!\n\nOh, yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the Spectra Vision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'K\"\n\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh my God!\nAh, ah ah!\n\nI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOkay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandary\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":null,"lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: «Weird Al» Yankovic\n  album: The Essential «Weird Al» Yankovic [CD 2]\n  duration_ms: 684513\n  instrumental: false\nlines: []\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  (You know the place)\n  Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was 26 and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque!\n  Albuquerque!\n\n  Oh, yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  And I'm like, \"'K\"\n\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh my God!\n  Ah, ah ah!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n  \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":11644637,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential \"Weird Al\" Yankovic 3.0","duration":684.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.26] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:08.11] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.78] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:11.27] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.99] You know the place\n[00:14.91] Well, anyway\n[00:15.30] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:20.02] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.49] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:29.06] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.62] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.74] It was driving me crazy\n[00:34.25] I said to my mom\n[00:34.90] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.81] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:39.04] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.70] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:45.04] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:49.22] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.87] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.61] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:56.13] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:58.12] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:59.73] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.31] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.44] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:07.39] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:10.20] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:15.08] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.59] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.65] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.35] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.59] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.84] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.91] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.39] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:33.45] Albuquerque\n[01:38.52] Albuquerque\n[01:42.62] Oh yeah\n[01:43.94] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:46.18] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.64] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.48] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.64] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.64] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.59] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:02.19] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.95] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.54] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:11.51] Except for me\n[02:12.83] You know why?\n[02:14.26] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.85] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.45] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.90] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.56] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.10] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:31.20] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:33.26] Ah ha ha\n[02:34.08] Ahhhh\n[02:34.77] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.52] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.42] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:45.17] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.76] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.64] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.96] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.91] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:01.06] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.98] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.26] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.55] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:07.33] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.74] That I love so very\n[03:10.60] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.98] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.84] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.19] No answer\n[03:18.63] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.78] There's no answer\n[03:21.11] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:22.26] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.85] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:28.26] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:33.32] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.05] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.33] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.32] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.04] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.30] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.60] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.91] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.32] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.93] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.69] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.78] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.87] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.45] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.60] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.63] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.94] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.46] It said\n[04:09.99] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:15.28] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.30] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.49] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.56] In Albuquerque\n[04:36.04] Albuquerque\n[04:40.80] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.19] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.53] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.40] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.87] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.69] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.38] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.59] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.84] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.40] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:09.02] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.59] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:14.32] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.92] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:20.00] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.83] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.45] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:27.00] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.62] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.12] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.85] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:46.42] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:51.46] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:53.10] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.99] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:58.65] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:02.38] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.69] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.25] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.34] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.24] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.34] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.54] Doh!\n[06:20.38] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.04] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.91] Oh!\n[06:22.67] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.82] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.62] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.64] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.36] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:30.17] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.49] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.58] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.02] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.42] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.68] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.58] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.00] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:47.30] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.56] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:53.23] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:56.06] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.92] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.95] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.05] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.28] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.27] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.56] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.17] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.36] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.42] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.71] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.65] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.54] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.08] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.25] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.09] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.42] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[08:00.18] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.13] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.58] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.75] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.23] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.57] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.27] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.15] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.26] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.06] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.75] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.36] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.52] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.39] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:37.64] So I did\n[08:38.85] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.54] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.58] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.64] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.32] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.54] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.60] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.88] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.97] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.22] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.23] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.52] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.41] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.99] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.42] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.63] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:14.48] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.75] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.52] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.22] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.38] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.89] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.60] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.64] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:41.06] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.66] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.69] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:47.02] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.78] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:49.98] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.86] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.43] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.43] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.45] Albuquerque\n[10:08.58] Albuquerque\n[10:13.06] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:14.39] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.68] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:16.93] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:17.56] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:17.70] \"L\" (L)\n[10:17.87] \"B\" (B)\n[10:18.08] \"U\" (U)\n[10:18.21] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:18.28] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:22.01] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:31.45] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:43.34] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:52.35] Albuquerque\n[10:59.17] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: '\"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  album: The Essential \"Weird Al\" Yankovic 3.0\n  duration_ms: 684000\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6260\n  end_ms: 8110\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 8110\n  end_ms: 9780\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9780\n  end_ms: 11270\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  start_ms: 11270\n  end_ms: 13990\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 13990\n  end_ms: 14910\n- text: Well, anyway\n  start_ms: 14910\n  end_ms: 15300\n- text: Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 15300\n  end_ms: 20020\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 20020\n  end_ms: 23490\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23490\n  end_ms: 29060\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 29060\n  end_ms: 31620\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31620\n  end_ms: 32740\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32740\n  end_ms: 34250\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 34250\n  end_ms: 34900\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34900\n  end_ms: 37810\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37810\n  end_ms: 39040\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 39040\n  end_ms: 42700\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42700\n  end_ms: 45040\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 45040\n  end_ms: 49220\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49220\n  end_ms: 51870\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51870\n  end_ms: 53610\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53610\n  end_ms: 56130\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 56130\n  end_ms: 58120\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58120\n  end_ms: 59730\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59730\n  end_ms: 62310\n- text: Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62310\n  end_ms: 65440\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65440\n  end_ms: 67390\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67390\n  end_ms: 70200\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70200\n  end_ms: 75080\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 75080\n  end_ms: 75590\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75590\n  end_ms: 76650\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76650\n  end_ms: 79350\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79350\n  end_ms: 82590\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82590\n  end_ms: 83840\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83840\n  end_ms: 86910\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86910\n  end_ms: 90390\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90390\n  end_ms: 93450\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 93450\n  end_ms: 98520\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 98520\n  end_ms: 102620\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 102620\n  end_ms: 103940\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103940\n  end_ms: 106180\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 106180\n  end_ms: 108640\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108640\n  end_ms: 110480\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110480\n  end_ms: 113640\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113640\n  end_ms: 116640\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116640\n  end_ms: 119590\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119590\n  end_ms: 122190\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 122190\n  end_ms: 123950\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123950\n  end_ms: 126540\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126540\n  end_ms: 131510\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131510\n  end_ms: 132830\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132830\n  end_ms: 134260\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134260\n  end_ms: 136850\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136850\n  end_ms: 139450\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139450\n  end_ms: 141900\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141900\n  end_ms: 144560\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144560\n  end_ms: 147100\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147100\n  end_ms: 151200\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 151200\n  end_ms: 153260\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 153260\n  end_ms: 154080\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 154080\n  end_ms: 154770\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154770\n  end_ms: 157520\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157520\n  end_ms: 161420\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161420\n  end_ms: 165170\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165170\n  end_ms: 167760\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167760\n  end_ms: 171640\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171640\n  end_ms: 175960\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175960\n  end_ms: 177910\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177910\n  end_ms: 181060\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 181060\n  end_ms: 182980\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 182980\n  end_ms: 184260\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184260\n  end_ms: 185550\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187330\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189740\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189740\n  end_ms: 190600\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190600\n  end_ms: 193980\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193980\n  end_ms: 195840\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195840\n  end_ms: 197190\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197190\n  end_ms: 198630\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198630\n  end_ms: 199780\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199780\n  end_ms: 201110\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 201110\n  end_ms: 202260\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202260\n  end_ms: 203850\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203850\n  end_ms: 208260\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208260\n  end_ms: 213320\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213320\n  end_ms: 216050\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216050\n  end_ms: 219330\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219330\n  end_ms: 221320\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221320\n  end_ms: 224040\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 224040\n  end_ms: 225300\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225300\n  end_ms: 226600\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226600\n  end_ms: 227910\n- text: And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  start_ms: 227910\n  end_ms: 229320\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231930\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231930\n  end_ms: 234690\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234690\n  end_ms: 237780\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237780\n  end_ms: 239870\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239870\n  end_ms: 241450\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241450\n  end_ms: 243600\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243600\n  end_ms: 246630\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246630\n  end_ms: 247940\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247940\n  end_ms: 249460\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249460\n  end_ms: 249990\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 249990\n  end_ms: 255280\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255280\n  end_ms: 260300\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 260300\n  end_ms: 265490\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265490\n  end_ms: 270560\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270560\n  end_ms: 276040\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 276040\n  end_ms: 280800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280800\n  end_ms: 284190\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284190\n  end_ms: 287530\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287530\n  end_ms: 289400\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289400\n  end_ms: 291870\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291870\n  end_ms: 293690\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293690\n  end_ms: 296380\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296380\n  end_ms: 298590\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298590\n  end_ms: 303840\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303840\n  end_ms: 306400\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 306400\n  end_ms: 309020\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 309020\n  end_ms: 311590\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 311590\n  end_ms: 314320\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314320\n  end_ms: 316920\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 316920\n  end_ms: 320000\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320000\n  end_ms: 321830\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  start_ms: 321830\n  end_ms: 324450\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324450\n  end_ms: 327000\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  start_ms: 327000\n  end_ms: 329620\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329620\n  end_ms: 332120\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332120\n  end_ms: 334960\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 334960\n  end_ms: 343850\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws.\"'\n  start_ms: 343850\n  end_ms: 346420\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351460\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 351460\n  end_ms: 353100\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353100\n  end_ms: 356990\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 356990\n  end_ms: 358650\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358650\n  end_ms: 362380\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362380\n  end_ms: 367690\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367690\n  end_ms: 369250\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369250\n  end_ms: 371340\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373240\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373240\n  end_ms: 376340\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379540\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379540\n  end_ms: 380380\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380380\n  end_ms: 381040\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381040\n  end_ms: 381910\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381910\n  end_ms: 382670\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382670\n  end_ms: 383820\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383820\n  end_ms: 385620\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385620\n  end_ms: 386640\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387360\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387360\n  end_ms: 390170\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 390170\n  end_ms: 391490\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391490\n  end_ms: 393580\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396020\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396020\n  end_ms: 398420\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398420\n  end_ms: 399680\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399680\n  end_ms: 403580\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403580\n  end_ms: 405000\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405000\n  end_ms: 407300\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407300\n  end_ms: 410560\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410560\n  end_ms: 413230\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 413230\n  end_ms: 416060\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416060\n  end_ms: 417920\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419950\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419950\n  end_ms: 423050\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423050\n  end_ms: 426280\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426280\n  end_ms: 428270\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428270\n  end_ms: 430560\n- text: And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430560\n  end_ms: 434170\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434170\n  end_ms: 438360\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438360\n  end_ms: 441420\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441420\n  end_ms: 443710\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443710\n  end_ms: 448650\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448650\n  end_ms: 451540\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451540\n  end_ms: 454080\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454080\n  end_ms: 456250\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456250\n  end_ms: 459090\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459090\n  end_ms: 464420\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464420\n  end_ms: 469560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469560\n  end_ms: 480180\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480180\n  end_ms: 482130\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482130\n  end_ms: 486580\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486580\n  end_ms: 489750\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489750\n  end_ms: 491230\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491230\n  end_ms: 493570\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493570\n  end_ms: 496270\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498150\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498150\n  end_ms: 500260\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500260\n  end_ms: 503060\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503060\n  end_ms: 504750\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504750\n  end_ms: 507360\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507360\n  end_ms: 510520\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510520\n  end_ms: 513390\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 513390\n  end_ms: 517640\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517640\n  end_ms: 518850\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518850\n  end_ms: 520540\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520540\n  end_ms: 523580\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523580\n  end_ms: 524640\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524640\n  end_ms: 526320\n- text: I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526320\n  end_ms: 528540\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528540\n  end_ms: 531600\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531600\n  end_ms: 533880\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533880\n  end_ms: 536970\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536970\n  end_ms: 538220\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538220\n  end_ms: 541230\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541230\n  end_ms: 542520\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542520\n  end_ms: 546410\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546410\n  end_ms: 548990\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 548990\n  end_ms: 551420\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551420\n  end_ms: 552630\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 552630\n  end_ms: 554480\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 554480\n  end_ms: 559750\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559750\n  end_ms: 562520\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568220\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568220\n  end_ms: 570380\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570380\n  end_ms: 571890\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571890\n  end_ms: 574600\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574600\n  end_ms: 577640\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577640\n  end_ms: 581060\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581060\n  end_ms: 582660\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582660\n  end_ms: 584690\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584690\n  end_ms: 587020\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587020\n  end_ms: 588780\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588780\n  end_ms: 589980\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589980\n  end_ms: 592860\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592860\n  end_ms: 595430\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595430\n  end_ms: 600430\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600430\n  end_ms: 603450\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603450\n  end_ms: 608580\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608580\n  end_ms: 613060\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613060\n  end_ms: 614390\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 614390\n  end_ms: 615680\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615680\n  end_ms: 616930\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 616930\n  end_ms: 617560\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 617560\n  end_ms: 617700\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 617700\n  end_ms: 617870\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 617870\n  end_ms: 618080\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 618080\n  end_ms: 618210\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 618210\n  end_ms: 618280\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 618280\n  end_ms: 622010\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 622010\n  end_ms: 631450\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 631450\n  end_ms: 643340\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 643340\n  end_ms: 652350\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 652350\n  end_ms: 659170\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 659170\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":9707979,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"«Weird Al» Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential «Weird Al» Yankovic [CD 2]","duration":681.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":null,"lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: «Weird Al» Yankovic\n  album: The Essential «Weird Al» Yankovic [CD 2]\n  duration_ms: 681000\n  instrumental: false\nlines: []\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":39207483,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic, Disc 2","duration":685.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38]Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.13]Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.10]The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.82]Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.23]You know the place\n[00:14.28]Well, anyway\n[00:14.97]Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.45]Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.09]My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.83]Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.17]Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.56]It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.75]I said to my mom\n[00:33.75]I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.45]And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.64]She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.00]And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.36]And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.87]And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.41]And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.98]Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.65]That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.51]Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.93]And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.61]Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.77]And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.69]Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.29]And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.59]Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.82]Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.33]It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.48]Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.35]To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.34]Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.90]I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.39]That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.82]Albuquerque\n[01:37.88]Albuquerque\n[01:41.75]Oh yeah\n[01:43.42]You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.31]And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.22]Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.99]Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17]And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.75]The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.04]And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.21]And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.25]And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.80]And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.78]Except for me\n[02:12.26]You know why?\n[02:13.88]'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45]And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.08]Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32]And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.95]Had my tray table up\n[02:26.56]And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.51]Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.35]Ah ha ha\n[02:32.75]Ahhhh\n[02:34.33]So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.18]I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.95]Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.49]And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.42]And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44]But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58]Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.35]And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.13]It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.63]Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.08]And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.36]And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65]And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.37]That I love so very\n[03:10.52]Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.61]Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01]I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.64]No answer\n[03:18.06]\"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12]There's no answer\n[03:20.72]\"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.73]They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.61]So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.67]It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.52]Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.93]So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.83]And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.98]That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.85]And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.29]And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14]And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.59]And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.17]So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.48]And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.08]And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.30]Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.43]And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.28]The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.96]And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.16]And you know what it said?\n[04:07.81]I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.04]It said\n[04:09.92]\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.67]\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.11]\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.25]\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.58]In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84]Albuquerque\n[04:40.09]Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.26]But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16]I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.01]The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.18]But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.57]So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.29]And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.21]And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30]I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.23]He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.29]I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.26]He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.62]I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.13]He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.15]I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.60]He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.31]I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.64]He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.00]I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.04]He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96]\n[05:43.42]\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.77]I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.31]He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.83]Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.22]I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.73]So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.91]And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.64]Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.18]They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.90]You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.68]That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.08]I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.75]Doh!\n[06:19.74]Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.79]Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.84]Oh!\n[06:22.41]No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.89]Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.45]Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.32]Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.32]Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64]I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.38]Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.44]Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08]Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.04]And as luck would have it\n[06:39.54]That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59]Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.59]She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.85]Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24]I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:52.41]She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.43]That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.56]We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.55]Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.75]We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50]The world was our burrito\n[07:07.96]So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.10]And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.29]Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.06]But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.98]She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.27]Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12]I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.22]I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.57]So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.96]But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.44]In Albuquerque\n[07:43.86]Albuquerque\n[07:49.56]\n[07:59.51]Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.76]Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.48]That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.76]I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.25]I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.13]Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.14]I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.70]OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.68]Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.44]When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.49]A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.63]So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.18]And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.91]\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.76]So I did\n[08:38.35]And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.36]He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.62]Well, that's just great\n[08:44.55]How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.14]I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.13]Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.54]So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81]Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.51]This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.01]And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.63]Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.94]But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.19]And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.38]And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18]But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.55]The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.10]You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.73]Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.15]Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.26]Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.90]Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.78]Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.20]But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79]I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:40.57]That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.24]And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.39]And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.59]Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53]And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.11]Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.76]At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.09]Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.07]There's still a little place called\n[10:03.49]Albuquerque\n[10:08.14]Albuquerque\n[10:12.90]Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.81]Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.99]Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.71]Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52]I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.10]\"L\" (L)\n[10:26.63]\"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75]\"U\" (U)\n[10:31.01]\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.92]Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.12]Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.96]Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.53]Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.96]Albuquerque\n[11:01.60]","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic, Disc 2\n  duration_ms: 684547\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 5380\n  end_ms: 7130\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 7130\n  end_ms: 9100\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9100\n  end_ms: 10820\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  start_ms: 10820\n  end_ms: 13230\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 13230\n  end_ms: 14280\n- text: Well, anyway\n  start_ms: 14280\n  end_ms: 14970\n- text: Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 14970\n  end_ms: 19450\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19450\n  end_ms: 23090\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23090\n  end_ms: 26830\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 26830\n  end_ms: 31170\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31170\n  end_ms: 32560\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32560\n  end_ms: 33750\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33750\n  end_ms: 33750\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 33750\n  end_ms: 37450\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37450\n  end_ms: 38640\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38640\n  end_ms: 42000\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42000\n  end_ms: 44360\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44360\n  end_ms: 48870\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 48870\n  end_ms: 51410\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51410\n  end_ms: 52980\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 52980\n  end_ms: 55650\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55650\n  end_ms: 57510\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 57510\n  end_ms: 58930\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 58930\n  end_ms: 61610\n- text: Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 61610\n  end_ms: 64770\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 64770\n  end_ms: 66690\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 66690\n  end_ms: 69290\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 69290\n  end_ms: 73590\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 73590\n  end_ms: 74820\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 74820\n  end_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76330\n  end_ms: 78480\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 78480\n  end_ms: 81350\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 81350\n  end_ms: 83340\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83340\n  end_ms: 85900\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 85900\n  end_ms: 89390\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 89390\n  end_ms: 92820\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 92820\n  end_ms: 97880\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 97880\n  end_ms: 101750\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 101750\n  end_ms: 103420\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103420\n  end_ms: 105310\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105310\n  end_ms: 108220\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108220\n  end_ms: 109990\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 109990\n  end_ms: 113170\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113170\n  end_ms: 115750\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 115750\n  end_ms: 119040\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119040\n  end_ms: 121210\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121210\n  end_ms: 123250\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123250\n  end_ms: 125800\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 125800\n  end_ms: 130780\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 130780\n  end_ms: 132260\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132260\n  end_ms: 133880\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 133880\n  end_ms: 136450\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136450\n  end_ms: 139080\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139080\n  end_ms: 141320\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141320\n  end_ms: 143950\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 143950\n  end_ms: 146560\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 146560\n  end_ms: 149510\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 149510\n  end_ms: 151350\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151350\n  end_ms: 152750\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 152750\n  end_ms: 154330\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154330\n  end_ms: 157180\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157180\n  end_ms: 160950\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 160950\n  end_ms: 164490\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 164490\n  end_ms: 167420\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167420\n  end_ms: 170440\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 170440\n  end_ms: 175580\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175580\n  end_ms: 177350\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177350\n  end_ms: 180130\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180130\n  end_ms: 182630\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 182630\n  end_ms: 184080\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184080\n  end_ms: 185360\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185360\n  end_ms: 186650\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 186650\n  end_ms: 189370\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189370\n  end_ms: 190520\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190520\n  end_ms: 193610\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193610\n  end_ms: 195010\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195010\n  end_ms: 196640\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 196640\n  end_ms: 198060\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198060\n  end_ms: 199120\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199120\n  end_ms: 200720\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 200720\n  end_ms: 201730\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 201730\n  end_ms: 203610\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203610\n  end_ms: 207670\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 207670\n  end_ms: 212520\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 212520\n  end_ms: 215930\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 215930\n  end_ms: 218830\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 218830\n  end_ms: 220980\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 220980\n  end_ms: 223850\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 223850\n  end_ms: 225290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225290\n  end_ms: 226140\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226140\n  end_ms: 227590\n- text: And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  start_ms: 227590\n  end_ms: 229170\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  start_ms: 229170\n  end_ms: 231480\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231480\n  end_ms: 234080\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234080\n  end_ms: 237300\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237300\n  end_ms: 239430\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239430\n  end_ms: 241280\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241280\n  end_ms: 242960\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 242960\n  end_ms: 246160\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246160\n  end_ms: 247810\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247810\n  end_ms: 249040\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249040\n  end_ms: 249920\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 249920\n  end_ms: 254670\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 254670\n  end_ms: 260110\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"'\n  start_ms: 260110\n  end_ms: 265250\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265250\n  end_ms: 270580\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270580\n  end_ms: 275840\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275840\n  end_ms: 280090\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280090\n  end_ms: 283260\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 283260\n  end_ms: 287160\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287160\n  end_ms: 289010\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289010\n  end_ms: 291180\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291180\n  end_ms: 293570\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293570\n  end_ms: 296290\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296290\n  end_ms: 298210\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298210\n  end_ms: 303300\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303300\n  end_ms: 306230\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 306230\n  end_ms: 308290\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308290\n  end_ms: 311260\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 311260\n  end_ms: 313620\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 313620\n  end_ms: 316130\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  start_ms: 316130\n  end_ms: 319150\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 319150\n  end_ms: 321600\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  start_ms: 321600\n  end_ms: 324310\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324310\n  end_ms: 326640\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  start_ms: 326640\n  end_ms: 329000\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329000\n  end_ms: 332040\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332040\n  end_ms: 334960\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 334960\n  end_ms: 343420\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws.\"'\n  start_ms: 343420\n  end_ms: 345770\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 345770\n  end_ms: 350310\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 350310\n  end_ms: 352830\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 352830\n  end_ms: 356220\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 356220\n  end_ms: 357730\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 357730\n  end_ms: 361910\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 361910\n  end_ms: 367640\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367640\n  end_ms: 369180\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369180\n  end_ms: 370900\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 370900\n  end_ms: 372680\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 372680\n  end_ms: 376080\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376080\n  end_ms: 378750\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 378750\n  end_ms: 379740\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 379740\n  end_ms: 380790\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380790\n  end_ms: 381840\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381840\n  end_ms: 382410\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382410\n  end_ms: 383890\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383890\n  end_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385450\n  end_ms: 386320\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386320\n  end_ms: 387320\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387320\n  end_ms: 389640\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 389640\n  end_ms: 391380\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391380\n  end_ms: 393440\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393440\n  end_ms: 396080\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398040\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398040\n  end_ms: 399540\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399540\n  end_ms: 402590\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 402590\n  end_ms: 404590\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 404590\n  end_ms: 406850\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 406850\n  end_ms: 410240\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410240\n  end_ms: 412410\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 412410\n  end_ms: 415430\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 415430\n  end_ms: 417560\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417560\n  end_ms: 419550\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419550\n  end_ms: 422750\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 422750\n  end_ms: 425500\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 425500\n  end_ms: 427960\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 427960\n  end_ms: 430100\n- text: And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430100\n  end_ms: 433290\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 433290\n  end_ms: 438060\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438060\n  end_ms: 440980\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 440980\n  end_ms: 443270\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443270\n  end_ms: 448120\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448120\n  end_ms: 451220\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451220\n  end_ms: 453570\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 453570\n  end_ms: 455960\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 455960\n  end_ms: 458440\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 458440\n  end_ms: 463860\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 463860\n  end_ms: 469560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469560\n  end_ms: 479510\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 479510\n  end_ms: 481760\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 481760\n  end_ms: 486480\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486480\n  end_ms: 489760\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489760\n  end_ms: 491250\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491250\n  end_ms: 493130\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493130\n  end_ms: 496140\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496140\n  end_ms: 497700\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 497700\n  end_ms: 499680\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 499680\n  end_ms: 502440\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 502440\n  end_ms: 504490\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504490\n  end_ms: 506630\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 506630\n  end_ms: 510180\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510180\n  end_ms: 512910\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 512910\n  end_ms: 516760\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 516760\n  end_ms: 518350\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518350\n  end_ms: 520360\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520360\n  end_ms: 522620\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 522620\n  end_ms: 524550\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524550\n  end_ms: 526140\n- text: I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526140\n  end_ms: 528130\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528130\n  end_ms: 531540\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531540\n  end_ms: 533810\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533810\n  end_ms: 536510\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536510\n  end_ms: 538010\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538010\n  end_ms: 540630\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 540630\n  end_ms: 541940\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 541940\n  end_ms: 546190\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546190\n  end_ms: 548380\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 548380\n  end_ms: 551180\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551180\n  end_ms: 552550\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 552550\n  end_ms: 556100\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556100\n  end_ms: 558730\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 558730\n  end_ms: 562150\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562150\n  end_ms: 567260\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 567260\n  end_ms: 569900\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 569900\n  end_ms: 571780\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571780\n  end_ms: 574200\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574200\n  end_ms: 576790\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 576790\n  end_ms: 580570\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 580570\n  end_ms: 582240\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582240\n  end_ms: 584390\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584390\n  end_ms: 586590\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 586590\n  end_ms: 588530\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588530\n  end_ms: 590110\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 590110\n  end_ms: 592760\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592760\n  end_ms: 595090\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595090\n  end_ms: 600070\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600070\n  end_ms: 603490\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603490\n  end_ms: 608140\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608140\n  end_ms: 612900\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 612900\n  end_ms: 615810\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 615810\n  end_ms: 617990\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 617990\n  end_ms: 620710\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 620710\n  end_ms: 623520\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623520\n  end_ms: 625100\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625100\n  end_ms: 626630\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626630\n  end_ms: 627750\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627750\n  end_ms: 631010\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631010\n  end_ms: 636920\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 636920\n  end_ms: 639120\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639120\n  end_ms: 641960\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 641960\n  end_ms: 644530\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644530\n  end_ms: 646960\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 646960\n  end_ms: 661600\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 661600\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":3435870,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"Squeeze Box: The Complete Works of “Weird Al” Yankovic","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":true,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.13] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.10] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.82] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.23] You know the place\n[00:14.28] Well, anyway\n[00:14.97] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.45] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.09] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.83] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.17] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.56] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.75] I said to my mom\n[00:33.75] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.45] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.64] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.00] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.36] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.87] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.41] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.98] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.65] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.51] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.93] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.61] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.77] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.69] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.29] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.59] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.82] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.33] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.48] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.35] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.34] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.90] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.39] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.82] Albuquerque\n[01:37.88] Albuquerque\n[01:41.75] Oh yeah\n[01:43.42] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.31] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.22] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.99] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.75] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.04] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.21] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.25] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.80] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.78] Except for me\n[02:12.26] You know why?\n[02:13.88] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.08] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.95] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.56] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.51] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.35] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.75] Ahhhh\n[02:34.33] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.18] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.95] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.49] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.42] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.35] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.13] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.63] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.08] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.36] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.37] That I love so very\n[03:10.52] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.61] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.64] No answer\n[03:18.06] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.73] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.61] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.67] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.52] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.93] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.83] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.98] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.85] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.29] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.59] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.17] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.48] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.08] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.30] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.43] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.28] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.96] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.16] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.81] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.04] It said\n[04:09.92] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.67] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.11] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.25] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.58] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.09] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.01] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.18] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.57] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.29] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.21] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.23] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.29] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.26] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.62] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.13] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.15] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.60] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.31] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.64] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.00] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.04] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.42] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.77] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.31] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.83] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.22] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.73] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.91] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.64] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.18] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.90] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.68] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.08] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.75] Doh!\n[06:19.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.79] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.84] Oh!\n[06:22.41] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.89] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.45] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.32] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.32] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.38] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.44] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.04] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.54] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.59] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.85] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:52.41] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.43] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.56] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.55] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.75] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.96] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.10] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.29] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.06] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.98] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.27] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.22] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.57] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.96] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.44] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.86] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.51] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.76] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.48] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.76] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.25] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.13] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.14] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.70] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.68] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.44] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.49] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.63] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.18] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.91] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.76] So I did\n[08:38.35] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.36] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.62] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.55] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.14] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.13] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.54] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.51] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.01] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.63] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.94] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.19] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.55] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.10] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.73] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.15] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.26] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.90] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.78] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.20] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:40.57] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.24] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.39] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.59] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.11] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.76] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.09] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.49] Albuquerque\n[10:08.14] Albuquerque\n[10:12.90] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.81] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.99] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.71] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.10] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.01] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.92] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.12] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.53] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.96] Albuquerque\n[11:01.60] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: 'Squeeze Box: The Complete Works of “Weird Al” Yankovic'\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\n  language: en\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6000\n  end_ms: 7950\n  words:\n  - text: 'Way '\n    start_ms: 6000\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 6540\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 6800\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 6920\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 6960\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 7080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 7240\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 7360\n  - text: 'bitty '\n    start_ms: 7580\n  - text: boy\n    start_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7950\n  end_ms: 10890\n  words:\n  - text: 'Living '\n    start_ms: 7950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 8510\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 8610\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 8730\n  - text: 'under '\n    start_ms: 9050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9230\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 9410\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 9710\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9790\n  - text: 'corner '\n    start_ms: 9950\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10230\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10330\n  - text: 'basement '\n    start_ms: 10470\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10830\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10860\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 10880\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13850\n  words:\n  - text: 'Half '\n    start_ms: 10950\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 11559\n  - text: 'block '\n    start_ms: 11658\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 11894\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 12031\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 12149\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 12346\n  - text: 'Jerry''s '\n    start_ms: 12562\n  - text: 'Bait '\n    start_ms: 12975\n  - text: Shop\n    start_ms: 13231\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13850\n  end_ms: 14680\n  words:\n  - text: '(You '\n    start_ms: 13850\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 14150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 14250\n  - text: place)\n    start_ms: 14350\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19880\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 14750\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 15268\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 15547\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 15726\n  - text: 'life '\n    start_ms: 15925\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 16164\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 16344\n  - text: 'swell '\n    start_ms: 16722\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 17081\n  - text: 'everything '\n    start_ms: 17260\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 17639\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 17938\n  - text: peachy!\n    start_ms: 18993\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19880\n  end_ms: 23220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except, '\n    start_ms: 19880\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 20471\n  - text: 'course, '\n    start_ms: 20589\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 20806\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 20885\n  - text: 'undeniable '\n    start_ms: 21043\n  - text: 'fact '\n    start_ms: 21653\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 21870\n  - text: 'every '\n    start_ms: 22087\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 22363\n  - text: morning\n    start_ms: 22698\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23220\n  end_ms: 27820\n  words:\n  - text: 'My '\n    start_ms: 23220\n  - text: 'mother '\n    start_ms: 23719\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 23938\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 24118\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 24338\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 24477\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 24717\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 24916\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 25156\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 25375\n  - text: 'sauerkraut '\n    start_ms: 25695\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 26333\n  - text: breakfast\n    start_ms: 26533\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27820\n  end_ms: 31480\n  words:\n  - text: 'Awww, '\n    start_ms: 27820\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 29260\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 29540\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 29820\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 29880\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31530\n  end_ms: 32760\n  words:\n  - text: 'Every '\n    start_ms: 31530\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 32130\n  - text: mornin'!\n    start_ms: 32470\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32780\n  end_ms: 33930\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 32780\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 33092\n  - text: 'driving '\n    start_ms: 33209\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 33501\n  - text: crazy\n    start_ms: 33657\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34700\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 33930\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 34437\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 34554\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 34632\n  - text: mom\n    start_ms: 34685\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34700\n  end_ms: 37520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 34700\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 35100\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 35280\n  - text: 'mom, '\n    start_ms: 35700\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 36220\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 36420\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 36520\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 36620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 36740\n  - text: sauerkraut?\"\n    start_ms: 36940\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37520\n  end_ms: 38680\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 37520\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 38120\n  - text: 'dear, '\n    start_ms: 38280\n  - text: 'sweet '\n    start_ms: 38480\n  - text: mother\n    start_ms: 38660\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38730\n  end_ms: 42530\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 38730\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 39390\n  - text: 'looked '\n    start_ms: 39650\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 39830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 39950\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 40150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 40330\n  - text: 'cow '\n    start_ms: 40470\n  - text: 'looks '\n    start_ms: 40770\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 40970\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 41070\n  - text: 'oncoming '\n    start_ms: 41290\n  - text: train\n    start_ms: 41770\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44770\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 42580\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 43036\n  - text: 'leaned '\n    start_ms: 43274\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 43591\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 43809\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 44066\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 44324\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 44463\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44770\n  end_ms: 49050\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 44770\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 45465\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 45763\n  - text: '\"It''s '\n    start_ms: 46101\n  - text: 'good '\n    start_ms: 47372\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 47829\n  - text: you!\"\n    start_ms: 48226\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49050\n  end_ms: 51560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 49050\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 49510\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 49670\n  - text: 'tied '\n    start_ms: 49870\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 50050\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 50150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 50250\n  - text: 'wall '\n    start_ms: 50350\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 50610\n  - text: 'stuck '\n    start_ms: 50750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 50930\n  - text: 'funnel '\n    start_ms: 51110\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 51370\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 51490\n  - text: mouth\n    start_ms: 51545\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51590\n  end_ms: 53330\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 51590\n  - text: force-\n    start_ms: 51702\n  - text: 'fed '\n    start_ms: 52357\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 52525\n  - text: 'nothing '\n    start_ms: 52656\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 52900\n  - text: sauerkraut\n    start_ms: 53124\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53330\n  end_ms: 55820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Until '\n    start_ms: 53330\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 53950\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 54030\n  - text: '26 '\n    start_ms: 54310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 54750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 54870\n  - text: 'half '\n    start_ms: 54970\n  - text: 'years '\n    start_ms: 55270\n  - text: old\n    start_ms: 55550\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55870\n  end_ms: 58160\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 55870\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 56530\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 56650\n  - text: 'swore '\n    start_ms: 56830\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 57150\n  - text: someday\n    start_ms: 57470\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58160\n  end_ms: 59640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Someday '\n    start_ms: 58160\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 58660\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 58740\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 58900\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 59060\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 59240\n  - text: basement\n    start_ms: 59460\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59650\n  end_ms: 62300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 59650\n  - text: 'travel '\n    start_ms: 60070\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 60470\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 60590\n  - text: 'magical, '\n    start_ms: 60750\n  - text: 'far '\n    start_ms: 61350\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 61590\n  - text: place\n    start_ms: 61910\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 62330\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 62649\n  - text: 'sun '\n    start_ms: 62768\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 62948\n  - text: 'always '\n    start_ms: 63127\n  - text: 'shining, '\n    start_ms: 63426\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 63765\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 63845\n  - text: 'air '\n    start_ms: 63964\n  - text: 'smells '\n    start_ms: 64164\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 64483\n  - text: 'warm '\n    start_ms: 64682\n  - text: 'root '\n    start_ms: 64941\n  - text: beer\n    start_ms: 65160\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 65250\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 65624\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 65782\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 66117\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 66275\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 66472\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 66728\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67240\n  end_ms: 70000\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 67240\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 67613\n  - text: 'shriners '\n    start_ms: 67770\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 68163\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 68261\n  - text: 'lepers '\n    start_ms: 68419\n  - text: 'play '\n    start_ms: 68772\n  - text: 'their '\n    start_ms: 68949\n  - text: 'ukuleles '\n    start_ms: 69106\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 69676\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 69833\n  - text: long\n    start_ms: 69971\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70000\n  end_ms: 74030\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 70000\n  - text: 'anyone '\n    start_ms: 70400\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 70700\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 70800\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 70980\n  - text: 'will '\n    start_ms: 71200\n  - text: 'gladly '\n    start_ms: 71320\n  - text: 'shave '\n    start_ms: 71780\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 72080\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 72360\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 72600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 72800\n  - text: nickel\n    start_ms: 73020\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74060\n  end_ms: 75250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wacka '\n    start_ms: 74060\n  - text: 'wacka '\n    start_ms: 74560\n  - text: 'doodoo '\n    start_ms: 74900\n  - text: yeah!\n    start_ms: 75220\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 75270\n  - text: 'let '\n    start_ms: 75830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 75950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 76070\n  - text: 'you, '\n    start_ms: 76210\n  - text: people\n    start_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76510\n  end_ms: 79180\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 76510\n  - text: 'wasn''t '\n    start_ms: 76947\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 77205\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 77383\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 77522\n  - text: 'before '\n    start_ms: 77642\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 77939\n  - text: 'dream '\n    start_ms: 78178\n  - text: 'came '\n    start_ms: 78674\n  - text: 'true'\n    start_ms: 78972\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79180\n  end_ms: 82350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 79180\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 79800\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 79900\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 80160\n  - text: 'day, '\n    start_ms: 80400\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 80600\n  - text: 'local '\n    start_ms: 80700\n  - text: 'radio '\n    start_ms: 81060\n  - text: 'station '\n    start_ms: 81440\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 81780\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 81900\n  - text: contest\n    start_ms: 82100\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82350\n  end_ms: 83510\n  words:\n  - text: 'To '\n    start_ms: 82350\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 82743\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 82881\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 82979\n  - text: 'correctly '\n    start_ms: 83156\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 83494\n  - text: the\n    start_ms: 83504\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83510\n  end_ms: 86730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Number '\n    start_ms: 83510\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 84184\n  - text: 'molecules '\n    start_ms: 84362\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 84976\n  - text: 'Leonard '\n    start_ms: 85095\n  - text: 'Nimoy''s '\n    start_ms: 85412\n  - text: butt\n    start_ms: 86007\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86730\n  end_ms: 90210\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 86730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 87108\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 87247\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 87426\n  - text: 'three, '\n    start_ms: 87585\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 87903\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 88062\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 88162\n  - text: 'won '\n    start_ms: 88460\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 88699\n  - text: 'grand '\n    start_ms: 88838\n  - text: prize\n    start_ms: 89216\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93350\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 90210\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 90630\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 90850\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 90970\n  - text: 'class '\n    start_ms: 91250\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 91650\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 91930\n  - text: 'ticket '\n    start_ms: 92190\n  - text: to\n    start_ms: 93210\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93470\n  end_ms: 98440\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 93470\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98490\n  end_ms: 102690\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 98490\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102690\n  end_ms: 103790\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 102690\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 103157\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103790\n  end_ms: 105920\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 103790\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 104142\n  - text: 'I''d '\n    start_ms: 104298\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 104396\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 104689\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 104865\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 105002\n  - text: 'real '\n    start_ms: 105080\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 105314\n  - text: before\n    start_ms: 105686\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105920\n  end_ms: 108630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 105920\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 106319\n  - text: 'gotta '\n    start_ms: 106418\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 106737\n  - text: 'ya, '\n    start_ms: 106936\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 107155\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 107275\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 107494\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 107833\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108630\n  end_ms: 110180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 108630\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 109090\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 109210\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 109270\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 109390\n  - text: 'sit '\n    start_ms: 109530\n  - text: 'between '\n    start_ms: 109690\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 110030\n  - text: large\n    start_ms: 110150\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113340\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albanian '\n    start_ms: 110280\n  - text: 'women '\n    start_ms: 111200\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 111480\n  - text: 'excruciatingly '\n    start_ms: 111600\n  - text: 'severe '\n    start_ms: 112400\n  - text: 'body '\n    start_ms: 112860\n  - text: odor\n    start_ms: 113200\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113350\n  end_ms: 116540\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 113350\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 113986\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 114125\n  - text: 'kid '\n    start_ms: 114403\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 114523\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 114721\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 114920\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 114980\n  - text: 'kept '\n    start_ms: 115119\n  - text: 'throwin'' '\n    start_ms: 115338\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 115755\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 115874\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 115974\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 116232\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116540\n  end_ms: 119200\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 116540\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 116961\n  - text: 'attendants '\n    start_ms: 117172\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 117535\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 117707\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 117803\n  - text: 'Dr. '\n    start_ms: 117918\n  - text: 'Pepper '\n    start_ms: 118243\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 118454\n  - text: 'salted '\n    start_ms: 118607\n  - text: peanuts\n    start_ms: 118970\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119200\n  end_ms: 121720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 119200\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 119680\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 119800\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 119920\n  - text: 'movie '\n    start_ms: 120160\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 120440\n  - text: Bio-\n    start_ms: 120620\n  - text: 'Dome '\n    start_ms: 120920\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 121080\n  - text: 'Pauly '\n    start_ms: 121240\n  - text: Shore\n    start_ms: 121580\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121890\n  end_ms: 123720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And, '\n    start_ms: 121890\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 122407\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 122522\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 122676\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 122810\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 122867\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 122944\n  - text: 'engines '\n    start_ms: 123251\n  - text: 'burned '\n    start_ms: 123557\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 123705\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126400\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 123720\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 124200\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 124420\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 124580\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 124820\n  - text: 'tailspin '\n    start_ms: 124960\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 125440\n  - text: 'crashed '\n    start_ms: 125600\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 125980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 126200\n  - text: hillside\n    start_ms: 126280\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126480\n  end_ms: 131450\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 126480\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 126895\n  - text: 'plane '\n    start_ms: 127033\n  - text: 'exploded '\n    start_ms: 127310\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 127962\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 128081\n  - text: 'giant '\n    start_ms: 128259\n  - text: 'fireball '\n    start_ms: 128832\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 129444\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 129662\n  - text: died\n    start_ms: 130235\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 131450\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 132029\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 132203\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132820\n  end_ms: 134070\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 132820\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 133080\n  - text: why?\n    start_ms: 133300\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134110\n  end_ms: 136620\n  words:\n  - text: '''Cause '\n    start_ms: 134110\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 134688\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 134787\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 135066\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 135226\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 135564\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 136022\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136620\n  end_ms: 139320\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 136620\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 137180\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 137300\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 137500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 137720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 137840\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 137980\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 138400\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 138920\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141870\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 139390\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 139802\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 139939\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 140409\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 141017\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141870\n  end_ms: 144440\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 141870\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 142330\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 142470\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 142670\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 142890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 143010\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 143150\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 143550\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 144090\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144460\n  end_ms: 147040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 144460\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 144910\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 145046\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 145535\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 146121\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147040\n  end_ms: 150120\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 147040\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 147413\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 147550\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 147746\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 147962\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 148080\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 148217\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 148629\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 149159\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150120\n  end_ms: 151610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 150120\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151200\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151362\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 151527\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152910\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 151650\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 152230\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 152510\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152910\n  end_ms: 154740\n  words:\n  - text: Ahh\n    start_ms: 152910\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154780\n  end_ms: 157560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 154780\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 155215\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 155334\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 155670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 155829\n  - text: 'twisted, '\n    start_ms: 155947\n  - text: 'burnin'' '\n    start_ms: 156383\n  - text: wreckage\n    start_ms: 156739\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157560\n  end_ms: 161430\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 157560\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 157900\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 158280\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 158400\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 158580\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 158920\n  - text: 'knees '\n    start_ms: 159040\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 159440\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 159600\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 159960\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 160300\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161480\n  end_ms: 165140\n  words:\n  - text: 'Draggin'' '\n    start_ms: 161480\n  - text: 'along '\n    start_ms: 162136\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 162554\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 162733\n  - text: 'leather '\n    start_ms: 163012\n  - text: 'suitcase '\n    start_ms: 163469\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 164006\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 164126\n  - text: 'garment '\n    start_ms: 164324\n  - text: bag\n    start_ms: 164822\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165140\n  end_ms: 167740\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 165140\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 165440\n  - text: 'tenor '\n    start_ms: 165600\n  - text: 'saxophone '\n    start_ms: 166040\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 166600\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 166700\n  - text: 12-\n    start_ms: 166840\n  - text: 'pound '\n    start_ms: 167140\n  - text: 'bowling '\n    start_ms: 167400\n  - text: ball\n    start_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 167780\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 168056\n  - text: 'lucky, '\n    start_ms: 168233\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 168548\n  - text: 'autographed '\n    start_ms: 168843\n  - text: glow-\n    start_ms: 169454\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 169690\n  - text: the-\n    start_ms: 169789\n  - text: 'dark '\n    start_ms: 169946\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 170360\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171620\n  end_ms: 175820\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 171620\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 172060\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 172500\n  - text: 'arrived '\n    start_ms: 172600\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 173080\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 173180\n  - text: world-\n    start_ms: 173360\n  - text: 'famous '\n    start_ms: 173860\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 174620\n  - text: 'Holiday '\n    start_ms: 175240\n  - text: Inn\n    start_ms: 175800\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175850\n  end_ms: 177860\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 175850\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 176244\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 176382\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 176737\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 176894\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 177072\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 177289\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177860\n  end_ms: 180910\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 177860\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 178239\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 178358\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 178478\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 178657\n  - text: 'soup '\n    start_ms: 178936\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 179196\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 179355\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 179475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 179554\n  - text: 'ashtrays '\n    start_ms: 179694\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 180252\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 180392\n  - text: wanna\n    start_ms: 180551\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180910\n  end_ms: 182780\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 180910\n  - text: 'okay, '\n    start_ms: 181470\n  - text: 'they''re '\n    start_ms: 181870\n  - text: clean!\n    start_ms: 182090\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182850\n  end_ms: 185550\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 182850\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 183320\n  - text: 'checked '\n    start_ms: 183437\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 183711\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 183887\n  - text: 'room, '\n    start_ms: 184122\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 184376\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 184552\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 184670\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 184924\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 185139\n  - text: AC\n    start_ms: 185276\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 185550\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 185850\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 186050\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 186310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 186430\n  - text: 'Spectra '\n    start_ms: 186630\n  - text: Vision\n    start_ms: 186990\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 187330\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 187710\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 187830\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 187990\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 188210\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 188290\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 188410\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 188550\n  - text: 'chocolate '\n    start_ms: 188810\n  - text: 'mint '\n    start_ms: 189230\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 189430\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 189530\n  - text: pillow\n    start_ms: 189609\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190640\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 189680\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 190132\n  - text: 'love '\n    start_ms: 190207\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 190414\n  - text: very\n    start_ms: 190565\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190640\n  end_ms: 193960\n  words:\n  - text: 'Very '\n    start_ms: 190640\n  - text: 'much '\n    start_ms: 191140\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 191380\n  - text: 'suddenly, '\n    start_ms: 191640\n  - text: 'there''s '\n    start_ms: 192060\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 192280\n  - text: 'knock '\n    start_ms: 192380\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 192620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 192740\n  - text: door\n    start_ms: 192860\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193990\n  end_ms: 195720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well '\n    start_ms: 193990\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 194277\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 194468\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 194602\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 194755\n  - text: be?\n    start_ms: 195060\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197140\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 195720\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 196080\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 196240\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 196500\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 196660\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197140\n  end_ms: 198530\n  words:\n  - text: 'No '\n    start_ms: 197140\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 197620\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199620\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 198940\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 199100\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 199300\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201030\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 199650\n  - text: 'no '\n    start_ms: 200084\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 200320\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201030\n  end_ms: 202130\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 201296\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 201580\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 201789\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203730\n  words:\n  - text: 'They''re '\n    start_ms: 202130\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 202510\n  - text: 'sayin'' '\n    start_ms: 202810\n  - text: anything\n    start_ms: 203110\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203780\n  end_ms: 208100\n  words:\n  - text: 'So, '\n    start_ms: 203780\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 204260\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 204660\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 204740\n  - text: 'over, '\n    start_ms: 204940\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 205220\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 205400\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 205560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 205800\n  - text: 'door '\n    start_ms: 206000\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 206420\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 206680\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 207000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 207220\n  - text: suspected\n    start_ms: 207380\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208150\n  end_ms: 213350\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 208150\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 208590\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 208850\n  - text: 'fat '\n    start_ms: 209070\n  - text: 'hermaphrodite '\n    start_ms: 209290\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 210090\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 210190\n  - text: 'Flock '\n    start_ms: 210310\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 210550\n  - text: 'Seagulls '\n    start_ms: 210690\n  - text: 'haircut '\n    start_ms: 211110\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 211590\n  - text: 'only '\n    start_ms: 211810\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 212250\n  - text: nostril\n    start_ms: 212550\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213350\n  end_ms: 216070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 213350\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 214020\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 214336\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 214572\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 214749\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 214868\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 215065\n  - text: right\n    start_ms: 215301\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216070\n  end_ms: 219320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 216070\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 216487\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 216845\n  - text: 'bursts '\n    start_ms: 217064\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 217302\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 217461\n  - text: 'room '\n    start_ms: 217680\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 217919\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 217998\n  - text: 'grabs '\n    start_ms: 218197\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 218575\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 218714\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 219012\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219320\n  end_ms: 221210\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 219320\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 219555\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 219692\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 220084\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 220436\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 220593\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 220828\n  - text: that!\n    start_ms: 221063\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221210\n  end_ms: 223970\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 221210\n  - text: 'snorkel''s '\n    start_ms: 221690\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 222150\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 222310\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 222490\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 222670\n  - text: 'snorkel '\n    start_ms: 222870\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 223310\n  - text: me!\"\n    start_ms: 223430\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224010\n  end_ms: 225240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 224010\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 224330\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 224490\n  - text: '\"Tough\"'\n    start_ms: 224710\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 225240\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 225640\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 225780\n  - text: '\"Give '\n    start_ms: 226060\n  - text: it!\"\n    start_ms: 226360\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226660\n  end_ms: 227920\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 226660\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 226925\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 227077\n  - text: '\"Make '\n    start_ms: 227323\n  - text: me\"\n    start_ms: 227626\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227920\n  end_ms: 229310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 227920\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 228160\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 228260\n  - text: '\"''K\"'\n    start_ms: 228800\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231810\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 229320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 229780\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 229900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 230180\n  - text: 'leg '\n    start_ms: 230400\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 230680\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 230820\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 231020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 231280\n  - text: esophagus\n    start_ms: 231420\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231830\n  end_ms: 234510\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 231830\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 232245\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 232483\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 232641\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 232819\n  - text: 'ear '\n    start_ms: 233076\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 233294\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 233432\n  - text: 'chewed '\n    start_ms: 233650\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 233887\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 234065\n  - text: eyebrows\n    start_ms: 234283\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 234510\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 234870\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 234990\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 235210\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 235310\n  - text: 'appendix '\n    start_ms: 235470\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 235930\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 236070\n  - text: 'gave '\n    start_ms: 236250\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 236430\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 236550\n  - text: 'colonic '\n    start_ms: 236630\n  - text: irrigation\n    start_ms: 237190\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237670\n  end_ms: 239720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Yes, '\n    start_ms: 237670\n  - text: 'indeed, '\n    start_ms: 238168\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 238466\n  - text: 'better '\n    start_ms: 238625\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 238824\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 239222\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239720\n  end_ms: 241310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 239720\n  - text: 'somehow '\n    start_ms: 240220\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 240560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 240640\n  - text: 'middle '\n    start_ms: 240740\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 240940\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 241040\n  - text: all\n    start_ms: 241140\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241330\n  end_ms: 243530\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 241330\n  - text: 'phone '\n    start_ms: 241841\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 242194\n  - text: 'knocked '\n    start_ms: 242410\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 242744\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 242901\n  - text: hook\n    start_ms: 243039\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243530\n  end_ms: 246620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 243530\n  - text: '20 '\n    start_ms: 244090\n  - text: 'seconds '\n    start_ms: 244310\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 244670\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 245070\n  - text: 'heard '\n    start_ms: 245130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 245270\n  - text: 'familiar '\n    start_ms: 245390\n  - text: voice\n    start_ms: 245930\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247950\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 246680\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 247002\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 247097\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 247192\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 247287\n  - text: said?\n    start_ms: 247495\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247950\n  end_ms: 249420\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 247950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 248370\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 248590\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 248690\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 248810\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249010\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249490\n  end_ms: 249940\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 249490\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249823\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249940\n  end_ms: 255070\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 250240\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 250360\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 250520\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 250820\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 250980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 251320\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 251440\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 252380\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 252740\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 253200\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 253380\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 253520\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 253920\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255190\n  end_ms: 260370\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 255604\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 255801\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 255958\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 256254\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 256687\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 257041\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 257219\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 257534\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 257810\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 258164\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 258381\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260370\n  end_ms: 265420\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 260570\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 260690\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 260850\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 261110\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 261310\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 261670\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 261790\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 262710\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 263070\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 263510\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 263710\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 263850\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 264270\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265480\n  end_ms: 270290\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 265817\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 266075\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 266234\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 266531\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 266987\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 267265\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 267523\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 267781\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 268098\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 268435\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 268693\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270290\n  end_ms: 275800\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 270290\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 271161\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275800\n  end_ms: 280480\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 275800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280540\n  end_ms: 284270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 280540\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 281158\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 281318\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 281517\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 281597\n  - text: 'story '\n    start_ms: 281797\n  - text: 'short, '\n    start_ms: 282136\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 282535\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 282694\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 282894\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 283153\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 283313\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 283592\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284270\n  end_ms: 287560\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 284270\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 284489\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 284548\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 284707\n  - text: 'solemn '\n    start_ms: 284906\n  - text: 'vow '\n    start_ms: 285304\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 285562\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 285821\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 285980\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 286159\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 286377\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 286636\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 286735\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 286954\n  - text: rest\n    start_ms: 287212\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 287560\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 287940\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 288080\n  - text: 'sleep '\n    start_ms: 288320\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 288580\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 288720\n  - text: 'instant '\n    start_ms: 288800\n  - text: until\n    start_ms: 289204\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289360\n  end_ms: 291810\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 289360\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 289789\n  - text: 'nostrilled '\n    start_ms: 289946\n  - text: 'man '\n    start_ms: 290395\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 290609\n  - text: 'brought '\n    start_ms: 290766\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 290980\n  - text: justice\n    start_ms: 291136\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291810\n  end_ms: 293610\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 291810\n  - text: 'first, '\n    start_ms: 292130\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 292370\n  - text: 'decided '\n    start_ms: 292430\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 292730\n  - text: 'buy '\n    start_ms: 292810\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 292970\n  - text: donuts\n    start_ms: 293170\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293640\n  end_ms: 296320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 293640\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 294118\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 294238\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 294497\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 294537\n  - text: 'car '\n    start_ms: 294756\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 294995\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 295154\n  - text: 'drove '\n    start_ms: 295274\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 295533\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 295712\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 295812\n  - text: 'donut '\n    start_ms: 295912\n  - text: shop\n    start_ms: 296210\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298530\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 296320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 296680\n  - text: 'walked '\n    start_ms: 296860\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 297140\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 297300\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 297400\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 297500\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 297660\n  - text: 'behind '\n    start_ms: 297860\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 298180\n  - text: counter\n    start_ms: 298340\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303810\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 298570\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 298848\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 299067\n  - text: '\"Yeah, '\n    start_ms: 299405\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 300340\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 300459\n  - text: 'ya '\n    start_ms: 300539\n  - text: want?\"\n    start_ms: 300777\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303810\n  end_ms: 306350\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 303810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 304187\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 304346\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 304524\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 304683\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 304921\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 305417\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308790\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 306350\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 306730\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 307050\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 307590\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 307710\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 307930\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 308310\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308880\n  end_ms: 311640\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 308880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 309448\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 309663\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 309820\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 309957\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 310113\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 310544\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 310798\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311640\n  end_ms: 314330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 311640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 311920\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 312260\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 312940\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 313020\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 313380\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 313700\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314400\n  end_ms: 316950\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 314400\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 314709\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 314844\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 314960\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 315076\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 315269\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 315887\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 316216\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 316428\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316950\n  end_ms: 320000\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 316950\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 317310\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 317590\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 317930\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 318010\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 318230\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 318790\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 319090\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 319330\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321810\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 320070\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 320401\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 320537\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 320673\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 320789\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 321178\n  - text: rolls?\"\n    start_ms: 321470\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321810\n  end_ms: 324330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 321810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 322190\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 322530\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 323250\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 323370\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 323770\n  - text: rolls\"\n    start_ms: 324130\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324390\n  end_ms: 326880\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 324390\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 324896\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 325304\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 325479\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 325616\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 325849\n  - text: fritters?\"\n    start_ms: 326219\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326880\n  end_ms: 329460\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 326880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 327340\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 327680\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 328360\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 328500\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 328760\n  - text: fritters\"\n    start_ms: 329140\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329490\n  end_ms: 332110\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 329490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 329996\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 330444\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 330639\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 330795\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 331126\n  - text: claws?\"\n    start_ms: 331438\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\n  start_ms: 332110\n  end_ms: 336270\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 332110\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 332450\n  - text: '\"Wait '\n    start_ms: 332770\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 333450\n  - text: 'minute, '\n    start_ms: 333550\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 334210\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 334430\n  - text: check\"\n    start_ms: 334770\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343500\n  end_ms: 346410\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 344140\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 344580\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 344700\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 345020\n  - text: claws\"\n    start_ms: 345320\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351410\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 346420\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 346780\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 346960\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 347120\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 347240\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 347500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 349140\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 349300\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 349520\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 349800\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 350020\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 350280\n  - text: have?\"\n    start_ms: 350420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\"\n  start_ms: 351490\n  end_ms: 353160\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 351490\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 351866\n  - text: '\"All '\n    start_ms: 352142\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 352340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 352439\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 352636\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 352873\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 353071\n  - text: this\"\n    start_ms: 353130\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353160\n  end_ms: 356920\n  words:\n  - text: 'Box '\n    start_ms: 353160\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 353722\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 353916\n  - text: 'dozen '\n    start_ms: 354226\n  - text: 'starving, '\n    start_ms: 354691\n  - text: 'crazed '\n    start_ms: 355137\n  - text: weasels\"\n    start_ms: 355621\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358540\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 356920\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 357260\n  - text: '\"Okay, '\n    start_ms: 357640\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 357980\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 358100\n  - text: that\"\n    start_ms: 358280\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362350\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 358630\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 359070\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 359210\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 359450\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 359570\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 359730\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 360030\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 360190\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 360450\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 360730\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 360870\n  - text: 'lid '\n    start_ms: 361050\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 361310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 361450\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 361670\n  - text: 'jump '\n    start_ms: 362110\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362350\n  end_ms: 367600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 362350\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 362684\n  - text: 'immediately '\n    start_ms: 362842\n  - text: 'latch '\n    start_ms: 363490\n  - text: 'onto '\n    start_ms: 363785\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 363982\n  - text: 'face '\n    start_ms: 364159\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 364336\n  - text: 'start '\n    start_ms: 364493\n  - text: 'bitin'' '\n    start_ms: 364769\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 365083\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 365240\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 365457\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367600\n  end_ms: 369180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 367600\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 368100\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 368280\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 368380\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 368540\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 368700\n  - text: nuts\n    start_ms: 369000\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369210\n  end_ms: 371280\n  words:\n  - text: 'They '\n    start_ms: 369210\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 369730\n  - text: 'tearin'' '\n    start_ms: 369910\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 370250\n  - text: apart\n    start_ms: 370370\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373200\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 371340\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 371751\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 371927\n  - text: 'think '\n    start_ms: 372006\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 372143\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 372221\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 372378\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 372573\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 372828\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 373024\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376340\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 373200\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 373597\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 373677\n  - text: 'ditty '\n    start_ms: 374015\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 374353\n  - text: 'goin'' '\n    start_ms: 374710\n  - text: 'through '\n    start_ms: 374989\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 375207\n  - text: head\n    start_ms: 375446\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 376340\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 376657\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 376915\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 377033\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 377192\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 377271\n  - text: 'something '\n    start_ms: 377608\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 378024\n  - text: this\n    start_ms: 378321\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379520\n  end_ms: 380130\n  words:\n  - text: Doh!\n    start_ms: 379520\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381010\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 380270\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 380804\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 380894\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 380983\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381010\n  end_ms: 381930\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 381010\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 381425\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 381604\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 381821\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382620\n  words:\n  - text: Oh!\n    start_ms: 381930\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n  words:\n  - text: 'No, '\n    start_ms: 382620\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383013\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383141\n  - text: 'off, '\n    start_ms: 383230\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383427\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383545\n  - text: off!\n    start_ms: 383682\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385560\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 383830\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384330\n  - text: 'God, '\n    start_ms: 384590\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384890\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385610\n  end_ms: 386640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 385610\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 386076\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 386192\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 386271\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 386446\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 386640\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 387000\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 387240\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 387480\n- text: Ah, ah, ah!\n  start_ms: 387680\n  end_ms: 390100\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah, '\n    start_ms: 387680\n  - text: 'ah, '\n    start_ms: 388662\n  - text: ah!\n    start_ms: 388714\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393470\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 390100\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 390520\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 390720\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 390820\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 390960\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 391100\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 391340\n  - text: 'these '\n    start_ms: 391440\n  - text: flesh-\n    start_ms: 391700\n  - text: 'eating '\n    start_ms: 391960\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 392280\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 392700\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 392840\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 393020\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 393260\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396080\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wavin'' '\n    start_ms: 393580\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 394160\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 394400\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 394640\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 394820\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 395120\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 395220\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395460\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395680\n  - text: runnin'\n    start_ms: 395780\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398450\n  words:\n  - text: 'Like '\n    start_ms: 396080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 396591\n  - text: 'constipated '\n    start_ms: 396768\n  - text: 'wiener '\n    start_ms: 397457\n  - text: dog\n    start_ms: 397771\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398450\n  end_ms: 399640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 398450\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 398760\n  - text: 'luck '\n    start_ms: 398953\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 399147\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 399282\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 399476\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399640\n  end_ms: 403520\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 399640\n  - text: 'exactly '\n    start_ms: 400060\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 400760\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 400920\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 401060\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 401320\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 401480\n  - text: 'girl '\n    start_ms: 401640\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 402020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 402180\n  - text: dreams\n    start_ms: 402440\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403590\n  end_ms: 405040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Her '\n    start_ms: 403590\n  - text: 'name '\n    start_ms: 403948\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 404174\n  - text: Zelda\n    start_ms: 404381\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407310\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 405040\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 405437\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 405555\n  - text: 'calligraphy '\n    start_ms: 405655\n  - text: 'enthusiast '\n    start_ms: 406190\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 406923\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 407042\n  - text: slight\n    start_ms: 407181\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Overbite '\n    start_ms: 407310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 407950\n  - text: 'hair '\n    start_ms: 408170\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 408370\n  - text: 'color '\n    start_ms: 408530\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 408810\n  - text: 'strained '\n    start_ms: 409070\n  - text: peaches\n    start_ms: 409570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413250\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 410590\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 410999\n  - text: 'forget '\n    start_ms: 411233\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 411486\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 411603\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 411876\n  - text: 'thing '\n    start_ms: 412129\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 412344\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 412539\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 412734\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 412831\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413250\n  end_ms: 415990\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 413250\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 413650\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 413870\n  - text: 'you''ve '\n    start_ms: 414750\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 414870\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 415010\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 415350\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 415450\n  - text: face\"\n    start_ms: 415570\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416020\n  end_ms: 417920\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 416020\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 416483\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 416618\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 416676\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 416830\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 416965\n  - text: 'true '\n    start_ms: 417177\n  - text: love\n    start_ms: 417486\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419930\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 417920\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 418300\n  - text: 'inseparable '\n    start_ms: 418460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 419220\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 419480\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419940\n  end_ms: 422970\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw, '\n    start_ms: 419940\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 420600\n  - text: 'ate '\n    start_ms: 420940\n  - text: 'together, '\n    start_ms: 421220\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 421900\n  - text: 'bathed '\n    start_ms: 422200\n  - text: together\n    start_ms: 422600\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423080\n  end_ms: 426240\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 423080\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 423448\n  - text: 'shared '\n    start_ms: 423720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 423933\n  - text: 'same '\n    start_ms: 424107\n  - text: 'piece '\n    start_ms: 424360\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 424592\n  - text: mint-\n    start_ms: 424767\n  - text: 'flavored '\n    start_ms: 424980\n  - text: 'dental '\n    start_ms: 425387\n  - text: floss\n    start_ms: 425678\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426240\n  end_ms: 428170\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 426240\n  - text: 'world '\n    start_ms: 426740\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 427060\n  - text: 'our '\n    start_ms: 427280\n  - text: burrito\n    start_ms: 427460\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430540\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 428280\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 428799\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 428953\n  - text: 'married '\n    start_ms: 429222\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 429626\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 429780\n  - text: 'bought '\n    start_ms: 429953\n  - text: 'us '\n    start_ms: 430184\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 430377\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 430453\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434130\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 430540\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 430940\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 431220\n  - text: 'beautiful '\n    start_ms: 431480\n  - text: 'children, '\n    start_ms: 431980\n  - text: 'Nathaniel '\n    start_ms: 432460\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 433020\n  - text: Superfly\n    start_ms: 433320\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 434140\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 434600\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 434720\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 434920\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435240\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435700\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 436140\n  - text: 'happy, '\n    start_ms: 436600\n  - text: 'aw '\n    start_ms: 437320\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 437760\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438390\n  end_ms: 441490\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 438390\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 438768\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 439086\n  - text: 'fateful '\n    start_ms: 439364\n  - text: 'night, '\n    start_ms: 439801\n  - text: 'Zelda '\n    start_ms: 440536\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 440894\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 441073\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 441192\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441490\n  end_ms: 443750\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 441490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 441883\n  - text: '\"Sweetie '\n    start_ms: 442571\n  - text: pumpkin?\n    start_ms: 443003\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443750\n  end_ms: 448620\n  words:\n  - text: 'Do '\n    start_ms: 443750\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 444230\n  - text: 'wanna '\n    start_ms: 444370\n  - text: 'join '\n    start_ms: 444670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 444970\n  - text: 'Columbia '\n    start_ms: 445070\n  - text: 'Record '\n    start_ms: 445830\n  - text: Club?\"\n    start_ms: 446230\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448640\n  end_ms: 451510\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 448640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 448993\n  - text: '\"Whoa, '\n    start_ms: 449247\n  - text: 'hold '\n    start_ms: 450423\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 450736\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 450932\n  - text: baby\n    start_ms: 451167\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451510\n  end_ms: 454010\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 451510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 451910\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 452050\n  - text: 'ready '\n    start_ms: 452250\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 452490\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 452610\n  - text: 'kind '\n    start_ms: 452870\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 453130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 453230\n  - text: commitment!\"\n    start_ms: 453310\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454030\n  end_ms: 456240\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 454030\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 454470\n  - text: 'broke '\n    start_ms: 454630\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 454990\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 455150\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 455310\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 455410\n  - text: 'saw '\n    start_ms: 455710\n  - text: 'her '\n    start_ms: 455910\n  - text: again\n    start_ms: 456070\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456260\n  end_ms: 459010\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 456260\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 456700\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 457020\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 457300\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 457520\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 457800\n  - text: go\n    start_ms: 458160\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459050\n  end_ms: 464450\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 459050\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 459690\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464450\n  end_ms: 469060\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 464450\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480100\n  end_ms: 482180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 480100\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 480760\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 481040\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 481280\n  - text: 'lookin'' '\n    start_ms: 481660\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 481920\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 482060\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 482140\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486500\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 482260\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 482778\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 483036\n  - text: 'week '\n    start_ms: 483176\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 483415\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 483833\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 483972\n  - text: 'achieved '\n    start_ms: 484310\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 484868\n  - text: 'lifelong '\n    start_ms: 485186\n  - text: dream\n    start_ms: 485843\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489750\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 486500\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 487100\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 487340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 487440\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 487600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 487740\n  - text: part-\n    start_ms: 487880\n  - text: 'time '\n    start_ms: 488120\n  - text: 'job '\n    start_ms: 488460\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 488680\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 488780\n  - text: Sizzler!\n    start_ms: 489000\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489790\n  end_ms: 491340\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 489790\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 490110\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 490290\n  - text: 'employee '\n    start_ms: 490430\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 490890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 490970\n  - text: 'month '\n    start_ms: 491090\n  - text: after\n    start_ms: 491290\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491360\n  end_ms: 493680\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 491360\n  - text: 'put '\n    start_ms: 491717\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 491876\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 492034\n  - text: 'grease '\n    start_ms: 492252\n  - text: 'fire '\n    start_ms: 492570\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 492808\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 492946\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 493264\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw '\n    start_ms: 493680\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 494140\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 494320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 494580\n  - text: 'pretty '\n    start_ms: 494740\n  - text: 'jealous '\n    start_ms: 495080\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 495380\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 495460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 495620\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 495860\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498120\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 496270\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 496608\n  - text: 'gettin'' '\n    start_ms: 496758\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 496946\n  - text: 'lot '\n    start_ms: 497021\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 497153\n  - text: attitude\n    start_ms: 497303\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Okay, '\n    start_ms: 498120\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 498580\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 498800\n  - text: 'time, '\n    start_ms: 499000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 499320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 499380\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 499540\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 499660\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 499740\n  - text: 'parking '\n    start_ms: 499920\n  - text: lot\n    start_ms: 500170\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503050\n  words:\n  - text: 'Tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 500220\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 500720\n  - text: 'remove '\n    start_ms: 500820\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 501160\n  - text: 'excess '\n    start_ms: 501380\n  - text: 'earwax '\n    start_ms: 501740\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 502120\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 502240\n  - text: 'golf '\n    start_ms: 502320\n  - text: pencil\n    start_ms: 502580\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504760\n  words:\n  - text: 'When '\n    start_ms: 503070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 503488\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 503567\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 503706\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 503845\n  - text: 'Marty '\n    start_ms: 504084\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 504402\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 504601\n  - text: carry\n    start_ms: 504700\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504760\n  end_ms: 507310\n  words:\n  - text: 'A '\n    start_ms: 504760\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 505120\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 505280\n  - text: 'sofa '\n    start_ms: 505620\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 505900\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 506020\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 506160\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 506420\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 506580\n  - text: himself\n    start_ms: 506720\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 507340\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 507929\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508086\n  - text: 'say '\n    start_ms: 508204\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 508322\n  - text: 'him, '\n    start_ms: 508390\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508479\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 508577\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 508754\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 509362\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 509441\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 509559\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 509676\n  - text: 'help '\n    start_ms: 509834\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 510089\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 510187\n  - text: that?\"\n    start_ms: 510305\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 510560\n  - text: 'Marty, '\n    start_ms: 510980\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 511400\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 511560\n  - text: 'rolls '\n    start_ms: 511900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 512440\n  - text: 'eyes '\n    start_ms: 512700\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 513120\n  - text: goes\n    start_ms: 513240\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513310\n  end_ms: 517600\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 513810\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 514550\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 514650\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 514830\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 514930\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 515110\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 515330\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 515530\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 515710\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 515950\n  - text: 'legs '\n    start_ms: 516090\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 516330\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 516470\n  - text: chainsaw\"\n    start_ms: 516610\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517660\n  end_ms: 518980\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 517660\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 518129\n  - text: did\n    start_ms: 518188\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518980\n  end_ms: 520630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 518980\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 519200\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 519300\n  - text: 'gets '\n    start_ms: 519380\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 519560\n  - text: 'indignant '\n    start_ms: 519720\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 520340\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 520500\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520660\n  end_ms: 523650\n  words:\n  - text: 'He''s '\n    start_ms: 520660\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 520978\n  - text: '\"Hey '\n    start_ms: 521335\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 521633\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 521971\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 522051\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 522210\n  - text: 'being '\n    start_ms: 522408\n  - text: sarcastic!\"\n    start_ms: 522647\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523650\n  end_ms: 524730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 523650\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 524020\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 524370\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 524604\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524730\n  end_ms: 526320\n  words:\n  - text: 'How '\n    start_ms: 524730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 525070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 525250\n  - text: 'supposed '\n    start_ms: 525390\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 525730\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 525830\n  - text: that?\n    start_ms: 526010\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528500\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 526340\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 526751\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 526856\n  - text: 'mind '\n    start_ms: 527009\n  - text: 'reader, '\n    start_ms: 527277\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 527468\n  - text: 'cryin'' '\n    start_ms: 527640\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 527927\n  - text: loud\n    start_ms: 528099\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528500\n  end_ms: 531600\n  words:\n  - text: 'Besides, '\n    start_ms: 528500\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 529340\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 529460\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 529600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 529740\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 529820\n  - text: 'cute '\n    start_ms: 530080\n  - text: 'nickname, '\n    start_ms: 530320\n  - text: '\"Torso-'\n    start_ms: 530900\n  - text: Boy\"!\n    start_ms: 531400\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531680\n  end_ms: 533890\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 531680\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 532120\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 532300\n  - text: 'complaining '\n    start_ms: 532460\n  - text: about?\n    start_ms: 532940\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533940\n  end_ms: 536990\n  words:\n  - text: 'Say, '\n    start_ms: 533940\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 534698\n  - text: 'reminds '\n    start_ms: 534857\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 535256\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 535355\n  - text: 'another '\n    start_ms: 535455\n  - text: 'amusing '\n    start_ms: 535754\n  - text: anecdote\n    start_ms: 536312\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538230\n  words:\n  - text: 'This '\n    start_ms: 536990\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 537352\n  - text: 'comes '\n    start_ms: 537543\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 537734\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 537848\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 537925\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 538039\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 538116\n  - text: street\n    start_ms: 538211\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538230\n  end_ms: 541200\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 538230\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 538590\n  - text: 'tells '\n    start_ms: 538750\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 539010\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 539170\n  - text: 'hasn''t '\n    start_ms: 539330\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 539610\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 539770\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 539950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 540230\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 540470\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 540830\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 541280\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 541959\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 542110\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 542223\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 542374\n  - text: meant\n    start_ms: 542525\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542610\n  end_ms: 546420\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 542610\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 543090\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 543310\n  - text: 'be '\n    start_ms: 543410\n  - text: 'funny, '\n    start_ms: 543630\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 544230\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 544370\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 544570\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 544650\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 545010\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 545230\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 545330\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 545410\n  - text: 'jugular '\n    start_ms: 545670\n  - text: vein\n    start_ms: 546210\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546460\n  end_ms: 549230\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 546460\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 546840\n  - text: 'yellin'' '\n    start_ms: 547060\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 547460\n  - text: 'screamin'' '\n    start_ms: 547620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 548020\n  - text: 'bleeding '\n    start_ms: 548240\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 548640\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 548920\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549250\n  end_ms: 551560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 549250\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 549328\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 549465\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 549661\n  - text: 'come '\n    start_ms: 550248\n  - text: 'on, '\n    start_ms: 550483\n  - text: 'don''t '\n    start_ms: 550679\n  - text: '''cha '\n    start_ms: 550836\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 551090\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 551286\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552720\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 551560\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 551792\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 551889\n  - text: 'keeps '\n    start_ms: 552043\n  - text: 'rolling '\n    start_ms: 552237\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 552565\n  - text: on\n    start_ms: 552710\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556640\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 552720\n  - text: 'sidewalk, '\n    start_ms: 553060\n  - text: 'bleeding, '\n    start_ms: 553620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 554000\n  - text: 'screaming, '\n    start_ms: 554220\n  - text: '\"Ah, '\n    start_ms: 554660\n  - text: 'oh, '\n    start_ms: 555600\n  - text: ah!\"\n    start_ms: 556060\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 556750\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 557064\n  - text: 'completely '\n    start_ms: 557221\n  - text: 'missing '\n    start_ms: 557671\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 557966\n  - text: 'irony '\n    start_ms: 558162\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 558475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 558554\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 558652\n  - text: situation\n    start_ms: 558848\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Man, '\n    start_ms: 559730\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 560350\n  - text: 'people '\n    start_ms: 560510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 560790\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 560970\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 561150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 561330\n  - text: 'joke, '\n    start_ms: 561490\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 561810\n  - text: know?\n    start_ms: 561890\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568240\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 562520\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 563472\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 565653\n  - text: 'where '\n    start_ms: 566624\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 566783\n  - text: I?\n    start_ms: 566981\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568240\n  end_ms: 570300\n  words:\n  - text: 'Kinda '\n    start_ms: 568240\n  - text: 'lost '\n    start_ms: 568713\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 568930\n  - text: 'train '\n    start_ms: 569048\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 569226\n  - text: thought\n    start_ms: 569344\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570300\n  end_ms: 571700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Uh, '\n    start_ms: 570300\n  - text: 'well, '\n    start_ms: 571293\n  - text: 'uh, '\n    start_ms: 571630\n  - text: okay\n    start_ms: 571685\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571700\n  end_ms: 574700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway '\n    start_ms: 571700\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 572500\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 572740\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 572800\n  - text: 'it''s '\n    start_ms: 572940\n  - text: 'kinda '\n    start_ms: 573080\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 573260\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 573320\n  - text: 'roundabout '\n    start_ms: 573420\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 573900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 574080\n  - text: 'saying '\n    start_ms: 574360\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 574640\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577570\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 574710\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 575570\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 575650\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 575830\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 575930\n  - text: 'point '\n    start_ms: 576170\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 576410\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 576570\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 576770\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 576910\n  - text: 'here '\n    start_ms: 577150\n  - text: is\n    start_ms: 577330\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581090\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 577620\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 579220\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 580440\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581130\n  end_ms: 582660\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 581130\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 581550\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 581670\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 581790\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 582010\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 582210\n  - text: say\n    start_ms: 582330\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582690\n  end_ms: 584660\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 582690\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 583050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 583230\n  - text: 'way, '\n    start_ms: 583350\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 583530\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 583730\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 583870\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 584010\n  - text: 'happen '\n    start_ms: 584150\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 584410\n  - text: 'wake '\n    start_ms: 584570\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 584644\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584680\n  end_ms: 587070\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 584680\n  - text: 'find '\n    start_ms: 585115\n  - text: 'yourself '\n    start_ms: 585332\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 585687\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 585786\n  - text: 'existential '\n    start_ms: 585944\n  - text: quandary\n    start_ms: 586655\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588750\n  words:\n  - text: 'Full '\n    start_ms: 587070\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 587581\n  - text: 'loathing '\n    start_ms: 587777\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 588190\n  - text: self-\n    start_ms: 588406\n  - text: doubt\n    start_ms: 588662\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589900\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 588750\n  - text: 'wracked '\n    start_ms: 589168\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 589510\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 589624\n  - text: 'pain '\n    start_ms: 589776\n  - text: and\n    start_ms: 589885\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589900\n  end_ms: 592700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Isolation '\n    start_ms: 589900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 590840\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 590940\n  - text: 'pitiful '\n    start_ms: 591120\n  - text: 'meaningless '\n    start_ms: 591520\n  - text: existence\n    start_ms: 591980\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592730\n  end_ms: 595500\n  words:\n  - text: 'At '\n    start_ms: 592730\n  - text: 'least '\n    start_ms: 593330\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 593590\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 593670\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 593830\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 594030\n  - text: 'small '\n    start_ms: 594170\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 594490\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 594630\n  - text: 'comfort '\n    start_ms: 594810\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 595190\n  - text: 'knowing '\n    start_ms: 595310\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 595484\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595540\n  end_ms: 600460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Somewhere '\n    start_ms: 595540\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 596295\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 596494\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 596673\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 596772\n  - text: 'crazy '\n    start_ms: 597091\n  - text: 'old '\n    start_ms: 597568\n  - text: mixed-\n    start_ms: 597826\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 598104\n  - text: 'universe '\n    start_ms: 598383\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 598820\n  - text: ours\n    start_ms: 598999\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600460\n  end_ms: 603680\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 600460\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 601160\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 601420\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 601560\n  - text: 'place '\n    start_ms: 601900\n  - text: called\n    start_ms: 603320\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603700\n  end_ms: 608580\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 603700\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608590\n  end_ms: 613100\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 608590\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615580\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 613100\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 614520\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615700\n  end_ms: 618070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 615700\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 617194\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618070\n  end_ms: 620650\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 618070\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 619718\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620650\n  end_ms: 623420\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 620650\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 622310\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623490\n  end_ms: 625160\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 623490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 623950\n  - text: '\"A\" '\n    start_ms: 624310\n  - text: (A)\n    start_ms: 624910\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625190\n  end_ms: 626440\n  words:\n  - text: '\"L\" '\n    start_ms: 625863\n  - text: (L)\n    start_ms: 626171\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626440\n  end_ms: 627700\n  words:\n  - text: '\"B\" '\n    start_ms: 626866\n  - text: (B)\n    start_ms: 627385\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631690\n  words:\n  - text: '\"U\" '\n    start_ms: 628140\n  - text: (U)\n    start_ms: 628660\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631760\n  end_ms: 637230\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Querque!\" '\n    start_ms: 631940\n  - text: (Querque!)\n    start_ms: 633220\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637290\n  end_ms: 639270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637290\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637800\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 638133\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 638309\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642160\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 639270\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640160\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640970\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 641763\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642190\n  end_ms: 644640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 642190\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643017\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643567\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 644282\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644640\n  end_ms: 647400\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 644640\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 645693\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 646120\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 646973\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660360\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 647400\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":6941938,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"“Weird Al” Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic: Limited Edition 3.0","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":true,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.36] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.17] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.11] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.88] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.25] You know the place\n[00:14.21] Well, anyway\n[00:14.93] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.41] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.07] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.89] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.19] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.60] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.73] I said to my mom\n[00:33.73] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.48] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.65] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.04] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.30] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.89] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.42] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.98] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.65] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.52] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.91] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.62] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.80] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.67] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.25] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.54] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.81] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.36] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.41] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.38] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.36] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.98] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.34] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.88] Albuquerque\n[01:37.82] Albuquerque\n[01:41.75] Oh yeah\n[01:43.46] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.31] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.25] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.95] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.13] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.78] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.04] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.29] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.22] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.84] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.78] Except for me\n[02:12.25] You know why?\n[02:13.83] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.44] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.08] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.35] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.96] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.57] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.52] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.31] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.71] Ahhhh\n[02:34.34] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.16] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.92] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.42] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.43] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.41] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.57] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.32] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.13] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.63] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.08] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.35] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.69] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.34] That I love so very\n[03:10.59] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.67] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.08] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.68] No answer\n[03:18.00] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.13] There's no answer\n[03:20.77] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.76] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.66] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.61] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.54] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.92] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.87] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.91] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.85] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.28] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.13] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.59] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.15] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n[03:51.46] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.01] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.38] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.47] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.29] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.91] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.10] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.82] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.09] It said\n[04:09.96] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.62] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.13] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.25] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.50] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.82] Albuquerque\n[04:40.04] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.20] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.14] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.02] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.17] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.51] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.23] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.22] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.33] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.21] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.24] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.29] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.60] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.18] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.18] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.65] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.34] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.70] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.04] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.01] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.49] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.75] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.32] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.82] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.24] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.78] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.94] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.68] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.14] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.94] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.69] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.09] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.75] Doh!\n[06:19.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.71] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.83] Oh!\n[06:22.46] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.85] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.45] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.30] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.36] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.60] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.39] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.46] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.07] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.52] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.52] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.57] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.86] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:52.46] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.41] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.56] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.58] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.76] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.55] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.93] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.14] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.20] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.08] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.94] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.29] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.13] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.28] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.51] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.96] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.45] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.86] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.52] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.75] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.43] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.72] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.24] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.10] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.10] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.71] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.62] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.43] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.49] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.68] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.17] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.95] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.70] So I did\n[08:38.33] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.34] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.66] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.59] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.18] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.10] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.59] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.87] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.54] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.09] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.69] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.93] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.11] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.36] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.20] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.58] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.19] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.74] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.10] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.21] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.89] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.71] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.22] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.70] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:40.54] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.25] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.30] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.52] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.52] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.15] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.72] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.06] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.00] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.49] Albuquerque\n[10:08.15] Albuquerque\n[10:13.19] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:16.00] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.35] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:20.94] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.54] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.14] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.64] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.78] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.04] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.91] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.17] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.92] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.52] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.95] Albuquerque\n[11:01.66] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: “Weird Al” Yankovic\n  album: 'The Essential “Weird Al” Yankovic: Limited Edition 3.0'\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\n  language: en\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6000\n  end_ms: 7950\n  words:\n  - text: 'Way '\n    start_ms: 6000\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 6540\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 6800\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 6920\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 6960\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 7080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 7240\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 7360\n  - text: 'bitty '\n    start_ms: 7580\n  - text: boy\n    start_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7950\n  end_ms: 10890\n  words:\n  - text: 'Living '\n    start_ms: 7950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 8510\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 8610\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 8730\n  - text: 'under '\n    start_ms: 9050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9230\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 9410\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 9710\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9790\n  - text: 'corner '\n    start_ms: 9950\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10230\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10330\n  - text: 'basement '\n    start_ms: 10470\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10830\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10860\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 10880\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13850\n  words:\n  - text: 'Half '\n    start_ms: 10950\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 11559\n  - text: 'block '\n    start_ms: 11658\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 11894\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 12031\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 12149\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 12346\n  - text: 'Jerry''s '\n    start_ms: 12562\n  - text: 'Bait '\n    start_ms: 12975\n  - text: Shop\n    start_ms: 13231\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13850\n  end_ms: 14680\n  words:\n  - text: '(You '\n    start_ms: 13850\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 14150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 14250\n  - text: place)\n    start_ms: 14350\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19880\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 14750\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 15268\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 15547\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 15726\n  - text: 'life '\n    start_ms: 15925\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 16164\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 16344\n  - text: 'swell '\n    start_ms: 16722\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 17081\n  - text: 'everything '\n    start_ms: 17260\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 17639\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 17938\n  - text: peachy!\n    start_ms: 18993\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19880\n  end_ms: 23220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except, '\n    start_ms: 19880\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 20471\n  - text: 'course, '\n    start_ms: 20589\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 20806\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 20885\n  - text: 'undeniable '\n    start_ms: 21043\n  - text: 'fact '\n    start_ms: 21653\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 21870\n  - text: 'every '\n    start_ms: 22087\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 22363\n  - text: morning\n    start_ms: 22698\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23220\n  end_ms: 27820\n  words:\n  - text: 'My '\n    start_ms: 23220\n  - text: 'mother '\n    start_ms: 23719\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 23938\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 24118\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 24338\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 24477\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 24717\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 24916\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 25156\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 25375\n  - text: 'sauerkraut '\n    start_ms: 25695\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 26333\n  - text: breakfast\n    start_ms: 26533\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27820\n  end_ms: 31480\n  words:\n  - text: 'Awww, '\n    start_ms: 27820\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 29260\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 29540\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 29820\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 29880\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31530\n  end_ms: 32760\n  words:\n  - text: 'Every '\n    start_ms: 31530\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 32130\n  - text: mornin'!\n    start_ms: 32470\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32780\n  end_ms: 33930\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 32780\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 33092\n  - text: 'driving '\n    start_ms: 33209\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 33501\n  - text: crazy\n    start_ms: 33657\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34700\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 33930\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 34437\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 34554\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 34632\n  - text: mom\n    start_ms: 34685\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34700\n  end_ms: 37520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 34700\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 35100\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 35280\n  - text: 'mom, '\n    start_ms: 35700\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 36220\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 36420\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 36520\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 36620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 36740\n  - text: sauerkraut?\"\n    start_ms: 36940\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37520\n  end_ms: 38680\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 37520\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 38120\n  - text: 'dear, '\n    start_ms: 38280\n  - text: 'sweet '\n    start_ms: 38480\n  - text: mother\n    start_ms: 38660\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38730\n  end_ms: 42530\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 38730\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 39390\n  - text: 'looked '\n    start_ms: 39650\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 39830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 39950\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 40150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 40330\n  - text: 'cow '\n    start_ms: 40470\n  - text: 'looks '\n    start_ms: 40770\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 40970\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 41070\n  - text: 'oncoming '\n    start_ms: 41290\n  - text: train\n    start_ms: 41770\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44770\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 42580\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 43036\n  - text: 'leaned '\n    start_ms: 43274\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 43591\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 43809\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 44066\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 44324\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 44463\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44770\n  end_ms: 49050\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 44770\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 45465\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 45763\n  - text: '\"It''s '\n    start_ms: 46101\n  - text: 'good '\n    start_ms: 47372\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 47829\n  - text: you!\"\n    start_ms: 48226\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49050\n  end_ms: 51560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 49050\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 49510\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 49670\n  - text: 'tied '\n    start_ms: 49870\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 50050\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 50150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 50250\n  - text: 'wall '\n    start_ms: 50350\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 50610\n  - text: 'stuck '\n    start_ms: 50750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 50930\n  - text: 'funnel '\n    start_ms: 51110\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 51370\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 51490\n  - text: mouth\n    start_ms: 51545\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51590\n  end_ms: 53330\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 51590\n  - text: force-\n    start_ms: 51702\n  - text: 'fed '\n    start_ms: 52357\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 52525\n  - text: 'nothing '\n    start_ms: 52656\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 52900\n  - text: sauerkraut\n    start_ms: 53124\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53330\n  end_ms: 55820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Until '\n    start_ms: 53330\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 53950\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 54030\n  - text: '26 '\n    start_ms: 54310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 54750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 54870\n  - text: 'half '\n    start_ms: 54970\n  - text: 'years '\n    start_ms: 55270\n  - text: old\n    start_ms: 55550\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55870\n  end_ms: 58160\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 55870\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 56530\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 56650\n  - text: 'swore '\n    start_ms: 56830\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 57150\n  - text: someday\n    start_ms: 57470\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58160\n  end_ms: 59640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Someday '\n    start_ms: 58160\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 58660\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 58740\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 58900\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 59060\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 59240\n  - text: basement\n    start_ms: 59460\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59650\n  end_ms: 62300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 59650\n  - text: 'travel '\n    start_ms: 60070\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 60470\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 60590\n  - text: 'magical, '\n    start_ms: 60750\n  - text: 'far '\n    start_ms: 61350\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 61590\n  - text: place\n    start_ms: 61910\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 62330\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 62649\n  - text: 'sun '\n    start_ms: 62768\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 62948\n  - text: 'always '\n    start_ms: 63127\n  - text: 'shining, '\n    start_ms: 63426\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 63765\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 63845\n  - text: 'air '\n    start_ms: 63964\n  - text: 'smells '\n    start_ms: 64164\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 64483\n  - text: 'warm '\n    start_ms: 64682\n  - text: 'root '\n    start_ms: 64941\n  - text: beer\n    start_ms: 65160\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 65250\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 65624\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 65782\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 66117\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 66275\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 66472\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 66728\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67240\n  end_ms: 70000\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 67240\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 67613\n  - text: 'shriners '\n    start_ms: 67770\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 68163\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 68261\n  - text: 'lepers '\n    start_ms: 68419\n  - text: 'play '\n    start_ms: 68772\n  - text: 'their '\n    start_ms: 68949\n  - text: 'ukuleles '\n    start_ms: 69106\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 69676\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 69833\n  - text: long\n    start_ms: 69971\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70000\n  end_ms: 74030\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 70000\n  - text: 'anyone '\n    start_ms: 70400\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 70700\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 70800\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 70980\n  - text: 'will '\n    start_ms: 71200\n  - text: 'gladly '\n    start_ms: 71320\n  - text: 'shave '\n    start_ms: 71780\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 72080\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 72360\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 72600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 72800\n  - text: nickel\n    start_ms: 73020\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74060\n  end_ms: 75250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wacka '\n    start_ms: 74060\n  - text: 'wacka '\n    start_ms: 74560\n  - text: 'doodoo '\n    start_ms: 74900\n  - text: yeah!\n    start_ms: 75220\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 75270\n  - text: 'let '\n    start_ms: 75830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 75950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 76070\n  - text: 'you, '\n    start_ms: 76210\n  - text: people\n    start_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76510\n  end_ms: 79180\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 76510\n  - text: 'wasn''t '\n    start_ms: 76947\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 77205\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 77383\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 77522\n  - text: 'before '\n    start_ms: 77642\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 77939\n  - text: 'dream '\n    start_ms: 78178\n  - text: 'came '\n    start_ms: 78674\n  - text: 'true'\n    start_ms: 78972\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79180\n  end_ms: 82350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 79180\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 79800\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 79900\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 80160\n  - text: 'day, '\n    start_ms: 80400\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 80600\n  - text: 'local '\n    start_ms: 80700\n  - text: 'radio '\n    start_ms: 81060\n  - text: 'station '\n    start_ms: 81440\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 81780\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 81900\n  - text: contest\n    start_ms: 82100\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82350\n  end_ms: 83510\n  words:\n  - text: 'To '\n    start_ms: 82350\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 82743\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 82881\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 82979\n  - text: 'correctly '\n    start_ms: 83156\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 83494\n  - text: the\n    start_ms: 83504\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83510\n  end_ms: 86730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Number '\n    start_ms: 83510\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 84184\n  - text: 'molecules '\n    start_ms: 84362\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 84976\n  - text: 'Leonard '\n    start_ms: 85095\n  - text: 'Nimoy''s '\n    start_ms: 85412\n  - text: butt\n    start_ms: 86007\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86730\n  end_ms: 90210\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 86730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 87108\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 87247\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 87426\n  - text: 'three, '\n    start_ms: 87585\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 87903\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 88062\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 88162\n  - text: 'won '\n    start_ms: 88460\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 88699\n  - text: 'grand '\n    start_ms: 88838\n  - text: prize\n    start_ms: 89216\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93350\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 90210\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 90630\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 90850\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 90970\n  - text: 'class '\n    start_ms: 91250\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 91650\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 91930\n  - text: 'ticket '\n    start_ms: 92190\n  - text: to\n    start_ms: 93210\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93470\n  end_ms: 98440\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 93470\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98490\n  end_ms: 102690\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 98490\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102690\n  end_ms: 103790\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 102690\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 103157\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103790\n  end_ms: 105920\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 103790\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 104142\n  - text: 'I''d '\n    start_ms: 104298\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 104396\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 104689\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 104865\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 105002\n  - text: 'real '\n    start_ms: 105080\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 105314\n  - text: before\n    start_ms: 105686\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105920\n  end_ms: 108630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 105920\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 106319\n  - text: 'gotta '\n    start_ms: 106418\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 106737\n  - text: 'ya, '\n    start_ms: 106936\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 107155\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 107275\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 107494\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 107833\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108630\n  end_ms: 110180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 108630\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 109090\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 109210\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 109270\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 109390\n  - text: 'sit '\n    start_ms: 109530\n  - text: 'between '\n    start_ms: 109690\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 110030\n  - text: large\n    start_ms: 110150\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113340\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albanian '\n    start_ms: 110280\n  - text: 'women '\n    start_ms: 111200\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 111480\n  - text: 'excruciatingly '\n    start_ms: 111600\n  - text: 'severe '\n    start_ms: 112400\n  - text: 'body '\n    start_ms: 112860\n  - text: odor\n    start_ms: 113200\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113350\n  end_ms: 116540\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 113350\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 113986\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 114125\n  - text: 'kid '\n    start_ms: 114403\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 114523\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 114721\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 114920\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 114980\n  - text: 'kept '\n    start_ms: 115119\n  - text: 'throwin'' '\n    start_ms: 115338\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 115755\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 115874\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 115974\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 116232\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116540\n  end_ms: 119200\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 116540\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 116961\n  - text: 'attendants '\n    start_ms: 117172\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 117535\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 117707\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 117803\n  - text: 'Dr. '\n    start_ms: 117918\n  - text: 'Pepper '\n    start_ms: 118243\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 118454\n  - text: 'salted '\n    start_ms: 118607\n  - text: peanuts\n    start_ms: 118970\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119200\n  end_ms: 121720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 119200\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 119680\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 119800\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 119920\n  - text: 'movie '\n    start_ms: 120160\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 120440\n  - text: Bio-\n    start_ms: 120620\n  - text: 'Dome '\n    start_ms: 120920\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 121080\n  - text: 'Pauly '\n    start_ms: 121240\n  - text: Shore\n    start_ms: 121580\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121890\n  end_ms: 123720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And, '\n    start_ms: 121890\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 122407\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 122522\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 122676\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 122810\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 122867\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 122944\n  - text: 'engines '\n    start_ms: 123251\n  - text: 'burned '\n    start_ms: 123557\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 123705\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126400\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 123720\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 124200\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 124420\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 124580\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 124820\n  - text: 'tailspin '\n    start_ms: 124960\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 125440\n  - text: 'crashed '\n    start_ms: 125600\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 125980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 126200\n  - text: hillside\n    start_ms: 126280\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126480\n  end_ms: 131450\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 126480\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 126895\n  - text: 'plane '\n    start_ms: 127033\n  - text: 'exploded '\n    start_ms: 127310\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 127962\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 128081\n  - text: 'giant '\n    start_ms: 128259\n  - text: 'fireball '\n    start_ms: 128832\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 129444\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 129662\n  - text: died\n    start_ms: 130235\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 131450\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 132029\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 132203\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132820\n  end_ms: 134070\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 132820\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 133080\n  - text: why?\n    start_ms: 133300\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134110\n  end_ms: 136620\n  words:\n  - text: '''Cause '\n    start_ms: 134110\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 134688\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 134787\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 135066\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 135226\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 135564\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 136022\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136620\n  end_ms: 139320\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 136620\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 137180\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 137300\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 137500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 137720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 137840\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 137980\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 138400\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 138920\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141870\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 139390\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 139802\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 139939\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 140409\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 141017\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141870\n  end_ms: 144440\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 141870\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 142330\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 142470\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 142670\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 142890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 143010\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 143150\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 143550\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 144090\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144460\n  end_ms: 147040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 144460\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 144910\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 145046\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 145535\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 146121\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147040\n  end_ms: 150120\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 147040\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 147413\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 147550\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 147746\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 147962\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 148080\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 148217\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 148629\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 149159\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150120\n  end_ms: 151610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 150120\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151200\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151362\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 151527\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152910\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 151650\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 152230\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 152510\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152910\n  end_ms: 154740\n  words:\n  - text: Ahh\n    start_ms: 152910\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154780\n  end_ms: 157560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 154780\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 155215\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 155334\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 155670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 155829\n  - text: 'twisted, '\n    start_ms: 155947\n  - text: 'burnin'' '\n    start_ms: 156383\n  - text: wreckage\n    start_ms: 156739\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157560\n  end_ms: 161430\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 157560\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 157900\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 158280\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 158400\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 158580\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 158920\n  - text: 'knees '\n    start_ms: 159040\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 159440\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 159600\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 159960\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 160300\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161480\n  end_ms: 165140\n  words:\n  - text: 'Draggin'' '\n    start_ms: 161480\n  - text: 'along '\n    start_ms: 162136\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 162554\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 162733\n  - text: 'leather '\n    start_ms: 163012\n  - text: 'suitcase '\n    start_ms: 163469\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 164006\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 164126\n  - text: 'garment '\n    start_ms: 164324\n  - text: bag\n    start_ms: 164822\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165140\n  end_ms: 167740\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 165140\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 165440\n  - text: 'tenor '\n    start_ms: 165600\n  - text: 'saxophone '\n    start_ms: 166040\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 166600\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 166700\n  - text: 12-\n    start_ms: 166840\n  - text: 'pound '\n    start_ms: 167140\n  - text: 'bowling '\n    start_ms: 167400\n  - text: ball\n    start_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 167780\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 168056\n  - text: 'lucky, '\n    start_ms: 168233\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 168548\n  - text: 'autographed '\n    start_ms: 168843\n  - text: glow-\n    start_ms: 169454\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 169690\n  - text: the-\n    start_ms: 169789\n  - text: 'dark '\n    start_ms: 169946\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 170360\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171620\n  end_ms: 175820\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 171620\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 172060\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 172500\n  - text: 'arrived '\n    start_ms: 172600\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 173080\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 173180\n  - text: world-\n    start_ms: 173360\n  - text: 'famous '\n    start_ms: 173860\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 174620\n  - text: 'Holiday '\n    start_ms: 175240\n  - text: Inn\n    start_ms: 175800\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175850\n  end_ms: 177860\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 175850\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 176244\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 176382\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 176737\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 176894\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 177072\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 177289\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177860\n  end_ms: 180910\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 177860\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 178239\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 178358\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 178478\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 178657\n  - text: 'soup '\n    start_ms: 178936\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 179196\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 179355\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 179475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 179554\n  - text: 'ashtrays '\n    start_ms: 179694\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 180252\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 180392\n  - text: wanna\n    start_ms: 180551\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180910\n  end_ms: 182780\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 180910\n  - text: 'okay, '\n    start_ms: 181470\n  - text: 'they''re '\n    start_ms: 181870\n  - text: clean!\n    start_ms: 182090\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182850\n  end_ms: 185550\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 182850\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 183320\n  - text: 'checked '\n    start_ms: 183437\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 183711\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 183887\n  - text: 'room, '\n    start_ms: 184122\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 184376\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 184552\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 184670\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 184924\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 185139\n  - text: AC\n    start_ms: 185276\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 185550\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 185850\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 186050\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 186310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 186430\n  - text: 'Spectra '\n    start_ms: 186630\n  - text: Vision\n    start_ms: 186990\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 187330\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 187710\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 187830\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 187990\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 188210\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 188290\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 188410\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 188550\n  - text: 'chocolate '\n    start_ms: 188810\n  - text: 'mint '\n    start_ms: 189230\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 189430\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 189530\n  - text: pillow\n    start_ms: 189609\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190640\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 189680\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 190132\n  - text: 'love '\n    start_ms: 190207\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 190414\n  - text: very\n    start_ms: 190565\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190640\n  end_ms: 193960\n  words:\n  - text: 'Very '\n    start_ms: 190640\n  - text: 'much '\n    start_ms: 191140\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 191380\n  - text: 'suddenly, '\n    start_ms: 191640\n  - text: 'there''s '\n    start_ms: 192060\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 192280\n  - text: 'knock '\n    start_ms: 192380\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 192620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 192740\n  - text: door\n    start_ms: 192860\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193990\n  end_ms: 195720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well '\n    start_ms: 193990\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 194277\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 194468\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 194602\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 194755\n  - text: be?\n    start_ms: 195060\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197140\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 195720\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 196080\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 196240\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 196500\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 196660\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197140\n  end_ms: 198530\n  words:\n  - text: 'No '\n    start_ms: 197140\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 197620\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199620\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 198940\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 199100\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 199300\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201030\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 199650\n  - text: 'no '\n    start_ms: 200084\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 200320\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201030\n  end_ms: 202130\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 201296\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 201580\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 201789\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203730\n  words:\n  - text: 'They''re '\n    start_ms: 202130\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 202510\n  - text: 'sayin'' '\n    start_ms: 202810\n  - text: anything\n    start_ms: 203110\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203780\n  end_ms: 208100\n  words:\n  - text: 'So, '\n    start_ms: 203780\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 204260\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 204660\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 204740\n  - text: 'over, '\n    start_ms: 204940\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 205220\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 205400\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 205560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 205800\n  - text: 'door '\n    start_ms: 206000\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 206420\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 206680\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 207000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 207220\n  - text: suspected\n    start_ms: 207380\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208150\n  end_ms: 213350\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 208150\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 208590\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 208850\n  - text: 'fat '\n    start_ms: 209070\n  - text: 'hermaphrodite '\n    start_ms: 209290\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 210090\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 210190\n  - text: 'Flock '\n    start_ms: 210310\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 210550\n  - text: 'Seagulls '\n    start_ms: 210690\n  - text: 'haircut '\n    start_ms: 211110\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 211590\n  - text: 'only '\n    start_ms: 211810\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 212250\n  - text: nostril\n    start_ms: 212550\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213350\n  end_ms: 216070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 213350\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 214020\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 214336\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 214572\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 214749\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 214868\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 215065\n  - text: right\n    start_ms: 215301\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216070\n  end_ms: 219320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 216070\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 216487\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 216845\n  - text: 'bursts '\n    start_ms: 217064\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 217302\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 217461\n  - text: 'room '\n    start_ms: 217680\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 217919\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 217998\n  - text: 'grabs '\n    start_ms: 218197\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 218575\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 218714\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 219012\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219320\n  end_ms: 221210\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 219320\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 219555\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 219692\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 220084\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 220436\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 220593\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 220828\n  - text: that!\n    start_ms: 221063\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221210\n  end_ms: 223970\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 221210\n  - text: 'snorkel''s '\n    start_ms: 221690\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 222150\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 222310\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 222490\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 222670\n  - text: 'snorkel '\n    start_ms: 222870\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 223310\n  - text: me!\"\n    start_ms: 223430\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224010\n  end_ms: 225240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 224010\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 224330\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 224490\n  - text: '\"Tough\"'\n    start_ms: 224710\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 225240\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 225640\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 225780\n  - text: '\"Give '\n    start_ms: 226060\n  - text: it!\"\n    start_ms: 226360\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226660\n  end_ms: 227920\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 226660\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 226925\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 227077\n  - text: '\"Make '\n    start_ms: 227323\n  - text: me\"\n    start_ms: 227626\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227920\n  end_ms: 229310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 227920\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 228160\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 228260\n  - text: '\"''K\"'\n    start_ms: 228800\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231810\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 229320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 229780\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 229900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 230180\n  - text: 'leg '\n    start_ms: 230400\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 230680\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 230820\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 231020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 231280\n  - text: esophagus\n    start_ms: 231420\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231830\n  end_ms: 234510\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 231830\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 232245\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 232483\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 232641\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 232819\n  - text: 'ear '\n    start_ms: 233076\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 233294\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 233432\n  - text: 'chewed '\n    start_ms: 233650\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 233887\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 234065\n  - text: eyebrows\n    start_ms: 234283\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 234510\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 234870\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 234990\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 235210\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 235310\n  - text: 'appendix '\n    start_ms: 235470\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 235930\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 236070\n  - text: 'gave '\n    start_ms: 236250\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 236430\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 236550\n  - text: 'colonic '\n    start_ms: 236630\n  - text: irrigation\n    start_ms: 237190\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237670\n  end_ms: 239720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Yes, '\n    start_ms: 237670\n  - text: 'indeed, '\n    start_ms: 238168\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 238466\n  - text: 'better '\n    start_ms: 238625\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 238824\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 239222\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239720\n  end_ms: 241310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 239720\n  - text: 'somehow '\n    start_ms: 240220\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 240560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 240640\n  - text: 'middle '\n    start_ms: 240740\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 240940\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 241040\n  - text: all\n    start_ms: 241140\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241330\n  end_ms: 243530\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 241330\n  - text: 'phone '\n    start_ms: 241841\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 242194\n  - text: 'knocked '\n    start_ms: 242410\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 242744\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 242901\n  - text: hook\n    start_ms: 243039\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243530\n  end_ms: 246620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 243530\n  - text: '20 '\n    start_ms: 244090\n  - text: 'seconds '\n    start_ms: 244310\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 244670\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 245070\n  - text: 'heard '\n    start_ms: 245130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 245270\n  - text: 'familiar '\n    start_ms: 245390\n  - text: voice\n    start_ms: 245930\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247950\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 246680\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 247002\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 247097\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 247192\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 247287\n  - text: said?\n    start_ms: 247495\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247950\n  end_ms: 249420\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 247950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 248370\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 248590\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 248690\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 248810\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249010\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249490\n  end_ms: 249940\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 249490\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249823\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249940\n  end_ms: 255070\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 250240\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 250360\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 250520\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 250820\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 250980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 251320\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 251440\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 252380\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 252740\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 253200\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 253380\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 253520\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 253920\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255190\n  end_ms: 260370\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 255604\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 255801\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 255958\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 256254\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 256687\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 257041\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 257219\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 257534\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 257810\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 258164\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 258381\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260370\n  end_ms: 265420\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 260570\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 260690\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 260850\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 261110\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 261310\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 261670\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 261790\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 262710\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 263070\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 263510\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 263710\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 263850\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 264270\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265480\n  end_ms: 270290\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 265817\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 266075\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 266234\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 266531\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 266987\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 267265\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 267523\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 267781\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 268098\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 268435\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 268693\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270290\n  end_ms: 275800\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 270290\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 271161\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275800\n  end_ms: 280480\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 275800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280540\n  end_ms: 284270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 280540\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 281158\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 281318\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 281517\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 281597\n  - text: 'story '\n    start_ms: 281797\n  - text: 'short, '\n    start_ms: 282136\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 282535\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 282694\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 282894\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 283153\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 283313\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 283592\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284270\n  end_ms: 287560\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 284270\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 284489\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 284548\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 284707\n  - text: 'solemn '\n    start_ms: 284906\n  - text: 'vow '\n    start_ms: 285304\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 285562\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 285821\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 285980\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 286159\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 286377\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 286636\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 286735\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 286954\n  - text: rest\n    start_ms: 287212\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 287560\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 287940\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 288080\n  - text: 'sleep '\n    start_ms: 288320\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 288580\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 288720\n  - text: 'instant '\n    start_ms: 288800\n  - text: until\n    start_ms: 289204\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289360\n  end_ms: 291810\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 289360\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 289789\n  - text: 'nostrilled '\n    start_ms: 289946\n  - text: 'man '\n    start_ms: 290395\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 290609\n  - text: 'brought '\n    start_ms: 290766\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 290980\n  - text: justice\n    start_ms: 291136\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291810\n  end_ms: 293610\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 291810\n  - text: 'first, '\n    start_ms: 292130\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 292370\n  - text: 'decided '\n    start_ms: 292430\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 292730\n  - text: 'buy '\n    start_ms: 292810\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 292970\n  - text: donuts\n    start_ms: 293170\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293640\n  end_ms: 296320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 293640\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 294118\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 294238\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 294497\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 294537\n  - text: 'car '\n    start_ms: 294756\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 294995\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 295154\n  - text: 'drove '\n    start_ms: 295274\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 295533\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 295712\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 295812\n  - text: 'donut '\n    start_ms: 295912\n  - text: shop\n    start_ms: 296210\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298530\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 296320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 296680\n  - text: 'walked '\n    start_ms: 296860\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 297140\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 297300\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 297400\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 297500\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 297660\n  - text: 'behind '\n    start_ms: 297860\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 298180\n  - text: counter\n    start_ms: 298340\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303810\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 298570\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 298848\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 299067\n  - text: '\"Yeah, '\n    start_ms: 299405\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 300340\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 300459\n  - text: 'ya '\n    start_ms: 300539\n  - text: want?\"\n    start_ms: 300777\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303810\n  end_ms: 306350\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 303810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 304187\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 304346\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 304524\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 304683\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 304921\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 305417\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308790\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 306350\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 306730\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 307050\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 307590\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 307710\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 307930\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 308310\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308880\n  end_ms: 311640\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 308880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 309448\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 309663\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 309820\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 309957\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 310113\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 310544\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 310798\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311640\n  end_ms: 314330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 311640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 311920\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 312260\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 312940\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 313020\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 313380\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 313700\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314400\n  end_ms: 316950\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 314400\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 314709\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 314844\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 314960\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 315076\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 315269\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 315887\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 316216\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 316428\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316950\n  end_ms: 320000\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 316950\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 317310\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 317590\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 317930\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 318010\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 318230\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 318790\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 319090\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 319330\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321810\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 320070\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 320401\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 320537\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 320673\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 320789\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 321178\n  - text: rolls?\"\n    start_ms: 321470\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321810\n  end_ms: 324330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 321810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 322190\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 322530\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 323250\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 323370\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 323770\n  - text: rolls\"\n    start_ms: 324130\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324390\n  end_ms: 326880\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 324390\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 324896\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 325304\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 325479\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 325616\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 325849\n  - text: fritters?\"\n    start_ms: 326219\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326880\n  end_ms: 329460\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 326880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 327340\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 327680\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 328360\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 328500\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 328760\n  - text: fritters\"\n    start_ms: 329140\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329490\n  end_ms: 332110\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 329490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 329996\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 330444\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 330639\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 330795\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 331126\n  - text: claws?\"\n    start_ms: 331438\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\n  start_ms: 332110\n  end_ms: 336270\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 332110\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 332450\n  - text: '\"Wait '\n    start_ms: 332770\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 333450\n  - text: 'minute, '\n    start_ms: 333550\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 334210\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 334430\n  - text: check\"\n    start_ms: 334770\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343500\n  end_ms: 346410\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 344140\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 344580\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 344700\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 345020\n  - text: claws\"\n    start_ms: 345320\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351410\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 346420\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 346780\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 346960\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 347120\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 347240\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 347500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 349140\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 349300\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 349520\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 349800\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 350020\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 350280\n  - text: have?\"\n    start_ms: 350420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\"\n  start_ms: 351490\n  end_ms: 353160\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 351490\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 351866\n  - text: '\"All '\n    start_ms: 352142\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 352340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 352439\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 352636\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 352873\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 353071\n  - text: this\"\n    start_ms: 353130\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353160\n  end_ms: 356920\n  words:\n  - text: 'Box '\n    start_ms: 353160\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 353722\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 353916\n  - text: 'dozen '\n    start_ms: 354226\n  - text: 'starving, '\n    start_ms: 354691\n  - text: 'crazed '\n    start_ms: 355137\n  - text: weasels\"\n    start_ms: 355621\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358540\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 356920\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 357260\n  - text: '\"Okay, '\n    start_ms: 357640\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 357980\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 358100\n  - text: that\"\n    start_ms: 358280\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362350\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 358630\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 359070\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 359210\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 359450\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 359570\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 359730\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 360030\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 360190\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 360450\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 360730\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 360870\n  - text: 'lid '\n    start_ms: 361050\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 361310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 361450\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 361670\n  - text: 'jump '\n    start_ms: 362110\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362350\n  end_ms: 367600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 362350\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 362684\n  - text: 'immediately '\n    start_ms: 362842\n  - text: 'latch '\n    start_ms: 363490\n  - text: 'onto '\n    start_ms: 363785\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 363982\n  - text: 'face '\n    start_ms: 364159\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 364336\n  - text: 'start '\n    start_ms: 364493\n  - text: 'bitin'' '\n    start_ms: 364769\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 365083\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 365240\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 365457\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367600\n  end_ms: 369180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 367600\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 368100\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 368280\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 368380\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 368540\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 368700\n  - text: nuts\n    start_ms: 369000\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369210\n  end_ms: 371280\n  words:\n  - text: 'They '\n    start_ms: 369210\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 369730\n  - text: 'tearin'' '\n    start_ms: 369910\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 370250\n  - text: apart\n    start_ms: 370370\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373200\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 371340\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 371751\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 371927\n  - text: 'think '\n    start_ms: 372006\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 372143\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 372221\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 372378\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 372573\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 372828\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 373024\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376340\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 373200\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 373597\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 373677\n  - text: 'ditty '\n    start_ms: 374015\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 374353\n  - text: 'goin'' '\n    start_ms: 374710\n  - text: 'through '\n    start_ms: 374989\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 375207\n  - text: head\n    start_ms: 375446\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 376340\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 376657\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 376915\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 377033\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 377192\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 377271\n  - text: 'something '\n    start_ms: 377608\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 378024\n  - text: this\n    start_ms: 378321\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379520\n  end_ms: 380130\n  words:\n  - text: Doh!\n    start_ms: 379520\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381010\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 380270\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 380804\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 380894\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 380983\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381010\n  end_ms: 381930\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 381010\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 381425\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 381604\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 381821\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382620\n  words:\n  - text: Oh!\n    start_ms: 381930\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n  words:\n  - text: 'No, '\n    start_ms: 382620\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383013\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383141\n  - text: 'off, '\n    start_ms: 383230\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383427\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383545\n  - text: off!\n    start_ms: 383682\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385560\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 383830\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384330\n  - text: 'God, '\n    start_ms: 384590\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384890\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385610\n  end_ms: 386640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 385610\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 386076\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 386192\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 386271\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 386446\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 386640\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 387000\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 387240\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 387480\n- text: Ah, ah, ah!\n  start_ms: 387680\n  end_ms: 390100\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah, '\n    start_ms: 387680\n  - text: 'ah, '\n    start_ms: 388662\n  - text: ah!\n    start_ms: 388714\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393470\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 390100\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 390520\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 390720\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 390820\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 390960\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 391100\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 391340\n  - text: 'these '\n    start_ms: 391440\n  - text: flesh-\n    start_ms: 391700\n  - text: 'eating '\n    start_ms: 391960\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 392280\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 392700\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 392840\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 393020\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 393260\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396080\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wavin'' '\n    start_ms: 393580\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 394160\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 394400\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 394640\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 394820\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 395120\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 395220\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395460\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395680\n  - text: runnin'\n    start_ms: 395780\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398450\n  words:\n  - text: 'Like '\n    start_ms: 396080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 396591\n  - text: 'constipated '\n    start_ms: 396768\n  - text: 'wiener '\n    start_ms: 397457\n  - text: dog\n    start_ms: 397771\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398450\n  end_ms: 399640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 398450\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 398760\n  - text: 'luck '\n    start_ms: 398953\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 399147\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 399282\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 399476\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399640\n  end_ms: 403520\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 399640\n  - text: 'exactly '\n    start_ms: 400060\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 400760\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 400920\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 401060\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 401320\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 401480\n  - text: 'girl '\n    start_ms: 401640\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 402020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 402180\n  - text: dreams\n    start_ms: 402440\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403590\n  end_ms: 405040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Her '\n    start_ms: 403590\n  - text: 'name '\n    start_ms: 403948\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 404174\n  - text: Zelda\n    start_ms: 404381\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407310\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 405040\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 405437\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 405555\n  - text: 'calligraphy '\n    start_ms: 405655\n  - text: 'enthusiast '\n    start_ms: 406190\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 406923\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 407042\n  - text: slight\n    start_ms: 407181\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Overbite '\n    start_ms: 407310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 407950\n  - text: 'hair '\n    start_ms: 408170\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 408370\n  - text: 'color '\n    start_ms: 408530\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 408810\n  - text: 'strained '\n    start_ms: 409070\n  - text: peaches\n    start_ms: 409570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413250\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 410590\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 410999\n  - text: 'forget '\n    start_ms: 411233\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 411486\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 411603\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 411876\n  - text: 'thing '\n    start_ms: 412129\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 412344\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 412539\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 412734\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 412831\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413250\n  end_ms: 415990\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 413250\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 413650\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 413870\n  - text: 'you''ve '\n    start_ms: 414750\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 414870\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 415010\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 415350\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 415450\n  - text: face\"\n    start_ms: 415570\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416020\n  end_ms: 417920\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 416020\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 416483\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 416618\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 416676\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 416830\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 416965\n  - text: 'true '\n    start_ms: 417177\n  - text: love\n    start_ms: 417486\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419930\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 417920\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 418300\n  - text: 'inseparable '\n    start_ms: 418460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 419220\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 419480\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419940\n  end_ms: 422970\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw, '\n    start_ms: 419940\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 420600\n  - text: 'ate '\n    start_ms: 420940\n  - text: 'together, '\n    start_ms: 421220\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 421900\n  - text: 'bathed '\n    start_ms: 422200\n  - text: together\n    start_ms: 422600\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423080\n  end_ms: 426240\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 423080\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 423448\n  - text: 'shared '\n    start_ms: 423720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 423933\n  - text: 'same '\n    start_ms: 424107\n  - text: 'piece '\n    start_ms: 424360\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 424592\n  - text: mint-\n    start_ms: 424767\n  - text: 'flavored '\n    start_ms: 424980\n  - text: 'dental '\n    start_ms: 425387\n  - text: floss\n    start_ms: 425678\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426240\n  end_ms: 428170\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 426240\n  - text: 'world '\n    start_ms: 426740\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 427060\n  - text: 'our '\n    start_ms: 427280\n  - text: burrito\n    start_ms: 427460\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430540\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 428280\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 428799\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 428953\n  - text: 'married '\n    start_ms: 429222\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 429626\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 429780\n  - text: 'bought '\n    start_ms: 429953\n  - text: 'us '\n    start_ms: 430184\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 430377\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 430453\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434130\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 430540\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 430940\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 431220\n  - text: 'beautiful '\n    start_ms: 431480\n  - text: 'children, '\n    start_ms: 431980\n  - text: 'Nathaniel '\n    start_ms: 432460\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 433020\n  - text: Superfly\n    start_ms: 433320\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 434140\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 434600\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 434720\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 434920\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435240\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435700\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 436140\n  - text: 'happy, '\n    start_ms: 436600\n  - text: 'aw '\n    start_ms: 437320\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 437760\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438390\n  end_ms: 441490\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 438390\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 438768\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 439086\n  - text: 'fateful '\n    start_ms: 439364\n  - text: 'night, '\n    start_ms: 439801\n  - text: 'Zelda '\n    start_ms: 440536\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 440894\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 441073\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 441192\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441490\n  end_ms: 443750\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 441490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 441883\n  - text: '\"Sweetie '\n    start_ms: 442571\n  - text: pumpkin?\n    start_ms: 443003\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443750\n  end_ms: 448620\n  words:\n  - text: 'Do '\n    start_ms: 443750\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 444230\n  - text: 'wanna '\n    start_ms: 444370\n  - text: 'join '\n    start_ms: 444670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 444970\n  - text: 'Columbia '\n    start_ms: 445070\n  - text: 'Record '\n    start_ms: 445830\n  - text: Club?\"\n    start_ms: 446230\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448640\n  end_ms: 451510\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 448640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 448993\n  - text: '\"Whoa, '\n    start_ms: 449247\n  - text: 'hold '\n    start_ms: 450423\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 450736\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 450932\n  - text: baby\n    start_ms: 451167\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451510\n  end_ms: 454010\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 451510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 451910\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 452050\n  - text: 'ready '\n    start_ms: 452250\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 452490\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 452610\n  - text: 'kind '\n    start_ms: 452870\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 453130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 453230\n  - text: commitment!\"\n    start_ms: 453310\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454030\n  end_ms: 456240\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 454030\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 454470\n  - text: 'broke '\n    start_ms: 454630\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 454990\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 455150\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 455310\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 455410\n  - text: 'saw '\n    start_ms: 455710\n  - text: 'her '\n    start_ms: 455910\n  - text: again\n    start_ms: 456070\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456260\n  end_ms: 459010\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 456260\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 456700\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 457020\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 457300\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 457520\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 457800\n  - text: go\n    start_ms: 458160\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459050\n  end_ms: 464450\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 459050\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 459690\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464450\n  end_ms: 469060\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 464450\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480100\n  end_ms: 482180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 480100\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 480760\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 481040\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 481280\n  - text: 'lookin'' '\n    start_ms: 481660\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 481920\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 482060\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 482140\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486500\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 482260\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 482778\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 483036\n  - text: 'week '\n    start_ms: 483176\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 483415\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 483833\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 483972\n  - text: 'achieved '\n    start_ms: 484310\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 484868\n  - text: 'lifelong '\n    start_ms: 485186\n  - text: dream\n    start_ms: 485843\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489750\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 486500\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 487100\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 487340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 487440\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 487600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 487740\n  - text: part-\n    start_ms: 487880\n  - text: 'time '\n    start_ms: 488120\n  - text: 'job '\n    start_ms: 488460\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 488680\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 488780\n  - text: Sizzler!\n    start_ms: 489000\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489790\n  end_ms: 491340\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 489790\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 490110\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 490290\n  - text: 'employee '\n    start_ms: 490430\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 490890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 490970\n  - text: 'month '\n    start_ms: 491090\n  - text: after\n    start_ms: 491290\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491360\n  end_ms: 493680\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 491360\n  - text: 'put '\n    start_ms: 491717\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 491876\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 492034\n  - text: 'grease '\n    start_ms: 492252\n  - text: 'fire '\n    start_ms: 492570\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 492808\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 492946\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 493264\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw '\n    start_ms: 493680\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 494140\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 494320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 494580\n  - text: 'pretty '\n    start_ms: 494740\n  - text: 'jealous '\n    start_ms: 495080\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 495380\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 495460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 495620\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 495860\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498120\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 496270\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 496608\n  - text: 'gettin'' '\n    start_ms: 496758\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 496946\n  - text: 'lot '\n    start_ms: 497021\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 497153\n  - text: attitude\n    start_ms: 497303\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Okay, '\n    start_ms: 498120\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 498580\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 498800\n  - text: 'time, '\n    start_ms: 499000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 499320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 499380\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 499540\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 499660\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 499740\n  - text: 'parking '\n    start_ms: 499920\n  - text: lot\n    start_ms: 500170\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503050\n  words:\n  - text: 'Tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 500220\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 500720\n  - text: 'remove '\n    start_ms: 500820\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 501160\n  - text: 'excess '\n    start_ms: 501380\n  - text: 'earwax '\n    start_ms: 501740\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 502120\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 502240\n  - text: 'golf '\n    start_ms: 502320\n  - text: pencil\n    start_ms: 502580\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504760\n  words:\n  - text: 'When '\n    start_ms: 503070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 503488\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 503567\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 503706\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 503845\n  - text: 'Marty '\n    start_ms: 504084\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 504402\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 504601\n  - text: carry\n    start_ms: 504700\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504760\n  end_ms: 507310\n  words:\n  - text: 'A '\n    start_ms: 504760\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 505120\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 505280\n  - text: 'sofa '\n    start_ms: 505620\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 505900\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 506020\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 506160\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 506420\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 506580\n  - text: himself\n    start_ms: 506720\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 507340\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 507929\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508086\n  - text: 'say '\n    start_ms: 508204\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 508322\n  - text: 'him, '\n    start_ms: 508390\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508479\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 508577\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 508754\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 509362\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 509441\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 509559\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 509676\n  - text: 'help '\n    start_ms: 509834\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 510089\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 510187\n  - text: that?\"\n    start_ms: 510305\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 510560\n  - text: 'Marty, '\n    start_ms: 510980\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 511400\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 511560\n  - text: 'rolls '\n    start_ms: 511900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 512440\n  - text: 'eyes '\n    start_ms: 512700\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 513120\n  - text: goes\n    start_ms: 513240\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513310\n  end_ms: 517600\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 513810\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 514550\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 514650\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 514830\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 514930\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 515110\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 515330\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 515530\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 515710\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 515950\n  - text: 'legs '\n    start_ms: 516090\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 516330\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 516470\n  - text: chainsaw\"\n    start_ms: 516610\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517660\n  end_ms: 518980\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 517660\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 518129\n  - text: did\n    start_ms: 518188\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518980\n  end_ms: 520630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 518980\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 519200\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 519300\n  - text: 'gets '\n    start_ms: 519380\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 519560\n  - text: 'indignant '\n    start_ms: 519720\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 520340\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 520500\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520660\n  end_ms: 523650\n  words:\n  - text: 'He''s '\n    start_ms: 520660\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 520978\n  - text: '\"Hey '\n    start_ms: 521335\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 521633\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 521971\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 522051\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 522210\n  - text: 'being '\n    start_ms: 522408\n  - text: sarcastic!\"\n    start_ms: 522647\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523650\n  end_ms: 524730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 523650\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 524020\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 524370\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 524604\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524730\n  end_ms: 526320\n  words:\n  - text: 'How '\n    start_ms: 524730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 525070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 525250\n  - text: 'supposed '\n    start_ms: 525390\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 525730\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 525830\n  - text: that?\n    start_ms: 526010\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528500\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 526340\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 526751\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 526856\n  - text: 'mind '\n    start_ms: 527009\n  - text: 'reader, '\n    start_ms: 527277\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 527468\n  - text: 'cryin'' '\n    start_ms: 527640\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 527927\n  - text: loud\n    start_ms: 528099\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528500\n  end_ms: 531600\n  words:\n  - text: 'Besides, '\n    start_ms: 528500\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 529340\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 529460\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 529600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 529740\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 529820\n  - text: 'cute '\n    start_ms: 530080\n  - text: 'nickname, '\n    start_ms: 530320\n  - text: '\"Torso-'\n    start_ms: 530900\n  - text: Boy\"!\n    start_ms: 531400\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531680\n  end_ms: 533890\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 531680\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 532120\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 532300\n  - text: 'complaining '\n    start_ms: 532460\n  - text: about?\n    start_ms: 532940\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533940\n  end_ms: 536990\n  words:\n  - text: 'Say, '\n    start_ms: 533940\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 534698\n  - text: 'reminds '\n    start_ms: 534857\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 535256\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 535355\n  - text: 'another '\n    start_ms: 535455\n  - text: 'amusing '\n    start_ms: 535754\n  - text: anecdote\n    start_ms: 536312\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538230\n  words:\n  - text: 'This '\n    start_ms: 536990\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 537352\n  - text: 'comes '\n    start_ms: 537543\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 537734\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 537848\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 537925\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 538039\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 538116\n  - text: street\n    start_ms: 538211\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538230\n  end_ms: 541200\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 538230\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 538590\n  - text: 'tells '\n    start_ms: 538750\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 539010\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 539170\n  - text: 'hasn''t '\n    start_ms: 539330\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 539610\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 539770\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 539950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 540230\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 540470\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 540830\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 541280\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 541959\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 542110\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 542223\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 542374\n  - text: meant\n    start_ms: 542525\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542610\n  end_ms: 546420\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 542610\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 543090\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 543310\n  - text: 'be '\n    start_ms: 543410\n  - text: 'funny, '\n    start_ms: 543630\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 544230\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 544370\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 544570\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 544650\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 545010\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 545230\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 545330\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 545410\n  - text: 'jugular '\n    start_ms: 545670\n  - text: vein\n    start_ms: 546210\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546460\n  end_ms: 549230\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 546460\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 546840\n  - text: 'yellin'' '\n    start_ms: 547060\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 547460\n  - text: 'screamin'' '\n    start_ms: 547620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 548020\n  - text: 'bleeding '\n    start_ms: 548240\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 548640\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 548920\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549250\n  end_ms: 551560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 549250\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 549328\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 549465\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 549661\n  - text: 'come '\n    start_ms: 550248\n  - text: 'on, '\n    start_ms: 550483\n  - text: 'don''t '\n    start_ms: 550679\n  - text: '''cha '\n    start_ms: 550836\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 551090\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 551286\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552720\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 551560\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 551792\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 551889\n  - text: 'keeps '\n    start_ms: 552043\n  - text: 'rolling '\n    start_ms: 552237\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 552565\n  - text: on\n    start_ms: 552710\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556640\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 552720\n  - text: 'sidewalk, '\n    start_ms: 553060\n  - text: 'bleeding, '\n    start_ms: 553620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 554000\n  - text: 'screaming, '\n    start_ms: 554220\n  - text: '\"Ah, '\n    start_ms: 554660\n  - text: 'oh, '\n    start_ms: 555600\n  - text: ah!\"\n    start_ms: 556060\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 556750\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 557064\n  - text: 'completely '\n    start_ms: 557221\n  - text: 'missing '\n    start_ms: 557671\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 557966\n  - text: 'irony '\n    start_ms: 558162\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 558475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 558554\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 558652\n  - text: situation\n    start_ms: 558848\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Man, '\n    start_ms: 559730\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 560350\n  - text: 'people '\n    start_ms: 560510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 560790\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 560970\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 561150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 561330\n  - text: 'joke, '\n    start_ms: 561490\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 561810\n  - text: know?\n    start_ms: 561890\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568240\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 562520\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 563472\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 565653\n  - text: 'where '\n    start_ms: 566624\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 566783\n  - text: I?\n    start_ms: 566981\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568240\n  end_ms: 570300\n  words:\n  - text: 'Kinda '\n    start_ms: 568240\n  - text: 'lost '\n    start_ms: 568713\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 568930\n  - text: 'train '\n    start_ms: 569048\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 569226\n  - text: thought\n    start_ms: 569344\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570300\n  end_ms: 571700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Uh, '\n    start_ms: 570300\n  - text: 'well, '\n    start_ms: 571293\n  - text: 'uh, '\n    start_ms: 571630\n  - text: okay\n    start_ms: 571685\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571700\n  end_ms: 574700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway '\n    start_ms: 571700\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 572500\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 572740\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 572800\n  - text: 'it''s '\n    start_ms: 572940\n  - text: 'kinda '\n    start_ms: 573080\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 573260\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 573320\n  - text: 'roundabout '\n    start_ms: 573420\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 573900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 574080\n  - text: 'saying '\n    start_ms: 574360\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 574640\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577570\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 574710\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 575570\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 575650\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 575830\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 575930\n  - text: 'point '\n    start_ms: 576170\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 576410\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 576570\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 576770\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 576910\n  - text: 'here '\n    start_ms: 577150\n  - text: is\n    start_ms: 577330\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581090\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 577620\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 579220\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 580440\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581130\n  end_ms: 582660\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 581130\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 581550\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 581670\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 581790\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 582010\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 582210\n  - text: say\n    start_ms: 582330\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582690\n  end_ms: 584660\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 582690\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 583050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 583230\n  - text: 'way, '\n    start_ms: 583350\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 583530\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 583730\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 583870\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 584010\n  - text: 'happen '\n    start_ms: 584150\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 584410\n  - text: 'wake '\n    start_ms: 584570\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 584644\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584680\n  end_ms: 587070\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 584680\n  - text: 'find '\n    start_ms: 585115\n  - text: 'yourself '\n    start_ms: 585332\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 585687\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 585786\n  - text: 'existential '\n    start_ms: 585944\n  - text: quandary\n    start_ms: 586655\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588750\n  words:\n  - text: 'Full '\n    start_ms: 587070\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 587581\n  - text: 'loathing '\n    start_ms: 587777\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 588190\n  - text: self-\n    start_ms: 588406\n  - text: doubt\n    start_ms: 588662\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589900\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 588750\n  - text: 'wracked '\n    start_ms: 589168\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 589510\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 589624\n  - text: 'pain '\n    start_ms: 589776\n  - text: and\n    start_ms: 589885\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589900\n  end_ms: 592700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Isolation '\n    start_ms: 589900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 590840\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 590940\n  - text: 'pitiful '\n    start_ms: 591120\n  - text: 'meaningless '\n    start_ms: 591520\n  - text: existence\n    start_ms: 591980\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592730\n  end_ms: 595500\n  words:\n  - text: 'At '\n    start_ms: 592730\n  - text: 'least '\n    start_ms: 593330\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 593590\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 593670\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 593830\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 594030\n  - text: 'small '\n    start_ms: 594170\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 594490\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 594630\n  - text: 'comfort '\n    start_ms: 594810\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 595190\n  - text: 'knowing '\n    start_ms: 595310\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 595484\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595540\n  end_ms: 600460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Somewhere '\n    start_ms: 595540\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 596295\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 596494\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 596673\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 596772\n  - text: 'crazy '\n    start_ms: 597091\n  - text: 'old '\n    start_ms: 597568\n  - text: mixed-\n    start_ms: 597826\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 598104\n  - text: 'universe '\n    start_ms: 598383\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 598820\n  - text: ours\n    start_ms: 598999\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600460\n  end_ms: 603680\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 600460\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 601160\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 601420\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 601560\n  - text: 'place '\n    start_ms: 601900\n  - text: called\n    start_ms: 603320\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603700\n  end_ms: 608580\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 603700\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608590\n  end_ms: 613100\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 608590\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615580\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 613100\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 614520\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615700\n  end_ms: 618070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 615700\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 617194\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618070\n  end_ms: 620650\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 618070\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 619718\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620650\n  end_ms: 623420\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 620650\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 622310\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623490\n  end_ms: 625160\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 623490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 623950\n  - text: '\"A\" '\n    start_ms: 624310\n  - text: (A)\n    start_ms: 624910\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625190\n  end_ms: 626440\n  words:\n  - text: '\"L\" '\n    start_ms: 625863\n  - text: (L)\n    start_ms: 626171\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626440\n  end_ms: 627700\n  words:\n  - text: '\"B\" '\n    start_ms: 626866\n  - text: (B)\n    start_ms: 627385\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631690\n  words:\n  - text: '\"U\" '\n    start_ms: 628140\n  - text: (U)\n    start_ms: 628660\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631760\n  end_ms: 637230\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Querque!\" '\n    start_ms: 631940\n  - text: (Querque!)\n    start_ms: 633220\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637290\n  end_ms: 639270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637290\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637800\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 638133\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 638309\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642160\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 639270\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640160\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640970\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 641763\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642190\n  end_ms: 644640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 642190\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643017\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643567\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 644282\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644640\n  end_ms: 647400\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 644640\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 645693\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 646120\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 646973\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660360\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 647400\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room\n  And I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my oesophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":1075491,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"'Weird Al' Yankovic","albumName":"Squeeze Box: The Complete Works of “Weird Al” Yankovic","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":true,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nI lived in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\nYou know the place\n\nWell, anyway\nBack then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'k.\"\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it\nAll, the phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\n\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd says he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nYou know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\"(L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:05.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.15] I lived in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.15] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.87] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n[00:13.22] You know the place\n[00:14.21] Well, anyway\n[00:14.91] Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n[00:19.44] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.06] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:26.82] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.12] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.53] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.71] I said to my mom\n[00:33.78] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.42] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.63] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.03] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.38] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:48.85] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.49] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:52.94] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:55.69] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.57] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:58.98] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:01.68] Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:04.70] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:06.63] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.27] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:13.56] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:14.86] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.31] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:18.44] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:21.33] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.37] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:25.91] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:29.35] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:32.88] Albuquerque\n[01:37.83] Albuquerque\n[01:41.79] Oh yeah\n[01:43.45] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.36] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.21] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:49.98] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.17] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:55.79] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.01] And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.20] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.22] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:05.89] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:10.76] Except for me\n[02:12.22] You know why?\n[02:13.83] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.45] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.00] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.32] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:23.94] Had my tray table up\n[02:26.50] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:29.54] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.32] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.77] Ahhhh\n[02:34.31] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.13] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:40.92] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:44.43] And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.41] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:50.44] But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.58] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.30] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.18] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:05.18] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:06.65] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.34] That I love so very\n[03:10.59] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.64] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.01] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:16.69] No answer\n[03:18.05] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.12] There's no answer\n[03:20.72] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:21.74] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.68] So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:27.64] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\n[03:32.58] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:35.94] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:38.84] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:40.99] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:43.89] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.25] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.14] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:47.51] And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n[03:49.13] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.46] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.05] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.35] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.40] And somehow in the middle of it\n[04:00.46] All, the phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:02.90] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.19] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.86] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.08] It said\n[04:09.97] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:14.62] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.12] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n[04:25.27] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.57] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.84] Albuquerque\n[04:40.06] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:43.21] But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.16] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.08] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.16] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.55] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.23] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.24] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.30] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.28] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n[05:08.24] I said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.29] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n[05:13.63] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.18] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n[05:19.12] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.66] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n[05:24.35] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.66] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n[05:29.02] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.05] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:34.96] \n[05:43.43] \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n[05:45.72] I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:50.34] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:52.80] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.20] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:57.71] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:01.92] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.63] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.19] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:10.98] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:12.67] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.05] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:18.70] Doh!\n[06:19.73] Get 'em off me!\n[06:20.74] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.86] Oh!\n[06:22.49] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.88] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.40] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.39] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.36] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:29.64] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.39] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.49] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.03] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.00] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.56] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:42.59] Her name was Zelda\n[06:44.57] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:46.89] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.24] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n[06:52.40] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:55.41] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.59] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.51] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:02.72] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:05.50] The world was our burrito\n[07:07.93] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.15] And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:13.20] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.02] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:20.92] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.25] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.12] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.26] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:33.50] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:35.99] But that's just the way things go\n[07:38.45] In Albuquerque\n[07:43.88] Albuquerque\n[07:49.56] \n[07:59.59] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:01.75] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.44] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.74] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.24] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.14] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.18] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:17.74] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:19.61] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:22.47] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.42] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:26.62] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.14] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:32.96] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:36.77] So I did\n[08:38.39] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.38] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:42.63] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.52] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.18] I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.18] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.50] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.81] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.56] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.03] And says he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:00.67] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:01.93] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.15] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:08.35] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.18] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.57] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:16.16] You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:18.77] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.17] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:27.22] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:29.81] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.75] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.24] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:36.79] I HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n[09:40.55] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.29] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.32] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:46.58] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.53] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:50.18] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.75] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.04] Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\n[10:00.07] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.47] Albuquerque\n[10:08.15] Albuquerque\n[10:12.96] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:15.86] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:17.95] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:20.76] Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:23.52] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.19] \"L\"(L)\n[10:26.63] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.75] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.05] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:36.98] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.13] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:41.93] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.55] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:46.90] Albuquerque\n[11:01.68] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: '''Weird Al'' Yankovic'\n  album: 'Squeeze Box: The Complete Works of “Weird Al” Yankovic'\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\n  language: en\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6000\n  end_ms: 7950\n  words:\n  - text: 'Way '\n    start_ms: 6000\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 6540\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 6800\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 6920\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 6960\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 7080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 7240\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 7360\n  - text: 'bitty '\n    start_ms: 7580\n  - text: boy\n    start_ms: 7840\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7950\n  end_ms: 10890\n  words:\n  - text: 'Living '\n    start_ms: 7950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 8510\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 8610\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 8730\n  - text: 'under '\n    start_ms: 9050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9230\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 9410\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 9710\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 9790\n  - text: 'corner '\n    start_ms: 9950\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10230\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10330\n  - text: 'basement '\n    start_ms: 10470\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 10830\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 10860\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 10880\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13850\n  words:\n  - text: 'Half '\n    start_ms: 10950\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 11559\n  - text: 'block '\n    start_ms: 11658\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 11894\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 12031\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 12149\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 12346\n  - text: 'Jerry''s '\n    start_ms: 12562\n  - text: 'Bait '\n    start_ms: 12975\n  - text: Shop\n    start_ms: 13231\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13850\n  end_ms: 14680\n  words:\n  - text: '(You '\n    start_ms: 13850\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 14150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 14250\n  - text: place)\n    start_ms: 14350\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19880\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 14750\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 15268\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 15547\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 15726\n  - text: 'life '\n    start_ms: 15925\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 16164\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 16344\n  - text: 'swell '\n    start_ms: 16722\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 17081\n  - text: 'everything '\n    start_ms: 17260\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 17639\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 17938\n  - text: peachy!\n    start_ms: 18993\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19880\n  end_ms: 23220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except, '\n    start_ms: 19880\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 20471\n  - text: 'course, '\n    start_ms: 20589\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 20806\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 20885\n  - text: 'undeniable '\n    start_ms: 21043\n  - text: 'fact '\n    start_ms: 21653\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 21870\n  - text: 'every '\n    start_ms: 22087\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 22363\n  - text: morning\n    start_ms: 22698\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23220\n  end_ms: 27820\n  words:\n  - text: 'My '\n    start_ms: 23220\n  - text: 'mother '\n    start_ms: 23719\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 23938\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 24118\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 24338\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 24477\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 24717\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 24916\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 25156\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 25375\n  - text: 'sauerkraut '\n    start_ms: 25695\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 26333\n  - text: breakfast\n    start_ms: 26533\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27820\n  end_ms: 31480\n  words:\n  - text: 'Awww, '\n    start_ms: 27820\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 29260\n  - text: 'bowl '\n    start_ms: 29540\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 29820\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 29880\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31530\n  end_ms: 32760\n  words:\n  - text: 'Every '\n    start_ms: 31530\n  - text: 'single '\n    start_ms: 32130\n  - text: mornin'!\n    start_ms: 32470\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32780\n  end_ms: 33930\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 32780\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 33092\n  - text: 'driving '\n    start_ms: 33209\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 33501\n  - text: crazy\n    start_ms: 33657\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33930\n  end_ms: 34700\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 33930\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 34437\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 34554\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 34632\n  - text: mom\n    start_ms: 34685\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34700\n  end_ms: 37520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 34700\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 35100\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 35280\n  - text: 'mom, '\n    start_ms: 35700\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 36220\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 36420\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 36520\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 36620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 36740\n  - text: sauerkraut?\"\n    start_ms: 36940\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37520\n  end_ms: 38680\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 37520\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 38120\n  - text: 'dear, '\n    start_ms: 38280\n  - text: 'sweet '\n    start_ms: 38480\n  - text: mother\n    start_ms: 38660\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38730\n  end_ms: 42530\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 38730\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 39390\n  - text: 'looked '\n    start_ms: 39650\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 39830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 39950\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 40150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 40330\n  - text: 'cow '\n    start_ms: 40470\n  - text: 'looks '\n    start_ms: 40770\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 40970\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 41070\n  - text: 'oncoming '\n    start_ms: 41290\n  - text: train\n    start_ms: 41770\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42580\n  end_ms: 44770\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 42580\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 43036\n  - text: 'leaned '\n    start_ms: 43274\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 43591\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 43809\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 44066\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 44324\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 44463\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44770\n  end_ms: 49050\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 44770\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 45465\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 45763\n  - text: '\"It''s '\n    start_ms: 46101\n  - text: 'good '\n    start_ms: 47372\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 47829\n  - text: you!\"\n    start_ms: 48226\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49050\n  end_ms: 51560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 49050\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 49510\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 49670\n  - text: 'tied '\n    start_ms: 49870\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 50050\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 50150\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 50250\n  - text: 'wall '\n    start_ms: 50350\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 50610\n  - text: 'stuck '\n    start_ms: 50750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 50930\n  - text: 'funnel '\n    start_ms: 51110\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 51370\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 51490\n  - text: mouth\n    start_ms: 51545\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51590\n  end_ms: 53330\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 51590\n  - text: force-\n    start_ms: 51702\n  - text: 'fed '\n    start_ms: 52357\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 52525\n  - text: 'nothing '\n    start_ms: 52656\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 52900\n  - text: sauerkraut\n    start_ms: 53124\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53330\n  end_ms: 55820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Until '\n    start_ms: 53330\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 53950\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 54030\n  - text: '26 '\n    start_ms: 54310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 54750\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 54870\n  - text: 'half '\n    start_ms: 54970\n  - text: 'years '\n    start_ms: 55270\n  - text: old\n    start_ms: 55550\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55870\n  end_ms: 58160\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 55870\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 56530\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 56650\n  - text: 'swore '\n    start_ms: 56830\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 57150\n  - text: someday\n    start_ms: 57470\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58160\n  end_ms: 59640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Someday '\n    start_ms: 58160\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 58660\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 58740\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 58900\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 59060\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 59240\n  - text: basement\n    start_ms: 59460\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59650\n  end_ms: 62300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 59650\n  - text: 'travel '\n    start_ms: 60070\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 60470\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 60590\n  - text: 'magical, '\n    start_ms: 60750\n  - text: 'far '\n    start_ms: 61350\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 61590\n  - text: place\n    start_ms: 61910\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62330\n  end_ms: 65250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 62330\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 62649\n  - text: 'sun '\n    start_ms: 62768\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 62948\n  - text: 'always '\n    start_ms: 63127\n  - text: 'shining, '\n    start_ms: 63426\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 63765\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 63845\n  - text: 'air '\n    start_ms: 63964\n  - text: 'smells '\n    start_ms: 64164\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 64483\n  - text: 'warm '\n    start_ms: 64682\n  - text: 'root '\n    start_ms: 64941\n  - text: beer\n    start_ms: 65160\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65250\n  end_ms: 67240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 65250\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 65624\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 65782\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 66117\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 66275\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 66472\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 66728\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67240\n  end_ms: 70000\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 67240\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 67613\n  - text: 'shriners '\n    start_ms: 67770\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 68163\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 68261\n  - text: 'lepers '\n    start_ms: 68419\n  - text: 'play '\n    start_ms: 68772\n  - text: 'their '\n    start_ms: 68949\n  - text: 'ukuleles '\n    start_ms: 69106\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 69676\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 69833\n  - text: long\n    start_ms: 69971\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 70000\n  end_ms: 74030\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 70000\n  - text: 'anyone '\n    start_ms: 70400\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 70700\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 70800\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 70980\n  - text: 'will '\n    start_ms: 71200\n  - text: 'gladly '\n    start_ms: 71320\n  - text: 'shave '\n    start_ms: 71780\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 72080\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 72360\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 72600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 72800\n  - text: nickel\n    start_ms: 73020\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74060\n  end_ms: 75250\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wacka '\n    start_ms: 74060\n  - text: 'wacka '\n    start_ms: 74560\n  - text: 'doodoo '\n    start_ms: 74900\n  - text: yeah!\n    start_ms: 75220\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75270\n  end_ms: 76490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 75270\n  - text: 'let '\n    start_ms: 75830\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 75950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 76070\n  - text: 'you, '\n    start_ms: 76210\n  - text: people\n    start_ms: 76330\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76510\n  end_ms: 79180\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 76510\n  - text: 'wasn''t '\n    start_ms: 76947\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 77205\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 77383\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 77522\n  - text: 'before '\n    start_ms: 77642\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 77939\n  - text: 'dream '\n    start_ms: 78178\n  - text: 'came '\n    start_ms: 78674\n  - text: 'true'\n    start_ms: 78972\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79180\n  end_ms: 82350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 79180\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 79800\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 79900\n  - text: 'next '\n    start_ms: 80160\n  - text: 'day, '\n    start_ms: 80400\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 80600\n  - text: 'local '\n    start_ms: 80700\n  - text: 'radio '\n    start_ms: 81060\n  - text: 'station '\n    start_ms: 81440\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 81780\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 81900\n  - text: contest\n    start_ms: 82100\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82350\n  end_ms: 83510\n  words:\n  - text: 'To '\n    start_ms: 82350\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 82743\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 82881\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 82979\n  - text: 'correctly '\n    start_ms: 83156\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 83494\n  - text: the\n    start_ms: 83504\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83510\n  end_ms: 86730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Number '\n    start_ms: 83510\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 84184\n  - text: 'molecules '\n    start_ms: 84362\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 84976\n  - text: 'Leonard '\n    start_ms: 85095\n  - text: 'Nimoy''s '\n    start_ms: 85412\n  - text: butt\n    start_ms: 86007\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86730\n  end_ms: 90210\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 86730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 87108\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 87247\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 87426\n  - text: 'three, '\n    start_ms: 87585\n  - text: 'but '\n    start_ms: 87903\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 88062\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 88162\n  - text: 'won '\n    start_ms: 88460\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 88699\n  - text: 'grand '\n    start_ms: 88838\n  - text: prize\n    start_ms: 89216\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90210\n  end_ms: 93350\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 90210\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 90630\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 90850\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 90970\n  - text: 'class '\n    start_ms: 91250\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 91650\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 91930\n  - text: 'ticket '\n    start_ms: 92190\n  - text: to\n    start_ms: 93210\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93470\n  end_ms: 98440\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 93470\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98490\n  end_ms: 102690\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque!\n    start_ms: 98490\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102690\n  end_ms: 103790\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 102690\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 103157\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103790\n  end_ms: 105920\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 103790\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 104142\n  - text: 'I''d '\n    start_ms: 104298\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 104396\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 104689\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 104865\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 105002\n  - text: 'real '\n    start_ms: 105080\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 105314\n  - text: before\n    start_ms: 105686\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105920\n  end_ms: 108630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 105920\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 106319\n  - text: 'gotta '\n    start_ms: 106418\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 106737\n  - text: 'ya, '\n    start_ms: 106936\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 107155\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 107275\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 107494\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 107833\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108630\n  end_ms: 110180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 108630\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 109090\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 109210\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 109270\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 109390\n  - text: 'sit '\n    start_ms: 109530\n  - text: 'between '\n    start_ms: 109690\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 110030\n  - text: large\n    start_ms: 110150\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113340\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albanian '\n    start_ms: 110280\n  - text: 'women '\n    start_ms: 111200\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 111480\n  - text: 'excruciatingly '\n    start_ms: 111600\n  - text: 'severe '\n    start_ms: 112400\n  - text: 'body '\n    start_ms: 112860\n  - text: odor\n    start_ms: 113200\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113350\n  end_ms: 116540\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 113350\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 113986\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 114125\n  - text: 'kid '\n    start_ms: 114403\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 114523\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 114721\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 114920\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 114980\n  - text: 'kept '\n    start_ms: 115119\n  - text: 'throwin'' '\n    start_ms: 115338\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 115755\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 115874\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 115974\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 116232\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116540\n  end_ms: 119200\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 116540\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 116961\n  - text: 'attendants '\n    start_ms: 117172\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 117535\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 117707\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 117803\n  - text: 'Dr. '\n    start_ms: 117918\n  - text: 'Pepper '\n    start_ms: 118243\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 118454\n  - text: 'salted '\n    start_ms: 118607\n  - text: peanuts\n    start_ms: 118970\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119200\n  end_ms: 121720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 119200\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 119680\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 119800\n  - text: 'flight '\n    start_ms: 119920\n  - text: 'movie '\n    start_ms: 120160\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 120440\n  - text: Bio-\n    start_ms: 120620\n  - text: 'Dome '\n    start_ms: 120920\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 121080\n  - text: 'Pauly '\n    start_ms: 121240\n  - text: Shore\n    start_ms: 121580\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121890\n  end_ms: 123720\n  words:\n  - text: 'And, '\n    start_ms: 121890\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 122407\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 122522\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 122676\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 122810\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 122867\n  - text: 'airplane '\n    start_ms: 122944\n  - text: 'engines '\n    start_ms: 123251\n  - text: 'burned '\n    start_ms: 123557\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 123705\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126400\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 123720\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 124200\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 124420\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 124580\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 124820\n  - text: 'tailspin '\n    start_ms: 124960\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 125440\n  - text: 'crashed '\n    start_ms: 125600\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 125980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 126200\n  - text: hillside\n    start_ms: 126280\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126480\n  end_ms: 131450\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 126480\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 126895\n  - text: 'plane '\n    start_ms: 127033\n  - text: 'exploded '\n    start_ms: 127310\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 127962\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 128081\n  - text: 'giant '\n    start_ms: 128259\n  - text: 'fireball '\n    start_ms: 128832\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 129444\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 129662\n  - text: died\n    start_ms: 130235\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132820\n  words:\n  - text: 'Except '\n    start_ms: 131450\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 132029\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 132203\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132820\n  end_ms: 134070\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 132820\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 133080\n  - text: why?\n    start_ms: 133300\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134110\n  end_ms: 136620\n  words:\n  - text: '''Cause '\n    start_ms: 134110\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 134688\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 134787\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 135066\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 135226\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 135564\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 136022\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136620\n  end_ms: 139320\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 136620\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 137180\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 137300\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 137500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 137720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 137840\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 137980\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 138400\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 138920\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141870\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 139390\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 139802\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 139939\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 140409\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 141017\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141870\n  end_ms: 144440\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 141870\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 142330\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 142470\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 142670\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 142890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 143010\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 143150\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 143550\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 144090\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144460\n  end_ms: 147040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Had '\n    start_ms: 144460\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 144910\n  - text: 'tray '\n    start_ms: 145046\n  - text: 'table '\n    start_ms: 145535\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 146121\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147040\n  end_ms: 150120\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 147040\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 147413\n  - text: 'seat '\n    start_ms: 147550\n  - text: 'back '\n    start_ms: 147746\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 147962\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 148080\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 148217\n  - text: 'upright '\n    start_ms: 148629\n  - text: position\n    start_ms: 149159\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150120\n  end_ms: 151610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 150120\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151200\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 151362\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 151527\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152910\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah '\n    start_ms: 151650\n  - text: 'ha '\n    start_ms: 152230\n  - text: ha\n    start_ms: 152510\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152910\n  end_ms: 154740\n  words:\n  - text: Ahh\n    start_ms: 152910\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154780\n  end_ms: 157560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 154780\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 155215\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 155334\n  - text: 'from '\n    start_ms: 155670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 155829\n  - text: 'twisted, '\n    start_ms: 155947\n  - text: 'burnin'' '\n    start_ms: 156383\n  - text: wreckage\n    start_ms: 156739\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157560\n  end_ms: 161430\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 157560\n  - text: 'crawled '\n    start_ms: 157900\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 158280\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 158400\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 158580\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 158920\n  - text: 'knees '\n    start_ms: 159040\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 159440\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 159600\n  - text: 'full '\n    start_ms: 159960\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 160300\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161480\n  end_ms: 165140\n  words:\n  - text: 'Draggin'' '\n    start_ms: 161480\n  - text: 'along '\n    start_ms: 162136\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 162554\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 162733\n  - text: 'leather '\n    start_ms: 163012\n  - text: 'suitcase '\n    start_ms: 163469\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 164006\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 164126\n  - text: 'garment '\n    start_ms: 164324\n  - text: bag\n    start_ms: 164822\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165140\n  end_ms: 167740\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 165140\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 165440\n  - text: 'tenor '\n    start_ms: 165600\n  - text: 'saxophone '\n    start_ms: 166040\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 166600\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 166700\n  - text: 12-\n    start_ms: 166840\n  - text: 'pound '\n    start_ms: 167140\n  - text: 'bowling '\n    start_ms: 167400\n  - text: ball\n    start_ms: 167720\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167780\n  end_ms: 171620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 167780\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 168056\n  - text: 'lucky, '\n    start_ms: 168233\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 168548\n  - text: 'autographed '\n    start_ms: 168843\n  - text: glow-\n    start_ms: 169454\n  - text: in-\n    start_ms: 169690\n  - text: the-\n    start_ms: 169789\n  - text: 'dark '\n    start_ms: 169946\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 170360\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171620\n  end_ms: 175820\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 171620\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 172060\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 172500\n  - text: 'arrived '\n    start_ms: 172600\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 173080\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 173180\n  - text: world-\n    start_ms: 173360\n  - text: 'famous '\n    start_ms: 173860\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 174620\n  - text: 'Holiday '\n    start_ms: 175240\n  - text: Inn\n    start_ms: 175800\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175850\n  end_ms: 177860\n  words:\n  - text: 'Where '\n    start_ms: 175850\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 176244\n  - text: 'towels '\n    start_ms: 176382\n  - text: 'are '\n    start_ms: 176737\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 176894\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 177072\n  - text: fluffy\n    start_ms: 177289\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177860\n  end_ms: 180910\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 177860\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 178239\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 178358\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 178478\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 178657\n  - text: 'soup '\n    start_ms: 178936\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 179196\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 179355\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 179475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 179554\n  - text: 'ashtrays '\n    start_ms: 179694\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 180252\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 180392\n  - text: wanna\n    start_ms: 180551\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180910\n  end_ms: 182780\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 180910\n  - text: 'okay, '\n    start_ms: 181470\n  - text: 'they''re '\n    start_ms: 181870\n  - text: clean!\n    start_ms: 182090\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182850\n  end_ms: 185550\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 182850\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 183320\n  - text: 'checked '\n    start_ms: 183437\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 183711\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 183887\n  - text: 'room, '\n    start_ms: 184122\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 184376\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 184552\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 184670\n  - text: 'down '\n    start_ms: 184924\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 185139\n  - text: AC\n    start_ms: 185276\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 185550\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 185850\n  - text: 'turned '\n    start_ms: 186050\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 186310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 186430\n  - text: 'Spectra '\n    start_ms: 186630\n  - text: Vision\n    start_ms: 186990\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187330\n  end_ms: 189630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 187330\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 187710\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 187830\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 187990\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 188210\n  - text: 'eat '\n    start_ms: 188290\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 188410\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 188550\n  - text: 'chocolate '\n    start_ms: 188810\n  - text: 'mint '\n    start_ms: 189230\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 189430\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 189530\n  - text: pillow\n    start_ms: 189609\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190640\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 189680\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 190132\n  - text: 'love '\n    start_ms: 190207\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 190414\n  - text: very\n    start_ms: 190565\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190640\n  end_ms: 193960\n  words:\n  - text: 'Very '\n    start_ms: 190640\n  - text: 'much '\n    start_ms: 191140\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 191380\n  - text: 'suddenly, '\n    start_ms: 191640\n  - text: 'there''s '\n    start_ms: 192060\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 192280\n  - text: 'knock '\n    start_ms: 192380\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 192620\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 192740\n  - text: door\n    start_ms: 192860\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193990\n  end_ms: 195720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well '\n    start_ms: 193990\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 194277\n  - text: 'who '\n    start_ms: 194468\n  - text: 'could '\n    start_ms: 194602\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 194755\n  - text: be?\n    start_ms: 195060\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195720\n  end_ms: 197140\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 195720\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 196080\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 196240\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 196500\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 196660\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197140\n  end_ms: 198530\n  words:\n  - text: 'No '\n    start_ms: 197140\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 197620\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199620\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 198940\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 199100\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 199300\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199650\n  end_ms: 201030\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 199650\n  - text: 'no '\n    start_ms: 200084\n  - text: answer\n    start_ms: 200320\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201030\n  end_ms: 202130\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Who '\n    start_ms: 201296\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 201580\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 201789\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203730\n  words:\n  - text: 'They''re '\n    start_ms: 202130\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 202510\n  - text: 'sayin'' '\n    start_ms: 202810\n  - text: anything\n    start_ms: 203110\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203780\n  end_ms: 208100\n  words:\n  - text: 'So, '\n    start_ms: 203780\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 204260\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 204660\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 204740\n  - text: 'over, '\n    start_ms: 204940\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 205220\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 205400\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 205560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 205800\n  - text: 'door '\n    start_ms: 206000\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 206420\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 206680\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 207000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 207220\n  - text: suspected\n    start_ms: 207380\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208150\n  end_ms: 213350\n  words:\n  - text: 'It''s '\n    start_ms: 208150\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 208590\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 208850\n  - text: 'fat '\n    start_ms: 209070\n  - text: 'hermaphrodite '\n    start_ms: 209290\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 210090\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 210190\n  - text: 'Flock '\n    start_ms: 210310\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 210550\n  - text: 'Seagulls '\n    start_ms: 210690\n  - text: 'haircut '\n    start_ms: 211110\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 211590\n  - text: 'only '\n    start_ms: 211810\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 212250\n  - text: nostril\n    start_ms: 212550\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213350\n  end_ms: 216070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 213350\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 214020\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 214336\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 214572\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 214749\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 214868\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 215065\n  - text: right\n    start_ms: 215301\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216070\n  end_ms: 219320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 216070\n  - text: 'anyway, '\n    start_ms: 216487\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 216845\n  - text: 'bursts '\n    start_ms: 217064\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 217302\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 217461\n  - text: 'room '\n    start_ms: 217680\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 217919\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 217998\n  - text: 'grabs '\n    start_ms: 218197\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 218575\n  - text: 'lucky '\n    start_ms: 218714\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 219012\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219320\n  end_ms: 221210\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 219320\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 219555\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 219692\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 220084\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 220436\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 220593\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 220828\n  - text: that!\n    start_ms: 221063\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221210\n  end_ms: 223970\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 221210\n  - text: 'snorkel''s '\n    start_ms: 221690\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 222150\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 222310\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 222490\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 222670\n  - text: 'snorkel '\n    start_ms: 222870\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 223310\n  - text: me!\"\n    start_ms: 223430\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224010\n  end_ms: 225240\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 224010\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 224330\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 224490\n  - text: '\"Tough\"'\n    start_ms: 224710\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 225240\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 225640\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 225780\n  - text: '\"Give '\n    start_ms: 226060\n  - text: it!\"\n    start_ms: 226360\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226660\n  end_ms: 227920\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 226660\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 226925\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 227077\n  - text: '\"Make '\n    start_ms: 227323\n  - text: me\"\n    start_ms: 227626\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227920\n  end_ms: 229310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 227920\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 228160\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 228260\n  - text: '\"''K\"'\n    start_ms: 228800\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229320\n  end_ms: 231810\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 229320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 229780\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 229900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 230180\n  - text: 'leg '\n    start_ms: 230400\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 230680\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 230820\n  - text: 'grabbed '\n    start_ms: 231020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 231280\n  - text: esophagus\n    start_ms: 231420\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231830\n  end_ms: 234510\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 231830\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 232245\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 232483\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 232641\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 232819\n  - text: 'ear '\n    start_ms: 233076\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 233294\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 233432\n  - text: 'chewed '\n    start_ms: 233650\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 233887\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 234065\n  - text: eyebrows\n    start_ms: 234283\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234510\n  end_ms: 237600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 234510\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 234870\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 234990\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 235210\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 235310\n  - text: 'appendix '\n    start_ms: 235470\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 235930\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 236070\n  - text: 'gave '\n    start_ms: 236250\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 236430\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 236550\n  - text: 'colonic '\n    start_ms: 236630\n  - text: irrigation\n    start_ms: 237190\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237670\n  end_ms: 239720\n  words:\n  - text: 'Yes, '\n    start_ms: 237670\n  - text: 'indeed, '\n    start_ms: 238168\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 238466\n  - text: 'better '\n    start_ms: 238625\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 238824\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 239222\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239720\n  end_ms: 241310\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 239720\n  - text: 'somehow '\n    start_ms: 240220\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 240560\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 240640\n  - text: 'middle '\n    start_ms: 240740\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 240940\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 241040\n  - text: all\n    start_ms: 241140\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241330\n  end_ms: 243530\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 241330\n  - text: 'phone '\n    start_ms: 241841\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 242194\n  - text: 'knocked '\n    start_ms: 242410\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 242744\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 242901\n  - text: hook\n    start_ms: 243039\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243530\n  end_ms: 246620\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 243530\n  - text: '20 '\n    start_ms: 244090\n  - text: 'seconds '\n    start_ms: 244310\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 244670\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 245070\n  - text: 'heard '\n    start_ms: 245130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 245270\n  - text: 'familiar '\n    start_ms: 245390\n  - text: voice\n    start_ms: 245930\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247950\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 246680\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 247002\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 247097\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 247192\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 247287\n  - text: said?\n    start_ms: 247495\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247950\n  end_ms: 249420\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 247950\n  - text: 'tell '\n    start_ms: 248370\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 248590\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 248690\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 248810\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249010\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249490\n  end_ms: 249940\n  words:\n  - text: 'It '\n    start_ms: 249490\n  - text: said\n    start_ms: 249823\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249940\n  end_ms: 255070\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 250240\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 250360\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 250520\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 250820\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 250980\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 251320\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 251440\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 252380\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 252740\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 253200\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 253380\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 253520\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 253920\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255190\n  end_ms: 260370\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 255604\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 255801\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 255958\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 256254\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 256687\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 257041\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 257219\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 257534\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 257810\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 258164\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 258381\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260370\n  end_ms: 265420\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 260570\n  - text: 'you''d '\n    start_ms: 260690\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 260850\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 261110\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 261310\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 261670\n  - text: 'call, '\n    start_ms: 261790\n  - text: 'please '\n    start_ms: 262710\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 263070\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 263510\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 263710\n  - text: 'try '\n    start_ms: 263850\n  - text: again\"\n    start_ms: 264270\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265480\n  end_ms: 270290\n  words:\n  - text: '\"If '\n    start_ms: 265817\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 266075\n  - text: 'need '\n    start_ms: 266234\n  - text: 'help, '\n    start_ms: 266531\n  - text: 'hang '\n    start_ms: 266987\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 267265\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 267523\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 267781\n  - text: 'dial '\n    start_ms: 268098\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 268435\n  - text: operator\"\n    start_ms: 268693\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270290\n  end_ms: 275800\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 270290\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 271161\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275800\n  end_ms: 280480\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 275800\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280540\n  end_ms: 284270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 280540\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 281158\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 281318\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 281517\n  - text: 'long '\n    start_ms: 281597\n  - text: 'story '\n    start_ms: 281797\n  - text: 'short, '\n    start_ms: 282136\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 282535\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 282694\n  - text: 'away '\n    start_ms: 282894\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 283153\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 283313\n  - text: snorkel\n    start_ms: 283592\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284270\n  end_ms: 287560\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 284270\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 284489\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 284548\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 284707\n  - text: 'solemn '\n    start_ms: 284906\n  - text: 'vow '\n    start_ms: 285304\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 285562\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 285821\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 285980\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 286159\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 286377\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 286636\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 286735\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 286954\n  - text: rest\n    start_ms: 287212\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 287560\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 287940\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 288080\n  - text: 'sleep '\n    start_ms: 288320\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 288580\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 288720\n  - text: 'instant '\n    start_ms: 288800\n  - text: until\n    start_ms: 289204\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289360\n  end_ms: 291810\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 289360\n  - text: one-\n    start_ms: 289789\n  - text: 'nostrilled '\n    start_ms: 289946\n  - text: 'man '\n    start_ms: 290395\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 290609\n  - text: 'brought '\n    start_ms: 290766\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 290980\n  - text: justice\n    start_ms: 291136\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291810\n  end_ms: 293610\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 291810\n  - text: 'first, '\n    start_ms: 292130\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 292370\n  - text: 'decided '\n    start_ms: 292430\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 292730\n  - text: 'buy '\n    start_ms: 292810\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 292970\n  - text: donuts\n    start_ms: 293170\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293640\n  end_ms: 296320\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 293640\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 294118\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 294238\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 294497\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 294537\n  - text: 'car '\n    start_ms: 294756\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 294995\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 295154\n  - text: 'drove '\n    start_ms: 295274\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 295533\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 295712\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 295812\n  - text: 'donut '\n    start_ms: 295912\n  - text: shop\n    start_ms: 296210\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296320\n  end_ms: 298530\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 296320\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 296680\n  - text: 'walked '\n    start_ms: 296860\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 297140\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 297300\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 297400\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 297500\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 297660\n  - text: 'behind '\n    start_ms: 297860\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 298180\n  - text: counter\n    start_ms: 298340\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303810\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 298570\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 298848\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 299067\n  - text: '\"Yeah, '\n    start_ms: 299405\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 300340\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 300459\n  - text: 'ya '\n    start_ms: 300539\n  - text: want?\"\n    start_ms: 300777\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303810\n  end_ms: 306350\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 303810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 304187\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 304346\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 304524\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 304683\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 304921\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 305417\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308790\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 306350\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 306730\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 307050\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 307590\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 307710\n  - text: 'glazed '\n    start_ms: 307930\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 308310\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308880\n  end_ms: 311640\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 308880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 309448\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 309663\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 309820\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 309957\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 310113\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 310544\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 310798\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311640\n  end_ms: 314330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 311640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 311920\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 312260\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 312940\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 313020\n  - text: 'jelly '\n    start_ms: 313380\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 313700\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314400\n  end_ms: 316950\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 314400\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 314709\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 314844\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 314960\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 315076\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 315269\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 315887\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 316216\n  - text: donuts?\"\n    start_ms: 316428\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316950\n  end_ms: 320000\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 316950\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 317310\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 317590\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 317930\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 318010\n  - text: 'Bavarian '\n    start_ms: 318230\n  - text: cream-\n    start_ms: 318790\n  - text: 'filled '\n    start_ms: 319090\n  - text: donuts\"\n    start_ms: 319330\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320070\n  end_ms: 321810\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 320070\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 320401\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 320537\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 320673\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 320789\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 321178\n  - text: rolls?\"\n    start_ms: 321470\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321810\n  end_ms: 324330\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 321810\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 322190\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 322530\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 323250\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 323370\n  - text: 'cinnamon '\n    start_ms: 323770\n  - text: rolls\"\n    start_ms: 324130\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324390\n  end_ms: 326880\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 324390\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 324896\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 325304\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 325479\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 325616\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 325849\n  - text: fritters?\"\n    start_ms: 326219\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326880\n  end_ms: 329460\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 326880\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 327340\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 327680\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 328360\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 328500\n  - text: 'apple '\n    start_ms: 328760\n  - text: fritters\"\n    start_ms: 329140\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329490\n  end_ms: 332110\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 329490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 329996\n  - text: '\"You '\n    start_ms: 330444\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 330639\n  - text: 'any '\n    start_ms: 330795\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 331126\n  - text: claws?\"\n    start_ms: 331438\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\"\n  start_ms: 332110\n  end_ms: 336270\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 332110\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 332450\n  - text: '\"Wait '\n    start_ms: 332770\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 333450\n  - text: 'minute, '\n    start_ms: 333550\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 334210\n  - text: 'go '\n    start_ms: 334430\n  - text: check\"\n    start_ms: 334770\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343500\n  end_ms: 346410\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 344140\n  - text: 'we''re '\n    start_ms: 344580\n  - text: 'outta '\n    start_ms: 344700\n  - text: 'bear '\n    start_ms: 345020\n  - text: claws\"\n    start_ms: 345320\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346420\n  end_ms: 351410\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 346420\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 346780\n  - text: '\"Well, '\n    start_ms: 346960\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 347120\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 347240\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 347500\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 349140\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 349300\n  - text: 'case, '\n    start_ms: 349520\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 349800\n  - text: 'do '\n    start_ms: 350020\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 350280\n  - text: have?\"\n    start_ms: 350420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\"\n  start_ms: 351490\n  end_ms: 353160\n  words:\n  - text: 'He '\n    start_ms: 351490\n  - text: 'says, '\n    start_ms: 351866\n  - text: '\"All '\n    start_ms: 352142\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 352340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 352439\n  - text: 'right '\n    start_ms: 352636\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 352873\n  - text: 'is '\n    start_ms: 353071\n  - text: this\"\n    start_ms: 353130\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353160\n  end_ms: 356920\n  words:\n  - text: 'Box '\n    start_ms: 353160\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 353722\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 353916\n  - text: 'dozen '\n    start_ms: 354226\n  - text: 'starving, '\n    start_ms: 354691\n  - text: 'crazed '\n    start_ms: 355137\n  - text: weasels\"\n    start_ms: 355621\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358540\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 356920\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 357260\n  - text: '\"Okay, '\n    start_ms: 357640\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 357980\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 358100\n  - text: that\"\n    start_ms: 358280\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362350\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 358630\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 359070\n  - text: 'hands '\n    start_ms: 359210\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 359450\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 359570\n  - text: 'box '\n    start_ms: 359730\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 360030\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 360190\n  - text: 'open '\n    start_ms: 360450\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 360730\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 360870\n  - text: 'lid '\n    start_ms: 361050\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 361310\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 361450\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 361670\n  - text: 'jump '\n    start_ms: 362110\n  - text: out\n    start_ms: 362330\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362350\n  end_ms: 367600\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 362350\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 362684\n  - text: 'immediately '\n    start_ms: 362842\n  - text: 'latch '\n    start_ms: 363490\n  - text: 'onto '\n    start_ms: 363785\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 363982\n  - text: 'face '\n    start_ms: 364159\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 364336\n  - text: 'start '\n    start_ms: 364493\n  - text: 'bitin'' '\n    start_ms: 364769\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 365083\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 365240\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 365457\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367600\n  end_ms: 369180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh '\n    start_ms: 367600\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 368100\n  - text: 'they '\n    start_ms: 368280\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 368380\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 368540\n  - text: 'going '\n    start_ms: 368700\n  - text: nuts\n    start_ms: 369000\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369210\n  end_ms: 371280\n  words:\n  - text: 'They '\n    start_ms: 369210\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 369730\n  - text: 'tearin'' '\n    start_ms: 369910\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 370250\n  - text: apart\n    start_ms: 370370\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371340\n  end_ms: 373200\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 371340\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 371751\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 371927\n  - text: 'think '\n    start_ms: 372006\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 372143\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 372221\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 372378\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 372573\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 372828\n  - text: time\n    start_ms: 373024\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373200\n  end_ms: 376340\n  words:\n  - text: 'That '\n    start_ms: 373200\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 373597\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 373677\n  - text: 'ditty '\n    start_ms: 374015\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 374353\n  - text: 'goin'' '\n    start_ms: 374710\n  - text: 'through '\n    start_ms: 374989\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 375207\n  - text: head\n    start_ms: 375446\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376340\n  end_ms: 379520\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 376340\n  - text: 'believe '\n    start_ms: 376657\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 376915\n  - text: 'went '\n    start_ms: 377033\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 377192\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 377271\n  - text: 'something '\n    start_ms: 377608\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 378024\n  - text: this\n    start_ms: 378321\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379520\n  end_ms: 380130\n  words:\n  - text: Doh!\n    start_ms: 379520\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380270\n  end_ms: 381010\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 380270\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 380804\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 380894\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 380983\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381010\n  end_ms: 381930\n  words:\n  - text: 'Get '\n    start_ms: 381010\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 381425\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 381604\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 381821\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382620\n  words:\n  - text: Oh!\n    start_ms: 381930\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n  words:\n  - text: 'No, '\n    start_ms: 382620\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383013\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383141\n  - text: 'off, '\n    start_ms: 383230\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 383427\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 383545\n  - text: off!\n    start_ms: 383682\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385560\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 383830\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384330\n  - text: 'God, '\n    start_ms: 384590\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 384890\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 385450\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385610\n  end_ms: 386640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 385610\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 386076\n  - text: '''em '\n    start_ms: 386192\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 386271\n  - text: me!\n    start_ms: 386446\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386640\n  end_ms: 387640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 386640\n  - text: 'oh '\n    start_ms: 387000\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 387240\n  - text: God!\n    start_ms: 387480\n- text: Ah, ah, ah!\n  start_ms: 387680\n  end_ms: 390100\n  words:\n  - text: 'Ah, '\n    start_ms: 387680\n  - text: 'ah, '\n    start_ms: 388662\n  - text: ah!\n    start_ms: 388714\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390100\n  end_ms: 393470\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 390100\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 390520\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 390720\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 390820\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 390960\n  - text: 'street '\n    start_ms: 391100\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 391340\n  - text: 'these '\n    start_ms: 391440\n  - text: flesh-\n    start_ms: 391700\n  - text: 'eating '\n    start_ms: 391960\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 392280\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 392700\n  - text: 'over '\n    start_ms: 392840\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 393020\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 393260\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393580\n  end_ms: 396080\n  words:\n  - text: 'Wavin'' '\n    start_ms: 393580\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 394160\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 394400\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 394640\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 394820\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 395120\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 395220\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395460\n  - text: 'runnin'', '\n    start_ms: 395680\n  - text: runnin'\n    start_ms: 395780\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398450\n  words:\n  - text: 'Like '\n    start_ms: 396080\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 396591\n  - text: 'constipated '\n    start_ms: 396768\n  - text: 'wiener '\n    start_ms: 397457\n  - text: dog\n    start_ms: 397771\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398450\n  end_ms: 399640\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 398450\n  - text: 'as '\n    start_ms: 398760\n  - text: 'luck '\n    start_ms: 398953\n  - text: 'would '\n    start_ms: 399147\n  - text: 'have '\n    start_ms: 399282\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 399476\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399640\n  end_ms: 403520\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 399640\n  - text: 'exactly '\n    start_ms: 400060\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 400760\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 400920\n  - text: 'ran '\n    start_ms: 401060\n  - text: 'into '\n    start_ms: 401320\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 401480\n  - text: 'girl '\n    start_ms: 401640\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 402020\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 402180\n  - text: dreams\n    start_ms: 402440\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403590\n  end_ms: 405040\n  words:\n  - text: 'Her '\n    start_ms: 403590\n  - text: 'name '\n    start_ms: 403948\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 404174\n  - text: Zelda\n    start_ms: 404381\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407310\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 405040\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 405437\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 405555\n  - text: 'calligraphy '\n    start_ms: 405655\n  - text: 'enthusiast '\n    start_ms: 406190\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 406923\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 407042\n  - text: slight\n    start_ms: 407181\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Overbite '\n    start_ms: 407310\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 407950\n  - text: 'hair '\n    start_ms: 408170\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 408370\n  - text: 'color '\n    start_ms: 408530\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 408810\n  - text: 'strained '\n    start_ms: 409070\n  - text: peaches\n    start_ms: 409570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413250\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''ll '\n    start_ms: 410590\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 410999\n  - text: 'forget '\n    start_ms: 411233\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 411486\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 411603\n  - text: 'first '\n    start_ms: 411876\n  - text: 'thing '\n    start_ms: 412129\n  - text: 'she '\n    start_ms: 412344\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 412539\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 412734\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 412831\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413250\n  end_ms: 415990\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 413250\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 413650\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 413870\n  - text: 'you''ve '\n    start_ms: 414750\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 414870\n  - text: 'weasels '\n    start_ms: 415010\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 415350\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 415450\n  - text: face\"\n    start_ms: 415570\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416020\n  end_ms: 417920\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 416020\n  - text: 'when '\n    start_ms: 416483\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 416618\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 416676\n  - text: 'it '\n    start_ms: 416830\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 416965\n  - text: 'true '\n    start_ms: 417177\n  - text: love\n    start_ms: 417486\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417920\n  end_ms: 419930\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 417920\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 418300\n  - text: 'inseparable '\n    start_ms: 418460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 419220\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 419480\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419940\n  end_ms: 422970\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw, '\n    start_ms: 419940\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 420600\n  - text: 'ate '\n    start_ms: 420940\n  - text: 'together, '\n    start_ms: 421220\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 421900\n  - text: 'bathed '\n    start_ms: 422200\n  - text: together\n    start_ms: 422600\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423080\n  end_ms: 426240\n  words:\n  - text: 'We '\n    start_ms: 423080\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 423448\n  - text: 'shared '\n    start_ms: 423720\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 423933\n  - text: 'same '\n    start_ms: 424107\n  - text: 'piece '\n    start_ms: 424360\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 424592\n  - text: mint-\n    start_ms: 424767\n  - text: 'flavored '\n    start_ms: 424980\n  - text: 'dental '\n    start_ms: 425387\n  - text: floss\n    start_ms: 425678\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426240\n  end_ms: 428170\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 426240\n  - text: 'world '\n    start_ms: 426740\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 427060\n  - text: 'our '\n    start_ms: 427280\n  - text: burrito\n    start_ms: 427460\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430540\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 428280\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 428799\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 428953\n  - text: 'married '\n    start_ms: 429222\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 429626\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 429780\n  - text: 'bought '\n    start_ms: 429953\n  - text: 'us '\n    start_ms: 430184\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 430377\n  - text: house\n    start_ms: 430453\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430540\n  end_ms: 434130\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 430540\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 430940\n  - text: 'two '\n    start_ms: 431220\n  - text: 'beautiful '\n    start_ms: 431480\n  - text: 'children, '\n    start_ms: 431980\n  - text: 'Nathaniel '\n    start_ms: 432460\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 433020\n  - text: Superfly\n    start_ms: 433320\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434140\n  end_ms: 438350\n  words:\n  - text: 'Oh, '\n    start_ms: 434140\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 434600\n  - text: 'were '\n    start_ms: 434720\n  - text: 'so '\n    start_ms: 434920\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435240\n  - text: 'very, '\n    start_ms: 435700\n  - text: 'very '\n    start_ms: 436140\n  - text: 'happy, '\n    start_ms: 436600\n  - text: 'aw '\n    start_ms: 437320\n  - text: yeah\n    start_ms: 437760\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438390\n  end_ms: 441490\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 438390\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 438768\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 439086\n  - text: 'fateful '\n    start_ms: 439364\n  - text: 'night, '\n    start_ms: 439801\n  - text: 'Zelda '\n    start_ms: 440536\n  - text: 'said '\n    start_ms: 440894\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 441073\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 441192\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441490\n  end_ms: 443750\n  words:\n  - text: 'She '\n    start_ms: 441490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 441883\n  - text: '\"Sweetie '\n    start_ms: 442571\n  - text: pumpkin?\n    start_ms: 443003\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443750\n  end_ms: 448620\n  words:\n  - text: 'Do '\n    start_ms: 443750\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 444230\n  - text: 'wanna '\n    start_ms: 444370\n  - text: 'join '\n    start_ms: 444670\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 444970\n  - text: 'Columbia '\n    start_ms: 445070\n  - text: 'Record '\n    start_ms: 445830\n  - text: Club?\"\n    start_ms: 446230\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448640\n  end_ms: 451510\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 448640\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 448993\n  - text: '\"Whoa, '\n    start_ms: 449247\n  - text: 'hold '\n    start_ms: 450423\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 450736\n  - text: 'now, '\n    start_ms: 450932\n  - text: baby\n    start_ms: 451167\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451510\n  end_ms: 454010\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 451510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 451910\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 452050\n  - text: 'ready '\n    start_ms: 452250\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 452490\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 452610\n  - text: 'kind '\n    start_ms: 452870\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 453130\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 453230\n  - text: commitment!\"\n    start_ms: 453310\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454030\n  end_ms: 456240\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 454030\n  - text: 'we '\n    start_ms: 454470\n  - text: 'broke '\n    start_ms: 454630\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 454990\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 455150\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 455310\n  - text: 'never '\n    start_ms: 455410\n  - text: 'saw '\n    start_ms: 455710\n  - text: 'her '\n    start_ms: 455910\n  - text: again\n    start_ms: 456070\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456260\n  end_ms: 459010\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 456260\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 456700\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 457020\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 457300\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 457520\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 457800\n  - text: go\n    start_ms: 458160\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459050\n  end_ms: 464450\n  words:\n  - text: 'In '\n    start_ms: 459050\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 459690\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464450\n  end_ms: 469060\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 464450\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480100\n  end_ms: 482180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 480100\n  - text: 'things '\n    start_ms: 480760\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 481040\n  - text: 'started '\n    start_ms: 481280\n  - text: 'lookin'' '\n    start_ms: 481660\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 481920\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 482060\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 482140\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486500\n  words:\n  - text: 'Because '\n    start_ms: 482260\n  - text: 'about '\n    start_ms: 482778\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 483036\n  - text: 'week '\n    start_ms: 483176\n  - text: 'later, '\n    start_ms: 483415\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 483833\n  - text: 'finally '\n    start_ms: 483972\n  - text: 'achieved '\n    start_ms: 484310\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 484868\n  - text: 'lifelong '\n    start_ms: 485186\n  - text: dream\n    start_ms: 485843\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486500\n  end_ms: 489750\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 486500\n  - text: 'right, '\n    start_ms: 487100\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 487340\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 487440\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 487600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 487740\n  - text: part-\n    start_ms: 487880\n  - text: 'time '\n    start_ms: 488120\n  - text: 'job '\n    start_ms: 488460\n  - text: 'at '\n    start_ms: 488680\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 488780\n  - text: Sizzler!\n    start_ms: 489000\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489790\n  end_ms: 491340\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 489790\n  - text: 'even '\n    start_ms: 490110\n  - text: 'made '\n    start_ms: 490290\n  - text: 'employee '\n    start_ms: 490430\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 490890\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 490970\n  - text: 'month '\n    start_ms: 491090\n  - text: after\n    start_ms: 491290\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491360\n  end_ms: 493680\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 491360\n  - text: 'put '\n    start_ms: 491717\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 491876\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 492034\n  - text: 'grease '\n    start_ms: 492252\n  - text: 'fire '\n    start_ms: 492570\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 492808\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 492946\n  - text: face\n    start_ms: 493264\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496220\n  words:\n  - text: 'Aw '\n    start_ms: 493680\n  - text: 'yeah, '\n    start_ms: 494140\n  - text: 'everybody '\n    start_ms: 494320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 494580\n  - text: 'pretty '\n    start_ms: 494740\n  - text: 'jealous '\n    start_ms: 495080\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 495380\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 495460\n  - text: 'after '\n    start_ms: 495620\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 495860\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496270\n  end_ms: 498120\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 496270\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 496608\n  - text: 'gettin'' '\n    start_ms: 496758\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 496946\n  - text: 'lot '\n    start_ms: 497021\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 497153\n  - text: attitude\n    start_ms: 497303\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500180\n  words:\n  - text: 'Okay, '\n    start_ms: 498120\n  - text: 'like '\n    start_ms: 498580\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 498800\n  - text: 'time, '\n    start_ms: 499000\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 499320\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 499380\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 499540\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 499660\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 499740\n  - text: 'parking '\n    start_ms: 499920\n  - text: lot\n    start_ms: 500170\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503050\n  words:\n  - text: 'Tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 500220\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 500720\n  - text: 'remove '\n    start_ms: 500820\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 501160\n  - text: 'excess '\n    start_ms: 501380\n  - text: 'earwax '\n    start_ms: 501740\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 502120\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 502240\n  - text: 'golf '\n    start_ms: 502320\n  - text: pencil\n    start_ms: 502580\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504760\n  words:\n  - text: 'When '\n    start_ms: 503070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 503488\n  - text: 'see '\n    start_ms: 503567\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 503706\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 503845\n  - text: 'Marty '\n    start_ms: 504084\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 504402\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 504601\n  - text: carry\n    start_ms: 504700\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504760\n  end_ms: 507310\n  words:\n  - text: 'A '\n    start_ms: 504760\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 505120\n  - text: 'ol'' '\n    start_ms: 505280\n  - text: 'sofa '\n    start_ms: 505620\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 505900\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 506020\n  - text: 'stairs '\n    start_ms: 506160\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 506420\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 506580\n  - text: himself\n    start_ms: 506720\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 507340\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 507929\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508086\n  - text: 'say '\n    start_ms: 508204\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 508322\n  - text: 'him, '\n    start_ms: 508390\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 508479\n  - text: 'say, '\n    start_ms: 508577\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 508754\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 509362\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 509441\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 509559\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 509676\n  - text: 'help '\n    start_ms: 509834\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 510089\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 510187\n  - text: that?\"\n    start_ms: 510305\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513300\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 510560\n  - text: 'Marty, '\n    start_ms: 510980\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 511400\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 511560\n  - text: 'rolls '\n    start_ms: 511900\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 512440\n  - text: 'eyes '\n    start_ms: 512700\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 513120\n  - text: goes\n    start_ms: 513240\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513310\n  end_ms: 517600\n  words:\n  - text: '\"No, '\n    start_ms: 513810\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 514550\n  - text: 'want '\n    start_ms: 514650\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 514830\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 514930\n  - text: 'cut '\n    start_ms: 515110\n  - text: 'off '\n    start_ms: 515330\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 515530\n  - text: 'arms '\n    start_ms: 515710\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 515950\n  - text: 'legs '\n    start_ms: 516090\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 516330\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 516470\n  - text: chainsaw\"\n    start_ms: 516610\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517660\n  end_ms: 518980\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 517660\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 518129\n  - text: did\n    start_ms: 518188\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518980\n  end_ms: 520630\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 518980\n  - text: 'then '\n    start_ms: 519200\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 519300\n  - text: 'gets '\n    start_ms: 519380\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 519560\n  - text: 'indignant '\n    start_ms: 519720\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 520340\n  - text: me\n    start_ms: 520500\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520660\n  end_ms: 523650\n  words:\n  - text: 'He''s '\n    start_ms: 520660\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 520978\n  - text: '\"Hey '\n    start_ms: 521335\n  - text: 'man, '\n    start_ms: 521633\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 521971\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 522051\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 522210\n  - text: 'being '\n    start_ms: 522408\n  - text: sarcastic!\"\n    start_ms: 522647\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523650\n  end_ms: 524730\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 523650\n  - text: 'that''s '\n    start_ms: 524020\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 524370\n  - text: great\n    start_ms: 524604\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524730\n  end_ms: 526320\n  words:\n  - text: 'How '\n    start_ms: 524730\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 525070\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 525250\n  - text: 'supposed '\n    start_ms: 525390\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 525730\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 525830\n  - text: that?\n    start_ms: 526010\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528500\n  words:\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 526340\n  - text: 'not '\n    start_ms: 526751\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 526856\n  - text: 'mind '\n    start_ms: 527009\n  - text: 'reader, '\n    start_ms: 527277\n  - text: 'for '\n    start_ms: 527468\n  - text: 'cryin'' '\n    start_ms: 527640\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 527927\n  - text: loud\n    start_ms: 528099\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528500\n  end_ms: 531600\n  words:\n  - text: 'Besides, '\n    start_ms: 528500\n  - text: 'now '\n    start_ms: 529340\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 529460\n  - text: 'got '\n    start_ms: 529600\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 529740\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 529820\n  - text: 'cute '\n    start_ms: 530080\n  - text: 'nickname, '\n    start_ms: 530320\n  - text: '\"Torso-'\n    start_ms: 530900\n  - text: Boy\"!\n    start_ms: 531400\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531680\n  end_ms: 533890\n  words:\n  - text: 'So '\n    start_ms: 531680\n  - text: 'what''s '\n    start_ms: 532120\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 532300\n  - text: 'complaining '\n    start_ms: 532460\n  - text: about?\n    start_ms: 532940\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533940\n  end_ms: 536990\n  words:\n  - text: 'Say, '\n    start_ms: 533940\n  - text: 'that '\n    start_ms: 534698\n  - text: 'reminds '\n    start_ms: 534857\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 535256\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 535355\n  - text: 'another '\n    start_ms: 535455\n  - text: 'amusing '\n    start_ms: 535754\n  - text: anecdote\n    start_ms: 536312\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538230\n  words:\n  - text: 'This '\n    start_ms: 536990\n  - text: 'guy '\n    start_ms: 537352\n  - text: 'comes '\n    start_ms: 537543\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 537734\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 537848\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 537925\n  - text: 'on '\n    start_ms: 538039\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 538116\n  - text: street\n    start_ms: 538211\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538230\n  end_ms: 541200\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 538230\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 538590\n  - text: 'tells '\n    start_ms: 538750\n  - text: 'me '\n    start_ms: 539010\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 539170\n  - text: 'hasn''t '\n    start_ms: 539330\n  - text: 'had '\n    start_ms: 539610\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 539770\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 539950\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 540230\n  - text: 'three '\n    start_ms: 540470\n  - text: days\n    start_ms: 540830\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542610\n  words:\n  - text: 'Well, '\n    start_ms: 541280\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 541959\n  - text: 'knew '\n    start_ms: 542110\n  - text: 'what '\n    start_ms: 542223\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 542374\n  - text: meant\n    start_ms: 542525\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542610\n  end_ms: 546420\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 542610\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 543090\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 543310\n  - text: 'be '\n    start_ms: 543410\n  - text: 'funny, '\n    start_ms: 543630\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 544230\n  - text: 'took '\n    start_ms: 544370\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 544570\n  - text: 'big '\n    start_ms: 544650\n  - text: 'bite '\n    start_ms: 545010\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 545230\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 545330\n  - text: 'his '\n    start_ms: 545410\n  - text: 'jugular '\n    start_ms: 545670\n  - text: vein\n    start_ms: 546210\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546460\n  end_ms: 549230\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 546460\n  - text: 'he''s '\n    start_ms: 546840\n  - text: 'yellin'' '\n    start_ms: 547060\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 547460\n  - text: 'screamin'' '\n    start_ms: 547620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 548020\n  - text: 'bleeding '\n    start_ms: 548240\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 548640\n  - text: over\n    start_ms: 548920\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549250\n  end_ms: 551560\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 549250\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 549328\n  - text: 'like, '\n    start_ms: 549465\n  - text: '\"Hey, '\n    start_ms: 549661\n  - text: 'come '\n    start_ms: 550248\n  - text: 'on, '\n    start_ms: 550483\n  - text: 'don''t '\n    start_ms: 550679\n  - text: '''cha '\n    start_ms: 550836\n  - text: 'get '\n    start_ms: 551090\n  - text: it?\"\n    start_ms: 551286\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551560\n  end_ms: 552720\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 551560\n  - text: 'he '\n    start_ms: 551792\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 551889\n  - text: 'keeps '\n    start_ms: 552043\n  - text: 'rolling '\n    start_ms: 552237\n  - text: 'around '\n    start_ms: 552565\n  - text: on\n    start_ms: 552710\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556640\n  words:\n  - text: 'The '\n    start_ms: 552720\n  - text: 'sidewalk, '\n    start_ms: 553060\n  - text: 'bleeding, '\n    start_ms: 553620\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 554000\n  - text: 'screaming, '\n    start_ms: 554220\n  - text: '\"Ah, '\n    start_ms: 554660\n  - text: 'oh, '\n    start_ms: 555600\n  - text: ah!\"\n    start_ms: 556060\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556750\n  end_ms: 559730\n  words:\n  - text: 'You '\n    start_ms: 556750\n  - text: 'know, '\n    start_ms: 557064\n  - text: 'completely '\n    start_ms: 557221\n  - text: 'missing '\n    start_ms: 557671\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 557966\n  - text: 'irony '\n    start_ms: 558162\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 558475\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 558554\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 558652\n  - text: situation\n    start_ms: 558848\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562490\n  words:\n  - text: 'Man, '\n    start_ms: 559730\n  - text: 'some '\n    start_ms: 560350\n  - text: 'people '\n    start_ms: 560510\n  - text: 'just '\n    start_ms: 560790\n  - text: 'can''t '\n    start_ms: 560970\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 561150\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 561330\n  - text: 'joke, '\n    start_ms: 561490\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 561810\n  - text: know?\n    start_ms: 561890\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568240\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway, '\n    start_ms: 562520\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 563472\n  - text: 'um, '\n    start_ms: 565653\n  - text: 'where '\n    start_ms: 566624\n  - text: 'was '\n    start_ms: 566783\n  - text: I?\n    start_ms: 566981\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568240\n  end_ms: 570300\n  words:\n  - text: 'Kinda '\n    start_ms: 568240\n  - text: 'lost '\n    start_ms: 568713\n  - text: 'my '\n    start_ms: 568930\n  - text: 'train '\n    start_ms: 569048\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 569226\n  - text: thought\n    start_ms: 569344\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570300\n  end_ms: 571700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Uh, '\n    start_ms: 570300\n  - text: 'well, '\n    start_ms: 571293\n  - text: 'uh, '\n    start_ms: 571630\n  - text: okay\n    start_ms: 571685\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571700\n  end_ms: 574700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Anyway '\n    start_ms: 571700\n  - text: 'I, '\n    start_ms: 572500\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 572740\n  - text: 'know '\n    start_ms: 572800\n  - text: 'it''s '\n    start_ms: 572940\n  - text: 'kinda '\n    start_ms: 573080\n  - text: 'been '\n    start_ms: 573260\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 573320\n  - text: 'roundabout '\n    start_ms: 573420\n  - text: 'way '\n    start_ms: 573900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 574080\n  - text: 'saying '\n    start_ms: 574360\n  - text: it\n    start_ms: 574640\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577570\n  words:\n  - text: 'But '\n    start_ms: 574710\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 575570\n  - text: 'guess '\n    start_ms: 575650\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 575830\n  - text: 'whole '\n    start_ms: 575930\n  - text: 'point '\n    start_ms: 576170\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 576410\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 576570\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 576770\n  - text: 'make '\n    start_ms: 576910\n  - text: 'here '\n    start_ms: 577150\n  - text: is\n    start_ms: 577330\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581090\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 577620\n  - text: 'hate '\n    start_ms: 579220\n  - text: sauerkraut!\n    start_ms: 580440\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581130\n  end_ms: 582660\n  words:\n  - text: 'That''s '\n    start_ms: 581130\n  - text: 'all '\n    start_ms: 581550\n  - text: 'I''m '\n    start_ms: 581670\n  - text: 'really '\n    start_ms: 581790\n  - text: 'tryin'' '\n    start_ms: 582010\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 582210\n  - text: say\n    start_ms: 582330\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582690\n  end_ms: 584660\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 582690\n  - text: 'by '\n    start_ms: 583050\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 583230\n  - text: 'way, '\n    start_ms: 583350\n  - text: 'if '\n    start_ms: 583530\n  - text: 'one '\n    start_ms: 583730\n  - text: 'day '\n    start_ms: 583870\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 584010\n  - text: 'happen '\n    start_ms: 584150\n  - text: 'to '\n    start_ms: 584410\n  - text: 'wake '\n    start_ms: 584570\n  - text: up\n    start_ms: 584644\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584680\n  end_ms: 587070\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 584680\n  - text: 'find '\n    start_ms: 585115\n  - text: 'yourself '\n    start_ms: 585332\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 585687\n  - text: 'an '\n    start_ms: 585786\n  - text: 'existential '\n    start_ms: 585944\n  - text: quandary\n    start_ms: 586655\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588750\n  words:\n  - text: 'Full '\n    start_ms: 587070\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 587581\n  - text: 'loathing '\n    start_ms: 587777\n  - text: 'and '\n    start_ms: 588190\n  - text: self-\n    start_ms: 588406\n  - text: doubt\n    start_ms: 588662\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588750\n  end_ms: 589900\n  words:\n  - text: 'And '\n    start_ms: 588750\n  - text: 'wracked '\n    start_ms: 589168\n  - text: 'with '\n    start_ms: 589510\n  - text: 'the '\n    start_ms: 589624\n  - text: 'pain '\n    start_ms: 589776\n  - text: and\n    start_ms: 589885\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589900\n  end_ms: 592700\n  words:\n  - text: 'Isolation '\n    start_ms: 589900\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 590840\n  - text: 'your '\n    start_ms: 590940\n  - text: 'pitiful '\n    start_ms: 591120\n  - text: 'meaningless '\n    start_ms: 591520\n  - text: existence\n    start_ms: 591980\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592730\n  end_ms: 595500\n  words:\n  - text: 'At '\n    start_ms: 592730\n  - text: 'least '\n    start_ms: 593330\n  - text: 'you '\n    start_ms: 593590\n  - text: 'can '\n    start_ms: 593670\n  - text: 'take '\n    start_ms: 593830\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 594030\n  - text: 'small '\n    start_ms: 594170\n  - text: 'bit '\n    start_ms: 594490\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 594630\n  - text: 'comfort '\n    start_ms: 594810\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 595190\n  - text: 'knowing '\n    start_ms: 595310\n  - text: that\n    start_ms: 595484\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595540\n  end_ms: 600460\n  words:\n  - text: 'Somewhere '\n    start_ms: 595540\n  - text: 'out '\n    start_ms: 596295\n  - text: 'there '\n    start_ms: 596494\n  - text: 'in '\n    start_ms: 596673\n  - text: 'this '\n    start_ms: 596772\n  - text: 'crazy '\n    start_ms: 597091\n  - text: 'old '\n    start_ms: 597568\n  - text: mixed-\n    start_ms: 597826\n  - text: 'up '\n    start_ms: 598104\n  - text: 'universe '\n    start_ms: 598383\n  - text: 'of '\n    start_ms: 598820\n  - text: ours\n    start_ms: 598999\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600460\n  end_ms: 603680\n  words:\n  - text: 'There''s '\n    start_ms: 600460\n  - text: 'still '\n    start_ms: 601160\n  - text: 'a '\n    start_ms: 601420\n  - text: 'little '\n    start_ms: 601560\n  - text: 'place '\n    start_ms: 601900\n  - text: called\n    start_ms: 603320\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603700\n  end_ms: 608580\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 603700\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608590\n  end_ms: 613100\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 608590\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613100\n  end_ms: 615580\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 613100\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 614520\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615700\n  end_ms: 618070\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 615700\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 617194\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618070\n  end_ms: 620650\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 618070\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 619718\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620650\n  end_ms: 623420\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque '\n    start_ms: 620650\n  - text: (Albuquerque)\n    start_ms: 622310\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623490\n  end_ms: 625160\n  words:\n  - text: 'I '\n    start_ms: 623490\n  - text: 'said, '\n    start_ms: 623950\n  - text: '\"A\" '\n    start_ms: 624310\n  - text: (A)\n    start_ms: 624910\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625190\n  end_ms: 626440\n  words:\n  - text: '\"L\" '\n    start_ms: 625863\n  - text: (L)\n    start_ms: 626171\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626440\n  end_ms: 627700\n  words:\n  - text: '\"B\" '\n    start_ms: 626866\n  - text: (B)\n    start_ms: 627385\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627700\n  end_ms: 631690\n  words:\n  - text: '\"U\" '\n    start_ms: 628140\n  - text: (U)\n    start_ms: 628660\n- text: '\"Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631760\n  end_ms: 637230\n  words:\n  - text: '\"Querque!\" '\n    start_ms: 631940\n  - text: (Querque!)\n    start_ms: 633220\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637290\n  end_ms: 639270\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637290\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 637800\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 638133\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 638309\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639270\n  end_ms: 642160\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 639270\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640160\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 640970\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 641763\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642190\n  end_ms: 644640\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 642190\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643017\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 643567\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 644282\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644640\n  end_ms: 647400\n  words:\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 644640\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 645693\n  - text: 'Albuquerque, '\n    start_ms: 646120\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 646973\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660360\n  words:\n  - text: Albuquerque\n    start_ms: 647400\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  I lived in a box under the stairs in\n  The corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop\n  You know the place\n\n  Well, anyway\n  Back then life was going swell and everything was juuuuust PEACHY!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Oh yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was with Pauly Shore\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahhhh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"WHO IS IT?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  And I'm like, \"'k.\"\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it\n  All, the phone got knocked off the hook\n  And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again,\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts.\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls.\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters.\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"NO, we're outta bear claws.\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh God!\n  Ah, AH AH!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these\n  Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And says he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I HATE SAUERKRAUT!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up old universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\"(L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n\n  \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":17999268,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"Weird Al Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential Weird Al Yankovic 3.0 [Disc 2]","duration":684.48,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLiving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n(You know the place)\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was 26 and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque!\nAlbuquerque!\n\nOh, yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the Spectra Vision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'K\"\n\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh my God!\nAh, ah ah!\n\nI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOkay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandary\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.05] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.80] Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.92] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:13.62] (You know the place)\n[00:14.75] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n[00:19.82] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.26] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:28.30] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.39] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.46] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.98] I said to my mom\n[00:34.79] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.55] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.74] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.54] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.74] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:49.04] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.58] And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.34] Until I was 26 and a half years old\n[00:55.81] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.87] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:59.52] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.12] Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.24] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:07.06] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.98] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:14.09] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.28] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.42] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.12] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.38] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.58] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.70] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.00] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:33.26] Albuquerque!\n[01:38.33] Albuquerque!\n[01:42.66] Oh, yeah\n[01:43.72] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.95] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.65] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.28] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.37] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.56] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.27] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.86] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.72] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.41] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:11.45] Except for me\n[02:12.84] You know why?\n[02:14.18] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.65] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.39] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.82] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.49] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.03] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.08] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.65] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.93] Ahh\n[02:34.77] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.57] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.45] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:45.16] And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.76] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.65] But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.86] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.82] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.99] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.83] Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n[03:05.55] And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n[03:07.34] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.68] That I love so very\n[03:10.63] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.92] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.74] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.10] No answer\n[03:18.58] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.67] There's no answer\n[03:21.02] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:22.13] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.72] So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:28.11] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:33.39] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.01] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.33] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.27] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.05] And he's like, \"Tough\"\n[03:45.22] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.62] And he's like, \"Make me\"\n[03:47.98] And I'm like, \"'K\"\n[03:49.39] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.80] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.53] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.66] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.76] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.39] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.52] And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.68] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.98] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.46] It said\n[04:09.93] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:15.13] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.34] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:25.47] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.25] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.90] Albuquerque\n[04:40.59] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.13] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.56] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.30] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.87] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.68] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.31] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.57] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.80] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.35] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n[05:08.85] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.56] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n[05:14.37] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.97] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n[05:20.04] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.87] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n[05:24.47] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.98] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n[05:29.43] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.13] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:36.31] \n[05:43.58] \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n[05:46.46] I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:51.42] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:53.17] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.92] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n[05:58.66] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:02.30] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.67] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.23] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.36] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.26] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.31] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.59] Doh!\n[06:20.23] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.02] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.97] Oh!\n[06:22.62] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.83] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.64] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.63] Oh, oh my God!\n[06:27.69] Ah, ah ah!\n[06:30.19] I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.59] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.06] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.46] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.63] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.54] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.04] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:47.32] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.57] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:53.28] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n[06:56.00] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.94] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.90] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.07] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.26] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.27] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.57] And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.13] Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.30] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.43] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.70] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.62] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.53] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.04] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.24] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.01] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.46] Albuquerque\n[07:49.06] \n[08:00.18] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.26] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.59] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.77] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.35] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.68] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.24] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.12] Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.22] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.08] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.77] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.34] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.56] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.35] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n[08:37.64] So I did\n[08:38.80] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.56] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.51] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.77] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.33] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.59] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.61] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.84] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.92] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.31] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.26] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.66] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.45] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.21] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.57] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.72] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n[09:16.79] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.73] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.52] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.27] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.39] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.71] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.71] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.62] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:41.12] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.60] And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.69] And find yourself in an existential quandary\n[09:47.07] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.76] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:49.94] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.72] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.57] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.41] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.62] Albuquerque\n[10:08.54] Albuquerque\n[10:13.05] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.61] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.05] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:20.68] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.43] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.16] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.46] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.79] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.72] \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.26] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.37] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.15] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.66] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.40] Albuquerque\n[11:00.17] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: Weird Al Yankovic\n  album: The Essential Weird Al Yankovic 3.0 [Disc 2]\n  duration_ms: 684480\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6050\n  end_ms: 7800\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7800\n  end_ms: 10920\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10920\n  end_ms: 13620\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13620\n  end_ms: 14750\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14750\n  end_ms: 19820\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19820\n  end_ms: 23260\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23260\n  end_ms: 28300\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 28300\n  end_ms: 31390\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31390\n  end_ms: 32460\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32460\n  end_ms: 33980\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33980\n  end_ms: 34790\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34790\n  end_ms: 37550\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37550\n  end_ms: 38740\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38740\n  end_ms: 42540\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42540\n  end_ms: 44740\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44740\n  end_ms: 49040\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49040\n  end_ms: 51580\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51580\n  end_ms: 53340\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53340\n  end_ms: 55810\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55810\n  end_ms: 57870\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 57870\n  end_ms: 59520\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59520\n  end_ms: 62120\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62120\n  end_ms: 65240\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65240\n  end_ms: 67060\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67060\n  end_ms: 69980\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 69980\n  end_ms: 74090\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74090\n  end_ms: 75280\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75280\n  end_ms: 76420\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76420\n  end_ms: 79120\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79120\n  end_ms: 82380\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82380\n  end_ms: 83580\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83580\n  end_ms: 86700\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86700\n  end_ms: 90000\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90000\n  end_ms: 93260\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93260\n  end_ms: 98330\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98330\n  end_ms: 102660\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102660\n  end_ms: 103720\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103720\n  end_ms: 105950\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105950\n  end_ms: 108650\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108650\n  end_ms: 110280\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110280\n  end_ms: 113370\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113370\n  end_ms: 116560\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116560\n  end_ms: 119270\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119270\n  end_ms: 121860\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121860\n  end_ms: 123720\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123720\n  end_ms: 126410\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126410\n  end_ms: 131450\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131450\n  end_ms: 132840\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132840\n  end_ms: 134180\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134180\n  end_ms: 136650\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136650\n  end_ms: 139390\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141820\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141820\n  end_ms: 144490\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144490\n  end_ms: 147030\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147030\n  end_ms: 150080\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150080\n  end_ms: 151650\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151650\n  end_ms: 152930\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152930\n  end_ms: 154770\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154770\n  end_ms: 157570\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157570\n  end_ms: 161450\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161450\n  end_ms: 165160\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165160\n  end_ms: 167760\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167760\n  end_ms: 171650\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171650\n  end_ms: 175860\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175860\n  end_ms: 177820\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177820\n  end_ms: 180990\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180990\n  end_ms: 182830\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182830\n  end_ms: 185550\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185550\n  end_ms: 187340\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187340\n  end_ms: 189680\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189680\n  end_ms: 190630\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190630\n  end_ms: 193920\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193920\n  end_ms: 195740\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195740\n  end_ms: 197100\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197100\n  end_ms: 198580\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198580\n  end_ms: 199670\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199670\n  end_ms: 201020\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201020\n  end_ms: 202130\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202130\n  end_ms: 203720\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203720\n  end_ms: 208110\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208110\n  end_ms: 213390\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213390\n  end_ms: 216010\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216010\n  end_ms: 219330\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219330\n  end_ms: 221270\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221270\n  end_ms: 224050\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224050\n  end_ms: 225220\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225220\n  end_ms: 226620\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226620\n  end_ms: 227980\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227980\n  end_ms: 229390\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229390\n  end_ms: 231800\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231800\n  end_ms: 234530\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234530\n  end_ms: 237660\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237660\n  end_ms: 239760\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239760\n  end_ms: 241390\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241390\n  end_ms: 243520\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243520\n  end_ms: 246680\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246680\n  end_ms: 247980\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247980\n  end_ms: 249460\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249460\n  end_ms: 249930\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249930\n  end_ms: 255130\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255130\n  end_ms: 260340\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260340\n  end_ms: 265470\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265470\n  end_ms: 270250\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270250\n  end_ms: 275900\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275900\n  end_ms: 280590\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280590\n  end_ms: 284130\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284130\n  end_ms: 287560\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289300\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289300\n  end_ms: 291870\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291870\n  end_ms: 293680\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293680\n  end_ms: 296310\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296310\n  end_ms: 298570\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298570\n  end_ms: 303800\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303800\n  end_ms: 306350\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306350\n  end_ms: 308850\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308850\n  end_ms: 311560\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311560\n  end_ms: 314370\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314370\n  end_ms: 316970\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316970\n  end_ms: 320040\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320040\n  end_ms: 321870\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321870\n  end_ms: 324470\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324470\n  end_ms: 326980\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326980\n  end_ms: 329430\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329430\n  end_ms: 332130\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332130\n  end_ms: 336310\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 336310\n  end_ms: 343580\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343580\n  end_ms: 346460\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346460\n  end_ms: 351420\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 351420\n  end_ms: 353170\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353170\n  end_ms: 356920\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356920\n  end_ms: 358660\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358660\n  end_ms: 362300\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362300\n  end_ms: 367670\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367670\n  end_ms: 369230\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369230\n  end_ms: 371360\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371360\n  end_ms: 373260\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373260\n  end_ms: 376310\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376310\n  end_ms: 379590\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379590\n  end_ms: 380230\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380230\n  end_ms: 381020\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381020\n  end_ms: 381970\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381970\n  end_ms: 382620\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382620\n  end_ms: 383830\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383830\n  end_ms: 385640\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385640\n  end_ms: 386630\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386630\n  end_ms: 387690\n- text: Ah, ah ah!\n  start_ms: 387690\n  end_ms: 390190\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390190\n  end_ms: 393590\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393590\n  end_ms: 396060\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396060\n  end_ms: 398460\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398460\n  end_ms: 399630\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399630\n  end_ms: 403540\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403540\n  end_ms: 405040\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405040\n  end_ms: 407320\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407320\n  end_ms: 410570\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410570\n  end_ms: 413280\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413280\n  end_ms: 416000\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416000\n  end_ms: 417940\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417940\n  end_ms: 419900\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419900\n  end_ms: 423070\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423070\n  end_ms: 426260\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426260\n  end_ms: 428270\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428270\n  end_ms: 430570\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430570\n  end_ms: 434130\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434130\n  end_ms: 438300\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438300\n  end_ms: 441430\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441430\n  end_ms: 443700\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443700\n  end_ms: 448620\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448620\n  end_ms: 451530\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451530\n  end_ms: 454040\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454040\n  end_ms: 456240\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456240\n  end_ms: 459010\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459010\n  end_ms: 464460\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464460\n  end_ms: 469060\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469060\n  end_ms: 480180\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480180\n  end_ms: 482260\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482260\n  end_ms: 486590\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486590\n  end_ms: 489770\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489770\n  end_ms: 491350\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491350\n  end_ms: 493680\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496240\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496240\n  end_ms: 498120\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498120\n  end_ms: 500220\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500220\n  end_ms: 503080\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503080\n  end_ms: 504770\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504770\n  end_ms: 507340\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507340\n  end_ms: 510560\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510560\n  end_ms: 513350\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513350\n  end_ms: 517640\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517640\n  end_ms: 518800\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518800\n  end_ms: 520560\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520560\n  end_ms: 523510\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523510\n  end_ms: 524770\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524770\n  end_ms: 526330\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526330\n  end_ms: 528590\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528590\n  end_ms: 531610\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531610\n  end_ms: 533840\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533840\n  end_ms: 536920\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536920\n  end_ms: 538310\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538310\n  end_ms: 541260\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541260\n  end_ms: 542660\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542660\n  end_ms: 546450\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546450\n  end_ms: 549210\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549210\n  end_ms: 551570\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551570\n  end_ms: 552720\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552720\n  end_ms: 556790\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556790\n  end_ms: 559730\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559730\n  end_ms: 562520\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562520\n  end_ms: 568270\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568270\n  end_ms: 570390\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570390\n  end_ms: 571710\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571710\n  end_ms: 574710\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574710\n  end_ms: 577620\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577620\n  end_ms: 581120\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581120\n  end_ms: 582600\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582600\n  end_ms: 584690\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584690\n  end_ms: 587070\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587070\n  end_ms: 588760\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588760\n  end_ms: 589940\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589940\n  end_ms: 592720\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592720\n  end_ms: 595570\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595570\n  end_ms: 600410\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600410\n  end_ms: 603620\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603620\n  end_ms: 608540\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608540\n  end_ms: 613050\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613050\n  end_ms: 615610\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615610\n  end_ms: 618050\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618050\n  end_ms: 620680\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620680\n  end_ms: 623430\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623430\n  end_ms: 625160\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625160\n  end_ms: 626460\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626460\n  end_ms: 627790\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627790\n  end_ms: 631720\n- text: '\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631720\n  end_ms: 637260\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637260\n  end_ms: 639370\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639370\n  end_ms: 642150\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642150\n  end_ms: 644660\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644660\n  end_ms: 647400\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647400\n  end_ms: 660170\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 660170\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  (You know the place)\n  Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was 26 and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque!\n  Albuquerque!\n\n  Oh, yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  And I'm like, \"'K\"\n\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh my God!\n  Ah, ah ah!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n  \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":15901918,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic","albumName":"Squeeze Box: The Complete Works Of \"Weird Al\" Yankovic","duration":683.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLiving in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n(You know the place)\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\n\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said, \"It's good for you!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was 26 and a half years old\n\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess the\nNumber of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\nAlbuquerque!\nAlbuquerque!\n\nOh, yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nAnd the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\nExcept for me\nYou know why?\n\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\n\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhh\n\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\n\nWell, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the Spectra Vision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very\nVery much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThere's no answer\n\"Who is it?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\n\nSo, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'K\"\n\nSo I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nWell, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant until\nThe one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n\"No, we're outta bear claws\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this\nBox of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\nSo he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\n\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh my God!\nAh, ah ah!\n\nI ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\nOverbite and hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married and we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\n\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\nOkay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\nSo I did\n\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\n\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\n\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\nI hate sauerkraut!\n\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandary\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain and\nIsolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place called\n\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\" (L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.06] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:07.85] Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n[00:10.95] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:13.60] (You know the place)\n[00:14.76] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n[00:19.80] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.29] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:28.36] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.38] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.48] It was driving me crazy\n[00:33.92] I said to my mom\n[00:34.72] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:37.57] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:38.76] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.54] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:44.76] And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n[00:49.01] And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.56] And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.38] Until I was 26 and a half years old\n[00:55.86] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:57.85] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[00:59.53] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.14] Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.20] And the towels are oh so fluffy\n[01:07.08] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:09.95] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n[01:14.09] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.23] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.48] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.11] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.36] To see who could correctly guess the\n[01:23.55] Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.76] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.02] That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n[01:33.25] Albuquerque!\n[01:38.33] Albuquerque!\n[01:42.62] Oh, yeah\n[01:43.74] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:45.90] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.60] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.21] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.32] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.53] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.29] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:01.88] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.77] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.45] And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n[02:11.40] Except for me\n[02:12.83] You know why?\n[02:14.14] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:16.66] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.39] Had my tray table up\n[02:21.88] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.41] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.09] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.06] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.64] Ah ha ha\n[02:32.99] Ahh\n[02:34.79] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.53] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.40] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n[02:45.16] And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.79] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.67] But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.89] Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n[02:57.84] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:00.90] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:02.81] Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n[03:05.59] And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n[03:07.31] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.62] That I love so very\n[03:10.60] Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:13.93] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:15.75] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.10] No answer\n[03:18.52] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:19.62] There's no answer\n[03:21.05] \"Who is it?\"\n[03:22.12] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:23.76] So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n[03:28.10] It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n[03:33.39] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.05] So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.38] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.29] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.05] And he's like, \"Tough\"\n[03:45.24] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.64] And he's like, \"Make me\"\n[03:47.94] And I'm like, \"'K\"\n[03:49.34] So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.88] And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.54] And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.61] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.77] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.32] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.52] And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.64] And you know what it said?\n[04:07.96] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.47] It said\n[04:09.99] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:15.18] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:20.32] \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n[04:25.42] \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n[04:30.28] In Albuquerque\n[04:35.89] Albuquerque\n[04:40.51] Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.10] But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n[04:47.56] I would not sleep for an instant until\n[04:49.33] The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.86] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.62] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.35] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.55] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:03.88] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.37] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n[05:08.87] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.58] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n[05:14.36] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.92] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n[05:20.01] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:21.85] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n[05:24.44] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:26.98] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n[05:29.45] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.19] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n[05:36.37] \n[05:43.52] \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n[05:46.48] I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n[05:51.43] He says, \"All I got right now is this\n[05:53.18] Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:56.95] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n[05:58.63] So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n[06:02.37] And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.67] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.25] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.36] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.26] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.35] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.56] Doh!\n[06:20.22] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.09] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.93] Oh!\n[06:22.65] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:23.84] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.68] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.63] Oh, oh my God!\n[06:27.62] Ah, ah ah!\n[06:30.14] I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.50] Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.08] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.47] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.62] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.53] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.02] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n[06:47.31] Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.59] I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n[06:53.21] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n[06:56.03] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:57.97] We were inseparable after that\n[06:59.95] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.02] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.22] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.28] So we got married and we bought us a house\n[07:10.59] And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.10] Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.33] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.46] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:23.76] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:28.69] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n[07:31.52] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.08] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.28] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.06] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.43] Albuquerque\n[07:49.03] \n[08:00.13] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.24] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.57] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.75] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.39] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.68] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.23] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.16] Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.20] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.07] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.78] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.31] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.57] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.30] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n[08:37.65] So I did\n[08:38.84] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.55] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.57] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.77] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.34] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.58] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.67] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:53.88] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.93] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.33] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.28] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.66] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.42] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.27] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.52] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:12.76] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n[09:16.70] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.77] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.53] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.26] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.36] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.72] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.79] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.63] I hate sauerkraut!\n[09:41.12] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.67] And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.62] And find yourself in an existential quandary\n[09:47.04] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.74] And wracked with the pain and\n[09:49.93] Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.80] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.59] Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.49] There's still a little place called\n[10:03.66] Albuquerque\n[10:08.56] Albuquerque\n[10:13.04] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.64] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.04] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:20.62] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.47] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.18] \"L\" (L)\n[10:26.41] \"B\" (B)\n[10:27.74] \"U\" (U)\n[10:31.70] \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.27] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.36] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.17] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.67] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.43] Albuquerque\n[11:00.10] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: '\"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  album: 'Squeeze Box: The Complete Works Of \"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  duration_ms: 683000\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6060\n  end_ms: 7850\n- text: Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 7850\n  end_ms: 10950\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 10950\n  end_ms: 13600\n- text: (You know the place)\n  start_ms: 13600\n  end_ms: 14760\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n  start_ms: 14760\n  end_ms: 19800\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 19800\n  end_ms: 23290\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23290\n  end_ms: 28360\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 28360\n  end_ms: 31380\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31380\n  end_ms: 32480\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32480\n  end_ms: 33920\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 33920\n  end_ms: 34720\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34720\n  end_ms: 37570\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 37570\n  end_ms: 38760\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 38760\n  end_ms: 42540\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42540\n  end_ms: 44760\n- text: And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  start_ms: 44760\n  end_ms: 49010\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 49010\n  end_ms: 51560\n- text: And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51560\n  end_ms: 53380\n- text: Until I was 26 and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53380\n  end_ms: 55860\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 55860\n  end_ms: 57850\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 57850\n  end_ms: 59530\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 59530\n  end_ms: 62140\n- text: Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 62140\n  end_ms: 65200\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 65200\n  end_ms: 67080\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67080\n  end_ms: 69950\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n  start_ms: 69950\n  end_ms: 74090\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74090\n  end_ms: 75230\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75230\n  end_ms: 76480\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76480\n  end_ms: 79110\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79110\n  end_ms: 82360\n- text: To see who could correctly guess the\n  start_ms: 82360\n  end_ms: 83550\n- text: Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83550\n  end_ms: 86760\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86760\n  end_ms: 90020\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n  start_ms: 90020\n  end_ms: 93250\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 93250\n  end_ms: 98330\n- text: Albuquerque!\n  start_ms: 98330\n  end_ms: 102620\n- text: Oh, yeah\n  start_ms: 102620\n  end_ms: 103740\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 103740\n  end_ms: 105900\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 105900\n  end_ms: 108600\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108600\n  end_ms: 110210\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110210\n  end_ms: 113320\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113320\n  end_ms: 116530\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116530\n  end_ms: 119290\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119290\n  end_ms: 121880\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 121880\n  end_ms: 123770\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123770\n  end_ms: 126450\n- text: And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  start_ms: 126450\n  end_ms: 131400\n- text: Except for me\n  start_ms: 131400\n  end_ms: 132830\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 132830\n  end_ms: 134140\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134140\n  end_ms: 136660\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 136660\n  end_ms: 139390\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139390\n  end_ms: 141880\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 141880\n  end_ms: 144410\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144410\n  end_ms: 147090\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147090\n  end_ms: 150060\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150060\n  end_ms: 151640\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151640\n  end_ms: 152990\n- text: Ahh\n  start_ms: 152990\n  end_ms: 154790\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 154790\n  end_ms: 157530\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157530\n  end_ms: 161400\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  start_ms: 161400\n  end_ms: 165160\n- text: And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 165160\n  end_ms: 167790\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167790\n  end_ms: 171670\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 171670\n  end_ms: 175890\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  start_ms: 175890\n  end_ms: 177840\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 177840\n  end_ms: 180900\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 180900\n  end_ms: 182810\n- text: Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 182810\n  end_ms: 185590\n- text: And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  start_ms: 185590\n  end_ms: 187310\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187310\n  end_ms: 189620\n- text: That I love so very\n  start_ms: 189620\n  end_ms: 190600\n- text: Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 190600\n  end_ms: 193930\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 193930\n  end_ms: 195750\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 195750\n  end_ms: 197100\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197100\n  end_ms: 198520\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 198520\n  end_ms: 199620\n- text: There's no answer\n  start_ms: 199620\n  end_ms: 201050\n- text: '\"Who is it?\"'\n  start_ms: 201050\n  end_ms: 202120\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202120\n  end_ms: 203760\n- text: So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 203760\n  end_ms: 208100\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  start_ms: 208100\n  end_ms: 213390\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213390\n  end_ms: 216050\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 216050\n  end_ms: 219380\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219380\n  end_ms: 221290\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221290\n  end_ms: 224050\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  start_ms: 224050\n  end_ms: 225240\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225240\n  end_ms: 226640\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  start_ms: 226640\n  end_ms: 227940\n- text: And I'm like, \"'K\"\n  start_ms: 227940\n  end_ms: 229340\n- text: So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 229340\n  end_ms: 231880\n- text: And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 231880\n  end_ms: 234540\n- text: And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 234540\n  end_ms: 237610\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237610\n  end_ms: 239770\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239770\n  end_ms: 241320\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241320\n  end_ms: 243520\n- text: And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243520\n  end_ms: 246640\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246640\n  end_ms: 247960\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 247960\n  end_ms: 249470\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249470\n  end_ms: 249990\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 249990\n  end_ms: 255180\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 255180\n  end_ms: 260320\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"'\n  start_ms: 260320\n  end_ms: 265420\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"'\n  start_ms: 265420\n  end_ms: 270280\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270280\n  end_ms: 275890\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 275890\n  end_ms: 280510\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 280510\n  end_ms: 284100\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  start_ms: 284100\n  end_ms: 287560\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant until\n  start_ms: 287560\n  end_ms: 289330\n- text: The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289330\n  end_ms: 291860\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291860\n  end_ms: 293620\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293620\n  end_ms: 296350\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296350\n  end_ms: 298550\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298550\n  end_ms: 303880\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 303880\n  end_ms: 306370\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  start_ms: 306370\n  end_ms: 308870\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 308870\n  end_ms: 311580\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n  start_ms: 311580\n  end_ms: 314360\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314360\n  end_ms: 316920\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  start_ms: 316920\n  end_ms: 320010\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320010\n  end_ms: 321850\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  start_ms: 321850\n  end_ms: 324440\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324440\n  end_ms: 326980\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  start_ms: 326980\n  end_ms: 329450\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329450\n  end_ms: 332190\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n  start_ms: 332190\n  end_ms: 336370\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 336370\n  end_ms: 343520\n- text: '\"No, we''re outta bear claws\"'\n  start_ms: 343520\n  end_ms: 346480\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  start_ms: 346480\n  end_ms: 351430\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  start_ms: 351430\n  end_ms: 353180\n- text: Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353180\n  end_ms: 356950\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n  start_ms: 356950\n  end_ms: 358630\n- text: So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 358630\n  end_ms: 362370\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 362370\n  end_ms: 367670\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367670\n  end_ms: 369250\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369250\n  end_ms: 371360\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371360\n  end_ms: 373260\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373260\n  end_ms: 376350\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376350\n  end_ms: 379560\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379560\n  end_ms: 380220\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380220\n  end_ms: 381090\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381090\n  end_ms: 381930\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 381930\n  end_ms: 382650\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382650\n  end_ms: 383840\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 383840\n  end_ms: 385680\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385680\n  end_ms: 386630\n- text: Oh, oh my God!\n  start_ms: 386630\n  end_ms: 387620\n- text: Ah, ah ah!\n  start_ms: 387620\n  end_ms: 390140\n- text: I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 390140\n  end_ms: 393500\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 393500\n  end_ms: 396080\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396080\n  end_ms: 398470\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398470\n  end_ms: 399620\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399620\n  end_ms: 403530\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403530\n  end_ms: 405020\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  start_ms: 405020\n  end_ms: 407310\n- text: Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407310\n  end_ms: 410590\n- text: I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410590\n  end_ms: 413210\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n  start_ms: 413210\n  end_ms: 416030\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416030\n  end_ms: 417970\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 417970\n  end_ms: 419950\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 419950\n  end_ms: 423020\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423020\n  end_ms: 426220\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426220\n  end_ms: 428280\n- text: So we got married and we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 428280\n  end_ms: 430590\n- text: And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 430590\n  end_ms: 434100\n- text: Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434100\n  end_ms: 438330\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438330\n  end_ms: 441460\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441460\n  end_ms: 443760\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 443760\n  end_ms: 448690\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  start_ms: 448690\n  end_ms: 451520\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451520\n  end_ms: 454080\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454080\n  end_ms: 456280\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456280\n  end_ms: 459060\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459060\n  end_ms: 464430\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464430\n  end_ms: 469030\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469030\n  end_ms: 480130\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480130\n  end_ms: 482240\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482240\n  end_ms: 486570\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486570\n  end_ms: 489750\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489750\n  end_ms: 491390\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491390\n  end_ms: 493680\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493680\n  end_ms: 496230\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496230\n  end_ms: 498160\n- text: Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498160\n  end_ms: 500200\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500200\n  end_ms: 503070\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503070\n  end_ms: 504780\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504780\n  end_ms: 507310\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 507310\n  end_ms: 510570\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510570\n  end_ms: 513300\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"'\n  start_ms: 513300\n  end_ms: 517650\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517650\n  end_ms: 518840\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 518840\n  end_ms: 520550\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520550\n  end_ms: 523570\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523570\n  end_ms: 524770\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524770\n  end_ms: 526340\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526340\n  end_ms: 528580\n- text: Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  start_ms: 528580\n  end_ms: 531670\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531670\n  end_ms: 533880\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 533880\n  end_ms: 536930\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536930\n  end_ms: 538330\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538330\n  end_ms: 541280\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541280\n  end_ms: 542660\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542660\n  end_ms: 546420\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546420\n  end_ms: 549270\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549270\n  end_ms: 551520\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551520\n  end_ms: 552760\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n  start_ms: 552760\n  end_ms: 556700\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556700\n  end_ms: 559770\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559770\n  end_ms: 562530\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562530\n  end_ms: 568260\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568260\n  end_ms: 570360\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570360\n  end_ms: 571720\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571720\n  end_ms: 574790\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574790\n  end_ms: 577630\n- text: I hate sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 577630\n  end_ms: 581120\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581120\n  end_ms: 582670\n- text: And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582670\n  end_ms: 584620\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  start_ms: 584620\n  end_ms: 587040\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587040\n  end_ms: 588740\n- text: And wracked with the pain and\n  start_ms: 588740\n  end_ms: 589930\n- text: Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 589930\n  end_ms: 592800\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592800\n  end_ms: 595590\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595590\n  end_ms: 600490\n- text: There's still a little place called\n  start_ms: 600490\n  end_ms: 603660\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603660\n  end_ms: 608560\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608560\n  end_ms: 613040\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613040\n  end_ms: 615640\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615640\n  end_ms: 618040\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618040\n  end_ms: 620620\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 620620\n  end_ms: 623470\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623470\n  end_ms: 625180\n- text: '\"L\" (L)'\n  start_ms: 625180\n  end_ms: 626410\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626410\n  end_ms: 627740\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 627740\n  end_ms: 631700\n- text: '\"...Querque!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631700\n  end_ms: 637270\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637270\n  end_ms: 639360\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639360\n  end_ms: 642170\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642170\n  end_ms: 644670\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644670\n  end_ms: 647430\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647430\n  end_ms: 660100\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 660100\nplain: |-\n  Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  Living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house\n  Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  (You know the place)\n  Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy!\n\n  Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n\n  Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  Every single mornin'!\n  It was driving me crazy\n\n  I said to my mom\n  I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  And my dear, sweet mother\n  She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  And she leaned right down next to me\n  And she said, \"It's good for you!\"\n  And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  And force-fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  Until I was 26 and a half years old\n\n  That's when I swore that someday\n  Someday I would get outta that basement\n  And travel to a magical, far away place\n  Where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer\n  And the towels are oh so fluffy\n  Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel\n\n  Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n\n  Well, let me tell you, people\n  It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  To see who could correctly guess the\n  Number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  That's right, a first class one-way ticket to\n\n  Albuquerque!\n  Albuquerque!\n\n  Oh, yeah\n  You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  Except that I had to sit between two large\n  Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n\n  And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died\n  Except for me\n  You know why?\n\n  'Cause I had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n  Had my tray table up\n  And my seat back in the full upright position\n\n  Ah ha ha ha\n  Ah ha ha\n  Ahh\n\n  So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag\n  And my tenor saxophone and my 12-pound bowling ball\n  And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  But finally I arrived at the world-famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  Where the towels are oh so fluffy\n  And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  It's okay, they're clean!\n\n  Well, I checked into my room, and I turned down the AC\n  And I turned on the Spectra Vision\n  And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  That I love so very\n  Very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n\n  Well now, who could that be?\n  I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  No answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  There's no answer\n  \"Who is it?\"\n  They're not sayin' anything\n\n  So, finally I go over, and I open the door and just as I suspected\n  It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril\n  Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  And he's like, \"Tough\"\n  And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  And he's like, \"Make me\"\n  And I'm like, \"'K\"\n\n  So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus\n  And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows\n  And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  And somehow in the middle of it all\n  The phone got knocked off the hook\n  And 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  And you know what it said?\n  I'll tell you what it said\n  It said\n\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n  \"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again\"\n  \"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator\"\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel\n  But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest\n  I would not sleep for an instant until\n  The one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n\n  So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts\"\n  I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts\"\n\n  I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts\"\n  I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls\"\n  I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters\"\n  I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check\n\n  \"No, we're outta bear claws\"\n  I said, \"Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?\"\n  He says, \"All I got right now is this\n  Box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  I said, \"Okay, I'll take that\"\n\n  So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out\n  And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over\n  Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  They were tearin' me apart\n  You know, I think it was just about that time\n  That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  I believe it went a little something like this\n\n  Doh!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Get 'em off me!\n  Oh!\n  No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  Oh, get 'em off me!\n  Oh, oh my God!\n  Ah, ah ah!\n\n  I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  Like a constipated wiener dog\n  And as luck would have it\n  That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  Her name was Zelda\n  She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight\n  Overbite and hair the color of strained peaches\n  I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me\n  She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face\"\n\n  That's when I knew it was true love\n  We were inseparable after that\n  Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  The world was our burrito\n  So we got married and we bought us a house\n  And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly\n  Oh, we were so very, very, very happy, aw yeah\n\n  But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby\n  I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  But that's just the way things go\n\n  In Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n\n  Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  I even made employee of the month after\n  I put out that grease fire with my face\n  Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n\n  Okay, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey, you want me to help you with that?\"\n  And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw\"\n  So I did\n\n  And then he gets all indignant on me\n  He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  Well, that's just great\n  How was I supposed to know that?\n  I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, \"Torso-Boy\"!\n  So what's he complaining about?\n\n  Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  This guy comes up to me on the street\n  And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  Well, I knew what he meant\n  But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  But he just keeps rolling around on\n  The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming, \"Ah, oh, ah!\"\n\n  You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  Kinda lost my train of thought\n\n  Uh, well, uh, okay\n  Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n\n  I hate sauerkraut!\n\n  That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  And by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  And find yourself in an existential quandary\n  Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  And wracked with the pain and\n  Isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours\n  There's still a little place called\n\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n\n  I said, \"A\" (A)\n  \"L\" (L)\n  \"B\" (B)\n  \"U\" (U)\n  \"...Querque!\" (Querque!)\n\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  Albuquerque\n"},{"id":36304979,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"\"Weird Al\" Yankovic","albumName":"The Essential \"Weird Al\" Yankovic Limited Edition 3.0","duration":684.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\nYou know the place\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell \nAnd everything was juuuuust\nPEACHY!\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said...\n\"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall\nAnd stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining\nAnd the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy!\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess\nThe number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket\nTo Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nThe plane exploded in a giant fireball \nAnd everybody died!\nExcept for me!\nYou know why?\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase\nAnd my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone\nAnd my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous...\nAlbuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy!\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very very much\nWhen suddenly, there's a knock on the door\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?~\"\nThere's no answer!\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door \nAnd just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite\nWith a Flock of Seagulls haircut\nAnd only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room \nAnd he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'kay!\"\nSo I grabbed his leg \nAnd he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear \nAnd he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix \nAnd he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n\"Please hang up and try again.\"\n\"If you need help, hang up\"\n\"And then dial your operator.\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n\"Please hang up and try again.\"\n\"If you need help, hang up\"\n\"And then dial your operator.\"\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nWell, to cut a long story short\nHe got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there\nThat I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant\nUntil the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws!\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case...\nIn that case, what DO you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this box\nOf one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\nSo he hands me the box \nAnd I open up the lid \nAnd the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face \nAnd start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around \nAnd just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\nAnd hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married \nAnd we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children\nNathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\nYou want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\nSo I did\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nAHH! AHH! AAHHH!\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\nI \nHATE \nSAUERKRAUT!\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain\nAnd isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place...\nCalled Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\"(L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\n*burp*\n","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:08.31] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.72] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:11.30] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:14.03] You know the place\n[00:14.93] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell \n[00:16.95] And everything was juuuuust\n[00:18.90] PEACHY!\n[00:20.06] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.52] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:27.96] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.71] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.69] It was driving me crazy\n[00:34.27] I said to my mom\n[00:34.95] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:38.11] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:39.18] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.76] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:45.24] And she said...\n[00:46.96] \"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\"\n[00:49.46] And then she tied me to the wall\n[00:50.50] And stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.85] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.60] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:56.24] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:58.29] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[01:00.04] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.47] Where the sun is always shining\n[01:03.68] And the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.50] And the towels are oh so fluffy!\n[01:07.47] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:10.20] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\n[01:14.25] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.79] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.98] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.50] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.70] To see who could correctly guess\n[01:23.99] The number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.92] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.42] That's right, a first class one-way ticket\n[01:33.24] To Albuquerque\n[01:38.71] Albuquerque\n[01:42.81] Oh yeah\n[01:44.05] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:46.10] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.83] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.46] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.75] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.74] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.55] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:02.20] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.95] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.76] The plane exploded in a giant fireball \n[02:09.33] And everybody died!\n[02:11.68] Except for me!\n[02:13.00] You know why?\n[02:14.45] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:17.01] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.40] Had my tray table up\n[02:22.13] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.61] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.30] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.50] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.95] Ah ha ha\n[02:33.18] Ahhhh\n[02:35.06] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.71] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.72] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase\n[02:43.87] And my garment bag\n[02:45.15] And my tenor saxophone\n[02:46.47] And my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.79] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.84] But finally I arrived at the world famous...\n[02:54.50] Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.98] Where the towels are oh so fluffy!\n[02:58.13] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:01.20] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:03.12] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.40] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.63] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:07.55] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.99] That I love so very very much\n[03:11.37] When suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:14.20] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:16.03] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.44] No answer\n[03:18.72] \"Who is it?~\"\n[03:19.80] There's no answer!\n[03:21.24] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:22.52] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:24.01] So, finally I go over and I open the door \n[03:26.24] And just as I suspected\n[03:28.36] It's some big fat hermaphrodite\n[03:29.95] With a Flock of Seagulls haircut\n[03:31.40] And only one nostril\n[03:33.41] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.10] So anyway, he bursts into my room \n[03:37.90] And he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.34] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.61] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.35] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.58] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.86] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:48.02] And I'm like, \"'kay!\"\n[03:49.65] So I grabbed his leg \n[03:50.69] And he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.97] And I bit off his ear \n[03:53.46] And he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.70] And I took out his appendix \n[03:55.93] And he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.85] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.99] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.69] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.79] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.82] And you know what it said?\n[04:08.06] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.77] It said\n[04:10.24] \"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n[04:12.43] \"Please hang up and try again.\"\n[04:15.42] \"If you need help, hang up\"\n[04:17.22] \"And then dial your operator.\"\n[04:20.51] \"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n[04:22.69] \"Please hang up and try again.\"\n[04:25.72] \"If you need help, hang up\"\n[04:27.51] \"And then dial your operator.\"\n[04:30.79] In Albuquerque\n[04:36.34] Albuquerque\n[04:40.95] Well, to cut a long story short\n[04:42.46] He got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there\n[04:46.36] That I would not rest\n[04:47.81] I would not sleep for an instant\n[04:49.23] Until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.96] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.97] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.53] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.75] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:04.12] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.68] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\n[05:09.12] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.68] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\n[05:14.46] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.93] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\n[05:20.00] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:22.10] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\n[05:24.67] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:27.23] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\n[05:29.84] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.27] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n[05:35.62] \n[05:44.09] \"NO, we're outta bear claws!\"\n[05:46.41] I said, \"Well, in that case...\n[05:49.04] In that case, what DO you have?\"\n[05:51.57] He says, \"All I got right now is this box\n[05:53.63] Of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:57.01] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:58.76] So he hands me the box \n[06:00.05] And I open up the lid \n[06:01.16] And the weasels jump out\n[06:02.54] And they immediately latch onto my face \n[06:04.36] And start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.69] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.82] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.70] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.36] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.42] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.89] Doh!\n[06:20.44] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.47] Get 'em off me!\n[06:22.06] Oh!\n[06:22.70] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:24.03] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.79] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.89] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.80] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:30.38] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.54] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.77] Wavin' my arms all around \n[06:35.18] And just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.37] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.72] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.87] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.80] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.22] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\n[06:47.92] And hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.71] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n[06:53.35] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:56.14] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:58.31] We were inseparable after that\n[07:00.19] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.18] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.46] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.47] So we got married \n[07:09.56] And we bought us a house\n[07:10.77] And had two beautiful children\n[07:12.32] Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.35] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.49] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.74] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:24.04] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:26.83] \n[07:28.83] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\n[07:31.69] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.08] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.51] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.20] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.79] Albuquerque\n[07:49.92] \n[08:00.38] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.51] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.78] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.93] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.46] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.87] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.36] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.19] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.50] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.18] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.93] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.54] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\n[08:29.22] You want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.88] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.74] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:37.84] So I did\n[08:39.09] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.77] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.75] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.78] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.48] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.80] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.95] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:54.17] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.99] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.50] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.61] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.85] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.69] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.29] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.81] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:13.00] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:14.63] AHH! AHH! AAHHH!\n[09:16.93] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.89] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.97] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.55] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.57] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.99] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.90] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.88] I \n[09:39.13] HATE \n[09:40.41] SAUERKRAUT!\n[09:41.32] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.71] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.81] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:47.29] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.82] And wracked with the pain\n[09:50.16] And isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.90] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.68] Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.64] There's still a little place...\n[10:03.33] Called Albuquerque\n[10:08.89] Albuquerque\n[10:13.41] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.93] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.53] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:21.13] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.78] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.53] \"L\"(L)\n[10:26.85] \"B\" (B)\n[10:28.17] \"U\" (U)\n[10:29.46] \n[10:31.97] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.19] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.75] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.31] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.91] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.74] Albuquerque\n[10:59.94] \n[11:09.24] *burp*\n[11:10.56] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: '\"Weird Al\" Yankovic'\n  album: The Essential \"Weird Al\" Yankovic Limited Edition 3.0\n  duration_ms: 684000\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6380\n  end_ms: 8310\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 8310\n  end_ms: 9720\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9720\n  end_ms: 11300\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 11300\n  end_ms: 14030\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 14030\n  end_ms: 14930\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell\n  start_ms: 14930\n  end_ms: 16950\n- text: And everything was juuuuust\n  start_ms: 16950\n  end_ms: 18900\n- text: PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 18900\n  end_ms: 20060\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 20060\n  end_ms: 23520\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23520\n  end_ms: 27960\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27960\n  end_ms: 31710\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31710\n  end_ms: 32690\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32690\n  end_ms: 34270\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 34270\n  end_ms: 34950\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34950\n  end_ms: 38110\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 38110\n  end_ms: 39180\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 39180\n  end_ms: 42760\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42760\n  end_ms: 45240\n- text: And she said...\n  start_ms: 45240\n  end_ms: 46960\n- text: '\"IT''S GOOD FOR YOU!\"'\n  start_ms: 46960\n  end_ms: 49460\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall\n  start_ms: 49460\n  end_ms: 50500\n- text: And stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 50500\n  end_ms: 51850\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51850\n  end_ms: 53600\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53600\n  end_ms: 56240\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 56240\n  end_ms: 58290\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58290\n  end_ms: 60040\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 60040\n  end_ms: 62470\n- text: Where the sun is always shining\n  start_ms: 62470\n  end_ms: 63680\n- text: And the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 63680\n  end_ms: 65500\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy!\n  start_ms: 65500\n  end_ms: 67470\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67470\n  end_ms: 70200\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\n  start_ms: 70200\n  end_ms: 74250\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74250\n  end_ms: 75790\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75790\n  end_ms: 76980\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76980\n  end_ms: 79500\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79500\n  end_ms: 82700\n- text: To see who could correctly guess\n  start_ms: 82700\n  end_ms: 83990\n- text: The number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83990\n  end_ms: 86920\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86920\n  end_ms: 90420\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket\n  start_ms: 90420\n  end_ms: 93240\n- text: To Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 93240\n  end_ms: 98710\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 98710\n  end_ms: 102810\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 102810\n  end_ms: 104050\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 104050\n  end_ms: 106100\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 106100\n  end_ms: 108830\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108830\n  end_ms: 110460\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110460\n  end_ms: 113750\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113750\n  end_ms: 116740\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116740\n  end_ms: 119550\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119550\n  end_ms: 122200\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 122200\n  end_ms: 123950\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123950\n  end_ms: 126760\n- text: The plane exploded in a giant fireball\n  start_ms: 126760\n  end_ms: 129330\n- text: And everybody died!\n  start_ms: 129330\n  end_ms: 131680\n- text: Except for me!\n  start_ms: 131680\n  end_ms: 133000\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 133000\n  end_ms: 134450\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134450\n  end_ms: 137010\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 137010\n  end_ms: 139400\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139400\n  end_ms: 142130\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 142130\n  end_ms: 144610\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144610\n  end_ms: 147300\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147300\n  end_ms: 150500\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150500\n  end_ms: 151950\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151950\n  end_ms: 153180\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 153180\n  end_ms: 155060\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 155060\n  end_ms: 157710\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157710\n  end_ms: 161720\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase\n  start_ms: 161720\n  end_ms: 163870\n- text: And my garment bag\n  start_ms: 163870\n  end_ms: 165150\n- text: And my tenor saxophone\n  start_ms: 165150\n  end_ms: 166470\n- text: And my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 166470\n  end_ms: 167790\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167790\n  end_ms: 171840\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous...\n  start_ms: 171840\n  end_ms: 174500\n- text: Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 174500\n  end_ms: 175980\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy!\n  start_ms: 175980\n  end_ms: 178130\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 178130\n  end_ms: 181200\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 181200\n  end_ms: 183120\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 183120\n  end_ms: 184400\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184400\n  end_ms: 185630\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185630\n  end_ms: 187550\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187550\n  end_ms: 189990\n- text: That I love so very very much\n  start_ms: 189990\n  end_ms: 191370\n- text: When suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 191370\n  end_ms: 194200\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 194200\n  end_ms: 196030\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 196030\n  end_ms: 197440\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197440\n  end_ms: 198720\n- text: '\"Who is it?~\"'\n  start_ms: 198720\n  end_ms: 199800\n- text: There's no answer!\n  start_ms: 199800\n  end_ms: 201240\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 201240\n  end_ms: 202520\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202520\n  end_ms: 204010\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door\n  start_ms: 204010\n  end_ms: 206240\n- text: And just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 206240\n  end_ms: 208360\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite\n  start_ms: 208360\n  end_ms: 209950\n- text: With a Flock of Seagulls haircut\n  start_ms: 209950\n  end_ms: 211400\n- text: And only one nostril\n  start_ms: 211400\n  end_ms: 213410\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213410\n  end_ms: 216100\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room\n  start_ms: 216100\n  end_ms: 217900\n- text: And he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 217900\n  end_ms: 219340\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219340\n  end_ms: 221610\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221610\n  end_ms: 224350\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 224350\n  end_ms: 225580\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225580\n  end_ms: 226860\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226860\n  end_ms: 228020\n- text: And I'm like, \"'kay!\"\n  start_ms: 228020\n  end_ms: 229650\n- text: So I grabbed his leg\n  start_ms: 229650\n  end_ms: 230690\n- text: And he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 230690\n  end_ms: 231970\n- text: And I bit off his ear\n  start_ms: 231970\n  end_ms: 233460\n- text: And he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 233460\n  end_ms: 234700\n- text: And I took out his appendix\n  start_ms: 234700\n  end_ms: 235930\n- text: And he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 235930\n  end_ms: 237850\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237850\n  end_ms: 239990\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239990\n  end_ms: 241690\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241690\n  end_ms: 243790\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243790\n  end_ms: 246820\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246820\n  end_ms: 248060\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 248060\n  end_ms: 249770\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249770\n  end_ms: 250240\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call,\"\"'\n  start_ms: 250240\n  end_ms: 252430\n- text: '\"Please hang up and try again.\"'\n  start_ms: 252430\n  end_ms: 255420\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up\"'\n  start_ms: 255420\n  end_ms: 257220\n- text: '\"And then dial your operator.\"'\n  start_ms: 257220\n  end_ms: 260510\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call,\"\"'\n  start_ms: 260510\n  end_ms: 262690\n- text: '\"Please hang up and try again.\"'\n  start_ms: 262690\n  end_ms: 265720\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up\"'\n  start_ms: 265720\n  end_ms: 267510\n- text: '\"And then dial your operator.\"'\n  start_ms: 267510\n  end_ms: 270790\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270790\n  end_ms: 276340\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 276340\n  end_ms: 280950\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short\n  start_ms: 280950\n  end_ms: 282460\n- text: He got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 282460\n  end_ms: 284260\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there\n  start_ms: 284260\n  end_ms: 286360\n- text: That I would not rest\n  start_ms: 286360\n  end_ms: 287810\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant\n  start_ms: 287810\n  end_ms: 289230\n- text: Until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289230\n  end_ms: 291960\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291960\n  end_ms: 293970\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293970\n  end_ms: 296530\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296530\n  end_ms: 298750\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298750\n  end_ms: 304120\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 304120\n  end_ms: 306680\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 306680\n  end_ms: 309120\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 309120\n  end_ms: 311680\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 311680\n  end_ms: 314460\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314460\n  end_ms: 316930\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 316930\n  end_ms: 320000\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320000\n  end_ms: 322100\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\n  start_ms: 322100\n  end_ms: 324670\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324670\n  end_ms: 327230\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\n  start_ms: 327230\n  end_ms: 329840\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329840\n  end_ms: 332270\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n  start_ms: 332270\n  end_ms: 335620\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 335620\n  end_ms: 344090\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws!\"'\n  start_ms: 344090\n  end_ms: 346410\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case...\n  start_ms: 346410\n  end_ms: 349040\n- text: In that case, what DO you have?\"\n  start_ms: 349040\n  end_ms: 351570\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this box\n  start_ms: 351570\n  end_ms: 353630\n- text: Of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353630\n  end_ms: 357010\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 357010\n  end_ms: 358760\n- text: So he hands me the box\n  start_ms: 358760\n  end_ms: 360050\n- text: And I open up the lid\n  start_ms: 360050\n  end_ms: 361160\n- text: And the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 361160\n  end_ms: 362540\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face\n  start_ms: 362540\n  end_ms: 364360\n- text: And start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 364360\n  end_ms: 367690\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367690\n  end_ms: 369820\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369820\n  end_ms: 371700\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371700\n  end_ms: 373360\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373360\n  end_ms: 376420\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376420\n  end_ms: 379890\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379890\n  end_ms: 380440\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380440\n  end_ms: 381470\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381470\n  end_ms: 382060\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 382060\n  end_ms: 382700\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382700\n  end_ms: 384030\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 384030\n  end_ms: 385790\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385790\n  end_ms: 386890\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386890\n  end_ms: 387800\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387800\n  end_ms: 390380\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 390380\n  end_ms: 391540\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391540\n  end_ms: 393770\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around\n  start_ms: 393770\n  end_ms: 395180\n- text: And just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 395180\n  end_ms: 396370\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396370\n  end_ms: 398720\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398720\n  end_ms: 399870\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399870\n  end_ms: 403800\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403800\n  end_ms: 405220\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\n  start_ms: 405220\n  end_ms: 407920\n- text: And hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407920\n  end_ms: 410710\n- text: I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410710\n  end_ms: 413350\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 413350\n  end_ms: 416140\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416140\n  end_ms: 418310\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 418310\n  end_ms: 420190\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 420190\n  end_ms: 423180\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423180\n  end_ms: 426460\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426460\n  end_ms: 428470\n- text: So we got married\n  start_ms: 428470\n  end_ms: 429560\n- text: And we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 429560\n  end_ms: 430770\n- text: And had two beautiful children\n  start_ms: 430770\n  end_ms: 432320\n- text: Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 432320\n  end_ms: 434350\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434350\n  end_ms: 438490\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438490\n  end_ms: 441740\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441740\n  end_ms: 444040\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 444040\n  end_ms: 446830\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 446830\n  end_ms: 448830\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\n  start_ms: 448830\n  end_ms: 451690\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451690\n  end_ms: 454080\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454080\n  end_ms: 456510\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456510\n  end_ms: 459200\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459200\n  end_ms: 464790\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464790\n  end_ms: 469920\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469920\n  end_ms: 480380\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480380\n  end_ms: 482510\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482510\n  end_ms: 486780\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486780\n  end_ms: 489930\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489930\n  end_ms: 491460\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491460\n  end_ms: 493870\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493870\n  end_ms: 496360\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496360\n  end_ms: 498190\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498190\n  end_ms: 500500\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500500\n  end_ms: 503180\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503180\n  end_ms: 504930\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504930\n  end_ms: 507540\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\n  start_ms: 507540\n  end_ms: 509220\n- text: You want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 509220\n  end_ms: 510880\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510880\n  end_ms: 513740\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 513740\n  end_ms: 517840\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517840\n  end_ms: 519090\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 519090\n  end_ms: 520770\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520770\n  end_ms: 523750\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523750\n  end_ms: 524780\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524780\n  end_ms: 526480\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526480\n  end_ms: 528800\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528800\n  end_ms: 531950\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531950\n  end_ms: 534170\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 534170\n  end_ms: 536990\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538500\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538500\n  end_ms: 541610\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541610\n  end_ms: 542850\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542850\n  end_ms: 546690\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546690\n  end_ms: 549290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549290\n  end_ms: 551810\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551810\n  end_ms: 553000\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 553000\n  end_ms: 554630\n- text: AHH! AHH! AAHHH!\n  start_ms: 554630\n  end_ms: 556930\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556930\n  end_ms: 559890\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559890\n  end_ms: 562970\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562970\n  end_ms: 568550\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568550\n  end_ms: 570570\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570570\n  end_ms: 571990\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571990\n  end_ms: 574900\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574900\n  end_ms: 577880\n- text: I\n  start_ms: 577880\n  end_ms: 579130\n- text: HATE\n  start_ms: 579130\n  end_ms: 580410\n- text: SAUERKRAUT!\n  start_ms: 580410\n  end_ms: 581320\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581320\n  end_ms: 582710\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582710\n  end_ms: 584810\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584810\n  end_ms: 587290\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587290\n  end_ms: 588820\n- text: And wracked with the pain\n  start_ms: 588820\n  end_ms: 590160\n- text: And isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 590160\n  end_ms: 592900\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592900\n  end_ms: 595680\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595680\n  end_ms: 600640\n- text: There's still a little place...\n  start_ms: 600640\n  end_ms: 603330\n- text: Called Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603330\n  end_ms: 608890\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608890\n  end_ms: 613410\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613410\n  end_ms: 615930\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615930\n  end_ms: 618530\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618530\n  end_ms: 621130\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 621130\n  end_ms: 623780\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623780\n  end_ms: 625530\n- text: '\"L\"(L)'\n  start_ms: 625530\n  end_ms: 626850\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626850\n  end_ms: 628170\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 628170\n  end_ms: 629460\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 629460\n  end_ms: 631970\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631970\n  end_ms: 637190\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637190\n  end_ms: 639750\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639750\n  end_ms: 642310\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642310\n  end_ms: 644910\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644910\n  end_ms: 647740\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647740\n  end_ms: 659940\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 659940\n  end_ms: 669240\n- text: '*burp*'\n  start_ms: 669240\n  end_ms: 670560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 670560\nplain: \"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\\nThe corner of the basement of the house\\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\\nYou know the place\\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell \\nAnd everything was juuuuust\\nPEACHY!\\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\\nEvery single mornin'!\\nIt was driving me crazy\\nI said to my mom\\nI said, \\\"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\\\"\\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\\nAnd she said...\\n\\\"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\\\"\\nAnd then she tied me to the wall\\nAnd stuck a funnel in my mouth\\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\\nThat's when I swore that someday\\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\\nWhere the sun is always shining\\nAnd the air smells like warm root beer\\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy!\\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\\nWell, let me tell you, people\\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\\nTo see who could correctly guess\\nThe number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket\\nTo Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nOh yeah\\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\\nThe plane exploded in a giant fireball \\nAnd everybody died!\\nExcept for me!\\nYou know why?\\n'Cause I had my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nHad my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nHad my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nAh ha ha ha\\nAh ha ha\\nAhhhh\\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase\\nAnd my garment bag\\nAnd my tenor saxophone\\nAnd my twelve-pound bowling ball\\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous...\\nAlbuquerque Holiday Inn\\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy!\\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\\nIt's okay, they're clean!\\nWell, I checked into my room\\nAnd I turned down the AC\\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\\nThat I love so very very much\\nWhen suddenly, there's a knock on the door\\nWell now, who could that be?\\nI say, \\\"Who is it?\\\"\\nNo answer\\n\\\"Who is it?~\\\"\\nThere's no answer!\\n\\\"WHO IS IT?\\\"\\nThey're not sayin' anything\\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door \\nAnd just as I suspected\\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite\\nWith a Flock of Seagulls haircut\\nAnd only one nostril\\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room \\nAnd he grabs my lucky snorkel\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Hey, you can't have that!\\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\\\"\\nAnd he's like, \\\"Tough.\\\"\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Give it!\\\"\\nAnd he's like, \\\"Make me.\\\"\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"'kay!\\\"\\nSo I grabbed his leg \\nAnd he grabbed my esophagus\\nAnd I bit off his ear \\nAnd he chewed off my eyebrows\\nAnd I took out his appendix \\nAnd he gave me a colonic irrigation\\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\\nAnd you know what it said?\\nI'll tell you what it said\\nIt said\\n\\\"If you'd like to make a call,\\\"\\\"\\n\\\"Please hang up and try again.\\\"\\n\\\"If you need help, hang up\\\"\\n\\\"And then dial your operator.\\\"\\n\\\"If you'd like to make a call,\\\"\\\"\\n\\\"Please hang up and try again.\\\"\\n\\\"If you need help, hang up\\\"\\n\\\"And then dial your operator.\\\"\\nIn Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nWell, to cut a long story short\\nHe got away with my snorkel\\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there\\nThat I would not rest\\nI would not sleep for an instant\\nUntil the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\\nAnd he says, \\\"Yeah, what do ya want?\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any glazed donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any cinnamon rolls?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any apple fritters?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta apple fritters!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any bear claws?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\\\"\\n\\n\\\"NO, we're outta bear claws!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Well, in that case...\\nIn that case, what DO you have?\\\"\\nHe says, \\\"All I got right now is this box\\nOf one dozen starving, crazed weasels\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Okay, I'll take that.\\\"\\nSo he hands me the box \\nAnd I open up the lid \\nAnd the weasels jump out\\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face \\nAnd start bitin' me all over\\nOh man, they were just going nuts\\nThey were tearin' me apart\\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\\nI believe it went a little something like this\\nDoh!\\nGet 'em off me!\\nGet 'em off me!\\nOh!\\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\\nOh, oh God, oh God!\\nOh, get 'em off me!\\nOh, oh God!\\nAh, AH AH!\\nI ran out into the street with these\\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\\nWavin' my arms all around \\nAnd just runnin', runnin', runnin'\\nLike a constipated wiener dog\\nAnd as luck would have it\\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\\nHer name was Zelda\\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\\nAnd hair the color of strained peaches\\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\\nShe said, \\\"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\\\"\\nThat's when I knew it was true love\\nWe were inseparable after that\\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\\nThe world was our burrito\\nSo we got married \\nAnd we bought us a house\\nAnd had two beautiful children\\nNathaniel and Superfly\\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\\nShe said, \\\"Sweetie pumpkin?\\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\\\"\\n\\nI said, \\\"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\\\"\\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\\nBut that's just the way things go\\nIn Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\n\\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\\nI even made employee of the month after\\nI put out that grease fire with my face\\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \\\"Hey\\nYou want me to help you with that?\\\"\\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\\n\\\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\\\"\\nSo I did\\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\\nHe's like, \\\"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\\\"\\nWell, that's just great\\nHow was I supposed to know that?\\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \\\"Torso-Boy\\\"!\\nSo what's he complaining about?\\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\\nWell, I knew what he meant\\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\\\"\\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\\nAHH! AHH! AAHHH!\\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\\nKinda lost my train of thought\\nUh, well, uh, okay\\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\\nI \\nHATE \\nSAUERKRAUT!\\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\\nAnd wracked with the pain\\nAnd isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\\nSomewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\\nThere's still a little place...\\nCalled Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nI said, \\\"A\\\" (A)\\n\\\"L\\\"(L)\\n\\\"B\\\" (B)\\n\\\"U\\\" (U)\\n\\n\\\"QUERQUE!\\\" (Querque!)\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\n\\n*burp*\\n\"\n"},{"id":30637748,"name":"Albuquerque","trackName":"Albuquerque","artistName":"Weird Al Yankovic","albumName":"Albuquerque","duration":682.0,"instrumental":false,"hasWordSync":false,"plainLyrics":"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\nThe corner of the basement of the house\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\nYou know the place\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell \nAnd everything was juuuuust\nPEACHY!\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\nEvery single mornin'!\nIt was driving me crazy\nI said to my mom\nI said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\nAnd she said...\n\"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\"\nAnd then she tied me to the wall\nAnd stuck a funnel in my mouth\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\nThat's when I swore that someday\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\nWhere the sun is always shining\nAnd the air smells like warm root beer\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy!\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\nWell, let me tell you, people\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\nTo see who could correctly guess\nThe number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket\nTo Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nOh yeah\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\nThe plane exploded in a giant fireball \nAnd everybody died!\nExcept for me!\nYou know why?\n'Cause I had my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nHad my tray table up\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\nAh ha ha ha\nAh ha ha\nAhhhh\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase\nAnd my garment bag\nAnd my tenor saxophone\nAnd my twelve-pound bowling ball\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous...\nAlbuquerque Holiday Inn\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy!\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\nIt's okay, they're clean!\nWell, I checked into my room\nAnd I turned down the AC\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\nThat I love so very very much\nWhen suddenly, there's a knock on the door\nWell now, who could that be?\nI say, \"Who is it?\"\nNo answer\n\"Who is it?~\"\nThere's no answer!\n\"WHO IS IT?\"\nThey're not sayin' anything\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door \nAnd just as I suspected\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite\nWith a Flock of Seagulls haircut\nAnd only one nostril\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room \nAnd he grabs my lucky snorkel\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Tough.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"Give it!\"\nAnd he's like, \"Make me.\"\nAnd I'm like, \"'kay!\"\nSo I grabbed his leg \nAnd he grabbed my esophagus\nAnd I bit off his ear \nAnd he chewed off my eyebrows\nAnd I took out his appendix \nAnd he gave me a colonic irrigation\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\nAnd you know what it said?\nI'll tell you what it said\nIt said\n\"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n\"Please hang up and try again.\"\n\"If you need help, hang up\"\n\"And then dial your operator.\"\n\"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n\"Please hang up and try again.\"\n\"If you need help, hang up\"\n\"And then dial your operator.\"\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nWell, to cut a long story short\nHe got away with my snorkel\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there\nThat I would not rest\nI would not sleep for an instant\nUntil the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\nAnd he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\nI said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\nI said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\nI said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\nI said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\nI said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\nHe said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\nI said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\nHe said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n\n\"NO, we're outta bear claws!\"\nI said, \"Well, in that case...\nIn that case, what DO you have?\"\nHe says, \"All I got right now is this box\nOf one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\nI said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\nSo he hands me the box \nAnd I open up the lid \nAnd the weasels jump out\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face \nAnd start bitin' me all over\nOh man, they were just going nuts\nThey were tearin' me apart\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\nI believe it went a little something like this\nDoh!\nGet 'em off me!\nGet 'em off me!\nOh!\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\nOh, oh God, oh God!\nOh, get 'em off me!\nOh, oh God!\nAh, AH AH!\nI ran out into the street with these\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\nWavin' my arms all around \nAnd just runnin', runnin', runnin'\nLike a constipated wiener dog\nAnd as luck would have it\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\nHer name was Zelda\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\nAnd hair the color of strained peaches\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\nShe said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\nThat's when I knew it was true love\nWe were inseparable after that\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\nThe world was our burrito\nSo we got married \nAnd we bought us a house\nAnd had two beautiful children\nNathaniel and Superfly\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\nShe said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n\nI said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\nBut that's just the way things go\nIn Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\nI even made employee of the month after\nI put out that grease fire with my face\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\nYou want me to help you with that?\"\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\nSo I did\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\nHe's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\nWell, that's just great\nHow was I supposed to know that?\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\nSo what's he complaining about?\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\nWell, I knew what he meant\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\nAnd I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\nAHH! AHH! AAHHH!\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\nKinda lost my train of thought\nUh, well, uh, okay\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\nI \nHATE \nSAUERKRAUT!\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\nAnd wracked with the pain\nAnd isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\nSomewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\nThere's still a little place...\nCalled Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\nI said, \"A\" (A)\n\"L\"(L)\n\"B\" (B)\n\"U\" (U)\n\n\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\nAlbuquerque\n\n*burp*\n","syncedLyrics":"[00:06.38] Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n[00:08.31] Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n[00:09.72] The corner of the basement of the house\n[00:11.30] Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n[00:14.03] You know the place\n[00:14.93] Well, anyway, back then life was going swell \n[00:16.95] And everything was juuuuust\n[00:18.90] PEACHY!\n[00:20.06] Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n[00:23.52] My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n[00:27.96] Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n[00:31.71] Every single mornin'!\n[00:32.69] It was driving me crazy\n[00:34.27] I said to my mom\n[00:34.95] I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n[00:38.11] And my dear, sweet mother\n[00:39.18] She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n[00:42.76] And she leaned right down next to me\n[00:45.24] And she said...\n[00:46.96] \"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\"\n[00:49.46] And then she tied me to the wall\n[00:50.50] And stuck a funnel in my mouth\n[00:51.85] And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n[00:53.60] Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n[00:56.24] That's when I swore that someday\n[00:58.29] Someday I would get outta that basement\n[01:00.04] And travel to a magical, far away place\n[01:02.47] Where the sun is always shining\n[01:03.68] And the air smells like warm root beer\n[01:05.50] And the towels are oh so fluffy!\n[01:07.47] Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n[01:10.20] And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\n[01:14.25] Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n[01:15.79] Well, let me tell you, people\n[01:16.98] It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n[01:19.50] Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n[01:22.70] To see who could correctly guess\n[01:23.99] The number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n[01:26.92] I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n[01:30.42] That's right, a first class one-way ticket\n[01:33.24] To Albuquerque\n[01:38.71] Albuquerque\n[01:42.81] Oh yeah\n[01:44.05] You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n[01:46.10] And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n[01:48.83] Except that I had to sit between two large\n[01:50.46] Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n[01:53.75] And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n[01:56.74] The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n[01:59.55] And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n[02:02.20] And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n[02:03.95] And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n[02:06.76] The plane exploded in a giant fireball \n[02:09.33] And everybody died!\n[02:11.68] Except for me!\n[02:13.00] You know why?\n[02:14.45] 'Cause I had my tray table up\n[02:17.01] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:19.40] Had my tray table up\n[02:22.13] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:24.61] Had my tray table up\n[02:27.30] And my seat back in the full upright position\n[02:30.50] Ah ha ha ha\n[02:31.95] Ah ha ha\n[02:33.18] Ahhhh\n[02:35.06] So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n[02:37.71] I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n[02:41.72] Draggin' along my big leather suitcase\n[02:43.87] And my garment bag\n[02:45.15] And my tenor saxophone\n[02:46.47] And my twelve-pound bowling ball\n[02:47.79] And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n[02:51.84] But finally I arrived at the world famous...\n[02:54.50] Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n[02:55.98] Where the towels are oh so fluffy!\n[02:58.13] And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n[03:01.20] It's okay, they're clean!\n[03:03.12] Well, I checked into my room\n[03:04.40] And I turned down the AC\n[03:05.63] And I turned on the SpectraVision\n[03:07.55] And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n[03:09.99] That I love so very very much\n[03:11.37] When suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n[03:14.20] Well now, who could that be?\n[03:16.03] I say, \"Who is it?\"\n[03:17.44] No answer\n[03:18.72] \"Who is it?~\"\n[03:19.80] There's no answer!\n[03:21.24] \"WHO IS IT?\"\n[03:22.52] They're not sayin' anything\n[03:24.01] So, finally I go over and I open the door \n[03:26.24] And just as I suspected\n[03:28.36] It's some big fat hermaphrodite\n[03:29.95] With a Flock of Seagulls haircut\n[03:31.40] And only one nostril\n[03:33.41] Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n[03:36.10] So anyway, he bursts into my room \n[03:37.90] And he grabs my lucky snorkel\n[03:39.34] And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n[03:41.61] That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n[03:44.35] And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n[03:45.58] And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n[03:46.86] And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n[03:48.02] And I'm like, \"'kay!\"\n[03:49.65] So I grabbed his leg \n[03:50.69] And he grabbed my esophagus\n[03:51.97] And I bit off his ear \n[03:53.46] And he chewed off my eyebrows\n[03:54.70] And I took out his appendix \n[03:55.93] And he gave me a colonic irrigation\n[03:57.85] Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n[03:59.99] And somehow in the middle of it all\n[04:01.69] The phone got knocked off the hook\n[04:03.79] And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n[04:06.82] And you know what it said?\n[04:08.06] I'll tell you what it said\n[04:09.77] It said\n[04:10.24] \"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n[04:12.43] \"Please hang up and try again.\"\n[04:15.42] \"If you need help, hang up\"\n[04:17.22] \"And then dial your operator.\"\n[04:20.51] \"If you'd like to make a call,\"\"\n[04:22.69] \"Please hang up and try again.\"\n[04:25.72] \"If you need help, hang up\"\n[04:27.51] \"And then dial your operator.\"\n[04:30.79] In Albuquerque\n[04:36.34] Albuquerque\n[04:40.95] Well, to cut a long story short\n[04:42.46] He got away with my snorkel\n[04:44.26] But I made a solemn vow right then and there\n[04:46.36] That I would not rest\n[04:47.81] I would not sleep for an instant\n[04:49.23] Until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n[04:51.96] But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n[04:53.97] So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n[04:56.53] And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n[04:58.75] And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n[05:04.12] I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n[05:06.68] He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\n[05:09.12] I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n[05:11.68] He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\n[05:14.46] I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n[05:16.93] He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\n[05:20.00] I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n[05:22.10] He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\n[05:24.67] I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n[05:27.23] He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\n[05:29.84] I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n[05:32.27] He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n[05:35.62] \n[05:44.09] \"NO, we're outta bear claws!\"\n[05:46.41] I said, \"Well, in that case...\n[05:49.04] In that case, what DO you have?\"\n[05:51.57] He says, \"All I got right now is this box\n[05:53.63] Of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n[05:57.01] I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n[05:58.76] So he hands me the box \n[06:00.05] And I open up the lid \n[06:01.16] And the weasels jump out\n[06:02.54] And they immediately latch onto my face \n[06:04.36] And start bitin' me all over\n[06:07.69] Oh man, they were just going nuts\n[06:09.82] They were tearin' me apart\n[06:11.70] You know, I think it was just about that time\n[06:13.36] That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n[06:16.42] I believe it went a little something like this\n[06:19.89] Doh!\n[06:20.44] Get 'em off me!\n[06:21.47] Get 'em off me!\n[06:22.06] Oh!\n[06:22.70] No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n[06:24.03] Oh, oh God, oh God!\n[06:25.79] Oh, get 'em off me!\n[06:26.89] Oh, oh God!\n[06:27.80] Ah, AH AH!\n[06:30.38] I ran out into the street with these\n[06:31.54] Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n[06:33.77] Wavin' my arms all around \n[06:35.18] And just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n[06:36.37] Like a constipated wiener dog\n[06:38.72] And as luck would have it\n[06:39.87] That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n[06:43.80] Her name was Zelda\n[06:45.22] She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\n[06:47.92] And hair the color of strained peaches\n[06:50.71] I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n[06:53.35] She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n[06:56.14] That's when I knew it was true love\n[06:58.31] We were inseparable after that\n[07:00.19] Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n[07:03.18] We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n[07:06.46] The world was our burrito\n[07:08.47] So we got married \n[07:09.56] And we bought us a house\n[07:10.77] And had two beautiful children\n[07:12.32] Nathaniel and Superfly\n[07:14.35] Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n[07:18.49] But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n[07:21.74] She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n[07:24.04] Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n[07:26.83] \n[07:28.83] I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\n[07:31.69] I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n[07:34.08] So we broke up and I never saw her again\n[07:36.51] But that's just the way things go\n[07:39.20] In Albuquerque\n[07:44.79] Albuquerque\n[07:49.92] \n[08:00.38] Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n[08:02.51] Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n[08:06.78] That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n[08:09.93] I even made employee of the month after\n[08:11.46] I put out that grease fire with my face\n[08:13.87] Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n[08:16.36] I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n[08:18.19] OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n[08:20.50] Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n[08:23.18] When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n[08:24.93] A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n[08:27.54] So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\n[08:29.22] You want me to help you with that?\"\n[08:30.88] And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n[08:33.74] \"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"\n[08:37.84] So I did\n[08:39.09] And then he gets all indignant on me\n[08:40.77] He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n[08:43.75] Well, that's just great\n[08:44.78] How was I supposed to know that?\n[08:46.48] I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n[08:48.80] Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!\n[08:51.95] So what's he complaining about?\n[08:54.17] Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n[08:56.99] This guy comes up to me on the street\n[08:58.50] And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n[09:01.61] Well, I knew what he meant\n[09:02.85] But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n[09:06.69] And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n[09:09.29] And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n[09:11.81] But he just keeps rolling around on\n[09:13.00] The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n[09:14.63] AHH! AHH! AAHHH!\n[09:16.93] You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n[09:19.89] Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n[09:22.97] Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n[09:28.55] Kinda lost my train of thought\n[09:30.57] Uh, well, uh, okay\n[09:31.99] Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n[09:34.90] But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n[09:37.88] I \n[09:39.13] HATE \n[09:40.41] SAUERKRAUT!\n[09:41.32] That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n[09:42.71] And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n[09:44.81] And find yourself in an existential quandry\n[09:47.29] Full of loathing and self-doubt\n[09:48.82] And wracked with the pain\n[09:50.16] And isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n[09:52.90] At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n[09:55.68] Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\n[10:00.64] There's still a little place...\n[10:03.33] Called Albuquerque\n[10:08.89] Albuquerque\n[10:13.41] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:15.93] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:18.53] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:21.13] Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n[10:23.78] I said, \"A\" (A)\n[10:25.53] \"L\"(L)\n[10:26.85] \"B\" (B)\n[10:28.17] \"U\" (U)\n[10:29.46] \n[10:31.97] \"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)\n[10:37.19] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:39.75] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:42.31] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:44.91] Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n[10:47.74] Albuquerque\n[10:59.94] \n[11:09.24] *burp*\n[11:10.56] ","lyricsfile":"version: '1.0'\nmetadata:\n  title: Albuquerque\n  artist: Weird Al Yankovic\n  album: Albuquerque\n  duration_ms: 682000\n  instrumental: false\nlines:\n- text: Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\n  start_ms: 6380\n  end_ms: 8310\n- text: Livin' in a box under the stairs in\n  start_ms: 8310\n  end_ms: 9720\n- text: The corner of the basement of the house\n  start_ms: 9720\n  end_ms: 11300\n- text: Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\n  start_ms: 11300\n  end_ms: 14030\n- text: You know the place\n  start_ms: 14030\n  end_ms: 14930\n- text: Well, anyway, back then life was going swell\n  start_ms: 14930\n  end_ms: 16950\n- text: And everything was juuuuust\n  start_ms: 16950\n  end_ms: 18900\n- text: PEACHY!\n  start_ms: 18900\n  end_ms: 20060\n- text: Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\n  start_ms: 20060\n  end_ms: 23520\n- text: My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\n  start_ms: 23520\n  end_ms: 27960\n- text: Awww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\n  start_ms: 27960\n  end_ms: 31710\n- text: Every single mornin'!\n  start_ms: 31710\n  end_ms: 32690\n- text: It was driving me crazy\n  start_ms: 32690\n  end_ms: 34270\n- text: I said to my mom\n  start_ms: 34270\n  end_ms: 34950\n- text: I said, \"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\"\n  start_ms: 34950\n  end_ms: 38110\n- text: And my dear, sweet mother\n  start_ms: 38110\n  end_ms: 39180\n- text: She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\n  start_ms: 39180\n  end_ms: 42760\n- text: And she leaned right down next to me\n  start_ms: 42760\n  end_ms: 45240\n- text: And she said...\n  start_ms: 45240\n  end_ms: 46960\n- text: '\"IT''S GOOD FOR YOU!\"'\n  start_ms: 46960\n  end_ms: 49460\n- text: And then she tied me to the wall\n  start_ms: 49460\n  end_ms: 50500\n- text: And stuck a funnel in my mouth\n  start_ms: 50500\n  end_ms: 51850\n- text: And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\n  start_ms: 51850\n  end_ms: 53600\n- text: Until I was twenty six and a half years old\n  start_ms: 53600\n  end_ms: 56240\n- text: That's when I swore that someday\n  start_ms: 56240\n  end_ms: 58290\n- text: Someday I would get outta that basement\n  start_ms: 58290\n  end_ms: 60040\n- text: And travel to a magical, far away place\n  start_ms: 60040\n  end_ms: 62470\n- text: Where the sun is always shining\n  start_ms: 62470\n  end_ms: 63680\n- text: And the air smells like warm root beer\n  start_ms: 63680\n  end_ms: 65500\n- text: And the towels are oh so fluffy!\n  start_ms: 65500\n  end_ms: 67470\n- text: Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\n  start_ms: 67470\n  end_ms: 70200\n- text: And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\n  start_ms: 70200\n  end_ms: 74250\n- text: Wacka wacka doodoo yeah!\n  start_ms: 74250\n  end_ms: 75790\n- text: Well, let me tell you, people\n  start_ms: 75790\n  end_ms: 76980\n- text: It wasn't long at all before my dream came true\n  start_ms: 76980\n  end_ms: 79500\n- text: Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\n  start_ms: 79500\n  end_ms: 82700\n- text: To see who could correctly guess\n  start_ms: 82700\n  end_ms: 83990\n- text: The number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\n  start_ms: 83990\n  end_ms: 86920\n- text: I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\n  start_ms: 86920\n  end_ms: 90420\n- text: That's right, a first class one-way ticket\n  start_ms: 90420\n  end_ms: 93240\n- text: To Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 93240\n  end_ms: 98710\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 98710\n  end_ms: 102810\n- text: Oh yeah\n  start_ms: 102810\n  end_ms: 104050\n- text: You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\n  start_ms: 104050\n  end_ms: 106100\n- text: And I gotta tell ya, it was really great\n  start_ms: 106100\n  end_ms: 108830\n- text: Except that I had to sit between two large\n  start_ms: 108830\n  end_ms: 110460\n- text: Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\n  start_ms: 110460\n  end_ms: 113750\n- text: And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\n  start_ms: 113750\n  end_ms: 116740\n- text: The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\n  start_ms: 116740\n  end_ms: 119550\n- text: And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\n  start_ms: 119550\n  end_ms: 122200\n- text: And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\n  start_ms: 122200\n  end_ms: 123950\n- text: And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\n  start_ms: 123950\n  end_ms: 126760\n- text: The plane exploded in a giant fireball\n  start_ms: 126760\n  end_ms: 129330\n- text: And everybody died!\n  start_ms: 129330\n  end_ms: 131680\n- text: Except for me!\n  start_ms: 131680\n  end_ms: 133000\n- text: You know why?\n  start_ms: 133000\n  end_ms: 134450\n- text: '''Cause I had my tray table up'\n  start_ms: 134450\n  end_ms: 137010\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 137010\n  end_ms: 139400\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 139400\n  end_ms: 142130\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 142130\n  end_ms: 144610\n- text: Had my tray table up\n  start_ms: 144610\n  end_ms: 147300\n- text: And my seat back in the full upright position\n  start_ms: 147300\n  end_ms: 150500\n- text: Ah ha ha ha\n  start_ms: 150500\n  end_ms: 151950\n- text: Ah ha ha\n  start_ms: 151950\n  end_ms: 153180\n- text: Ahhhh\n  start_ms: 153180\n  end_ms: 155060\n- text: So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\n  start_ms: 155060\n  end_ms: 157710\n- text: I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\n  start_ms: 157710\n  end_ms: 161720\n- text: Draggin' along my big leather suitcase\n  start_ms: 161720\n  end_ms: 163870\n- text: And my garment bag\n  start_ms: 163870\n  end_ms: 165150\n- text: And my tenor saxophone\n  start_ms: 165150\n  end_ms: 166470\n- text: And my twelve-pound bowling ball\n  start_ms: 166470\n  end_ms: 167790\n- text: And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\n  start_ms: 167790\n  end_ms: 171840\n- text: But finally I arrived at the world famous...\n  start_ms: 171840\n  end_ms: 174500\n- text: Albuquerque Holiday Inn\n  start_ms: 174500\n  end_ms: 175980\n- text: Where the towels are oh so fluffy!\n  start_ms: 175980\n  end_ms: 178130\n- text: And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\n  start_ms: 178130\n  end_ms: 181200\n- text: It's okay, they're clean!\n  start_ms: 181200\n  end_ms: 183120\n- text: Well, I checked into my room\n  start_ms: 183120\n  end_ms: 184400\n- text: And I turned down the AC\n  start_ms: 184400\n  end_ms: 185630\n- text: And I turned on the SpectraVision\n  start_ms: 185630\n  end_ms: 187550\n- text: And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\n  start_ms: 187550\n  end_ms: 189990\n- text: That I love so very very much\n  start_ms: 189990\n  end_ms: 191370\n- text: When suddenly, there's a knock on the door\n  start_ms: 191370\n  end_ms: 194200\n- text: Well now, who could that be?\n  start_ms: 194200\n  end_ms: 196030\n- text: I say, \"Who is it?\"\n  start_ms: 196030\n  end_ms: 197440\n- text: No answer\n  start_ms: 197440\n  end_ms: 198720\n- text: '\"Who is it?~\"'\n  start_ms: 198720\n  end_ms: 199800\n- text: There's no answer!\n  start_ms: 199800\n  end_ms: 201240\n- text: '\"WHO IS IT?\"'\n  start_ms: 201240\n  end_ms: 202520\n- text: They're not sayin' anything\n  start_ms: 202520\n  end_ms: 204010\n- text: So, finally I go over and I open the door\n  start_ms: 204010\n  end_ms: 206240\n- text: And just as I suspected\n  start_ms: 206240\n  end_ms: 208360\n- text: It's some big fat hermaphrodite\n  start_ms: 208360\n  end_ms: 209950\n- text: With a Flock of Seagulls haircut\n  start_ms: 209950\n  end_ms: 211400\n- text: And only one nostril\n  start_ms: 211400\n  end_ms: 213410\n- text: Oh man, I hate it when I'm right\n  start_ms: 213410\n  end_ms: 216100\n- text: So anyway, he bursts into my room\n  start_ms: 216100\n  end_ms: 217900\n- text: And he grabs my lucky snorkel\n  start_ms: 217900\n  end_ms: 219340\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, you can't have that!\n  start_ms: 219340\n  end_ms: 221610\n- text: That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\"\n  start_ms: 221610\n  end_ms: 224350\n- text: And he's like, \"Tough.\"\n  start_ms: 224350\n  end_ms: 225580\n- text: And I'm like, \"Give it!\"\n  start_ms: 225580\n  end_ms: 226860\n- text: And he's like, \"Make me.\"\n  start_ms: 226860\n  end_ms: 228020\n- text: And I'm like, \"'kay!\"\n  start_ms: 228020\n  end_ms: 229650\n- text: So I grabbed his leg\n  start_ms: 229650\n  end_ms: 230690\n- text: And he grabbed my esophagus\n  start_ms: 230690\n  end_ms: 231970\n- text: And I bit off his ear\n  start_ms: 231970\n  end_ms: 233460\n- text: And he chewed off my eyebrows\n  start_ms: 233460\n  end_ms: 234700\n- text: And I took out his appendix\n  start_ms: 234700\n  end_ms: 235930\n- text: And he gave me a colonic irrigation\n  start_ms: 235930\n  end_ms: 237850\n- text: Yes, indeed, you better believe it\n  start_ms: 237850\n  end_ms: 239990\n- text: And somehow in the middle of it all\n  start_ms: 239990\n  end_ms: 241690\n- text: The phone got knocked off the hook\n  start_ms: 241690\n  end_ms: 243790\n- text: And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\n  start_ms: 243790\n  end_ms: 246820\n- text: And you know what it said?\n  start_ms: 246820\n  end_ms: 248060\n- text: I'll tell you what it said\n  start_ms: 248060\n  end_ms: 249770\n- text: It said\n  start_ms: 249770\n  end_ms: 250240\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call,\"\"'\n  start_ms: 250240\n  end_ms: 252430\n- text: '\"Please hang up and try again.\"'\n  start_ms: 252430\n  end_ms: 255420\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up\"'\n  start_ms: 255420\n  end_ms: 257220\n- text: '\"And then dial your operator.\"'\n  start_ms: 257220\n  end_ms: 260510\n- text: '\"If you''d like to make a call,\"\"'\n  start_ms: 260510\n  end_ms: 262690\n- text: '\"Please hang up and try again.\"'\n  start_ms: 262690\n  end_ms: 265720\n- text: '\"If you need help, hang up\"'\n  start_ms: 265720\n  end_ms: 267510\n- text: '\"And then dial your operator.\"'\n  start_ms: 267510\n  end_ms: 270790\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 270790\n  end_ms: 276340\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 276340\n  end_ms: 280950\n- text: Well, to cut a long story short\n  start_ms: 280950\n  end_ms: 282460\n- text: He got away with my snorkel\n  start_ms: 282460\n  end_ms: 284260\n- text: But I made a solemn vow right then and there\n  start_ms: 284260\n  end_ms: 286360\n- text: That I would not rest\n  start_ms: 286360\n  end_ms: 287810\n- text: I would not sleep for an instant\n  start_ms: 287810\n  end_ms: 289230\n- text: Until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\n  start_ms: 289230\n  end_ms: 291960\n- text: But first, I decided to buy some donuts\n  start_ms: 291960\n  end_ms: 293970\n- text: So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\n  start_ms: 293970\n  end_ms: 296530\n- text: And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\n  start_ms: 296530\n  end_ms: 298750\n- text: And he says, \"Yeah, what do ya want?\"\n  start_ms: 298750\n  end_ms: 304120\n- text: I said, \"You got any glazed donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 304120\n  end_ms: 306680\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 306680\n  end_ms: 309120\n- text: I said, \"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 309120\n  end_ms: 311680\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 311680\n  end_ms: 314460\n- text: I said, \"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\"\n  start_ms: 314460\n  end_ms: 316930\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\"\n  start_ms: 316930\n  end_ms: 320000\n- text: I said, \"You got any cinnamon rolls?\"\n  start_ms: 320000\n  end_ms: 322100\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\"\n  start_ms: 322100\n  end_ms: 324670\n- text: I said, \"You got any apple fritters?\"\n  start_ms: 324670\n  end_ms: 327230\n- text: He said, \"No, we're outta apple fritters!\"\n  start_ms: 327230\n  end_ms: 329840\n- text: I said, \"You got any bear claws?\"\n  start_ms: 329840\n  end_ms: 332270\n- text: He said, \"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\"\n  start_ms: 332270\n  end_ms: 335620\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 335620\n  end_ms: 344090\n- text: '\"NO, we''re outta bear claws!\"'\n  start_ms: 344090\n  end_ms: 346410\n- text: I said, \"Well, in that case...\n  start_ms: 346410\n  end_ms: 349040\n- text: In that case, what DO you have?\"\n  start_ms: 349040\n  end_ms: 351570\n- text: He says, \"All I got right now is this box\n  start_ms: 351570\n  end_ms: 353630\n- text: Of one dozen starving, crazed weasels\"\n  start_ms: 353630\n  end_ms: 357010\n- text: I said, \"Okay, I'll take that.\"\n  start_ms: 357010\n  end_ms: 358760\n- text: So he hands me the box\n  start_ms: 358760\n  end_ms: 360050\n- text: And I open up the lid\n  start_ms: 360050\n  end_ms: 361160\n- text: And the weasels jump out\n  start_ms: 361160\n  end_ms: 362540\n- text: And they immediately latch onto my face\n  start_ms: 362540\n  end_ms: 364360\n- text: And start bitin' me all over\n  start_ms: 364360\n  end_ms: 367690\n- text: Oh man, they were just going nuts\n  start_ms: 367690\n  end_ms: 369820\n- text: They were tearin' me apart\n  start_ms: 369820\n  end_ms: 371700\n- text: You know, I think it was just about that time\n  start_ms: 371700\n  end_ms: 373360\n- text: That a little ditty started goin' through my head\n  start_ms: 373360\n  end_ms: 376420\n- text: I believe it went a little something like this\n  start_ms: 376420\n  end_ms: 379890\n- text: Doh!\n  start_ms: 379890\n  end_ms: 380440\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 380440\n  end_ms: 381470\n- text: Get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 381470\n  end_ms: 382060\n- text: Oh!\n  start_ms: 382060\n  end_ms: 382700\n- text: No, get 'em off, get 'em off!\n  start_ms: 382700\n  end_ms: 384030\n- text: Oh, oh God, oh God!\n  start_ms: 384030\n  end_ms: 385790\n- text: Oh, get 'em off me!\n  start_ms: 385790\n  end_ms: 386890\n- text: Oh, oh God!\n  start_ms: 386890\n  end_ms: 387800\n- text: Ah, AH AH!\n  start_ms: 387800\n  end_ms: 390380\n- text: I ran out into the street with these\n  start_ms: 390380\n  end_ms: 391540\n- text: Flesh-eating weasels all over my face\n  start_ms: 391540\n  end_ms: 393770\n- text: Wavin' my arms all around\n  start_ms: 393770\n  end_ms: 395180\n- text: And just runnin', runnin', runnin'\n  start_ms: 395180\n  end_ms: 396370\n- text: Like a constipated wiener dog\n  start_ms: 396370\n  end_ms: 398720\n- text: And as luck would have it\n  start_ms: 398720\n  end_ms: 399870\n- text: That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\n  start_ms: 399870\n  end_ms: 403800\n- text: Her name was Zelda\n  start_ms: 403800\n  end_ms: 405220\n- text: She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\n  start_ms: 405220\n  end_ms: 407920\n- text: And hair the color of strained peaches\n  start_ms: 407920\n  end_ms: 410710\n- text: I'll never forget the first thing she said to me\n  start_ms: 410710\n  end_ms: 413350\n- text: She said, \"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\"\n  start_ms: 413350\n  end_ms: 416140\n- text: That's when I knew it was true love\n  start_ms: 416140\n  end_ms: 418310\n- text: We were inseparable after that\n  start_ms: 418310\n  end_ms: 420190\n- text: Aw, we ate together, we bathed together\n  start_ms: 420190\n  end_ms: 423180\n- text: We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\n  start_ms: 423180\n  end_ms: 426460\n- text: The world was our burrito\n  start_ms: 426460\n  end_ms: 428470\n- text: So we got married\n  start_ms: 428470\n  end_ms: 429560\n- text: And we bought us a house\n  start_ms: 429560\n  end_ms: 430770\n- text: And had two beautiful children\n  start_ms: 430770\n  end_ms: 432320\n- text: Nathaniel and Superfly\n  start_ms: 432320\n  end_ms: 434350\n- text: Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\n  start_ms: 434350\n  end_ms: 438490\n- text: But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\n  start_ms: 438490\n  end_ms: 441740\n- text: She said, \"Sweetie pumpkin?\n  start_ms: 441740\n  end_ms: 444040\n- text: Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\"\n  start_ms: 444040\n  end_ms: 446830\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 446830\n  end_ms: 448830\n- text: I said, \"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\n  start_ms: 448830\n  end_ms: 451690\n- text: I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\"\n  start_ms: 451690\n  end_ms: 454080\n- text: So we broke up and I never saw her again\n  start_ms: 454080\n  end_ms: 456510\n- text: But that's just the way things go\n  start_ms: 456510\n  end_ms: 459200\n- text: In Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 459200\n  end_ms: 464790\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 464790\n  end_ms: 469920\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 469920\n  end_ms: 480380\n- text: Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me\n  start_ms: 480380\n  end_ms: 482510\n- text: Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\n  start_ms: 482510\n  end_ms: 486780\n- text: That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\n  start_ms: 486780\n  end_ms: 489930\n- text: I even made employee of the month after\n  start_ms: 489930\n  end_ms: 491460\n- text: I put out that grease fire with my face\n  start_ms: 491460\n  end_ms: 493870\n- text: Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\n  start_ms: 493870\n  end_ms: 496360\n- text: I was gettin' a lot of attitude\n  start_ms: 496360\n  end_ms: 498190\n- text: OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\n  start_ms: 498190\n  end_ms: 500500\n- text: Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\n  start_ms: 500500\n  end_ms: 503180\n- text: When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\n  start_ms: 503180\n  end_ms: 504930\n- text: A big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\n  start_ms: 504930\n  end_ms: 507540\n- text: So I, I say to him, I say, \"Hey\n  start_ms: 507540\n  end_ms: 509220\n- text: You want me to help you with that?\"\n  start_ms: 509220\n  end_ms: 510880\n- text: And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\n  start_ms: 510880\n  end_ms: 513740\n- text: '\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\"'\n  start_ms: 513740\n  end_ms: 517840\n- text: So I did\n  start_ms: 517840\n  end_ms: 519090\n- text: And then he gets all indignant on me\n  start_ms: 519090\n  end_ms: 520770\n- text: He's like, \"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\"\n  start_ms: 520770\n  end_ms: 523750\n- text: Well, that's just great\n  start_ms: 523750\n  end_ms: 524780\n- text: How was I supposed to know that?\n  start_ms: 524780\n  end_ms: 526480\n- text: I'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\n  start_ms: 526480\n  end_ms: 528800\n- text: 'Besides, now he''s got a really cute nickname: \"Torso-Boy\"!'\n  start_ms: 528800\n  end_ms: 531950\n- text: So what's he complaining about?\n  start_ms: 531950\n  end_ms: 534170\n- text: Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\n  start_ms: 534170\n  end_ms: 536990\n- text: This guy comes up to me on the street\n  start_ms: 536990\n  end_ms: 538500\n- text: And he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\n  start_ms: 538500\n  end_ms: 541610\n- text: Well, I knew what he meant\n  start_ms: 541610\n  end_ms: 542850\n- text: But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\n  start_ms: 542850\n  end_ms: 546690\n- text: And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\n  start_ms: 546690\n  end_ms: 549290\n- text: And I'm like, \"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\"\n  start_ms: 549290\n  end_ms: 551810\n- text: But he just keeps rolling around on\n  start_ms: 551810\n  end_ms: 553000\n- text: The sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\n  start_ms: 553000\n  end_ms: 554630\n- text: AHH! AHH! AAHHH!\n  start_ms: 554630\n  end_ms: 556930\n- text: You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\n  start_ms: 556930\n  end_ms: 559890\n- text: Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\n  start_ms: 559890\n  end_ms: 562970\n- text: Anyway, um, um, where was I?\n  start_ms: 562970\n  end_ms: 568550\n- text: Kinda lost my train of thought\n  start_ms: 568550\n  end_ms: 570570\n- text: Uh, well, uh, okay\n  start_ms: 570570\n  end_ms: 571990\n- text: Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\n  start_ms: 571990\n  end_ms: 574900\n- text: But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\n  start_ms: 574900\n  end_ms: 577880\n- text: I\n  start_ms: 577880\n  end_ms: 579130\n- text: HATE\n  start_ms: 579130\n  end_ms: 580410\n- text: SAUERKRAUT!\n  start_ms: 580410\n  end_ms: 581320\n- text: That's all I'm really tryin' to say\n  start_ms: 581320\n  end_ms: 582710\n- text: And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\n  start_ms: 582710\n  end_ms: 584810\n- text: And find yourself in an existential quandry\n  start_ms: 584810\n  end_ms: 587290\n- text: Full of loathing and self-doubt\n  start_ms: 587290\n  end_ms: 588820\n- text: And wracked with the pain\n  start_ms: 588820\n  end_ms: 590160\n- text: And isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\n  start_ms: 590160\n  end_ms: 592900\n- text: At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\n  start_ms: 592900\n  end_ms: 595680\n- text: Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\n  start_ms: 595680\n  end_ms: 600640\n- text: There's still a little place...\n  start_ms: 600640\n  end_ms: 603330\n- text: Called Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 603330\n  end_ms: 608890\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 608890\n  end_ms: 613410\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 613410\n  end_ms: 615930\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 615930\n  end_ms: 618530\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 618530\n  end_ms: 621130\n- text: Albuquerque (Albuquerque)\n  start_ms: 621130\n  end_ms: 623780\n- text: I said, \"A\" (A)\n  start_ms: 623780\n  end_ms: 625530\n- text: '\"L\"(L)'\n  start_ms: 625530\n  end_ms: 626850\n- text: '\"B\" (B)'\n  start_ms: 626850\n  end_ms: 628170\n- text: '\"U\" (U)'\n  start_ms: 628170\n  end_ms: 629460\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 629460\n  end_ms: 631970\n- text: '\"QUERQUE!\" (Querque!)'\n  start_ms: 631970\n  end_ms: 637190\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 637190\n  end_ms: 639750\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 639750\n  end_ms: 642310\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 642310\n  end_ms: 644910\n- text: Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 644910\n  end_ms: 647740\n- text: Albuquerque\n  start_ms: 647740\n  end_ms: 659940\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 659940\n  end_ms: 669240\n- text: '*burp*'\n  start_ms: 669240\n  end_ms: 670560\n- text: ''\n  start_ms: 670560\nplain: \"Way back when I was just a little bitty boy\\nLivin' in a box under the stairs in\\nThe corner of the basement of the house\\nHalf a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop\\nYou know the place\\nWell, anyway, back then life was going swell \\nAnd everything was juuuuust\\nPEACHY!\\nExcept, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning\\nMy mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast\\nAwww, big bowl of sauerkraut!\\nEvery single mornin'!\\nIt was driving me crazy\\nI said to my mom\\nI said, \\\"Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?\\\"\\nAnd my dear, sweet mother\\nShe just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train\\nAnd she leaned right down next to me\\nAnd she said...\\n\\\"IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!\\\"\\nAnd then she tied me to the wall\\nAnd stuck a funnel in my mouth\\nAnd force fed me nothing but sauerkraut\\nUntil I was twenty six and a half years old\\nThat's when I swore that someday\\nSomeday I would get outta that basement\\nAnd travel to a magical, far away place\\nWhere the sun is always shining\\nAnd the air smells like warm root beer\\nAnd the towels are oh so fluffy!\\nWhere the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long\\nAnd anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel!\\nWacka wacka doodoo yeah!\\nWell, let me tell you, people\\nIt wasn't long at all before my dream came true\\nBecause the very next day, a local radio station had this contest\\nTo see who could correctly guess\\nThe number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt\\nI was off by three, but I still won the grand prize\\nThat's right, a first class one-way ticket\\nTo Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nOh yeah\\nYou know, I'd never been on a real airplane before\\nAnd I gotta tell ya, it was really great\\nExcept that I had to sit between two large\\nAlbanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor\\nAnd the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time\\nThe flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts\\nAnd the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore\\nAnd, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out\\nAnd we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside\\nThe plane exploded in a giant fireball \\nAnd everybody died!\\nExcept for me!\\nYou know why?\\n'Cause I had my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nHad my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nHad my tray table up\\nAnd my seat back in the full upright position\\nAh ha ha ha\\nAh ha ha\\nAhhhh\\nSo I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage\\nI crawled on my hands and knees for three full days\\nDraggin' along my big leather suitcase\\nAnd my garment bag\\nAnd my tenor saxophone\\nAnd my twelve-pound bowling ball\\nAnd my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel\\nBut finally I arrived at the world famous...\\nAlbuquerque Holiday Inn\\nWhere the towels are oh so fluffy!\\nAnd you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna\\nIt's okay, they're clean!\\nWell, I checked into my room\\nAnd I turned down the AC\\nAnd I turned on the SpectraVision\\nAnd I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow\\nThat I love so very very much\\nWhen suddenly, there's a knock on the door\\nWell now, who could that be?\\nI say, \\\"Who is it?\\\"\\nNo answer\\n\\\"Who is it?~\\\"\\nThere's no answer!\\n\\\"WHO IS IT?\\\"\\nThey're not sayin' anything\\nSo, finally I go over and I open the door \\nAnd just as I suspected\\nIt's some big fat hermaphrodite\\nWith a Flock of Seagulls haircut\\nAnd only one nostril\\nOh man, I hate it when I'm right\\nSo anyway, he bursts into my room \\nAnd he grabs my lucky snorkel\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Hey, you can't have that!\\nThat snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!\\\"\\nAnd he's like, \\\"Tough.\\\"\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Give it!\\\"\\nAnd he's like, \\\"Make me.\\\"\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"'kay!\\\"\\nSo I grabbed his leg \\nAnd he grabbed my esophagus\\nAnd I bit off his ear \\nAnd he chewed off my eyebrows\\nAnd I took out his appendix \\nAnd he gave me a colonic irrigation\\nYes, indeed, you better believe it\\nAnd somehow in the middle of it all\\nThe phone got knocked off the hook\\nAnd twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice\\nAnd you know what it said?\\nI'll tell you what it said\\nIt said\\n\\\"If you'd like to make a call,\\\"\\\"\\n\\\"Please hang up and try again.\\\"\\n\\\"If you need help, hang up\\\"\\n\\\"And then dial your operator.\\\"\\n\\\"If you'd like to make a call,\\\"\\\"\\n\\\"Please hang up and try again.\\\"\\n\\\"If you need help, hang up\\\"\\n\\\"And then dial your operator.\\\"\\nIn Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nWell, to cut a long story short\\nHe got away with my snorkel\\nBut I made a solemn vow right then and there\\nThat I would not rest\\nI would not sleep for an instant\\nUntil the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice\\nBut first, I decided to buy some donuts\\nSo I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop\\nAnd I walked on up to the guy behind the counter\\nAnd he says, \\\"Yeah, what do ya want?\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any glazed donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta glazed donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Well, you got any jelly donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta jelly donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any cinnamon rolls?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta cinnamon rolls!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any apple fritters?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"No, we're outta apple fritters!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"You got any bear claws?\\\"\\nHe said, \\\"Wait a minute, I'll go check.\\\"\\n\\n\\\"NO, we're outta bear claws!\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Well, in that case...\\nIn that case, what DO you have?\\\"\\nHe says, \\\"All I got right now is this box\\nOf one dozen starving, crazed weasels\\\"\\nI said, \\\"Okay, I'll take that.\\\"\\nSo he hands me the box \\nAnd I open up the lid \\nAnd the weasels jump out\\nAnd they immediately latch onto my face \\nAnd start bitin' me all over\\nOh man, they were just going nuts\\nThey were tearin' me apart\\nYou know, I think it was just about that time\\nThat a little ditty started goin' through my head\\nI believe it went a little something like this\\nDoh!\\nGet 'em off me!\\nGet 'em off me!\\nOh!\\nNo, get 'em off, get 'em off!\\nOh, oh God, oh God!\\nOh, get 'em off me!\\nOh, oh God!\\nAh, AH AH!\\nI ran out into the street with these\\nFlesh-eating weasels all over my face\\nWavin' my arms all around \\nAnd just runnin', runnin', runnin'\\nLike a constipated wiener dog\\nAnd as luck would have it\\nThat's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams\\nHer name was Zelda\\nShe was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite\\nAnd hair the color of strained peaches\\nI'll never forget the first thing she said to me\\nShe said, \\\"Hey, you've got weasels on your face.\\\"\\nThat's when I knew it was true love\\nWe were inseparable after that\\nAw, we ate together, we bathed together\\nWe even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss\\nThe world was our burrito\\nSo we got married \\nAnd we bought us a house\\nAnd had two beautiful children\\nNathaniel and Superfly\\nOh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah\\nBut then one fateful night, Zelda said to me\\nShe said, \\\"Sweetie pumpkin?\\nDo you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?\\\"\\n\\nI said, \\\"Whoa, hold on now, baby!\\nI'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment!\\\"\\nSo we broke up and I never saw her again\\nBut that's just the way things go\\nIn Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\n\\nAnyway, things really started lookin' up for me\\nBecause about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream\\nThat's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler!\\nI even made employee of the month after\\nI put out that grease fire with my face\\nAw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that\\nI was gettin' a lot of attitude\\nOK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot\\nTryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil\\nWhen I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry\\nA big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself\\nSo I, I say to him, I say, \\\"Hey\\nYou want me to help you with that?\\\"\\nAnd Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes\\n\\\"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw.\\\"\\nSo I did\\nAnd then he gets all indignant on me\\nHe's like, \\\"Hey man, I was just being sarcastic!\\\"\\nWell, that's just great\\nHow was I supposed to know that?\\nI'm not a mind reader, for cryin' out loud\\nBesides, now he's got a really cute nickname: \\\"Torso-Boy\\\"!\\nSo what's he complaining about?\\nSay, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote\\nThis guy comes up to me on the street\\nAnd he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days\\nWell, I knew what he meant\\nBut just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein\\nAnd he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over\\nAnd I'm like, \\\"Hey, come on, don't 'cha get it?\\\"\\nBut he just keeps rolling around on\\nThe sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming\\nAHH! AHH! AAHHH!\\nYou know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation\\nMan, some people just can't take a joke, you know?\\nAnyway, um, um, where was I?\\nKinda lost my train of thought\\nUh, well, uh, okay\\nAnyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it\\nBut I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is\\nI \\nHATE \\nSAUERKRAUT!\\nThat's all I'm really tryin' to say\\nAnd, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up\\nAnd find yourself in an existential quandry\\nFull of loathing and self-doubt\\nAnd wracked with the pain\\nAnd isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence\\nAt least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that\\nSomewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours\\nThere's still a little place...\\nCalled Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nAlbuquerque (Albuquerque)\\nI said, \\\"A\\\" (A)\\n\\\"L\\\"(L)\\n\\\"B\\\" (B)\\n\\\"U\\\" (U)\\n\\n\\\"QUERQUE!\\\" (Querque!)\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque\\nAlbuquerque\\n\\n*burp*\\n\"\n"}]